Have you ever wondered if you are stressing yourself out? I know I’m guilty. I’ve been known to maintain a ridiculously relentless pace of 110% enforced on me, by me. Here are 3 things I know I’m guilty of and maybe you are too.
1. You say yes to things when you really want or need to say no.
“Yes, I can help you with your resume!”
“Yes, I can volunteer 5 days a week!”
“Yes, I can take on that extra work project!”
There’s something so wonderful about seeing the light in someone’s eyes as you agree to do whatever chore/project/favor they’ve asked you to do. Saying “yes” can become like a drug. It makes you feel useful, needed and appreciated…until it doesn’t. Sometimes saying “yes” means saying “no” to yourself.
Have you ever said yes to something you should’ve said no to because you didn’t truly have the time to do your very best work or give your fullest attention? As someone who is studying and working on mastering the art of “no” without feeling like a total schmuck (I feel like there’s a book title there), I can tell you this: Saying no isn’t about turning down every single opportunity or being selfish.
Saying “no” is about making sure that everything you do say “yes” to is a whole-hearted, passionate, committed “Yes!”
2. You are trying to do it all perfectly.
Perfect job. Perfect military spouse. Perfect parent. Perfect dinner. Perfect body. Perfectly clean house. Perfect sister. Perfect son. Perfect friend.
Perfectly burned out.
Just because we have the power to do it all doesn’t mean that we can or have to do it all perfectly. And if you’re in a relationship, you better not be trying to do it all all by yourself. Just sayin’.
I am guilty of buying the “do it all” mentality and I almost lost my damn mind in the process. For some reason between running several businesses, volunteering with nonprofits, taking care of my 2 girls while solo parenting during a yearlong separation, I couldn’t seem to manage staying on top of house chores. The laundry basket mocked me. My bathtubs threw me copious amounts of shade.
It took me 6 months in to finally come to grips with the fact that I needed help or I was going to lose my shit. I think I apologized to the housekeeping service for inconveniencing them when I called to schedule a long overdue cleaning-therapy session.
Perfect can go to hell right along with doing it all. The only thing you should be focused on is being perfectly sane.
3. You don’t ask for help or when it’s offered you don’t take it.
Think about how good you feel when you’re able to help a friend, neighbor or stranger even. Doesn’t that feel amazing? Why on Earth would you not allow someone else to have that warm and fuzzy feeling by helping you out? Asking for help can be one of the most irrationally difficult things to do, but I bet you rarely feel like you’re being put out when someone asks it of you. Right? Right.
I get it. You’re strong and awesome and you’ve got life on lock. Asking for help doesn’t change any of that. Promise.
And when someone offers you help…take them up on it! Chances are that they wouldn’t be offering you help if they didn’t want to be of service.
You’re not a charity case or incompetent or dependent. You’re being a human being.
And if you’re anything like me, you’ll look for the first opportunity to return the favor.