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“Be Open About Moving Forward And Don’t Spend A Ton Of Time Looking Back.”

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NextGen MilSpouse is going beyond traditional career tips and tricks for military spouses! We are sharing the real stories of working military spouses (just like you!) and their professional success stories on Wednesdays.

Delanie Schulze is the director of revenue management for Wyndham Vacation Rentals. She works from home and at a co-working office.

Name: Delanie Schulze

Years as a military spouse:

8 years

Tell us your job title/profession:

I am a Director of Revenue Management for Wyndham Vacation Rentals. I help manage rates and inventory for vacation homes and condos across Florida, Alabama, South Carolina, Tennessee and California.

Is this full-time, part-time, hourly, contract or freelance work?

Full-time

How long have you been working in this career field?

6 years

Do you work in an office, telecommute from home (or Starbucks), or a little bit of both?

I telecommute from the home or a co-working office with other military spouses

Tell us one thing you love about your job.

I love using data and Excel programs to identify trends that are occurring in our business. Once those trends are identified, my team and I will make recommendations such as rate changes or marketing promotions to try and change the trend. It’s exciting to see how those changes can positively affect the revenue for the company.

How did you get this position? Was it a resume, referral, job fair? Spill your magic.

Prior to meeting my husband, I was an assistant buyer for a larger retailer in Texas. I loved my job and honestly had no plans of changing careers anytime soon. Then one fall afternoon, at a wedding, I met my husband and let’s just say, my plans changed.

We dated and then were engaged for about 2 years. A few months before the wedding I knew the inevitable was coming, I would be moving from Texas to Florida and would be leaving my job, so I started applying for positions in Florida. My family and I had been vacationing in this particular part of Florida where my fiance was stationed, for years, so I was very familiar with the area and local businesses.

The problem, there were no corporate retail chains in the area so I was worried that my retail-buying skills would not be relatable in that market.

Luckily, I applied for a marketing position with Wyndham Vacation Rentals. The HR lady recognized some of my skills that she thought would be a good fit for a revenue management position at Wyndham. She called me up and asked if it would be something I would be interested in.

At the time I had never heard of revenue management but it turns out that the skills I had acquired in the buying offices were a perfect fit.

I am so grateful that she was able to review my resume and see that I had skills related to a position she had open. I went through 3 rounds of interviews and ended up getting the position.

What is your No. 1 tip for a military spouse on the hunt for a job?

My advice would be to be open about moving forward and don’t spend a ton of time looking back.

I was devastated about leaving my job in Texas and really thought I was not going to find anything I enjoyed as much.

It turns out though, I found something I enjoy more and a company that works with me and my lifestyle better than my previous career would have.

In the military, change is inevitable, but if you can focus on the future and not what was, I think you will find that life can be great and this goes for your career as well.

How do you feel about failure?

Failure is hard.

I have had a lot of success in terms of my career, but I do feel at times I have failed at fully immersing myself in friendships and communities that we have been stationed at.

I try to overcome some of that by getting involved with community service and spouse groups but always feel like I could be doing better.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced while trying to maintain a career while living the military lifestyle?

It’s extremely hard finding friends in the military community that are living the same lifestyle as me in terms of career goals. There are quite a bit of activities that happen during the working hours that I am just unable to attend which makes me feel a little disconnected with the community and spouses group.

Luckily, I have been able to find other spouses who are in the same boat as me and we have been able to build some strong bonds.

What is the best piece of career advice you’ve ever received?

The best piece of career advice I ever received was from a fellow full-time working mom. As a working mom, there is a ton of mom guilt that comes along with dropping your child off at daycare and this is something I have personally struggled with over the years.

One of my colleagues told me once, “You have to make time for yourself, to be the best parent for your child” and I believe this to be so true.

That time for myself is working. For others it may be working out, social clubs, spa days, etc. but for me, I truly have a passion for using my skills and working in a professional environment.

Who is in your support squad and what role do they play in supporting your career?

My spouse is definitely my No. 1 supporter when it comes to my career. He has always understood how important a career is for me and always encourages me to continue chasing that dream. We have a 3-year-old son and juggling traveling while my spouse is trying to excel in his Air Force career can be hard at times. But I am so grateful that together, we make it work.

I would also say my mom and dad support my career as well and help out a ton when my spouse is deployed. Although my company is very understanding of my situation, especially when my spouse is out of the country, I am still required to travel once or twice a quarter, which is where my parents step up and help out with my son.

Do you and your spouse or partner split household tasks? How do you do it?

We definitely split household tasks. I wouldn’t say that we have specific tasks that we each do, although my husband definitely likes doing the dishes and I gladly allow that. We kind of both just work together to get the house cleaned, the kiddo ready for school and the dog fed.

Share your best life-hack for saving time or sanity during the work week.

My sanity during the week comes from taking 30 minutes to do a home-based work out program each day. It keeps me feeling good about myself without taking up too much of my time.

Tell us one piece of tech you couldn’t live without that isn’t your phone.

