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Confession: PCSing Is Bad For My Health

April 2, 2018 By Karen Poisson 1 Comment

There are many reasons people complain about PCSing. Some comment that the moves comes too frequently. Others bemoan the time and energy involved. Still more note that their household goods get ruined. Me? I find that I’m failing to take care of myself.

That’s why I’m declaring that PCSing is bad for my health!

I went to the doctor the other day for an issue with my foot. It had been a problem for a long while, so I finally did the grown-up thing and called to get an appointment. While there, I realized that my birthday was coming up and so I should probably schedule a mammogram. The first question they ask you is, “When was your last one?” I replied that it was last May. I thought I was doing pretty well considering it was October. But when the receptionist asked where I last had the procedure done, I realized that it was at our last base. And that means that it was more than a year and a half ago.

When I'm PCSing, there are WAY more pressing things to do than to find a doctor or schedule a dentist appointment.

The realization dawned on me that this is not the first time that my health care has gone by the wayside.

Every time I move, there are more pressing things to do than to find a doctor.

Where is the grocery store? Down the street. Is it closer than the commissary? Is it worth the drive? Starbucks? Gotta find the closest one!

But ultimately, I know that first and foremost is unpacking my household goods. I find myself putting items away at a blistering speed. I hate the sight of all those boxes and paper lying around the house. By the weekend, I’m pestering my spouse to hang pictures and curtains. If I had my way, every box would be unpacked by that first weekend.

Then I must enroll the kids in school. With that comes all the secondary tasks to go along with it. If it’s the summer, I have to still buy school supplies and new clothes. Like many of us, I wouldn’t buy notebooks and pencils beforehand because that’s just one more thing to pack or keep track of. Then there’s the job of keeping them occupied while I wait for school to start.

I also need to schedule THEM for a school physical and that is a herculean task considering all of the students who have been at our new location have scheduled their exam much earlier so the pickings are slim at the base hospital. Do I dare try a walk-in clinic or do I rearrange all those well-laid summer plans to take the first available appointment? Each time it seems like I make the wrong choice but c’est la vie! Check that box off!

Next on my list is finding a dentist for the family. Here is where I find I can put myself in the mix. But of course, there are no appointments for a month out. Add that to the fact that it took a month or two to get to this point in my PCS move and I’m now three to four months past my regularly scheduled time.

But hey, that’s better than a year and a half, right?

Now the kids are in school, the house is unpacked, and I can go on with my life. When I worked full-time, the days were occupied with that and when I was done, I’d fill the rest of my time with the kids and their activities. Working part-time usually meant that I clocked in, worked, clocked out and then ran errands or volunteered until it was time for the kids to come home from school. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I filled my days with tasks that revolved around the kids.

In each scenario, I was my last priority.

Even though I nagged my spouse to see a physician at every issue, I didn’t do the same. Nor did I worry about yearly physicals for him since he is required to do so. I marked that as a small victory; I wasn’t responsible for that task.

I nag my spouse to see a doctor, but I don’t schedule an appointment for myself.

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When I'm PCSing, there are WAY more pressing things to do than to find a doctor or schedule a dentist appointment.

Just like the NyQuil commercial that says “Moms don’t take sick days,” I don’t take sick days. And since I don’t take time off for colds, I don’t go to the doctor often. That translates into never calling the doctor’s office.

Milspouses don’t get sick days — especially during a PCS.

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And that means that I forget to make appointments for my well-being.

The only positive result of my neglect is that the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommend that you get a pap smear every three years. But I can’t get too excited. They still require that I see my OB every year. My little victory is still a failure.

The moral of my tale is don’t be like me.

Moving around the country or the world is a great experience and I need to be healthy to enjoy it.

Next time I PCS, the order of importance is: Find a Starbucks, call the doctor, and then get to the commissary! (I can only improve so much.)

Filed Under: Articles, Military Lifestyle, PCS, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: Air Force spouse, Confessional, military life, pcs, women's health

Renew You, MilSpouse-Style

November 16, 2017 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

 

3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You

Courtesy of Legacy Magazine

Registration is now open for the 2018 Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You! NextGen MilSpouse is a proud sponsor. We invite you to join us March 5-11 to find balance before burnout with a week of wellness from the comfort of your own home.

by Evie King, Guest Contributor

Are you ready for some pie-in-the-sky dreaming? Are you ready to relax and renew, milspouse-style?

In a world that is always go-go-go (and as military and first responder spouses, we know you totally get that), we wanted to adjust things accordingly. If you’re looking for a whole week of wellness, this is your chance to dream big, chill out and get inspired.

No stress.

No travel.

No need for child care or missed work.

The 3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You is presented by InDependent, Military Benefit Association and Corie Weathers. This year we’re addressing the issue of burnout.

(Yes, that feeling we’ve all had at some point in our life or maybe you are experiencing it right now.) As military and first responder spouses we’re used to being everything to everyone and it can be difficult to spend time recharging and getting inspired.

We are proud sponsors of the #MilSpouse Wellness Summit Mar 5-10. A virtual wellness retreat!…

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You matter.

For your family.

For your health.

For you to continue to do what you love long into the future.

You deserve to relax without guilt and renew you because you’re able to fully care for others when you take care of yourself first. Remember that and treat-yo-self!

3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You

Courtesy of Legacy Magazine

Why should you register for the 3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You?

  • Doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. (Regular admission is FREE or snag the early bird VIP special!)
  • No expensive flights, hotels or meals to pay for.
  • You won’t miss a single day of work. (Keep those vacation days for something special!)
  • Your plans can’t be affected by any military-related cancellations like PCSs or TDYs.
  • Easy access through your computer, smartphone,or tablet. (Instead of having you come to us, we’re bring things to Y-O-U.)
3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You

Courtesy of Legacy Magazine

Hear from 10 experts, including Liz Wolfe, Tiffany Smiley and Gretchen Rubin among others, who will provide practical ideas, support and inspiration to keep you motivated and balanced in both mind and body. Before the event, you’ll even receive a complete how-to guide on how to prepare for your in-home retreat!

3rd annual Military Spouse Wellness Summit: Renew You

You won’t want to miss it. Register here for your week of wellness made easy!

#TreatYoSelf to a week of wellness from the comfort of your own home @independent_org @CorieLpc…

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Enter to win a VIP ticket here which includes access to a VIP only Facebook group, daily giveaways, an opportunity to win an all-expense paid trip, exclusive workouts, and more. All from the comfort of your own home.

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Evie KingEvie is a military spouse from New Jersey currently living in Fayetteville, N.C. She loves finding new places to explore and is always looking for the next adventure! When she’s not at her day job, she is a Project Manager for a milspouse owned small business, is the Community & Operations Manager for InDependent, and performs in live theater productions. During her limited free time you will find Evie reading novels, trying out new recipes, shopping local, getting coffee with a friend or spending as much time as possible with her husband.

 

Filed Under: Articles, Events, Monthly Theme, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: burnout, contest, dealing with stress, empowerment, mental health, military resources, Military Spouse Wellness Summit, treat yo self

Having Fun Is Good For Your Soul And Your Mind

November 6, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

 

by Jamie Mari, Guest Contributor

Being a military spouse is already difficult enough. Then you throw work, school, kids and deadlines in the mix? No wonder they say this isn’t for everybody…It takes a strong human being to go through what we do on a daily basis, but we do it.

We do it because we love our significant other and our country. We do it because we are built for it. But we are also built for a little fun now and then.

Military spouses often work hard but we should play hard too.

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Having Fun Is Good For Your Soul And Your Mind

Whether it’s a girls night or heading off to the spa or going on a weekend trip, we owe it to ourselves to take a break from this consuming life we have. Even though we love what we do and it empowers us every day, you got to know when to take a chill pill.

Here are 10 reasons you might need a dose of fun in your life.

  1. If those stress headaches you keep getting are taking a toll on you.
  2. It’s in your boss’s best interest because if he/she gives you one more unrealistic deadline you’re going to lose it on him or her.
  3. If your kids say “you look tired” on a weekly basis.
  4. If you can’t remember the last time you went out and had a drink with a friend.
  5. If your idea of “fun” is getting to leave work early because the A/C in the building is broken.
  6. You lay awake at night worrying about everything you have to do the following day.
  7. You have too many unused vacation days.
  8. If your friends have told you “I don’t understand how you do it” over 10 times.
  9. If you feel like you need to blow off some steam because your lazy co-worker messed up again.
  10. If you just want to.

You have now realized that it’s high time you have some fun. Here are some things for you to keep in mind when you’re letting loose.

No, you do not have to drink alcohol in order to have fun, but more power to you if you do. Reassure yourself that this is OK and completely normal. Let your significant other know that you are going out because they will be worried but happy that you’re finally doing something for yourself.

Don’t try to plan everything out, because when something screws up your work mind will kick in and drive you crazy. Just go with the flow.

Under no circumstances do you utter the word “work.” This is not a time nor place for that kind of conversation.

If your kids say “you look tired” on a weekly basis, you need a night out for fun.

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Now, you may think that “having fun” and “going out” means going to the bar and getting bonkers drunk, that is not the case. If that’s what you want to do then by all means do it.

But for those who prefer a less crowded and loud scene, pack up for the weekend and go somewhere. Take that trip you always said you were gonna take when you were in high school.

Go to the spa, go out to dinner at the fanciest place you can find.

Have a poker night. Go hiking. Learn how to do something new.

Once you realize you are free to do what you want is when euphoria sets in and you become that free spirit you always knew was in you somewhere. Yes, we chose this life but who says we can’t let loose and act a little crazy.

It is good for your soul and mind.

Doing this will save you from going berserk on the next person that looks at you the wrong way, because you’re down to your last straw.

Look at fun as your therapy. Get in a different head space and put all the things you normally think about at the back of your mind.

Here are 10 things you can do to have a good time.

  1. Call up your ladies/lads and go camping
  2. Splurge on a shopping trip and a massage
  3. Try that hobby you always wanted to but never had time for
  4. Have a dinner party
  5. Plan a trip to meet face to face with your favorite animal
  6. Buy those concert tickets you’ve always wanted
  7. Go skydiving (adrenaline junkies only)
  8. Try a new restaurant
  9. Rent a cabin for the weekend
  10. Do some karaoke

Do whatever you want. This is about you for once. This is about you keeping your sanity.

Having Fun Is Good For Your Soul And Your Mind

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Taking a break from working so much. Giving yourself something to look forward to. There is nothing wrong with it and it is perfectly normal.

You will thank yourself one day.

