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Love Is Love: One MilSpouse’s Reaction to the Same-Sex Marriage Decision

June 30, 2015 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Norine, Guest Contributor

As a country and nation we can now celebrate National LGBT Pride Month to the fullest because on Friday, the Supreme Court ruled in favor 5-4 approving same-sex marriage legalization. The Internet, including social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter, were showered with rainbow posts of support all day celebrating this historic decision.

Love Is Love: One MilSpouse’s Reaction to Same-Sex Marriage Decision

Forever in our nation’s history June 26, 2015, will be the day remembered as the day equality was seen and finally shared with all.

In Justice Anthony Kennedy’s closing opinion he beautifully stated, “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.”

Countless showed their support of the Supreme Court decision by sharing pictures or tweeting.

“That’s a moment worth savoring.” —@POTUS: http://t.co/iL3S3zDgu5 #LoveWins pic.twitter.com/BTwlKEaGjS

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) June 30, 2015

Love won. #MarriageEquality — Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) June 26, 2015

#LGBT #Military fams celebrate at the @WhiteHouse today’s historic nationwide #MarriageEquaility victory! #LoveWins pic.twitter.com/axtylbAi8m

— AMPA (@LGBTMilPartners) June 27, 2015

It’s a new day. Thank you Supreme Court. Thank you Justice Kennedy. Your opinion is profound, in more ways than you may know. #huzzah — Neil Patrick Harris (@ActuallyNPH) June 26, 2015

Congratulations America for finally catching up to the modern era with this landmark step forward for gay and lesbian rights.

— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) June 26, 2015

Praying for ability to simultaneously hold room in my heart for joy about the SCOTUS decisions & heartache about #ClementaPinckney services — kerry washington (@kerrywashington) June 26, 2015

Music artists such as Smash Mouth made headlines tweeting their support:

#LoveWins #MarriageEquaility @BarackObama @HillaryClinton @TheEllenShow @Rosie @ActuallyNPH @LanceBass pic.twitter.com/U0oNt3hYJw

— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) June 26, 2015

There were contrasting reactions within conservative religious communities, which is understandable because not everyone holds the same views.

The Duggar family’s official Facebook account posted the below photo on and vaguely commented shortly after the Supreme Court ruling, “Praying for our nation today.”

Military Spouse Reaction to SCOTUS Same-Sex Marriage Decision

Even conservative political figures such as Presidential candidate Jeb Bush stated, “Guided by my faith, I believe in traditional marriage. I believe the Supreme Court should have allowed the states to make this decision.”

Let’s remember that as our country was forming our Founding Fathers stated,

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

–Declaration of Independence

The greatest thing about America is that each and every one of us has the right to believe what we want and live our lives the way we see fit within the laws of the land. Our Constitution grants all citizens freedom of speech.

The pursuit of happiness means something a little different to each and every one of us. In my opinion, we witnessed our government at its finest early Friday morning with the ruling to legalize same-sex marriage in all 50 states.

I feel utter jubilant for families all across the United States who were once fragmented by law that will now be reunited by law.

Today and every day going forward is a great day because now I can share with all in the wondrous joy knowing same-sex marriage is legal.

For me personally marriage has always been something I wanted. After coming out, I wanted to get married, although same-sex marriage wasn’t possible for gay people like me.

As I dated, I still longed to plan my wedding even if my Prince Charming happened to be a princess instead. I still wanted the full rights of marriage. I still wanted to be recognized as having a wife. I felt devastated that I was dreaming of my future but would be denied of my rights to love someone else. I accepted the fact same-sex marriage might not be an option in my foreseeable future.

I researched domestic partnerships for future reference. I found there were still 1,138 fundamental rights I would be denied in a domestic partnership. I figured if I couldn’t have the full rights of marriage at least I could have some, but it was upsetting knowing I wouldn’t be completely protected by the law like everyone else because of my sexual orientation.

And don’t even get me started about family planning and having children. There would be a lot of hoops to jump through for being gay and wanting to have a family of my own.

Yes, my family would look different but so what? Wasn’t I entitled to create my life on my own terms?

For a long time I had the hardest time coming out to my parents because of the stigma of being gay in the United States in the early 2000s. I knew when I found the love of my life there would be no stopping me. And what do you know? I eventually found the love of my life. I finally came out to my parents and began living my life more fully without fear.

I am fortunate enough to live in California. A few years ago when Prop 8 was struck down in California I was able to legally marry my now wife in a small private ceremony. I share my story and know there are millions of stories and memories finally being able to be told because of the same-sex marriage ruling.

I love this quote from Sergeant Leonard P. Matlovich who said, “…I want you to look at the flag, our rainbow flag, and I want you to look at it with pride in your heart, because we too have a dream. And what is our dream? Ours is more than an American dream. It’s a universal dream. And our mission is to reach out and teach people to love, and not to hate.”

