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Navigating The Military Child Care Challenge

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by Christine Maxwell, Guest Contributor

For military spouses seeking employment outside the home, it’s the proverbial question.

Do you find a job and then find child care or do you find child care and then find a job?

On one hand, it’s difficult to interview for a job when you’re brand new to a military installation and you don’t have child care. Conversely, paying for child care before you find your new job is financially stressful. Whatever you decide to do, you always want the best possible care for your child.

Whether you’re about to be a first-time parent, PCSing to a new base or adding a new player(s) to your team, finding child care is often one of the most stressful aspects of parenthood for military families. Frequent moves, deployments and breaks in employment due to above mentioned frequent moves are added stressors for military families.

Child care is often one of the most stressful aspects of parenthood for military families.

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However, there are 2 websites that you absolutely need to know about that will help you find quality and affordable child care to fit your family’s unique needs. Here are the most popular child care options available to military families.

You Need Child Care, You Need Options

If you’re seeking child care at your military installation, you can choose from a military-operated Child Development Center (CDC), home-based Family Child Care (FCC), School-age Care Programs (SAC), or subsidized (yes, I said subsidized!) off-installation care at a civilian CDC. Full-day, part-time and drop-in care is available for 6-week old babies through school-age children that only need before and after school care.

There are several great child care options, but how do you find the programs available to you at your military installation?

Military-Operated & Military-Approved Child Care

The fastest and easiest way to find all the information you need to know about military-operated or military-approved child care is to navigate to the website MilitaryChildCare.com. This secure Department of Defense (DoD) website was launched in 2015 and finished its roll-out in June 2017. It’s a one-stop shop for your military child care-related search process.

At MilitaryChildCare.com, you can create a profile that you can easily update as your family and location changes. Your profile allows you to search and request child care options and update requests or change the dates that care is needed.

Gone are the days of frustrating searches on out-of-date DoD websites as you scramble to find all your child care options for your installation.

Currently, there are more than 200 installations that are actively using MilitaryChildCare.com both domestically and abroad.

Subsidized Off-Installation Care For Military Families

If you don’t have access to child care at a military installation due to remote assignments or long wait lists, parents have the option to pursue off-installation child care. Child Care Aware of America is a program that assists over 10,000 military families annually in finding and subsidizing accredited off-installation child care. Since off-installation child care is often more expensive than military child care programs, Child Care Aware helps alleviate this burden by subsidizing child care costs.

Once approved, families usually pay the equivalent of what they would pay for DoD child care. Registration fees are often covered too. All 4 military services have subsidy programs under the Child Care Aware of America umbrella. Contact Child Care Aware to find out more information on eligibility specific to your service. Currently, Child Care Aware of America is only a domestic program.

Military Child Care Is A Work In Progress

Although the accessibility and affordability of child care for military families has come a long way, we still have so much work to do. The wait lists for child care are always long, much longer than the notice that families receive when PCS orders are cut. This leaves many families in the lurch for child care, especially at remote installations where military-run child care programs are the only option and wait lists are long.

At many installations, CDC wait lists are over a year.

By the time you find your child a spot, you might as well get ready to prepare to PCS again.

For all the unique challenges military families face with finding high quality and timely child care, the military community is still leaps and bounds ahead of the general population’s child care choices. The military offers its employees an excellent range of universally accredited, subsidized and on-site options for child care and that’s more than most civilian families could imagine.

What are your child care challenges? Share your concerns in the comments section. 

Christine MaxwellChristine Maxwell is an Army wife and toddler mom. She works as a Budget Manager in Higher Education and also manages HerMoneyMoves, a blog about personal finances, career and military family life geared toward military spouses and their families.

Why You Need to Explore National Parks

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This post is written in collaboration with Expedia.com and SoFluential Media. The opinions and text are all mine.

Grand Canyon. Zion. Bryce Canyon.

These 3 national parks will always have a special place in my heart. They are on my list of “must-see” parks when you’re stationed in Arizona. My favorite photos were taken at these breathtaking places. These 3 parks are also where my husband and I spent our honeymoon.

Why You Need to Explore National Parks

Now I can see the romance in our road trip through northern Arizona and southern Utah. But when he first proposed a trio of national parks for our honeymoon, I argued against his plan.

My husband brought his love of the outdoors to our relationship. I brought the love of community theater.

Until I met him, I had never slept in a tent. I had never hiked for miles with homemade granola as my snack. I had never tasted a roasted marshmallow while sitting under the stars.

My husband introduced me to the romance of a great outdoors vacation. His camping courtship started with an overnight stay at a state park in Texas. He remembered to pack the wine, so I remained interested. Then his introduction lead to relaxing and quiet afternoon hikes through the hills of southern California.

When I saw the Grand Canyon National Park at sunset on a crisp November day, my infatuation with nature matured into a deep love affair. I was head-over-heels in love with our nation’s national parks.

Since then I’ve visited more than 30 national parks. I went to 2 national parks during an Oregon road trip with my sisters. My kids have a NPS passport book and love to put stamps in it. I’ve told my friends about the joy of exploring the national parks as a family, especially when you’re a military family.

Why You Need to Explore National Parks

3 Reasons Why Military Families Need to Explore National Parks

It’s free for military members and their dependents. Yes, free. That’s my favorite price for anything and everything. But the value of free entrance to the nearly 400 national parks is immeasurable.