My wireless mouse

Favorite app for making the most of your day?

Apple Music

Must-have song on your productivity playlist?

Maren Morris – 80’s Mercedes

If you had an extra hour in your day, what would you do with it?

If I had an extra hour in my day, I would go antique shopping. I love finding that next great piece that will make our house a home, wherever we are stationed.

If you were a superhero, what would be your super power?

My super power would be to have the ability to be in 2 places at once. Conference call at the same time as mommy and me play date, no worries…I got this!

Are you a working military spouse? Do you want to share your career tips and tricks? Fill out the MilSpouses Who Work It Q&A today. Click here to complete our form. 

Just Say No

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There are those of us who can’t say no.

As soon as I said it, I instantly regretted it.

It was almost slow motion, as if I could literally see the words in the air, having escaped unintentionally before falling on the ears of the many receivers. I’d said 4 little words that were met with instant praise and appreciation.

Four words.

Eight letters.

One tiny little expression that’s roped me into serving a yearlong term as our spouse club’s president, landed me a position on countless committees and boards. The same ones that so kindly positioned me at the head of fundraising efforts for a work campaign. The same sentence that resulted in coordinating countless events, meals, auctions, parties and more.

I’m a military spouse. You’re a military spouse.

I know you’ve said the exact same sentence:

I can do it.

Except really? We can’t.

We can’t and shouldn’t do everything.

You and I both know we will try. And likely the only thing that will suffer is our own sanity, well-being and sleep.

We’ll stay up until 4 to get those treat bags ready for the party at school. We’ll skip our 5 a.m. spin class in order to make it to the 24-hour Walmart before our service member has to leave for work.

God forbid we let anyone down but ourselves! We will get it done. And it will be done lovely.

But you and I both know the insane amount of coffee, vows to never volunteer again and spontaneous tears that happen whilst cutting another %*(#$ craft.

Why do we do it? It’s simple, really.

There are those of us who can’t say no.

Who hate that silence between someone pleading for help and someone stepping up. We’re uncomfortable with the vulnerability of someone asking for something and no one jumping at the chance to do it, so never mind our already packed schedules: we step in. And we have to stop it.

This anti-drug campaign slogan of the ’90s has come full circle and is now your mantra during this season of over-extending.

Say no to something.

I know, it feels a little dirty and selfish and awful, but once you try it, you’ll be a turn-downing machine.

Buy yourself the same coffee mug someone once bought me that says “Stop Me Before I Volunteer Again,” pour yourself a giant cup o’ joe and enjoy the extra hour you have to yourself.

It’s like Daylight Savings Time but instead of changing your clock, change your instinct to say yes.

October kicks off the season to give and to love and to be thankful and all of those things. It’s also the time of year that you already have 1,000 extra things on your plate.

Next time someone asks you to help with something or take on an additional responsibility ask yourself this:

“Do I have the bandwidth to do this?”

And,

“What can I take off my plate in order to make this happen?”

Much to my mother’s chagrin, I learned to juggle in high school, using fruit from a bowl in the kitchen. And I can juggle 3 clementines really well. But the second you add a fourth, I’m struggling. I usually drop one. And if you add a fifth? Not only do I drop the extra clementine, I drop all of them. And no one likes 5 squishy clementines. No one.

If you’re going to say yes, you have to say no to something else.

It’s hard – that’s why we’re making it our theme for October. But you can do it.

And like we learned in Drug Abuse Resistance Education in the ’90s: Just say no, kids.

Just say no.

Did you say no recently? Tell us how you did it. Because let’s face it – we here at NextGen MilSpouse are a bunch yes people. 

How I Found My Purpose

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The biggest question in the universe is:

Why am I here and what is my purpose?

Most people spend a lifetime trying to figure it out and some never do.

Movies try to give us examples to follow: The aliens in “Arrival” were here to teach humans to use communication and language to unite us. Dobby had the initial purpose of being a house elf and later his goal was to help Harry Potter.

But that’s not real life.

In real life sometimes you waffle, sometimes you coast and sometimes you slam into a wall.

I hear my husband constantly saying that he’s not sure what he wants to be when he grows up. He was lucky enough to find the meaning of his life when he was younger but now that he’s looking at his next phase, he’s not sure what that path should be.

My kids worried about their lives when they were applying to colleges. They thought they had to have everything figured out BEFORE they left for school. They wanted their life in a neat, little bow but for most of us, that’s not the case.

But again, the movies show us a reality where everything comes together in the end so the expectation is there.

But what about the rest of us?

I was fortunate like my husband in that I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. In middle school, I had a wonderful teacher who inspired me. By the time I was in high school, I knew that teaching was my calling and English was my focus. I was always writing creatively but my desire was to teach literature.

Books were what I loved and books were my focus. I knew my passion.

My college applications were to schools where I could attend their education department. I flourished at my university where the majority of my classes were in English and many others were in teaching how to teach. I relished those classes where I was able to write creatively and not just spit out academic papers.