Being strong and independent becomes so natural for us, sometimes we lose sight of how short life is. You don’t wanna wake up one day when you’re finally where you always wanted to get and think “was it worth it?”

We already make so many sacrifices, our happiness should not be one.

We all love what we do and killing it is definitely one of the things we love to do. But know when it’s time to take a step back and take a breather because there is nothing wrong with it.

And your kids, boss, co-workers and loved ones will thank you for it in the long run.

Jamie MariMy name is Jamie Mari. I’ve been with my now husband for 5 years and married one year. I am 23 years old and work as an operations assistant  in Alabama. I am going through my first deployment right now and my job keeps me extremely busy, which I love. I love my husband and my wonderful life.

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: adult fun, Army spouse, dealing with stress, deployment, empowerment, Just Say Yes, mental health, military spouse, working military spouse

Why I Said ‘No’ To Untreated Depression

October 30, 2017 By LaQueshia Jeffries Leave a Comment

 

 

Why I Said 'No' To Untreated Depression

I’ve always been a pretty serious-minded person. Even as a child I was contemplative and had a steady internal dialogue running. I worried about a lot. Safety, family finances, relationships and just general fretting about what the future would hold consumed many of my waking thoughts.

Sleep has always been hard to come by. And nightmares about the terrible things that would befall me or my family were frequent.

This is not to say that I never experienced joy or pleasure, because I most certainly did. Like many children of the 80s I danced to Whitney Houston and Micheal Jackson. I wore big ugly sweaters and used cassette tapes to record my favorite songs from the top 10 lists on the radio stations.

But the fact that there were so many unknowns and variables in my life did not help my little anxious mind find peace.

I did not know it then, but as an adolescent and teen, depression and anxiety were already my bedfellows.

Fast-forward a few decades, lived experiences and choices and I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed young military spouse with a brand new infant in the middle of Kansas.

Life comes at you fast and looking back I now realize just how often I was operating under a fog of depression in my teens, 20s and early 30s. But I was smart, determined and ambitious. I could just busy myself and work to ignore everything else.

Over time things we do not address or heal have a way of metastasizing.

My husband and I continued growing our family and exploring America via his Army career. And eventually I was able to return to school and complete my degree. We met so many friends and experienced countless opportunities, but I still felt I could never truly enjoy anything. I could not understand what was wrong with me.

Why did I keep feeling worse, even as our material lives got better?

As I tried different haircuts, hobbies and pursuits to feel better I realized I was just straight up depressed.

The funny thing is I immediately blamed myself for not being able to get a handle on it. Please take my advice, do not under any circumstances listen to your depressed self say depression is your fault.

Thankfully right at the outset of my 30s I realized that I could take steps to address my ongoing depression.

About 5 years ago I decided talk therapy was a necessity just to process the swirl of emotions I constantly felt. I called Military OneSource and spoke to someone who helped me get into therapy within a week or two.

Gradually I began to be more honest with my health care providers about my feelings and slowly started on a path to some healing.

I wish that I could say this process was overnight, but my journey to acknowledge and treat my depression was and is an ongoing process with fits and starts.

Because I have a beautiful family complete with a caring spouse and healthy sons I’ve felt a tremendous amount of shame that I still struggle to feel “happy.”

The belief that I needed to try harder or move on or trust God instead of actively seeking treatment from mental health professionals contributed to prolonging my pain versus supporting my growth.

I had to get comfortable with the fact that even as I accomplished my goals, pursued my career and raised my family…I still was NOT OK.

Depression takes many forms and for me no amount of bubble baths, glasses of wine, college degrees or friends could shake my general unhappiness or sense of foreboding.

Recognizing and acknowledging depression in myself required me to look at my food choices, friend choices, the media I consume and how I navigate relationships. I have to be sensitive about my sh*t, because my body is going to let me know one way or another.

Therapy is a must for me and I recognize the privilege it is to be able to regularly seek and receive support.

Living with untreated depression determined so many responses and choices for me for so long. I am still reveling at being able to take a long view of my short life and consider how this has impacted so much of my life.

If you think you (or someone you know) may be dealing with depression it’s time to say “no” to the status quo.

At the very least talk to your doctor about what’s going on. Healing from/with depression or trauma is not a wham-bam deal. It takes time and tenacity.

Discovering appropriate treatment and sticking with it even when you begin to feel better is a learning process.

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: Army spouse, Confessional, dealing with stress, depression, Just Say No, mental health, military life

The Joy of Cooking for One

September 18, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

 

By Diane Norwood, MS, RD, CDE, Guest Contributor

Your service member has left for yet another deployment and you’re left holding the (grocery) bag, wondering, “Why should I bother cooking for one?”

The thought of subsisting on cereal and wine sounds great right about now.

If you’re the main chef in your family and your spouse leaves, you may feel some relief from having to cook. On the other hand, if your resident chef just deployed, you may feel despair and, well, hunger. And in either case, you may feel compelled to drown your sorrows a little bit. Go ahead and defer full-time “adulting” temporarily.

But after about a week, it’s time to pull yourself together. Your mental and physical health depends on it, and cooking for one can help!

As you may know, going through the motions of a normal routine, while maybe even improving upon it — and getting real therapy from a trained professional if you need help — is a far more productive and healthy use of your alone time.