The annual parks pass is available to current U.S. military members and dependents in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard as well as Reserve and National Guard members.

To obtain the annual pass, visit a federal recreation site (click here for the complete list of recreation sites that issue passes) and show your military ID card to the park officials. It’s that easy.

Why You Need to Explore National Parks

You can camp, rent an RV or stay at a historic hotel. Before my honeymoon, I thought everyone who visited a national park pitched a tent and ate hot dogs over an open fire. I was wrong. The national parks offer a variety of accommodations for every type of outdoor enthusiast.

But depending on where you want to stay (even if it’s camping), you may need to book your camping site 6 months in advance. That’s what we did when we camped in Yosemite as a family. My husband logged into the website to make our reservation 6 months in advance and guess what, all of the camp sites were booked in less than 15 minutes.

Scoring a camp site at Yosemite is like snagging concert tickets to U2.

Staying at Mount Rainer’s Paradise Inn is on my bucket list. This historic hotel opened to guests in 1917 and hasn’t changed since the 1920s. When you stepped into that lodge, you are traveling back in time. Hopefully someday I’ll get to sleep there after a long day of hiking.

If you are planning to stay in a hotel make sure to use a rewards program like the Expedia Military Offer, which gives anyone with verified military status Expedia+ Gold Status. It’s available to active duty, veterans, military spouses, and dependents and it offers benefits like complimentary upgrades, exclusive amenities and bonus points that can be used toward future travel. Learn more and sign up here: http://expedia.com/militaryoffer/

Many national parks are within driving distance of your military base. Since there are nearly 400 national parks, there is most likely one within driving distance of you even if you find yourself in Hawaii or Alaska.

When we were stationed in northern Maryland, we visited a lot of parks, including Catoctin Mountain Park, Gettysburg National Memorial Park and Harpers Ferry Historic Park.

Why You Need to Explore National Parks

Military families, if you haven’t taken the time to explore the national parks, it’s time you did. It’s an affordable way to fall in love with the great outdoors.

Motrin And Waiting Doesn’t Work For Our EFMP Families

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by Jana Wanner, Guest Contributor

You’re sitting in a hospital room, with a newborn baby and your 7-year-old baby. You are in a foreign country, your husband is at work and you have no family nearby. The doctor tells you that your child needs an MRI of her brain immediately.

Tears roll down your face.

You have no one to talk to.

You feel alone.

To some, this is what nightmares are made of. But for me, it was reality and it was only beginning.

This all started when she passed out while getting ready for school one morning. For several days, my daughter went through 2 different MRIs. Tons of blood work. EEGs twice a day. Every medical test you could think of, she had it done.

When one of the MRIs showed abnormalities with her brain, but no obvious cause, the doctors went with the next step of genetic testing. Waiting for 12 weeks for those results was the longest 12 weeks of our lives.

Once the genetic tests came back, it was determined our daughter has Megalencephaly-capillary malformation syndrome or MCAP.

Little did we know, that this was far from over when it came to getting the medical care she needed. We decided we should come back to the States on a compassionate reassignment, to make sure our daughter was taken care of medically.

Most days, I feel like it was the worst decision we ever made. Other days, I try to tell myself it was a blessing in disguise because my husband was able to reclass to a new MOS that he loves and makes him happy.

Fast forward to now, 5 years later.

She was diagnosed with scoliosis and will need hip reconstruction surgery. Last year, she had to have knee reconstruction, due to her knee cap frequently dislocating. MCAP causes extremely flexible joints, so this came as no surprise to the orthopedic surgeon. Just recently, I had to walk through fire to get her another referral for more orthopedic consults.

When her pediatrician at our current military treatment facility saw her X-rays, he told us there was no need for a referral and that we only needed to follow up once a year. WRONG.

As mothers, we know when something isn’t right.

No, I did not go to medical school. But I am a mother with a gut feeling that is never wrong. I fought for days to get the referral to the orthopedic clinic.

When we finally got in after waiting for 3 weeks, they were amazed that the pediatrician did not take her X-rays more seriously. One of her hips sits much lower than the other and the orthopedic physician said that is a major concern, which may require hip reconstruction. They ordered more X-rays and asked us to get a follow-up appointment. The next available was 3 weeks later.

The waiting is agonizing.

I fought to get her the referral. We waited for an hour in the waiting room to be called back, before being informed her doctor was stuck in surgery so we could either reschedule or see someone who isn’t her doctor. We opted to see someone who wasn’t her doctor, so we could get some answers. Now we are waiting again, to hopefully see her usual orthopedic doctor.

It’s true what they say – military life is nothing but hurry up and wait.

Waiting on referrals.

Waiting for over an hour in the waiting room before you are finally called back.

Waiting to hear test results, only to never be called back or completely ignored.

Waiting to know if your child will go through another traumatic event, such as a reconstruction surgery. The pain. The tears.

The awful feeling that you feel like it’s your fault. Did I take the wrong prenatal vitamins when I was pregnant that caused this? Did I have too much stress during my pregnancy and it caused MCAP to develop? Was it my genes that caused her to have to go through this?

The constant fear of feeling like it’s my fault and the guilt are soul-crushing.

For the record, I was assured by the genetic doctor that this was just a random mutation of genes, that had nothing to do with me. But, it’s hard to accept that at times.