Eventually I created a vision board where I would get my degree and move to South America to teach English. Then I would take my hard-earned cash and relocate to Australia. All the while, I would do what I loved.

And then I met a boy.

I got my degree and tried to get a job in our new location. Coaching cheerleading got my foot in the door and then I was almost immediately offered employment as an ESL teacher. I took it hoping that it would turn into a high school teaching job. It did but then we moved again.

So I went back to school and to earn my master’s degree so I could teach English as a Second Language. I had thoroughly enjoyed the progress and happiness of my ESL students so I combined my desire for English into a new career; I found a new love from an old one.How I Found My Purpose

For 20 years I was doing what I reveled in. I taught speaking and listening to non-English speakers from all over the world. They felt my enthusiasm for my language and they absorbed it all. I was fortunate enough to work in university settings and I taught part-time so I could still be with my other loves – my kids. I was the happiest person on the earth.

Then one day, it wasn’t so fun anymore.

The desire to be in the classroom wasn’t there. And even though I had a position waiting for me at my new duty station, I couldn’t accept it. It became a job and not my career. And in education, that’s not fair to the students. There needs to be a passion or you aren’t helping them learn.

I knew I had to stop. I needed a break to find myself again.

My idea was that I would give back to my military community by volunteering but nothing ignited that spark. I had fun meeting new people but at times I felt like I was just going through the motions.

Then one day, I felt the urge to write again. So I did.

One story turned into two and two into three. Normally, I would keep my writing under wraps but this time I put myself out there. A friend who had done the same inspired me. I submitted my articles to a few publications. At first, I was discouraged because I heard crickets but then a response – someone wanted to publish me!

That affirmation was enough to help me focus my attention and to know that I had once again discovered my purpose. As I continued writing, I found that the words flowed easily and that it brought me joy. The desire showed in my work and it must have come through in the articles I wrote because from my hobby came a job offer!

This time my purpose wasn’t blatantly obvious. I tripped into it because I felt a tug and I let it lead me somewhere. But by doing so, I once again found what I was supposed to do with my life.

And that should be the lesson – your calling is out there; you just have to answer it. There may be busy signals or you may get disconnected but eventually the phone rings and you say “hello.”

Can you relate to Karen’s journey to find her purpose? Join the NextGen MilSpouse mailing list to stay in the loop about new articles, special events, giveaways and more! Click here to join today!

Why I Pushed Myself To Network When I Didn’t Feel Like Networking

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When I realized that I no longer wanted to teach and decided on a career in something else, I knew I needed help.

I mean, the only option left is business, right? But doing what? I had no goal, no path, no idea what I wanted to do so I did what most people do nowadays – I went online.

I was inundated with options. Where there used to be no focus on military spouse employment, now there are almost too many.

While I appreciate the effort, for a person who is floundering, it’s almost overkill. I was getting dizzy staring at the screen.

It seems like every major business wants to dip their toes in this pool and they’ve all sponsored an event. Or there are non-profits that have emerged to handle this area. On top of that, some were even started by military spouses. Which one is the right avenue for me?

Why I Pushed Myself To Network When I Didn't Feel Like Networking

Even doing a quick search online today, there are 3 major events happening in October alone. There’s MilspoCON 2017 that is a 2-day conference and retreat. Another 2-day boot camp is with the National Military Spouse Network (NMSN). Their summit will teach networking and give a toolkit to succeed. Both of those have registration fees and you may have to travel to get to them.

The third event is a Veteran and Military Entrepreneur conference and awards ceremony. That is a one-day affair with dinner but it’s free to military.

So you see, there are a plethora of options.

Initially, you could only go to your Airman & Family Readiness Center and take a class on updating your resume.

We are way past that now; there are free events and paid ones. You can attend all day or half-day events. You can travel and participate in a 4-day summit.

The one drawback to these networking events is that I would have to be in a room with dozens or more people I don’t know and for someone like me who hates crowds, it was an obstacle.

When I was ready to start my journey, I found a local Saturday event that touted itself as an intimate affair where spouses had a chance to share their stories.

The event was called “More Than A Spouse” and it was the brainchild of the National Military Family Association. The initial iteration was a Facebook party to bring together people from all over the world to discuss their goals and to encourage each other. The one-hour affair was a huge hit.

That morphed into a local event that was held at NMFA’s headquarters in Alexandria, Va. They followed it up with weekly videos that highlighted the paths that other military spouses had taken.

Eventually the demand was so great that it was given over to local volunteers to spearhead the event in their areas. The goal is “to connect diverse, professional milspouses in their own communities.” And that’s what drew me in.

I attended an event held in a bakery whose mission is to help disabled vets learn a skill. As I wandered into the upstairs room, I was greeted by spouses who were as timid as I was.

We all mingled, drank coffee and had some wonderfully baked cookies from downstairs. When it was time, we sat down and we each had a chance to tell our story.

It is wonderfully comforting to have a room full of people who understand what your struggles are and for you to be heard and validated.

As I spoke, I realized where I wanted my life to go. I had been writing for a few publications in my free time but now I saw that my passion was leading me to take the next step with it.

