The third member of our marriage – the Army – adds some unique challenges to my marriage.
Separation is a part of military life, but we don’t get a timeline when we tie the knot.
Moving is part of military life, but we don’t get to pick the duty station.
Community is part of military life, but we may find it challenging to find a new best friend at every post.
The constant transitions and challenges of military life can take a toll on both the military spouse and the service member. The stress may put a strain on your relationship.
That’s why it’s important to sit down with your spouse to have a conversation about your marriage. It’s a sort of annual performance review, like you have at your job with your supervisor, and marriage experts say annual marriage performance reviews could save your marriage.
Week 39 Challenge: Have a marriage performance review
Challenge Details: Schedule a time to sit down with your spouse to have a marriage performance review. This review is simply a way to check in with your spouse. It’s an opportunity to share your feelings and frustrations about your marriage in an open and honest way. You can also use this time to set goals as a couple.
Your Deadline: October 3. But, if your service member is away, I’ll give you some leeway, just get it done ASAP!
Bonus Points if you post a photo of you and your spouse having your marriage performance review on Instagram or Twitter.
Here are the 3 steps for your marriage performance review.
Review Your Marriage Separately
No matter where you are in your relationship, a marriage performance review can be beneficial. Start by downloading and printing 2 copies of NextGen MilSpouse’s Relationship Performance Review. Give one to your significant other.
In a marriage performance review, you evaluate your spouse’s performance on a 5-point scale from strongly disagree to strongly agree. There are 5 categories, including parenting, to review. If you don’t have kids, just skip that one.
Reflect on these statements and your responses before meeting with your spouse.
Time to Get Real. Share Your Thoughts and Feelings
You and your spouse won’t know what’s been working or not working in your marriage without a marriage performance review. Spend this time together talking about your answers to the marriage performance review. Celebrate what is working in your marriage. Then discuss ways that you can work together to make improvements in the next year.
Keep an Open Mind
After sharing your feelings about yourself, your spouse and your marriage, it’s time to move forward and incorporate what you learned in your marriage performance review to strengthen your marriage.
The point of the marriage performance review is to make sure you both know what each other is thinking and feeling. You’ve already made it here, so I’m sure there is much more to look forward to, even with the military casting shadows of doubt and uneasiness every now and then.