When you add all of these things together, it’s hard to get through the days sometimes without feeling like you can never do anything right.

I try to make sure she always has access to the care she needs, but it feels impossible sometimes. Some doctors seem to blow us off at times.

EFMP is supposed to be a system that ensures you will have the care you need at every duty station you are assigned to, but to some of us, it sure doesn’t feel like we have the care or even the compassion that our children or other EFMP family members need and deserve.

Our daughter’s disorder is so rare, that not many doctors at our MTF even know what it is. I remember an appointment with a doctor who had never seen her before. I took her in for something routine and when I was asked about her previous medical history, I explained to them she has MCAP. They looked at me like I had 2 heads.

It’s just as frustrating having to explain every time we see someone new at our MTF what she has, what causes it, what the symptoms are, etc, as it is also frustrating waiting on referrals.

Three weeks for a wait here and there may not seem like much to some or even most people. But it’s an eternity when you’re in our shoes and going through what we have to go through.

Doctors who don’t listen.

Doctors who KNOW your child has a certain medical disorder like MCAP, yet they either know very little about it and refuse to learn more, or they refuse to listen to your concerns, simply because you are not the doctor, therefore, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.

Motrin And Waiting Doesn’t Work For Our EFMP Families

I’m not writing this to gain sympathy. I’m writing this so people know that the system is truly broken.

We hear this time and time again, from other family members who have to walk through fire to get what they need.

As a mother, there is nothing worse than seeing your child struggle. As a mother, it is my job to protect her and make sure she is provided with what she needs, which includes access to care.

I feel like I’m failing at every turn, because the system, and lack of care and compassion on the part of some physicians, won’t let me have an opinion. I know more about my daughter and her health needs after the whirlwind of the last 5 years, over a physician who has looked at her all of 30 seconds.

It seems to be a typical response of

“Oh, her knee and back are hurting? Just give her some Motrin.”

Things need to be changed.

Will they change? Most likely not, but we can still talk about what we have had to deal with to hopefully help another military family find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

Maybe someday, there will be more thought put into how to help our children and family members who have had more than their fair share of struggles with the military health system.

Motrin and hurry up and wait are not getting us where we need to be and our children and other special needs families deserve better.

Jana WannerJana is a happy wife and mom. She has a wonderful husband, 2 great kids, a Great Dane, and 2 kitties. She is a stay at home mom who loves writing, reading, baking, and wine. She currently lives at Fort Gordon with her family, and is hoping the PCS Gods send them somewhere cold next!

 

Episode 54: Then We PCSed

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Educator Meg Flanagan comes to the Happy Hour to talk about her new book, “Talk to the Teacher,” all about how to be the best advocate for your military child. We also talk about celebrating fall when it feels like summer and practice saying no.

Educator Meg Flanagan comes to the Happy Hour to talk about her book, "Talk to the Teacher." We also brainstorm Halloween costume ideas with Jessica.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase via our links, you help us keep the lights on and the good times rolling.

This Week’s Guest: Meg Flanagan, MilKids Ed

Meg is a teacher, blogger, freelance writer, author and military spouse. Her professional journey is familiar to all of us. She pivoted her career to continue working no matter where the Marine Corps sent her family. Her book, “Talk to the Teacher,” will help you be the best advocate for your military child.

Connect with Meg on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest to get tips and the latest free resources designed just with the military spouse in mind.

NextGen MilSpouse Articles That Have Us Talking

Thank You to Our Sponsor, Armed Forces Insurance

NextGen MilSpouse Happy Hour is presented in partnership with Armed Forces Insurance.

Celebrating 130 years of protecting the nation’s current and retire service members, their children and Department of Defense civilians, AFI has a singular mission: You.

Armed Forces Insurance has military specialists and each member has an assigned agent, licensed in every state. From renter to business, home to auto insurance, there is a product to meet your needs.

Get your quote today at AFI.org.

Amy Brings the News from Military.com

Military Star cards – not just for the Exchange, it is now accepted at the commissary.

A new Army study looks at abuse and neglect of children before and after deployments.

Jessica Tells Us What We Missed on Social Media

Annette Maldonado brought us AUSA and VWISE Ignite via our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You won’t want to miss these live videos.

We at NextGen MilSpouse are taking a pledge. We vow to stop sharing articles that shame military spouses for what they wear to a military ball. A new opinion piece on MilitaryOneClick tackles why we should all stop judging.

What are you going to be for Halloween? Because Jessica needs inspiration.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast is the official podcast of NextGenMilSpouse.com. We offer a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. From navigating your career to surviving your next move, NextGen MilSpouse has you covered.

Our news and current events are brought to you by our friends at Military.com. Make sure you never miss a show or a story by subscribing to our podcast on iTunes or GooglePlay and by signing up for the NextGen MilSpouse Newsletter at NextGenMilSpouse.com. Still want more? Connect with us and other listeners in our Happy Hour Facebook Group. 

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“I Love Being Able To Shed Light On The K-12 Education Process For Military Families.”

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NextGen MilSpouse is going beyond traditional career tips and tricks for military spouses! We are sharing the real stories of working military spouses (just like you!) and their professional success stories on Wednesdays.

Meg Flanagan created a blog dedicated to helping military families and teachers of military kids navigate the K-12 education journey.