Our speaker talked about networking and how she used to do that by passing out her business card and essentially asking, “What can you do for me?” After attending some workshops, she eventually learned that networking was more about what she could do for them. That advice made the grueling task of networking seem less daunting. I took that to heart and left with a sense of confidence and a new plan for my life.

How to Create a 2nd Income for Your Military Family

Shortly thereafter, I attended a larger military spouse event and touched base with the editors of the publications I had submitted to. It was great to finally put faces with names and it was less scary since I’d already had a relationship with them, albeit one online. That interaction boosted my belief in my writing and myself. I hoped that one day my face-to-face interaction would result in MORE. And that ultimate goal would be a writing contract.

At the close of the day, I was approached by the editor here at NextGen and asked if I wanted to write for them. I was blown away.

Not in my wildest dreams did I think that something would happen so quickly.

But then again, we all know that life rarely goes as planned and in this case, it was for the better.

I would advise you to attend one of these networking functions. You don’t need to hit every single one but you might as well utilize the resources available to military spouses.

My networking has paid off and I have found my new path. And that path allows me flexibility as well as a creative outlet that I initially didn’t know I needed.

You never know what will happen when you put yourself out there.

How has your networking efforts paid off for you? We want to hear about it. Join the NGMS Happy Hour Facebook group to share your story and connect with other military spouses. Join today by clicking here. 

When You Want To Be A Social Justice Ally

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The special thing about military spouses is that, just like our service members, we hail from communities that reach across the entire United States of America (and even the world). We represent diverse races, religions and spoken languages. Our families practice different traditions, hold various perspectives and have lived unique experiences.

And as we travel across the nation with our service members we often get to see and live alongside more people and ways of life than the average person may encounter.

For many of us, these experiences strengthen or awaken a resolve to become a social justice ally or advocate in our communities.

So when tragedies or injustices strike we may feel like the crisis is “hitting close to home” even if we are thousands of miles away. We live all over the United States and world. We make friends that we may have never encountered, except through this military life. And at some point we come to realize that everyone does not have equal access to the freedoms and privileges our service members have committed to protect.

“When you have a basic level of empathy or sense of fairness it can be so disheartening to see people suffering and being unsure how you can help.”

Our physical communities and neighbors change countless times. But this doesn’t mean we can not find ways to work toward the ideas of liberty and equal protection under the law. In fact, no PCS has to be a barrier to advocating for the American ideas of justice and the “pursuit of happiness” for all.

When You Want To Be A Social Justice Ally

No matter where you currently reside here are 4 ways you can be a social justice ally.

Use Your Money To Be A Social Justice Ally

When a family has lost a member in an act of brutality, intolerance or hate they are not afforded the opportunity to only grieve their loved one. More often than not there is also the immediate concern of burial costs and legal fees (to fight against the injustice). A quick Google search can lead you in the right direction to find GoFundMe pages or memorial accounts where you can provide monetary support.

Additionally, regularly donating to organizations like the American Civil Liberties Union (ALCU) and Southern Poverty Law (SPL) ensures your funds go toward fighting injustices on a consistent basis.

Speak To Your Local Leaders As a Social Justice Ally

Contacting your elected officials to let them know your opinions can help pressure them into responding in a honorable fashion should tragedy strike your immediate community. Phone calls and emails are ways concerned citizens can make their leaders aware of their expectations.

Stand Up And Be A Social Justice Ally

When “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed by President Obama social justice allies everywhere rejoiced. Its repeal was the result of people from all walks of life speaking out and advocating for a fair and inclusive Armed Forces. Change begins when we decide to BE the change we want to see in our own lives and world.

You don’t have to be a member of a group or community in order to recognize their humanity and (quite possibly) your privilege. Don’t allow disparaging remarks to occur in your presence. People should not feel comfortable discriminating or tearing down others in front of you.

“Speaking up and standing out in your personal life matters.”

Volunteer To Be A Social Justice Ally

Military spouses are known for our dedication to volunteerism. Working to support the needs of individuals near and far is a tangible way to make a difference for someone else. You can also use websites like Volunteer Match to find more opportunities to volunteer for organizations with a passion for justice and human rights. If there are no local efforts underway consider organizing your friends and family around a mission that promotes equity in society.

Every day affords us the opportunity to be better, kinder and more useful humans. We can reflect on our lives and the lived experiences of others around us. How are they similar or different? We can listen to people when they tell us their life stories. We can choose to affirm, believe and support them.

Being a social justice ally means you are actively working toward creating a “more perfect union.”

In what ways are you working to spread justice, equity and kindness in our world?

“Find What You Love And Become Good At It.”

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NextGen MilSpouse is going beyond traditional career tips and tricks for military spouses! We are sharing the real stories of working military spouses (just like you!) and their professional success stories on Wednesdays.

Iwona Tanen, yoga studio owner

Name: Iwona Tanen

Years as a military spouse:

3

Tell us your job title/profession:

Yoga teacher and 575 Yoga Studio owner

Is this full-time, part-time, hourly, contract or freelance work?