Embracing the Positive Opportunities

There are definite deployment struggles when we have careers, schedules, properties and/or families to manage without the usual tag-team help of our spouse. Is it just me, or do houses, cars and children seem to have more problems that need fixing during these times? But somehow, one day at a time, we get through these challenges.

And when we look on the bright side, we can embrace endless opportunities for personal growth when we are suddenly blessed with the gift of more free time to spend however we choose. We may spend “bonus” free time on a big sewing project that covers the dining room table for months, a long overdue girls’ trip or even a simple reorganizing project that always gets put on the back burner.

The Joy of Cooking for One

The Best Self-Improvement Project: Cooking for One

Frankly, few opportunities for self-improvement are as challenging and yet worthwhile as your health. Cooking real-food meals for yourself is one of the best ways to spend time on your mental and physical health during your spouse’s absence. (Exercise is a close second!) There are many ways cooking for one is beneficial:

  • It provides less processed, real food.
  • It is mindful, which means you are planning ahead to eat healthy.
  • It establishes healthy eating habits over time, which may improve your health.
  • It saves money, which can minimize stress.
  • It offers psychological benefits, such as feelings of independence and accomplishment.
  • It can be creative and fun!

Of course, there are challenges cooking for one. But sometimes I think it’s easier.

When my spouse is gone, I like to try new recipes without the pressure of possible epic fails, savor foods my spouse might not typically eat, and reap the benefits of leftovers for days – which frees up time for other things I enjoy doing!

To make cooking for one during deployments as easy as possible, I asked 2 military spouse dietitians to contribute their best ideas along with mine. Because you are, indeed, worth the effort it takes to cook for one!

10 Tips for Cooking for One

Stock your kitchen with easy, real foods and keep it simple. Sometimes people say they can spend $100 at the store and still have “nothing” on hand to make a meal. If you really have no real-food ingredients in your kitchen, it’s hard to make a nourishing meal for any number of people.

Start by stocking a few basics: simple meats, eggs, vegetables to eat raw, steamed or roasted, salad ingredients, full-fat plain Greek yogurt, cheese, etc. And don’t forget you can use a toaster oven to keep it even simpler!

Invite friends to join you for dinner (or any other meal)! Better yet, make it a standing weekly dinner date with one or more spouses who are “in the same boat.” A weekly dinner with my friend and our 4 little kids was my salvation during my first deployment. Either take turns hosting and cooking, or make it a potluck every time.

Either way, you are making important social connections to combat loneliness, commiserate about some of the struggles, and enjoy the opportunity to support each another.

Portion leftovers into single-serving containers for lunch or dinner later in the week. Most recipes make enough for 4 people. Slow cookers and pressure cookers yield even more servings. That’s fine when you eat leftovers! This makes it easy to stock your fridge with a few grab-and-go healthy prepared meals.

Make friends with your freezer. Using the freezer to store extra prepared foods is just plain smart to minimize cooking efforts and food waste. Cook once, eat twice — or 3 or 4 times, if you’re really smart.

Fellow military spouse Tracey Linneweber, RD, CLT, suggests, “Cook what you want to eat and freeze the leftovers. Casseroles, soups, leftover meat, barbecue, pancakes, and breads all freeze well. You can take out leftover meat, add a baked potato, and frozen vegetables for a quick meal.”

Make skillet meals. One-pan cooking means one-pan cleaning with – you guessed it – leftovers. You can make a simple breakfast for dinner, such as scrambled eggs with veggies. Or quickly toss together sausage, bell peppers and onions. Or try my easy recipe for Inside Out Egg Rolls.

Prepare a simple foil pack meal ahead of time. Betsy Ramirez, a military spouse RD and blogger has a great idea for make-ahead foil packs.

The Joy of Cooking for One

She shares “I created a salmon and asparagus foil pack meal that I can make right after breakfast. I stick it in the fridge until it’s time to prep dinner. All I have to do is preheat the oven and cook them for 20 minutes.”

Pizza delivery isn’t even that fast!

Roast a sheet-pan meal. Cooking meat and vegetables in the oven together on the same pan is genius. It takes about 10 min to prep and then you are free to do something else within the 30 minutes it takes to cook.

Try my Greek Chicken and Veggies or Betsy’s Chicken Fajita Dinner.

Make a main dish salad. My favorite way to “cook” for myself is to make a large salad.

To my usual tomatoes, cucumbers, feta cheese and roasted nuts, I add rotisserie chicken or leftover grilled meats, beans (chickpeas or edamame), hard-boiled eggs, roasted vegetables, leftover corn off the cob, or fresh fruits (oranges, blueberries, strawberries, etc.) I skip store-bought dressings and pour a tablespoon of olive oil and a capful of apple cider vinegar, add salt and pepper, and toss.

Consider other resources. Farmers markets help inspire you to use what’s in season and they support local farmers. If you don’t have one near you, maybe you’d like to try a grocery store delivery service (Amazon Now perhaps) to free up time. It’s the next best thing to asking your spouse to pick up a few things at the store!

Allow yourself to be flexible. You don’t have to make a complete meal plan and grocery list. That’s the beauty of cooking for one.

Maybe you use a wipe-it board on the fridge to sketch a few meal ideas so you make sure you have what you need on hand. Or rather, open the fridge and see what you can make from what have on hand.

But if a friend calls you to suggest a spontaneous get-together, by all means, drop everything (into the freezer) or invite them over to enjoy the togetherness. Getting through deployment takes a military spouse village!