Name: Meg Flanagan

Years as a military spouse:

8

Tell us your job title/profession:

Teacher, Freelance Writer, Blogger

Is this full-time, part-time, hourly, contract or freelance work?

It depends on the duty station and the opportunities

How long have you been working in this career field?

8 years

Do you work in an office, telecommute from home (or Starbucks), or a little bit of both?

A little bit of everything!

Tell us one thing you love about your job.

I love being able to shed light on the K-12 education process for military families.

Too often members of our community don’t know about free or low cost resources that can help them, like federal laws or tutoring programs.

How did you get this position? Was it a resume, referral, job fair? Spill your magic.

I created it out of a need I saw in the community.

I started as a tutor/homeschool teacher in California in 2010. I noticed that many of my military clients simply didn’t understand the special education system in particular and the K-12 education system in general.

When I moved to Virginia in 2012, I started a job as a full-time classroom teacher in a district with a mobile population. I saw the same issues there.

In 2015, after a move to California, I decided to act on what I had been seeing and start MilKids Ed, a blog dedicated to helping military families (and teachers of MilKids) navigate the K-12 education journey.

From there, I have picked up freelance writing work across several media outlets and contribute to a military child-focused charity as a writer.

It’s not super profitable unless I’m teaching full-time too. But it is a passion project!

Are you looking to connect with career-minded military spouses? Join one of In Gear Career’s 40 local chapters around the world. In Gear Career is a part of Hiring Our Heroes and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation.

What is your No. 1 tip for a military spouse on the hunt for a job?

For me, it was all about making that first connection. Once my foot was in the door at one freelancing job, it ended up leading to another and another.

Once you are in, stay connected and reach out to others. You never know when someone might be on the hunt for a person exactly like you!

How do you feel about failure?

I fail every single day. MilKids definitely doesn’t have the reach or clout I would like it to have at this point, but that’s OK. I’m still learning and growing as a person and as a writer.

My teaching career is on the backburner to help accommodate the military’s schedule and provide stability for our kids. It’s OK too! I’m still in the field, even if it’s in a different role.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced while trying to maintain a career while living the military lifestyle?

The flexibility and fluidity of jobs and careers have been the biggest adjustment.

I came into this having grown up with the mindset of “30 years teaching in a district, then retire.” So far, I think the longest I have ever taught in one school was 2 contract years. And half of one year was spent on maternity leave!

Not every duty station is going to work out for me career-wise the way I want it to. When we got to our current duty station, I had big dreams of getting back into the classroom full-time.

Instead, we’re having a second child and I’m focusing more on freelancing for a few years. In a way, being a military spouse has given me the opportunity to explore more and different ways of being employed and an asset to the community beyond the classroom.

If we didn’t live this life, I could be tied to that classroom job, and might not have started blogging and writing.

What is the best piece of career advice you’ve ever received? Tell us the worst too, while you’re at it.

Best: “Just see what happens.”

My mom has been drilling this into me lately as she sees me taking on too much (2 kids, full-time job, blogger, freelancer, etc.). She’s all about taking a step back and evaluating what is important right now in life.

Worst: “I made it work, so why can’t you?”

This or versions of this has been commented to me in several social media groups after I tried to advocate for easier/smoother license transitions for military spouses.

What works for one of us doesn’t work for all of us.

Just because one person’s particular journey in a career field has been smooth, doesn’t mean that everyone’s journey will be. It’s so important to stop judging each other and start helping.

Who is in your support squad and what role do they play in supporting your career?

My husband, Eric, supports me constantly. He has never pressured me to “get a job” and knows that making our family work is the most important thing right now.

My mom and dad, Chris and Tom, have always been there for me with sage advice and a reality check on my personal limits.

My large group of friends gives me advice, feedback and tips to help further my journey. It also helps that several of my friends are also in the writing and teaching fields!

Do you and your spouse or partner split household tasks?

It depends on the duty station, honestly!

If I am home more, then I shoulder more of the burden.

If I am working more or have more on my plate, we have hired someone to help. In the cost-benefit analysis, paying for help has both saved our sanity and given our family more flexibility to enjoy where we live!

Generally, I am the cook. Mostly because I love cooking and have severe food allergies. Plus, our family cannot live on PB&J sandwiches or pasta alone!

Share your best life-hack for saving time or sanity during the work week.

Whiteboards.

I have whiteboards, the peel and stick kind, all around my house. We have a meal planner and a grocery/to-buy list side-by-side on the fridge. There is a calendar one on the wall over the desk.

As I transition from full-time work to SAHM/freelance hustling, there will be another whiteboard with all of my writing to-do items. If it’s not on the whiteboard, it doesn’t get bought or it doesn’t happen.

Tell us one piece of tech you couldn’t live without that isn’t your phone.

MacBook Air. So much functionality and creation capabilities!

Favorite app for making the most of your day?

CNN so I know what is happening in the world right now.

Must-have song on your productivity playlist?

“Heart of Gold” by Neil Young

If you had an extra hour in your day, what would you do with it?

RUN! I’m a dedicated runner, and any extra time is spent on the road.

Running literally saved my sanity in 2014 during a bout with postpartum depression and I can’t imagine my life without it.

Just ask my husband what happens when I can’t get a solid run in for a few days. It is really not pretty!

If you were a superhero, what would be your super power?