Full time

How long have you been working in this career field?

3 years

Do you work in an office, telecommute from home (or Starbucks), or a little bit of both?

Both

Tell us one thing you love about your job.

I love teaching yoga because I love student-teacher interaction. Meeting new people who inspire me to be better at my job and hopefully I have an impact on their wellness too. I believe that yoga is not for the flexible, it’s for the willing. Anyone can do it, as long you know how to modify poses to your needs.

I love being a studio owner because it taught me so much! I learned how to be more assertive, speak my mind and have difficult conversations with others. I love creating a space where people can relax but also be themselves, just as they are.

How did you get this position? Was it a resume, referral, job fair? Spill your magic.

I started working at the studio shortly after it opened. It was previously owned by another military spouse, Geri Hall, who was a yoga teacher, and wanted to make a difference in our community.

A year after opening the studio, Geri had to PCS to Florida, and approached me about buying the studio. I accepted. I have been the studio owner since May 2016.

What is your No. 1 tip for a military spouse on the hunt for a job?

Networking and Airmen & Family Readiness Center. I found my first job in Clovis through AFRC and I found my yoga teaching job through networking and meeting people.

How do you feel about failure?

I like to think about failure as a life lesson. It is something you can’t avoid but if you can learn from it, you will grow as a person.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced while trying to maintain a career while living the military lifestyle?

Lack of opportunities in small, remote military bases. But if you can’t find it, create it! See the opportunity not the lack of.

There was no yoga studio in Clovis when I moved in here, and now we have a yoga studio, and growing yoga and wellness community!

What is the best piece of career advice you’ve ever received?

Find what you love and become good at it.

Who is in your support squad (i.e. spouse, neighbor, bff) and what role do they play in supporting your career?

My husband is my best supporter and biggest fan. He supports my efforts to be independent and have career on my own.

My friends are an incredibly important support system, especially when my husband is deployed. My family, although far away, provides much needed comic relief and great advice.

Do you and your spouse or partner split household tasks?

Yes, we split household tasks. If I cook, he would clean after dinner or if I would do laundry he would vacuum etc. Teamwork.

Share your best life-hack for saving time or sanity during the work week:

For saving sanity: meditation and yoga. My meditation practice makes me calm and centered. My yoga practice and workouts make me feel strong and capable.

Are you looking to connect with career-minded military spouses? Join one of In Gear Career’s 20+ local chapters around the world. In Gear Career is a part of Hiring Our Heroes and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation.

What’s your favorite app for making the most of your day?

Meditation Studio App and Spotify App

Must-have song on your productivity playlist?

Flawless by Beyonce

If you had an extra hour in your day, what would you do with it?

I would like to read more.

If you were a superhero, what would be your super power?

Teleportation. I would love to teleport myself to see my family and friends. My family lives in Poland and I have friends all over the world and it would be the easiest way to keep in touch.

Are you a working military spouse? Do you want to share your career tips and tricks? Fill out the MilSpouses Who Work It Q&A today. Click here to complete our form. 

My Unbelievable DITY Story

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by Patricia Neleski, Guest Contributor

Unicorns carried our household goods away in golden chariots.

Yep, I said it.

Because when I tell you the real story, you are just as likely to disbelieve it.

We did it ourselves and we’d do it again! Or rather, we used the Navy’s DITY move system for our final retirement move, instead of hiring a mover.

Even though DITY stands for Do It Yourself, we didn’t really do it ourselves.

We hired trusted friends to help us pack, babysit while we packed and then, we hired a military volunteer group to load our goods onto the trucks. At the other end we paid teens to help move everything into our final destination.

My husband took care of the financials for the move. He got receipts for all the labor and kept receipts for all our packing supplies, the truck rentals, everything! He is very thorough.

To say I enjoyed every part of our DITY move would be a lie.

To say I will never forget it, never regret it, is the absolute truth.

Ours was a big house, 5  bedrooms — we have 4 kids —  so it took a while. We started early on our own. For months, I saved large and small boxes and started going through our things, separating things into piles for a yard sale, stacks for the thrift store and setting aside special gifts to bequeath to friends and family. After we had settled on what would go and what would stay, we gave each of the kids boxes of different sizes and sharpies to begin packing their things.

The younger kids were reluctant at first, because every time something went into a box, they worried they might need it again before we got to our new home. So the boxes remained unsealed until the last day.

Then, Ed and I assembled our assist team.

My beloved neighbors and friends, Jennifer, Amy and Bianca, were there for parts of every day for 2 weeks. They took turns packing boxes, sweeping corners and babysitting. The small boxes proved very useful, as we packed small fragile items in small boxes and tucked them inside larger boxes for extra padding and to make the boxes easier to identify when we got to our new home.

On each box, I scrawled a complete list of what was inside the box. Recently, I found a holiday box tucked in the garage with this list: treasured homemade crèche, headless Joseph, Joseph’s head, hand crocheted angel, tinsel. This year, I promise, I will glue his head back on, but until then, I know where it is thanks to our thorough inventories!