The bottom line is this: going through the motions of cooking for yourself — even the simplest of real-food meals — will help you remember you are worth it! So, don’t delay putting some of these “cooking for one” tips into practice.

The sooner you start cooking for yourself, the sooner you’ll reap the benefits. And you’ll be maintaining if not improving your mental and physical health — which will be one more thing to celebrate at homecoming!

Finding yourself eating cereal a few too many nights during deployment? Follow NextGen MilSpouse’s Pinterest boards for more cooking for one ideas. Click here to follow us. 

Diane Norwood is a registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator, and freelance health writer. Diane Norwood is a registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator, and freelance health writer. She wanders the world with her Navy Pediatrician husband and their three daughters, each born in a different country. She has made it her life’s work to savor authentic, healthy foods, grapple with and summarize nutrition science, and showcase how she makes easy, real food on her blog, The Wandering RD.

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: cooking, deployment tips, Loving Your Alone Time, meal planning, recipes, wellness, You're Worth It

Confession: I Hate Running

August 8, 2017 By Karen Poisson Leave a Comment

 

I hate running.

Let me say that again.

I hate running.

I know it’s a sin in some circles. And I’m not talking about a little venial sin. You know, the sins that don’t damn your soul. The ones where you go to confession and are absolved from it. No. I’m talking about the big daddy of them all; a cardinal sin. Some people I know would even include it in the 7 deadly sins. Runners take it that seriously.

I’ve heard it all:

“Running is great exercise.”

“The runner’s high is fabulous.”

“Everyone’s doing it.”

I know they are trying to be helpful but it makes me hate it all the more. Our service men and women have to run for PT. I get that. That’s forced on you whether you like it or not. And then there’s the Army or the Marine Corps marathons.  It’s woven into the fabric of their souls.

But to choose to run?  That’s where I draw the line.

Each year more and more of my military spouse friends are jumping on the running bandwagon. They start running groups on base. They post their training runs on Facebook. They Instagram themselves at the finish line of each race.

I even have a girlfriend who got lost during her first marathon. She ran farther than she had to because of it. That would’ve put me off forever.

There is that culture of running in the military so it makes sense that military spouses would feel the same way.

So every time there was a 5K on base or in town, and there’s always a race, spouses would start chattering about forming a team or signing up individually. For years I put them off. First off, I’m not an early bird. The only reason I woke up early was for my kids. And then let me tell you, I’m not a happy camper. And secondly (and most importantly), I hate running. I happily volunteered, but running? Nope.

Confession: I Hate Running

A few years ago, my daughter was getting ready to enter the Air Force Academy. As part of her prep work, she ran. She wanted me to join her but I used my usual tactics and put her off. Besides, I had functions to attend and I already walked the dog every morning. She reminded me that I walked the dog on a 5K loop but I wasn’t convinced.

Later that year, there was a 60th anniversary celebration for the Airborne Warning and Control System. Our wing was hosting various events and one of them happened to include a 5K color fun run. My daughter pestered me so much that I signed up with her. But the caveat was that I was going to WALK it while she ran.

Fast-forward to the day of the event. All morning long my daughter was reminding me that I already did a 5K daily. My comeback was always that I walked it and didn’t run it. I hated running. We lined up at the start and when the gun went off, so did we. My daughter encouraged me to run and I did.

I’ll be the first to admit that the peer pressure got to me.

I ran the whole thing.

And I did it without stopping.

Confession: I Hate Running

But hold the applause because I didn’t become a convert. There was no runner’s high and there was no sense of accomplishment. There was only annoyance that I was suckered into running.

Now, before you start scoffing at me, I’ve tried running at various points in my life.

When I was in high school, I joined the track team because I liked a boy. I was also overweight and I hoped that running would slim me down. I didn’t drop the weight and I eventually broke up with the boy.

In my 20s, I tried again. I got bored and annoyed so I stopped.

In my 30s, we adopted 2 pit bull mixes. I found that walking them twice a day wasn’t enough so I started running. I liked going in the woods but I didn’t like the running part.

Now, I run because I have to not because I want to. Don’t misconstrue that statement. It’s not a “I run because my body craves it.” As I said before, I’ve never felt that runner’s high. All I feel is the pounding of my feet on the pavement and the lack of oxygen into my lungs.

Actually, I will use any excuse to not run.

I had a chemical peel? Can’t overheat.

I broke my toe? Oops. Stay away from running.

I run because I have dogs that need the exercise and walking isn’t enough for them. Even then, I find myself telling everyone that I’m “interval training.” What that meant to me was that I ran until I didn’t want to and then I walked.

Last year my brother told me that interval training was ideal for your heart. Seven minutes of running followed by 7 minutes of walking. So that is what I do now. And again, it’s not because I enjoy it. It’s because I have to do it for my dogs.

So don’t judge me.

I’ll never be that girl who runs for fun. I won’t even be a person who runs for the health benefits. I’ll be the cheerleader for the runners. Or I’ll volunteer to hand out water. And that’s how I’ll connect with my tribe.