With the Supreme Court ruling, we are now living the universal dream, that so many before us could only imagine that love conquers all–love is love.

NorineNorine Holguin is the author of OMG Lesbian Army Wife blog on Tumblr and website creator of lesbianarmywife.com providing all military wives with resources and tips to help them on their journey as a military wife. Norine is on Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Filed Under: Articles, Hot Topics, News & Politics, Slider Tagged With: LGBT service members, National LGBT Pride Month, Same-sex Marriage, Supreme Court, We Are OneMilFam

Why Military Families Should Embrace Pride Month

June 25, 2015 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

by Norine, Guest Contributor

Why Military Families Should Embrace June as Pride Month

What is Gay Pride?

Our country has come a long way from when people hid a part of themselves in order to survive. There are still many struggles gay families face on a day-to-day basis.

However, Gay Pride is the celebration of self-acceptance and “is the positive stance against discrimination and violence toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people to promote their self-affirmation, dignity, equality rights, increase their visibility as a social group, build community, and celebrate sexual diversity and gender variance.”

Gay pride events are held in various cities throughout the year, all across the country. Local cities, states and military installations have a opportunity to bring awareness and tolerance yearly within their community by celebrating Gay Pride in June.

I think it is important to note that our president is taking proactive steps toward recognition of full equality within the gay community and announced this year,

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States do hereby proclaim June 2015 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to eliminate prejudice everywhere it exists, and to celebrate the great diversity of the American people.

–Presidential Proclamation–LGBT Pride Month, 2015

Why Military Spouses Should Embrace June as Pride Month

June was selected as National LGBT Pride Month to commemorate the events of that month in 1969, known as the Stonewall riots—an event that lasted 3 days. The Stonewall riots turned out to be a pivotal set of events that confronted discrimination against gays and lesbians in the United States.

Why Embrace Pride?

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender are all words that describe a person. We are all human beings–no matter what our sexual orientation, ethnicity, religious beliefs or any way a person self-identifies based on their own individual viewpoint and how they interact with the world around them.

Take Rachel Dolezal, who says she identifies as a black bisexual woman, though she was born white, she inherently feels black. There is a lot of controversy surrounding her self-identification as a black woman and implicit depiction but does that make her self-identification wrong?

Or take a look at Caitlyn Jenner who recently self-identified as a woman although she was born male. All of her life she could not characteristically change who she was on the inside.

I, myself, identify as lesbian because I am attracted to women (I am happily married to my wife of almost 2 years) and this is something innately I cannot change.

Everything we know about a person and who they are is being challenged by new social norms of self-identification.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender are people just like you and deserve the same rights as everyone living in the United States of America. June is Pride Month for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, in which queers love and embrace the strides made over the years and also take a look forward at how to continue the fight for full equality.

Why Gay Pride Matters to Military Families

Why Pride Month Matters to Military Families

The Solider

Gay and lesbian service members aid our country and defend our freedoms like every other soldier who swore to defend the U.S. Constitution. Frank E. Kameny, the first openly gay service member began fighting to gain recognition and rights for gays within the military in the late 1950s.

The Repeal & the Ruling

On December 22, 2010, the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) Repeal Act became law. President Obama signed a repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Law,” which prohibited LGBT individuals in uniform from making their sexual orientation know. Certification occurred in July 2011 and full implementation of the Act occurred in September 2011.

Related: Why Raising Children with LGBT Acceptance Matters

The repeal of DADT was a huge victory for the gay community. Gay military families were able to embrace a life in the military without the fear of being dishonorably discharged or retaliated against. There is still a struggle for transgender soldiers going on within the military for recognition.

Another huge win for gay equally came, on August 14, 2013, when “the Department of Defense announced its plan to extend benefits to same-sex spouses of uniformed service members and Department of Defense civilian employees.” Being recognized as a spouse is one of the greatest things to happen because you can tell the world a little more about who you are without being afraid or ashamed to share.

Later that same year, “after a review of the department’s benefit policies following the Supreme Court’s ruling that Section Three of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is unconstitutional, and in consultation with the Department of Justice and other executive branch agencies, the Defense Department” made spousal and family benefits available no later than Sept. 3, 2013, regardless of sexual orientation, as long as service member-sponsors provide a valid marriage certificate.

Related: Veteran Same-Sex Military Spouses Still Fighting for Equal Benefits

The pure joy to know that the federal government ruling found DOMA to be unconstitutional was beyond belief. It was as almost as if a cry was heard, a cry that stated “we are humans–people of the United Stated of America and we demand to be seen and given the same rights as promised” was finally heard.

The Military & the Family

On April 28, 2014, the Pentagon “released an update to the DoD Human Goals Charter, which for the first time included language related to sexual orientation in the section dealing with the military.” This was another huge step toward full equally for all. I know many married gay and lesbian military couples feel wonderful because they are legally being recognized and gain the same benefits as all other soldiers and military spouses alike.