I would be able to clone myself and designate chores or tasks to said clones. That way I would never have to fold and put away laundry ever again!

Are you a working military spouse? Do you want to share your career tips and tricks? Fill out the MilSpouses Who Work It Q&A today. Click here to complete our form. 

What Am I Even Doing?

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by Maggie Phillips, Guest Contributor

Today I had the stunning realization that as of November 2016, I have spent just slightly more time out of the workforce than in it.

Appropriately enough for an epiphany of this magnitude, it occurred at a church. I had been to a christening during which I learned both the father and the godfather had attended my alma mater and I excitedly introduced myself when it was over.

After our initial circle of congratulations for having attended the same school 12 years apart, they asked the question I should have seen coming but by which I found myself completely blindsided.

“What,” one of them asked, “Do you do now?”

At this point in my story, I feel I should mention my husband was TDY. I was wearing a 6 month old, and pushing a 4 and a 2 year old in a double stroller.

“Oh,” I said, without even trying to finesse the facts a little bit, “I married a West Pointer after graduation and now he goes off and I stay home with these three.”

If there was a sound eyebrows make when they sort of knit together in the middle and droop down on the outsides, that sound would have been deafening as I watched my audience respond.

A little annoyed with myself as I heaved my 80+ pounds of kids uphill to my minivan, I felt tears spring to my eyes as I thought over what I could have and should have said.

I felt that being a stay-at-home mom was the right decision for me until I find myself watching my friends and their start-ups. I suddenly felt left behind.

How about that I used to work for the Army? I had a security clearance and wrote for 3 and 4-star generals.

I write now. I could have mentioned that.

But I’m nowhere close to the breadwinner and I feel like saying writing is “what I do” to strangers is only a step above saying I enjoy watching TV in my spare time.

It’s fashionable I realize now for military spouses to have a side hustle or a professional career. When I was growing up as a military brat, the closest thing your average military spouse had to a side hustle was, as a friend once observed, wearing seasonal applique denim dresses and volunteering at the thrift shop.

But that’s all changed now.

I sometimes feel like I’m the only military spouse who isn’t on “Shark Tank.” For months I’ve been telling myself the R. Riveter bag girls were operating on a different level than me. I couldn’t start an upscale accessory company if I wanted to, I consoled myself. I have no real sewing experience.

Guess what I just found out? When the R. Riveter people started, they couldn’t. even. sew.

It took me 7 months to finish the biography “Hamilton” was based on because I kept falling asleep from the sheer exhaustion of reading about his many accomplishments.

Had I made a mistake in staying home with my kids?

It was a decision I made before we had our first child. You see, I suffer from anxiety. Not terrible anxiety, but worse than average.

I know it’s 2017 and because of the Internet everyone’s turned into a Cathy cartoon bragging about how overwhelming they find adulting and consequently, how much they love staying in with their Ben & Jerry’s or avocado toast or whatever. On a scale of 2017 Cathy to like, say, a Woody Allen surrogate character, I land squarely on “occasionally slightly medicated.”

I was a little worried about what balancing the stresses of a career, kids and a husband in the military would do to me.

I felt opting out of the workforce for a time would be the right course of action. Three kids later, I find myself watching my friends with their jobs and their start-ups and I wonder how I got left behind.

I felt that being a stay-at-home mom was the right decision for me until I find myself watching my friends and their start-ups. I suddenly felt left behind.

To an extent, I probably suffer a bit from being a millennial. An old millennial, but 1987 still counts and I definitely identify with a lot of the charges against them.

I’m risk-averse and kind of lazy.

I call my parents a lot.

On the other hand, I’m lucky to have a good example. My mom is a military spouse of over 30 years who plugged away at writing for years. She had plenty of pieces rejected, but she kept at it. She’s now a published author and has worked as a paid writer.

Maybe I’ll never be the R. Riveter founders.

Nobody is ever going to buy my half-finished cross stitch project off of Etsy.

Nothing I can come up with will ever really wow Mark Cuban, although for the record I had a dream about a business idea for a line of perfumes that lets you smell like your favorite character on “Friends.”

But if there’s one thing I learned from that “Hamilton” biography, it’s that I have 17 more years to sufficiently earn the murderous wrath of a sitting vice-president.

Make sure you never miss a story by signing up for our weekly e-news. Every Thursday, we deliver our top posts, latest Happy Hour podcast episode and news from Military.com. Sign up today!

Maggie PhillipsE. Margaret Phillips who goes by Maggie has worked for the Army in different capacities for over 3 years, for both U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command and for U.S. Army Public Health Command. She has been published in the United States Foreign Service Association’s Foreign Service Journal, and in the U.S. Army professional publication, Military Review. She is a mother of 3 and has been an Army spouse for 8 years.

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

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Eventually, every parent needs to do it: contact the teacher.

But how and when? More importantly, how often?

Your child’s teacher can be your best ally. Trust me, teachers WANT to help you! But information and request overload can quickly add to the already staggering workload that educational professionals are carrying. So it’s important to observe a few guidelines and keep communication open.

Here are 7 ways that you can get what your child needs and keep the teacher happy at the same time.

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

1. Start Early

Right from the get-go be kind and supportive. Ask the teacher if she needs anything for the classroom and then follow through. It might be tissues or hand sanitizer. It could also be helping to make copies or volunteering as a room parent.