 

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: Air Force spouse, Confessional, Connect the Dots, exercise, Military Community, military culture, volunteering, wellness

How To Use Mindfulness To Set Your Healthy Eating Habits On Autopilot

July 21, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

 

by Diane Norwood, MS, RD, CDE, Guest Contributor

How To Use Mindfulness To Set Your Healthy Eating Habits On Autopilot

Photo by Anne Preble on Unsplash

Chances are you’ve tried building healthy eating habits. It is hard work and difficult to maintain them, even one at a time – especially as a busy working military spouse. You may even be down on yourself for your apparent lack of willpower and mindfulness. But maybe you haven’t heard this good news yet: building healthy eating habits is like “setting your brain to autopilot,” so you can think less about making healthy food choices every day.

This may sound too good to be true, but it turns out there’s something scientific to “muscle memory” that I believe may help you eat better. Charles Duhigg’s book, “The Power of Habit,” explains the fascinating science of habit building in great detail. The most fascinating thing is that when you build habits over time, your brain is actually changed and it becomes free to think less. That is, the more habits you have, the less thinking your brain does. Freeing, indeed!

There is plenty to think about in a fast-paced life. A little work now can make life easier later, which is something we can all wrap our busy brains around.

Wouldn’t it be nice to mindfully build healthy eating habits now so that you can “set your brain to autopilot” later in at least one important area of your life?

Building Healthy Eating Habits: How To Use Mindfulness to “Set Your Brain On Autopilot”

Habits, Willpower and Mindfulness

According to Duhigg, about 40% to 45% of the decisions we make in a day aren’t actually made; they are habits we perform without thinking. Have you ever absentmindedly placed your keys somewhere, walked into another room, and completely forgotten not only where you put them, but how you got where you are? Apparently, this is normal brain behavior. (How reassuring — but I do this so often, I think I have to own it as a bad habit!)

However, this muscle memory becomes more of a problem when we absentmindedly engage in eating habits that are detrimental to our health. Have you ever sat in front of the TV and eaten an entire bag of chips or box of cookies? Or do you get up from your desk every day at 3 p.m. to purchase a large, fancy coffee drink from your favorite coffee shop? Every day you may tell yourself not to do these unhealthy behaviors, but almost every day you fail yourself.

Honestly, part of the problem is the availability of unhealthy foods; they are all around us and there’s even the possibility that highly-processed, carbohydrate-rich foods may be addictive, although this hasn’t been proven. But we can’t change the food around us. So, the other part of the problem is our willpower. Why do we lack willpower? And more importantly, how do we build willpower to change these eating habits for the better?

Mindfulness plays a big part in building more willpower, according to Duhigg. Everyone is talking about mindfulness, right? In all honesty, it struck me as psychological mumbo-jumbo when I first heard about mindfulness. As a dietitian, I thought, “Of course we want to pay attention to what we’re eating.” But Duhigg explains that in order to build more willpower to sustain healthy habits, we must plan ahead how we will react in certain situations.

I couldn’t agree more, especially with regard to food! I frequently say that planning ahead is the key to eating more “easy, real foods” and fewer processed foods. So, that’s really all there is to mindful eating! And once you mindfully plan ahead for a while, a healthy habit is formed and muscle memory sets in, making life easier — and potentially healthier.

How Habits Work

Intuitively, we may know that habits — good and bad — start with a cue, a routine is performed, and a reward allows them to continue. Duhigg calls this the “habit loop.” Cues make starting the new routine easier. Rewards make you happy you completed the new routine. Although this seems like common sense, this is actually science at work to change your brain. Keeping your habit goals small and simple will help you succeed.

But sometimes when we want to change a routine, we are overly focused on the routine itself.  Sure, it’s how you identify what you want to change. But Duhigg explains that to effectively change a habit, we need to be focused on the cue and the reward as well.

For example, if you want to start running more (the routine), you could plan to run with a friend (the cue), and after your run you could eat a small piece of dark chocolate (the reward). Over the course of a few weeks, this will become a habit much easier than if you just tell yourself to run more. Eventually you won’t rely on the cues and rewards; your brain will be changed, and it will be a habit.  So, are you ready to start?

3 Steps to Building Healthy Eating Habits

1. Start small. If you’re like most people, you can probably think of 10 eating behaviors you want to change for the better. But it’s important to start with just one. For example, perhaps you eat take-out food for dinner 5 times a week and want to eat more real food meals.

2. Identify the cue and make a plan for your new routine. If you simply tell yourself not to eat take-out, you almost certainly will fail at changing this behavior. Instead, think about what cues you to grab and go and plan your actions for the week.

Is it lack of knowing how to cook healthy meals? 

  • Spend a few minutes on Sunday looking for easy dinner recipes for the week. Try searching the Internet or Pinterest for “real food” or “paleo” to hone in on less-processed ingredients in meals.
  • Try following fellow military spouse healthy food bloggers for inspiration.
  • You could try healthy options from a meal-prep service, such as Blue Apron or Sun Basket (organic and special menus available).

Is it lack of time? 

  • You could plan to use slow cooker recipes.
  • Make double batches to provide meals for at least 2 nights in a week or stock your freezer with the leftovers to have another week.

Is it that you hate to grocery shop? 

  • Try Amazon Prime or local grocery delivery options.
  • Join a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) service that delivers vegetable boxes from local farms.
  • Try visiting a farmers market on a weekend; it’s always good to eat local and they are so social you may forget you’re grocery shopping!
  • Search for healthier take-out options, such as salads or lettuce-wrapped sandwiches or burgers, for example.

