I actually get this question quite a bit when other military spouses meet me. Immediately followed by, “But you don’t NEED to work.” While it is true that having a job where I can work from home, or a flexible one that allows me to take off any time I want to is a nice luxury that some can afford; I require a career to be fulfilled. It’s just how I function, and everyone functions differently.
I started my career path before I met my husband. Long before we even went on our first date, I had a life plan. A life plan that included working in Marketing and doing all of the fun things that young professionals do: networking meetings, happy hours, serving on committees…you get the idea.
In fact, my drive to succeed in my professional life is one of the things that attracted my husband to me. We had a drive to pursue our own career paths and be involved in our own activities.
We fell in love. I advanced in my job. We got married. He advanced in his job. Picture perfect.
And then it happened: Our PCS assignment came through. I knew it was inevitable, but I had almost blocked it out of my mind as something I’d have to deal with “eventually.”
Eventually came, and I was faced with a choice: quit my job and have a setback in my career to follow my husband, or stay where I was and continue with the career in which I had spent so much time and effort to advance.
It was a tough decision, but in the end, I chose to move with my husband and attempt start over in the job market.
At first it was difficult. I did not play the “housewife” role very well. I was simply not good at it, especially when I was used to working 50-70 hours a week (and having a steady paycheck) doing something I absolutely loved. I found a few volunteer jobs that passed the time, and some freelance work to help me contribute financially to our little family, but ultimately, I longed for the office and responsibilities that I gave up at our previous location.
I eventually found a new job, and it’s almost perfect. I didn’t settle for something that didn’t fit with my life plan. It took a lot of searching (repeat… A LOT of searching) but I feel that I’m back on track, professionally. While it was important to me to be a good wife and to be supportive of my husband, it was also very important that I not lose myself and give up on my goals.
By not giving up my life plan, I am a better wife and friend. I am happier.
It works for me and it works for us. In a few years, I know we’ll face the same dilemma the PCS. I’ll end up starting over again, but I will have more knowledge and experience, an amazing portfolio, and a pretty good referral helping me along the way.
So, to answer the question: Yes. I do work outside the home, because it is important to me. I feel compelled to work, because that is part of what fulfills me. It is possible to have a career and work toward my goals and dreams while supporting my husband and moving every few years. It is difficult at times, but manageable.
I know I’m not the norm, but I’m also not alone. Many spouses juggle careers, families, and the stresses of military life. Finding what works for you is the key. Finding what makes you happy, fulfilled, and the best person you can be is key. For me, that is working “outside” the home.
Meg
Latest posts by Meg (see all)
- “So You Work ‘Outside’ The Home?” Having a Life Outside of the Military - December 19, 2012
I think it’s great that you are so passionate about your career that you were willing to work hard to pursue it despite the obstacles presented by the Army.
I worked as a teacher until we PCSed. Where I’m at now, the job market is no bueno, so I’m doing the housewife thing. It has been a strange change. I never imagined that I wouldn’t work. Nor did I imagine that my main “job” would be cooking dinner. I have pretty much come to terms with it now, and it helps to know that it’s temporary. (I also don’t call myself a housewife; I’m a “home economist.” Go with what works, right?)
I’m really, really glad that I worked while my husband was deployed, and I’d suggest that other spouses consider it. It kept me busy, I had coworkers to lean on, it gave me purpose, and it was at a time that I really needed those things.*
I agree with Army Amy*. It is great to have a passion other than your family. Family can be your passion along with other things as well. I was a Management Analyst with the federal government before we PCS’d too. And just like Army Amy*, the job market is horrible so I am doing the stay-at-home thing too. I am not working on my master’s while here so maybe next PCS I will be more marketable.
Good Luck and great article!
Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with both you and Amy as well. We are all multidimensional individuals and we have to embrace and honor our many passions!
I am in the exact same position, and it’s driving me mad. My husband was transferred to Central America, and it has been an extremely hard transition. I quit my job October 2011, while my husband deployed to Iraq, to start a business that could sustain me when we PCSed down range.
Problem was/is, I wasn’t able to build up a very large client base. (D*mn it Jim, I’m a marketer, not a salesman!)
While I like to pretend I have a job, it’s been a tough transition.
I have to say, on the flip side, those of us who are career oriented sometimes forget how much of a full-time job being a stay-at-home mom can be. A few months back I turned to someone and asked, “Does she have a real job?” in front of a stay-at-home mom. I couldn’t believe that it came out of my mouth.
Thank you for this post! I’ve found it a little difficult as a working milspouse to find others who I can relate to. Also my husband and I don’t have kids yet so I often get the “Why don’t you quit your job and start a family?” Which is not only extremely uncomfortable but also infuriating! Like you I worked hard for my degree in a field I LOVE, and working is more rewarding to me than anything else. It helps me feel like I’m an equal in our relationship, helps me stay sane because I’m not cooped up at home all day waiting for my husband to get home, and is my way of meeting people who share my interests. We are waiting orders for our next PCS so I’ll soon be facing what you just went through… I am only hoping I will be able to find a job where ever we end up next!
Anna, we are so glad that you like and can relate to this post! Welcome to the NextGen MilSpouse community!
Wow I feel like I wrote this!! Your story is so similar to mine. I love it! You go girl