This helps to create a relationship with your child’s teacher. If you are involved, you might get info about your child. You can also pick the teacher’s brain more easily. It might be questions about the math homework or the inside track on the big class project, but your physical (or virtual) presence helps you.

2. Small Notes

Teachers look at everything or try to. We check agenda books, homework and even little sticky notes. If you are concerned about something on the small side, send a note. From early dismissal to trouble on the homework or a question about the spelling assignment, the teacher will see it and be aware of the situation.

Sending in small notes like this, occasionally, keeps the dialogue open and lets the teacher know that you are an involved parent. She knows that you are helping your child with her schoolwork and want your child to succeed.

3. Email Etiquette

Email is the easiest way to get in touch these days. It’s fast, efficient and hassle free.

Except emails can get lost in the shuffle. There is also no “tone of voice” reader available.

When you email, be careful. Use precise language to communicate your concern, but try to keep the “tone” warm and friendly.

Even if you are upset.

Especially if you are upset.

Firing off accusations will put the teacher on the defensive and make progress even harder.

Be clear about what you want: answers, a meeting or even just a response of any kind.

4. Ask for a Meeting

For small problems, like homework questions, use email or written notes. If a big issue pops up, like major academic concerns or social situations, ask (kindly) for a meeting.

This is not a You VS Teacher heavyweight battle. It’s all of you fighting for the best education for your child together. At the meeting, approach it like a team effort.

Ask questions. What is the teacher seeing? How has she addressed the issue so far? What has worked with similar situations in the past? What can you do at home to support your student?

Then follow through. Stay in touch with the teacher about the issue. Ask for progress reports and information about interventions. Use the teacher suggestions at home.

5. Quality Over Quantity

Emails have a tendency to pile up real quick. Even paper notes can get misplaced.

Yes, keeping in contact is amazing! The teacher knows you care and you have your finger on the pulse of the classroom. Constant contact can also work against you.

Daily emails or notes are overwhelming and meeting every week is a lot. So keep your communication regular, but not flowing like a river.

Like the boy who cried wolf, if you make every molehill into a mountain, it can become harder to handle the mountains if you find them. Teachers might also be less likely to take your (legitimate) concerns quite as seriously if every challenging assignment results in an emergency meeting or a flurry of emails marked URGENT.

6. Respect the Work Day

Do things happen after 3:30 p.m.? Of course! Kids get sick, homework gets lost and stories from the school day are shared. Plus, since after school is usually when parent get to see all the tests and homework, academic concerns might start to brew.

If you email after the school day, please allow some wait time. Typically, this is one business day, from Monday to Friday, during working hours.

Talk to the Teacher: Get What Your Child Needs, Keep the Teacher on Your Side

Teachers need time to read, process and find the answers you need. We need time to get our strategy in place. If the topic is especially sensitive, the teacher might also need to write a draft response and then step away before sending it to make sure he got it right.

If you need a meeting, ask when the teacher has time. Typically, a teacher will want to solve a problem sooner rather than later. For parents who are limited by their own working hours, offer some days and times you are available. Many teachers will come in early, stay late, or give up their lunch and prep periods to meet with parents.

Be prepared to sacrifice equally of your time. This is YOUR kid, after all.

7. Be a Problem Solver

If you CAN do it, please go right ahead!

If your child is begging for extra math homework or wants to learn more about anything, try to find the solution on your own first. There are many websites out there that offer free online programs, like Khan Academy or PBS Kids. And the library is always free.

When the going gets tough on homework, search on YouTube for teaching tutorials. There are a bunch of them out there, all conforming to Common Core standards, across grade levels.

Your teacher will adore you for being proactive with your child’s education. And her workload will feel just a little bit lighter too.

Want even more help with talking to your child’s teacher? Get your copy of Talk to the Teacher today! Click here to order it on Amazon.

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

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Perfect timing, stomach bug.

Not only had we just moved OCONUS, but I was laid low with something nasty while my 2 year old ran amok. Oh, and it was my husband’s first day back at work. Did I mention I was also pregnant?

There were only so many movies I could get her to sit through. Going outside wasn’t even a remote possibility.

I could think of a million options, if only we were still stateside on leave or at out last duty station. We were tens of thousands of miles from every single person I knew.

It would have been easy to lose my mind, break down or call my service member in tears. Instead, I called in my village.

Anytime I need something I can phone a friend in my military spouse village.

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

New Baby

Having a baby in the military? No worries, mama! Your friends have totally got your back. Whether you need breastfeeding advice or something more, there is probably someone in your network who can help you.

When I was a nervous new mother, I phoned a girlfriend who already had 3 children. She offered me moral support and advice about bottle feeding and swaddling. She talked me down during more than one very late night feeding.

My friend’s husband deployed a few months before her due date. She was all alone, with their older child, when the time came. Except, she wasn’t really alone. Immediately military spouse friends swooped in. They took care of her son, stocked her fridge and finished the nursery set-up. A few extra close friends held her hand during labor and delivery.

These things aren’t uncommon in the military community. It’s standard practice for military spouses who depend on each other for almost everything.

Travel With Kids

Anyone who has ever boarded a plane with small children knows it’s, let’s say, interesting. Anything can and will happen during travel with kids. From illness to injury to destructive boredom, one of your military mom friends has probably experienced it.

