I’ll never fly Space-A. Never. It’s too unpredictable for my travel control freak nature. I’ve heard too many horror stories. Maybe it’s your Space-A travel disaster story. It’s the one about the military spouse and her 3 children under the age of 4 stuck in Guam for 7 days and eventually paying for a one-way ticket to San Francisco.
The adventurous side of me is infatuated with the allure of Space-A travel. But the logical and louder side of me realizes that Space-A will never be an option for me. Never.
This month at NextGen MilSpouse, we are asking military spouses to focus on the word “never.” Think about each time in the past month that you’ve casually or seriously said “never.”
How many times have you stated a firm commitment only to hear a friend remark “Never say never?”
Nod your head if you’ve heard or said one of the following statements:
- My husband will never be a Geo-Bachelor.
- I’ll never be a stay-at-home dad.
- I’ll never yell at my neighbors.
- I will never accept that job unless they offer me a 5 percent pay raise.
- I will never spend Christmas away from my parents.
- My children will never switch schools in the middle of the year.
- I’ll never live overseas.
- We could never adopt children.
- I will never join the spouses club.
- I will never do a DITY move again.
- We will never stay in the military for 20 years.
- I will never be pregnant when my husband is deployed.
- I will never finish my bachelor’s degree.
Are you nodding? Or are you shaking your head?
Should Military Spouses “Never Say Never?”
Never is an absolute. Never is saying that there is not 1 percent of a possibility. Not 1. Anyone who has been in the military for more than 1 minute knows that possibilities are always evolving.
Never confuse movement with action. –Ernest Hemingway
Consider the history of homosexuals in our military. They were not allowed to serve their country until the appeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in 2011. They were the never. Not anymore. Now gays and lesbians are serving openly alongside their fellow soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines. Our LGTBQ community of Military Spouses finally and officially have a voice, too.
Consider the disabled veterans who are told by doctors that they were never walk again. Yet, every day, these same veterans, against all odds, take their first steps. Their movements spit in the face of never.
Consider the military spouse who is told that she’ll never get her dream job. Find a practical job that moves with the military, the employment specialist advised her. Instead of ditching her career goals, she dedicates herself to becoming self-employed. Never again will she hear “We would love to hire you, but we want someone who will be here for the long haul.”
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. –Harvey Fierstein
There is never a perfect time to be an entrepreneur. There is a never a stress-free separation. There is never good time to say goodbye.
Does this mean we should eliminate “never” from our vocabulary? Never, I say. There are many moments when we should be committed to saying “no,” especially when it involves unethical practices in our workplaces. In those cases, we should always say never.
This month at NextGen MilSpouse, our bloggers will be sharing insight, wisdom and humor on moments when they said “never.” They will tell us what they learned from saying never and if they will never say never again.
Pour yourself a cup of coffee and be prepared to debate with the other military spouses as we explore the positive and negative outcomes of saying “never.”
How many times have you said “never” only to eat your words later?