My Unbelieveable DITY Story

In the midst of all the packing, my friends were in every inch of my house. They found the candy wrappers behind the rice in the pantry. Sorry about that!

And one day, I had to chase Jennifer out of my bathroom where she was scrubbing my toilet — I love you girl and that’s why you can’t scrub my toilets!

Closer to moving day, Ed contacted the Norfolk Naval Operations Base Chief Petty Officers Association and offered to hire the Chief Selectees, the group of new E7 CPOs preparing for their initiation, to help us pack the trucks. There were 3 trucks.

On moving day, the Chief Selectees showed up half an hour early, which I know is military for on-time. They were ready to start work, but suddenly I wasn’t.

As I stood in my house full of boxes, I grieved for the end of our old life and the beginning of the new one. “Stop, I’m not ready,” I wanted to scream.

Sure, we would all keep in touch, and text and call, but it would never again be the same. I knew that from a lifetime of military moves.

The empty freezer brought it all home to me: the day before I had given away the last of the food because it wouldn’t travel well. Empty freezer, empty house.

Things moved quickly after that — military people can pack a truck in a hurry!

At lunchtime, I looked up and the whole gang was back, with kids and dogs and covered dishes, and someone had fired up the barbecue grill. They had taken all my leftover food and cooked it! There was enough for everyone and we ate as we worked.

It wasn’t perfect, but that made it perfect. A dog threw up, a kid blew out a diaper, a neighbor complained we were blocking the driveway. (We weren’t!) The usual.

And when we got to our new home, I had one last surprise. Amy and Jennifer had tucked my tomato plants and rose bushes into the very last foot of space behind the rolling door.

The movers wouldn’t have done that.

Patricia NeleskiPatricia Neleski owns http://www.navyrackpacks.com an American company that provides privacy, storage, blackout curtains for Navy, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard seagoing personnel. Patricia also worked for several years as a journalist, as both a staff writer and freelance writer for the Virginian-Pilot. Her stories have appeared in HamptonRoads.com, Navy Times, Florida Times-Union, among others.

How I Gave Up Volunteering

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I want to start by telling you that I was volun-told to write this story.

Yes, you read that correctly.

When I told NextGen MilSpouse’s Managing Editor Michelle that I gave up volunteering she said, “You have to write about that!” So, I guess I haven’t totally given up volunteering?

Let’s start at the beginning. And by the beginning I don’t mean my life as a military spouse, I mean long before that.

Let’s go back to high school. I was that girl – student government, newspaper, dance team, NHS, tennis team and an outside student organization. Oh, plus school – including as many AP classes that I could take. How I didn’t drink coffee back then, I don’t know. But I was crazy involved with everything that I loved and that never stopped.

Fast-forward to my life as an Army wife. I jumped feet first into joining our FRG as a key caller and our base spouses’ club as newsletter editor, while working a full-time job, going through my first deployment, and starting graduate school. (Don’t worry, this time I had coffee.) Around that time I got this magnet.How I Gave Up Volunteering As a Military Spouse

To say that this is beyond accurate about my life is an understatement. I love helping others – be it family and friends, an organization that I care deeply about or just helping out my co-workers, that’s who I am.

So when life started overwhelming me during my husband’s reintegration, coupled with grad school, work, volunteering, social life, I cut back.

By cut back I mean I was treasurer for our FRG (which was less active thanks to the unit being home), attending grad school, and had switched to part-time work. I guess that I had really cut out spouses club duties (but still volunteered at special events when I could).

The next year, having finished grad school, I went back to my old habits – this time as co-leader of our FRG, newsletter editor of spouses club and working full-time.

By the time we PCSed the next year, I was EXHAUSTED.

I told my husband that I couldn’t do it all again. While I loved the friendships that I had made and the work I was doing because of my volunteering, it was time to focus on job hunting at our new duty station, oh and figure out what life would be like with a kid because we decided that we were ready to add that responsibility (I mean joy) to our life.

So just like that, my volunteering stopped.

Here’s how I did it.

How I Gave Up Volunteering As a Military Spouse

How I Gave Up Volunteering

Get Your Spouse On Board

This is the crucial first step. Not that my husband was volunteering me for everything already, but being the first line of contact for things like the FRG, him knowing that I didn’t want to take on more in my life right now meant that he didn’t have to say “Let me check but probably” when he was asked if I could volunteer.

Instead, when approached by his commander if I could help out, he said,

“I will double check but most likely not.”

This meant that yes, he would confirm with me, but most likely I would not be volunteering with his new unit.

Stay Firm In Your No

I joined our new base’s spouses club as a member and at my first luncheon they just happened to be starting board recruitment. They asked me if I would join the board. Fortunately my go-to job (newsletter editor) was already filled.

But, I also told them that we had just moved there and I was looking for a job and having a baby and just really didn’t know if I could take on more things. I didn’t want to commit to anything that I wasn’t sure that I could actually do.