Next time you plan to travel, ask around. Your friends will be able to offer the best driving routes or sage advice about navigating airport security. Your village can set you up with essential travel items too.

For our last trip, there wasn’t a crib for our infant. Instead of rushing out to buy one, I phoned a friend. She has an awesome travel bassinet that fits into a suitcase. Problem solved. Plus, she’s borrowing our high chair right now.

Support Networks

Raising children is tough. Between navigating screen time and dealing with a toddler tantrum, it’s easy to be at your limit ultra fast. When your spouse is gone a lot or you’re far from home, building support networks are vital to keeping your sanity.

Military families have almost built-in groups to turn to in times of trouble. Whether it’s the other parents in your on-base neighborhood, the pals you met at Stroller Warriors or someone from the base chapel, there are people for you to lean on.

Where we currently live, all the kids are around the same age and 3 of them have birthdays within 6 months of each other. Our spouses are in and out constantly. We team up for dinners, play dates and all pitch in to watch the kids outside. Having other parents to call on when I’m at my breaking point is life-saving.

It’s not just local friends, either. My virtual village is equally important. My support network stretches around the globe, so someone is always awake when I need to vent or want advice. By connecting online with people I’ve met, and those I know virtually, I have access to countless experts in education, psychology and parenting.

Health Crisis

My daughter woke up with a rash the other day. I had literally no idea what it was. My treatment choice was limited to the military ER because it was Sunday. There was no way that I was going to drag 2 kids down there for hours for a rash.

Instead, I video-chatted with my friend who is a physician assistant. She checked out the rash, talked to my kiddo and gave me some basic treatment options until the clinic opened on Monday.

In your many travels, you probably have a few friends in the medical profession too. Knowing that I have friends with medical knowledge in my village is so comforting. I know that no matter where I go or what my in-person options are, I can get the best advice from my friends.

My military spouse village makes raising my children easier.

When I was sick, I could have cried and dissolved into a helpless puddle. Instead, I picked up the phone. I had luckily gotten the contact information for a few of my new neighbors. They swooped in and entertained my child all day long, brought me Gatorade and found me a babysitter to help the next day.

We had known each other for just a few days, but they didn’t hesitate to help when I needed it most. It’s just what happens in the military spouse village. We all step up to help each other.

This military life can be tough, especially with kids. Having a military spouse village to support and help you makes raising children so much easier.

How does your military village help you? Post a shout out to your friends!

To Work Or Not To Work: That Is The Deployment Question

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by Julie Capouch, Guest Contributor

To Work Or Not To Work: That Is The Deployment Question

Should I work while my spouse is deployed or away on an unaccompanied assignment?

If you are a NextGen MilSpouse, it’s likely you will ponder that question at some point during your spouse’s career. Those recruiting videos don’t lie when they say service members can travel the world. But sometimes that world travel may not include the spouse and kids.

How you answer this question will depend upon your family situation, and no matter the choice you make, it’s important to keep one thing in mind.

“You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.”

Those were the words of my brother when I called him to ask for his advice when I was thinking of leaving my job during my spouse’s one-year unaccompanied tour overseas.

Initially he was surprised I was even considering it. I’d worked very hard as a military spouse and mom to get a college degree, a graduate degree, and gain the experience that led me to where I am now – working in a position I love, with people I like, earning a salary that contributes substantially to our household income.

To Work or Not to Work: That Is the Deployment Question

When my husband first got orders for an unaccompanied PCS, I was firmly of the mindset that I would work throughout his time away. I love what I do, and I have school-age children, so it logically follows that I’d stick with it and enlist extra help when needed.

But as time drew closer for my husband to leave, reality began to set in.

I work in a very demanding position. As a teacher, I don’t “get off” when the school bell rings and students go home. I don’t get to clock in 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and call it good. I work “late” most days, and it’s not uncommon for me to bring home an hour or two of work on top of that.

I enjoy teaching, but it takes a lot of time, energy and mental space. And my children will need more of my time, energy and mental space while my husband is away.

After some stressful soul-searching and discussions with my spouse, I put in my notice.

I will not be returning to my position next school year. It was a hard decision for me. I felt as if I would be letting someone down no matter the choice I made.

If I continued to work, I might not be available to my children when they needed me. Think less “helicopter parent” and more “pragmatic parent.” With a demanding job and a total commute of 1 hour and 20 minutes each day, it would be hard for me to make it to school events, extra-curriculars and have quality family time with my kids.

But leaving my job brought along its own feelings of guilt. I was nervous when I walked into my headmaster’s office to tell him. I had already signed a letter of intent saying I would be returning. We are in the middle of some big changes and we have a number of new teachers coming in next year. I had an entire spiel ready to justify my decision.

But you know what? I didn’t need it.

He was very understanding and I will be leaving my position on good terms with the support of my supervisor and all my co-workers.

Ultimately, my decision not to work was best for my family.

My husband’s income is sufficient to cover all of our expenses and not working will allow me time to devote to my children’s after-school activities (soccer was on the chopping block when I was still planning to work).

It will allow me the time to prepare for our next duty station and take the steps necessary to transfer my teaching license to our new state.

And it will allow me the time to take care of myself – mentally and emotionally – while my husband and best friend is gone.