3. Then, don’t forget to reward yourself (but not with food). Maybe treat yourself to a manicure or pedicure with the money you saved by eating in for the week. Or take the family bowling or to play mini-golf.

Analyzing your eating habits to try to make them easier to achieve involves some willpower and forethought, but isn’t your family’s health worth it? Once you have been successful at changing one simple habit, in a few weeks, you can move onto another. Before you know it, you will be in the habit of eating healthier — which is as close to “autopilot” as we military spouses can get!

Diane Norwood is a registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator, and freelance health writer. Diane Norwood is a registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator, and freelance health writer. She wanders the world with her Navy Pediatrician husband and their three daughters, each born in a different country. She has made it her life’s work to savor authentic, healthy foods, grapple with and summarize nutrition science, and showcase how she makes easy, real food on her blog, The Wandering RD.

Editor’s note: This post may contain affiliate links to products we mention which basically means we earn a few cents if you buy through our links…they help us keep the lights on and the party going.

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: But It's Far From Over, healthy eating, meal planning, Navy spouse, wellness, working milspouse

How to Live with Anxiety as a Military Spouse

May 2, 2017 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

 

by Jana Wanner, Guest Contributor

How to Live with Anxiety as a Military Spouse

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I know it can be difficult to be married into the military lifestyle.

The millions of unknown possibilities of PCSing.

Or not PCSing.

Spouses on frequent TDYs, frequent deployments, frequent field time, frequent training.

Housing woes.

Health care troubles.

And doing most things on your own while your service member is away.

It’s a whirlwind of unknowns and possibilities, which can make your anxiety skyrocket. I know having anxiety is a taboo subject, and we aren’t supposed to talk about it. But, I’m here to talk about it.

There was a time that I was ashamed of having anxiety.

Canceling plans with friends.

Racing heart when I felt scared or nervous, sometimes even out of the blue for what seemed like no reason at all.

The feeling of constantly needing to be accepted by your peers, other military spouses or your spouse’s family.

Avoiding small talk. Shutting down and getting quiet when you’re around big crowds or around people you don’t know.

The constant questioning yourself,

“Wow, did I really just say that? I look like an idiot right now.”

And my favorite,

“Did I just do something wrong?”

If this is you, keep reading.

If this isn’t you, keep reading anyway. It may help you when you find yourself around military spouses who have anxiety.

How to Live with Anxiety as a Military Spouse

When I used to cancel on my friends (or when I still do it sometimes) it’s always a good thing to remind them that my anxiety is not something I can control. Anxiety does a lot of things to those of us that suffer. It’s easy for those who don’t have anxiety to say “Just suck it up and do what you need to do.”

Let’s put it this way. If you have a fear of snakes and someone puts you in a room full of snakes…are you still going to be able to do what you need to do? Will you be able to sit in this room and put on makeup without fear? Or cook dinner without fear of the snakes in the room? Or even send an email? No. You will be focused on your fear of snakes the entire time and you will be figuring out any possible way to get out of that room as fast as you can.

This is what people with anxiety go through. All day. All the time. There is no escaping your fears. No matter how unrealistic these fears seem to other people, they are very real to those experiencing anxiety on a daily basis.

We feel trapped, constantly in fear, with no way out.

And when you do have a way out (canceling plans because they seem too tedious at the time) you run as fast as you can.

The constant questioning yourself is another harsh reality that you face with anxiety. Here’s a fun story. It wasn’t fun at the time, but I can laugh at myself now.

A few years ago, I went to a ball with my husband. I was quietly sitting at the table, reading the plan of events from the program. As many with anxiety know, this is a coping mechanism some of us use in order to keep from making eye contact or awkward small talk.

Next thing I know, someone is tapping my shoulder. It was the sergeant major of my husband’s unit. He had been standing there holding his hand out (from what I understand, for at least a minute) smiling and waiting for me to look up. I had no idea. I felt like a complete idiot. I immediately shook his hand, smiled and apologized profusely.

The entire night, I was thinking “I am such an idiot! I just embarrassed myself and my husband!” In reality, it was a light-hearted moment. At the time, I did not think of it that way. And the truth is, he probably completely forgot about it after walking away.

But I dwelled on that moment for the entire night. Oh, who am I kidding? I dwelled on it for an entire month.

That’s the reality of anxiety. We dwell on things, no matter how trivial these things are sometimes.

You should never let anyone tear you apart because of your anxiety. One time, someone said to me, “Well if your marriage is fine, if your finances are fine, and everything in your life seems pretty perfect to anyone looking in, how can you possibly suffer from anxiety?”

It doesn’t work that way, people.

Those of us with anxiety have suffered our fair share of traumatic events, probably early on in childhood. Or maybe a major traumatic event as an adult (or several).

In my case, it was many years of traumatic events from childhood. Only my husband will ever know some of these events. I will never speak to anyone, other than my husband, about them. Those events set me up for anxiety and panic attacks later in life. Throw in the unexpected realities from military life and anxiety and panic attacks are going to happen, whether I expect them at the time or not.

So for people to not know what you have gone through, it should not be of their concern why you suffer from anxiety. You owe no one any explanation. If they truly love you or care for you, they will accept you, anxiety and all. And if they truly love you and care for you, they will work closely with you to figure out how to get through your most anxious moments.

If you’re around someone who isn’t talking much or if they are shutting down after you have had a lengthy conversation with them while in a big crowd of people, they aren’t being rude. They aren’t thinking that they hate you.