Also earlier this year, “effective March 27, 2015, the Family and Medical Leave Act, or FMLA, extended coverage to all legally married same-sex couples to take FMLA leave to provide care for their spouse.”

It’s important to respect all military families because behind every solider, sailor, airmen and Marine stands a committed spouse regardless of their sexual orientation.

I hope through my articles, website and Twitter account I can help others see that the LGBT community are just people like everyone else and want the same rights our Constitution promises each and every one of us.

The LGBT community is full of people who have emotions, raw feelings and who are creative, talented and wonderful. As a gay fellow human all I want is to be loved, accepted and have the same rights as everyone else. Hopefully, through progressive thinking and education more people can be open to change.

Did you attend a Pride event at your base? How do you embrace June as Pride Month?

NorineNorine Holguin is the author of OMG Lesbian Army Wife blog on Tumblr and website creator of lesbianarmywife.com providing all military wives with resources and tips to help them on their journey as a military wife. Norine is on Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Filed Under: Articles, Hot Topics, News & Politics, Slider Tagged With: Defense of Marriage Act, Don't Ask Don't Tell, equality, LGBT service members, Pride Month, Same-sex Marriage, We Are OneMilFam

Veteran Same-Sex Military Spouses Still Fighting for Equal Benefits

September 24, 2014 By NextGen MilSpouse Staff Writer Leave a Comment

Here we are again. Fighting for spousal rights that we shouldn’t have to be fought for anymore. It seriously becomes more tiring and annoying each time.

Earlier this month, the House Committee of Veterans’ Affairs rejected a proposed amendment to the Our Vets Deserve Better Act. Currently, same-sex partners/spouses of U.S. veterans have to fight to receive benefits. If by chance they live in a state that has not yet legalized marriage equality, they aren’t able to receive spousal benefits. It doesn’t matter where the military couple tied the knot. It’s solely dependent on where they live currently.

The failed amendment would have allowed all veteran same-sex spouses to receive benefits, regardless of where they live.

The Supreme Court’s ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act in 2013 made it necessary for the military to change its policy toward same-sex military members and their spouses. In the fall of 2013, same-sex military couples began to receive benefits, regardless of what state in which they were located. By law, the military has to give equal benefits to all current military members, regardless of sexual orientation.

Gay Couple at Park in New York

Let’s pause and think about this. The military must recognize all couples, regardless of sexual orientation. This is not dependent on location of said couples. Yet veterans are excluded. How could the United States blatantly forget past service members and their families? How does being former military exclude you from the protection current military members and their families receive? Why does it switch from being a federal matter to a state matter?

According to the article, “House panel rejects spousal benefits for gay veterans,” committee chairman Jeff Miller (R-Fla.) is quoted as saying this about the rejected amendment:

Deference to the state is not motivated by hostility, it is motivated by adherence to the Constitution.”

I understand it would be naive to think Miller, a Republican, would ever stand by a federal deference over a state deference. Republicans are well known for their desire to conservatively advocate for states’ rights. Which is fine, except when states’ rights involve taking away my rights.

I wonder if they’ve ever heard of Thomas Jefferson. He was an advocate of states’ rights back in the 1700s. He also happens to be the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence. In the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

It seems to me that a person can have deference to the state, while at the same time believing that everyone is equal, with certain unalienable rights. I think Rep. Miller needs to take some tips from former President Jefferson. I think states deciding a various array of semi-important issues is fine. However, I think states deciding whether or not I am treated like an equal member of society within their border is absolutely not OK. Why is that even something that could differ depending on where you live? Why will the value of my wife’s service fluctuate and change depending on where we will live once she is out of the military?

Related: Are Y’all Sisters or Something?

Jefferson is also the person who inspired the Establishment Clause in the U.S. Constitution. The Establishment Clause refers to the part of the First Amendment that states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Rep. Miller and everyone else who voted against the proposed change, if you want to adhere to the Constitution you should start with the First Amendment. I personally have nothing against people who don’t agree with my beliefs. But the moment someone with different beliefs tries to take away my freedom to live out what I believe, I gear up to fight.

I’ll wrap this up with a proposal to all of you reading this. If you have empathy for my family’s pain and the pain of so many others who have to fight every day for their rights as human beings, get out and vote! Change the future of our country. Elect new and improved representatives and senators in Congress– people who aren’t going to vote down a proposal to treat all people equally, regardless of sexual orientation. Your vote makes a difference and nothing will ever change without it.

Filed Under: Advocacy, Articles, Hot Topics, Slider Tagged With: All Veterans, current events, empowerment, equality, Former Military, marriage, Military Couple, military family, onemilfam, politics, relationships, Same-sex Marriage, Spousal Benefits

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