I think that’s something we as military spouses struggle with – in the midst of taking care of everyone else, how do we find time to juggle it all and still take care of ourselves? Sometimes the only way is to remove some of the balls from the air.

The fact is, there’s no “right” answer to the “to work or not to work” question.

It will vary family to family, spouse to spouse, job to job. Do what works for you. You may have some naysayers or those who don’t understand why you’ve made the choice you have and some will voice their opinions.

“But won’t your kids NEED you?” (If you do work.)

“But HOW will you pay your bills?” (If you don’t work.)

Here’s the thing…you know yourself better than anyone else. You know your family better than anyone else. You know your kids better than anyone else.

And you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.

Have you faced the question to work or not work during your service member’s deployment? 

Julie CapouchJulie Capouch is a military spouse, mother of two, and English teacher living in the Southeast. She writes about parenting, education, and military life.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying Home

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Being a stay-at-home parent (SAHP) seems awesome from the outside in. It looks like it’s all sweet storytimes, cuddles on the couch, and baking brownies.

Let me tell you: it’s not.

I’ve been doing this SAHP gig since school got out last summer and it is not all sweetness and delight. A lot of my day is spent negotiating with my toddler over the necessity of holding hands on a busy sidewalk or injuring my feet on her Little People. Those bad boys are pointy!

It’s also been really hard for me to make this transition from full-time teacher to full-time stay-at-home parent while also trying to break into the writing world. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be doing this except for a weird one-year duty station.

It hasn’t been perfect some of the time or even most of the time. But along the way, there have been moments and things I did that helped me to fall in love with staying home.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying At Home

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Being a Stay-At-Home Parent

Create a Tribe

I found my tribe at Stroller Warriors. I’m an avid runner and had been dying to get into this group in our last hometown, but with work, weather and distance, it never worked out. Now, I have the time to go to every workout and have made some amazing friends to boot!

Your tribe can be found anywhere. I know that my neighborhood at our first duty station was really tight, so much so that no one thought anything of having impromptu doggie/child playdates midday. Use what you have: church, MOPS, Bible study, neighborhood friends or workout groups. Get contact info and be open to new adventures.

Be Patient, Be Kind

When life is controlled by an opinionated toddler, life moves in interesting ways and directions. So no, you won’t always get that 2-hour block in the middle of the day to “adult,” but you will be able to re-watch your favorite movies from childhood frequently.

Kids are also learning so much about life and how they act and react is based on us. Being patient with my child and myself has been a huge stumbling block and learning opportunity for me. I’ve had to learn how to communicate effectively using minimal big words. I’ve also learned the power of the “Mommy Time-Out.” Seriously, Momma needs a minute.

I also know that I am not perfect at parenting. I get angry, frustrated and tired like everyone else. But tomorrow is another day and I get to try again to be the best mother I can be right now.

Explore Together

Wherever you are, it seems that there is never enough time to truly explore. When you day is scheduled around meals and naps, there is a little more time and flexibility to get out of the house. Plus, doing stuff creates tired children, and tired children nap.

There are sure to be parenting blogs or websites that show cool places to go with your littles. If not, ask around in your new circle of friends.

I love to see different places with my tot in tow. It makes me slow down and appreciate the moment just a little bit more.

Relish The Lack of Crowds

The other day, we went to a local nature and animal preserve for the morning. This place is usually a big attraction where we are, but it was almost empty! We showed up on a Wednesday, right after it opened. With bigger kids at school and adults at work, it was just us and a handful of tourists.

Without crowds, those big-time attractions become suddenly more manageable. Since almost no one was there, my kiddo had free range to explore along the sidewalks and paths, to stop and look at the animals, or to pick up 1,000,000 rocks.

Become More Mindful

As a classroom teacher, I always had a very strict schedule to attend to. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to really stop and smell the roses.

My mindset must still be the same, because I keep trying to hurry my child through our day. She wants to inspect some rocks and I just want to get to the final destination.

This year has reminded me that the journey is just as important as the destination. So if a kid wants to splash in puddles for hours on end, and it’s safe to do so, let her.

It is so easy to get frustrated and mad about the slow pace. But I am trying to stop and sit and let her be little as long as I can.

Savor The “I Love You” Moments

My favorite moments are the ones that are pure sweetness. I love when my baby climbs into my lap and asks for one more story. Or when she hugs me tightly and rests her head on my shoulder before she runs off to keep playing. My favorite moments each and every day are the ones when she says “I love you, Mommy.”

I know that as she grows into a big kid, then a tween, teen and finally an adult, those whispered “I love you’s” and sticky kisses will become fewer and farther between.

Right now, I get to savor them all day, every day. If I could bottle those moments up and keep them forever, I would.

Grab This Extra Time Together

Youth is so fleeting and fast. I know that I have no idea where the last 2 years went at all. Seriously, how is it 2017 already? But this year of staying home has given me the chance to create traditions, memories and a strong bond with my child. I know I will never get this age or stage back with her, and I have been afforded the opportunity to really treasure it.

So I’m trying to slow down, take my time, be patient with both of us, and enjoy these days staying at home with my baby.

Before I know it, we will move again and I might return to work again; my currently small kiddo will grow bigger and bigger, and need me less and less.

It has definitely taken me some time, and not just a few growing pains, but I have fallen in love with being a stay-at-home parent.

Do you love being a stay-at-home parent? What are your favorite aspects of this role? 

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