If you volunteer a lot, you know that life happens and sometimes people volunteer and can’t make it, leaving you to scramble to find a new person. I’d rather not put someone in that position, so saying no upfront helped me set my boundaries and hopefully allow the organization to find someone that really can take on the job.

Know What You Are And Aren’t Willing To Do

I am still happy to cook something for a fundraiser or event and even volunteer at something if it fits into my schedule. These sporadic volunteer duties are great for my ever-evolving schedule. It allows me to be involved without doing something all the time.

It also means that I can say no when something really won’t work out. Like not working the late shift at an event because I know I can’t stay up that late or working a weekday event because of work. Being honest with yourself and the volunteer coordinator is key.

Don’t Feel Guilty

There are moments that I feel bad.

I really do.

I know how hard it is to find volunteers.

I love helping out these organizations.

I like being involved.

But at the end of the day, volunteering right now is just not in the cards for me. And I have to remind myself of that when I see those sign-up sheets.

Can I make it work? Not if I want to stay sane.

I know that I will volunteer again, but I just can’t do it now.

Focus On Your Priorities

My No. 1 priority after we PCSed was finding a job and having a baby. I knew that if I started filling my time with other things that something would fall to the side.

And, I knew that my job prospects were mostly the opposite direction from the base, so if I did make a long-term commitment, I’d be spending a lot of time in my car and it may be hard to juggle a new job and volunteering. So while I attended events for those organizations that I normally would be volunteering with, I spent my free time applying for jobs. For me, that was my priority.

Sure things could change, but I’m taking it one day at a time. I know that I will volunteer again, but for now I’m not. I stopped cold turkey and don’t regret it one bit.

How do you say no to volunteering?

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying Home

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Being a stay-at-home parent (SAHP) seems awesome from the outside in. It looks like it’s all sweet storytimes, cuddles on the couch, and baking brownies.

Let me tell you: it’s not.

I’ve been doing this SAHP gig since school got out last summer and it is not all sweetness and delight. A lot of my day is spent negotiating with my toddler over the necessity of holding hands on a busy sidewalk or injuring my feet on her Little People. Those bad boys are pointy!

It’s also been really hard for me to make this transition from full-time teacher to full-time stay-at-home parent while also trying to break into the writing world. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be doing this except for a weird one-year duty station.

It hasn’t been perfect some of the time or even most of the time. But along the way, there have been moments and things I did that helped me to fall in love with staying home.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying At Home

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Being a Stay-At-Home Parent

Create a Tribe

I found my tribe at Stroller Warriors. I’m an avid runner and had been dying to get into this group in our last hometown, but with work, weather and distance, it never worked out. Now, I have the time to go to every workout and have made some amazing friends to boot!

Your tribe can be found anywhere. I know that my neighborhood at our first duty station was really tight, so much so that no one thought anything of having impromptu doggie/child playdates midday. Use what you have: church, MOPS, Bible study, neighborhood friends or workout groups. Get contact info and be open to new adventures.

Be Patient, Be Kind

When life is controlled by an opinionated toddler, life moves in interesting ways and directions. So no, you won’t always get that 2-hour block in the middle of the day to “adult,” but you will be able to re-watch your favorite movies from childhood frequently.

Kids are also learning so much about life and how they act and react is based on us. Being patient with my child and myself has been a huge stumbling block and learning opportunity for me. I’ve had to learn how to communicate effectively using minimal big words. I’ve also learned the power of the “Mommy Time-Out.” Seriously, Momma needs a minute.

I also know that I am not perfect at parenting. I get angry, frustrated and tired like everyone else. But tomorrow is another day and I get to try again to be the best mother I can be right now.

Explore Together

Wherever you are, it seems that there is never enough time to truly explore. When you day is scheduled around meals and naps, there is a little more time and flexibility to get out of the house. Plus, doing stuff creates tired children, and tired children nap.

There are sure to be parenting blogs or websites that show cool places to go with your littles. If not, ask around in your new circle of friends.

I love to see different places with my tot in tow. It makes me slow down and appreciate the moment just a little bit more.

Relish The Lack of Crowds

The other day, we went to a local nature and animal preserve for the morning. This place is usually a big attraction where we are, but it was almost empty! We showed up on a Wednesday, right after it opened. With bigger kids at school and adults at work, it was just us and a handful of tourists.

Without crowds, those big-time attractions become suddenly more manageable. Since almost no one was there, my kiddo had free range to explore along the sidewalks and paths, to stop and look at the animals, or to pick up 1,000,000 rocks.

Become More Mindful

As a classroom teacher, I always had a very strict schedule to attend to. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to really stop and smell the roses.

My mindset must still be the same, because I keep trying to hurry my child through our day. She wants to inspect some rocks and I just want to get to the final destination.

This year has reminded me that the journey is just as important as the destination. So if a kid wants to splash in puddles for hours on end, and it’s safe to do so, let her.

