MilSpouse Cheat Sheet: Love and Marriage, Military Style

NYC Love
Love, Midtown, New York City, NY by Thomas R. Stegelmann by CC by 2.0

We thought it would be fun to share some of our best tips for maintaining a loving marriage, military style. Over the past few weeks I’ve asked you questions about your relationships, so some of these are your answers and some are our own!

Love and Marriage, Military Style

This is absolutely, the most important tip we can give you: remember why you fell in love with your spouse. Was it his way of telling a joke? Her way of lighting up a room with her smile?

Yes, you both might change as you grow older, but growing together is possible, growing up doesn’t have to mean growing apart.

Deployments are hard. Obviously. But you will hopefully learn to communicate during them. Not having much time to talk you learn to say what’s really important.

Make time for yourself. Sure this sounds like the opposite of a relationship tip, but if you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with anyone else.

Life is not like The Notebook. Your wonderful, loving spouse might have really annoying habits, and you might not always get along. That’s okay, that’s normal for real life.

Anyone who says they don’t fight is lying. Don’t let those people make you question your relationship. They are freaks or liars. Or they have no souls. Oh, and if you’re not fighting, you’re not talking.

Don’t rely on your spouse to be your only form of social interaction. You both need friends and outlets.

It’s not your spouse’s fault that you got stuck at a less than ideal location, don’t take it out on him. He probably hates it just as much.

It’s OK to get into a groove during a deployment/TDY and not spend all day pining for your spouse.

Home is what you make it. Making every house your home is part of the military lifestyle. It’s much easier to maintain a marriage if you feel like you are always “home.”

Sex after a long separation can be awkward. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. It just means exactly what it is, you’ve been apart a while and haven’t used those <ahem> parts (hopefully).

We all know it seems like divorce is rampant in the military, but don’t project your own fears into your own marriage. Just because your friend’s wife cheated, doesn’t mean yours will.

Don’t take the “never go to bed angry” advice too much to heart. Sometimes if you follow it, you will be up ’til the crack of dawn. Sometimes it’s better to just sleep on it.

Relationships have an ebb and flow, sometimes you are awesome, sometimes you aren’t in tune with each other. It happens. You will get back to the awesome, the discordance just happens so you remember why your spouse is so great.

What advice do you have for military relationships and marriages?


  1. Great advice! I was saying “yes, yep, that’s us, uh-huh” as I read down the list.

    My advice would be to remember that different things work for different people. I had so many people tell me not to complain to my husband while he was deployed because it would just make him feel worse. Well, I complained anyway. I like talking out my problems, and my guy likes helping me solve them. Not only is it a basic part of our relationship, but it helped him feel useful to offer advice.


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