It is so easy to get frustrated and mad about the slow pace. But I am trying to stop and sit and let her be little as long as I can.

Savor The “I Love You” Moments

My favorite moments are the ones that are pure sweetness. I love when my baby climbs into my lap and asks for one more story. Or when she hugs me tightly and rests her head on my shoulder before she runs off to keep playing. My favorite moments each and every day are the ones when she says “I love you, Mommy.”

I know that as she grows into a big kid, then a tween, teen and finally an adult, those whispered “I love you’s” and sticky kisses will become fewer and farther between.

Right now, I get to savor them all day, every day. If I could bottle those moments up and keep them forever, I would.

Grab This Extra Time Together

Youth is so fleeting and fast. I know that I have no idea where the last 2 years went at all. Seriously, how is it 2017 already? But this year of staying home has given me the chance to create traditions, memories and a strong bond with my child. I know I will never get this age or stage back with her, and I have been afforded the opportunity to really treasure it.

So I’m trying to slow down, take my time, be patient with both of us, and enjoy these days staying at home with my baby.

Before I know it, we will move again and I might return to work again; my currently small kiddo will grow bigger and bigger, and need me less and less.

It has definitely taken me some time, and not just a few growing pains, but I have fallen in love with being a stay-at-home parent.

Do you love being a stay-at-home parent? What are your favorite aspects of this role? 

5 Tips For Riding The Roller Coaster Of Military Life

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Military life has its ups and downs.

It’s a common comparison that military life resembles a roller coaster. Not to mention that roller coasters give you all kinds of different emotions while waiting for and throughout the ride.

There is all this anticipation and build up for a couple minutes of madness. I’m a sucker for roller coasters because I enjoy the thrill, but still get nervous every once in awhile, even if I’ve already been on the ride before.

I think that can be said about military life too. No matter how many times you experience a PCS or a deployment, it doesn’t mean it gets any easier.

With that said, military life can be scary AND exciting at the same time. Don’t you agree?

There are some thrill rides that go from zero to 60 mph in seconds, which can equate to short orders. Then, there are the ones that start slow and clicks upward for the steep drop. I like to think the ticking upward is time spent waiting for orders and after you reach the peak…whoosh…it’s time to PCS!

Can’t we all relate with that?

Similarly to riding roller coasters, there are certain tips that frequent riders practice to help ease the experience. Military spouses should be ready for the military life roller coaster! I was lucky because I had a military spouse mom that was able to give me a little insight to the ride. Now with personal experience, I’m able to add some valuable insight of my own to the list.

Get Comfortable! 5 Tips For Riding The Roller Coaster Of Military Life

How I Ride The Roller Coaster Of Military Life

Buckle Up And Expect The Unexpected

As an avid roller coaster rider, I like to spend some time watching a roller coaster go through a few times to gauge the experience. For example, I see 2 drops, 3 inverted twists and the speed don’t seem to go that fast…well, it’s different to actually sit in the seat and go through the motions yourself. You really have no idea how your body is going to handle a ride once you ride it.

That’s why you go into a ride to expect the unexpected. It’s typically one of the first advice given to newbie military spouses too.

How many times have things changed last minute? I’ve run out of fingers and toes to count.

Get Comfortable

I don’t know about you, but I feel like things go smoothly when I’m comfortable. When you go to a theme park to enjoy the day, you don’t wear your heels and a tight dress (at least I don’t).

Your comfort level is definitely determined by your situation. So, gear up and get ready for the challenge ahead in your best productive outfit and mindset.

Getting comfortable doesn’t only mean clothing. Once you get your comfy on, settle into the seats of the roller coaster, just like you would settle into military life. You might as well be as comfortable as you can be when you’re being tossed around!

Brace For Twists And Turns

Roller coasters typically have special hand rails or grips for riders to use. In addition, the staff reminds you to keep all hands and feet in the train car. Do the same with military life. Listen to experts around you and be sure you keep any extremities (i.e. belongings, children, sanity, etc.) in check while the ride is in motion.

Staying safe and smart is very important with military life – and all life, really. You have a wealth of resources and a knowledgeable community filled with experts, so don’t be afraid to ask questions too.

Go All In

Do it all. At least, do as much as you can and/or comfortable in doing. I like to think that I’ll try and get involved in anyway possible. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, so confide to your spouse, friends and family. They can offer some third-party insight.

It’s OK to be scared. Don’t let that limit yourself in your journey (easier said than done!). The sooner you embrace the situation the easier things do get.

Don’t Forget To Have Fun

I scream my head off on roller coasters. It’s not because I’m terrified. I do so to take in the experience. If I’m going to be strapped down and inverted at 60 mph, I’m entitled to get crazy!

The lifestyle is nuts when you really think about it. Moving around every 2 to 3 years, frequent separations, 24-hour duty situations…the list goes on and on.

Even with all the nuttiness going on, military life can be fun and don’t forget that. I love that I’m able to meet so many amazing people everywhere. You get to see a world from a different and humbling perspective.

How do you ride the roller coaster of military life? 

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