They are busy trying to figure out if they are being judged.

They are busy trying to make a quick exit to go re-charge, so that they can possibly come back to talk to you later. Or maybe they just ran out of things to say.

Those of us with anxiety have big hearts. That’s because we can feel pain more than others. We may be sensitive, but we love deeply.

If you have anxiety, you are not alone. There is help. Visit your doctor for a referral for cognitive behavior therapy or other treatment options. There is help if you feel like your anxiety is getting worse.

Please do not feel ashamed because there is no shame in getting help. There are many who suffer from anxiety and it’s not as taboo as it once was!

And for those of you on the outside looking in on those of us with anxiety: We may not always show it or some people may not see it, but we are listening. We are paying attention. We have feelings too. More than you will ever know.

My name is Jana and I am a stay at home mom with 2 great kids and a wonderful husband.  We are currently stationed in Georgia. I love traveling the world with my husband, no matter where the Army sends us.  I also love to write, I love wine, and I love the 90s.

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: anxiety, Army spouse, Confessional, guest contributor, married to the military, mental health, Pushing Your Limits

How to Carve Out Time for Yourself When You Have No Time

March 14, 2017 By Jessica Hall Leave a Comment

If you are anything like me your days are packed with stuff from the moment you wake up until you fall asleep – work, meetings, networking events, lunch with friends, volunteering, taking care of kids, mandatory fun event, and doing laundry.

You’re so busy with everything else you wake up one day and realize that you have done absolutely nothing for yourself in…well you can’t remember.

No time for a haircut.

No time to read a book.

No time for binge-watching “The Crown,” “Gilmore Girls,” “Scandal” or “Blackish.”

No time for a bubble bath. No massage. No mani/pedi.

No working out.

No nothing.

And without that me time, well you probably don’t feel 100 percent. I know that after months without a haircut I feel blah. If I don’t get any relaxation time I feel frazzled, constantly. And that’s good for no one – not my coworkers, not my spouse and definitely not for me.

So prioritizing me time is one of those things that I must put on the top of my to-do list. Ahead of that big work project and cleaning the house. Why? Because I know that if I can take any time for me that my work project will go much better and my chores won’t seem so tedious.

So just how do you find that time for you?

How to Carve Out Time for Yourself When You Have No Time

7 Ways to Carve Out Time for Yourself When You Have No Time

Find 5 minutes in your day. I know, I know, you probably don’t think that you have 1 minute, but find 5. Maybe it’s when you wake up in the morning or a coffee break or right before you go to bed. Whenever you have a few minutes to spare do something for you. Maybe it’s drinking that coffee in solitude. Or reading that magazine that’s been on your nightstand for months. Or start a journal. Walk around the block at your office.

Finding just a few minutes will help you clear your head to get back into the game.

Use that commute to your advantage. I used to commute over an hour each way to work every day. After awhile I really can’t listen to that new song AGAIN no matter how many times I change the station.

So I started listening to podcasts and audiobooks. This got me thinking more on my commute and not about my to-do list when I got to my destination.

I learned new things, laughed and go totally sucked into interesting stories. Podcasts are typically free and books can be fairly cheap if you have an Audible subscription.

Breathe. If you find yourself feeling stressed, take one moment and just breathe. Take a few deep breaths, step away from your computer and close your eyes. Meditate using an app or YouTube video. Taking just a few moments away from what you’re doing will refresh you.

Pro-Tip: Blue Star Families’ members can get the Headspace app for free. Click here for more information.

Schedule your me time. I’m a calendar person, to the point that I tend to plan weeks in advance, especially when I’m busy.

So that workout? Put it on your calendar. If it’s there then you can’t schedule a meeting during that time and you’ll get a reminder to go take care of you.

Working military spouse Terry Babcock-Lumish said she schedules her spinning class as a meeting on her calendar.

After regularly letting workouts slip while prioritizing time for clients, colleagues, and students, I began scheduling a spin class or yoga as if they were meetings with myself. When we reschedule on ourselves, that’s a statement we make about the importance of our own physical and mental well-being

Even better – find someone to keep you accountable.

At one of my jobs, my co-workers and I used to workout together over lunch twice a week at our office gym. So on days when I felt particularly like not working out I knew that they would bug me at 11:30 a.m. to go change and that they’d be disappointed if I didn’t join them.

Outsource something. If you are really strapped for time and your house is becoming a hot mess, look into hiring someone. Taking something off of your to-do list creates time for you to do something that you want to do, which I’m guessing is not vacuuming the whole house or dusting.

Say no to something. Did you sign up to be FRG secretary but can never make meetings? It may be time to help find a replacement. The organization could benefit from having someone in that position that they can count on regularly. Don’t just completely bail on them though, help find a solution so they aren’t left high and dry.

Do the thing that you dread first. Sometimes I won’t do something on my to-do list *cough*vacuum*cough* because it’s my least favorite task but I always feel better once it’s done. Then I can do something that I want without feeling guilty. I’m the type of person that if my house isn’t a certain level of clean or my desk is too disorganized I can’t get anything done, including relax. So get those dreaded tasks done as fast as you can so that you can enjoy binge-watching “The Crown.”

What are some ways that you find time for yourself when you barely have any leftover time in your day?

Filed Under: Articles, Self, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: Army spouse, dealing with stress, Self-Care, working military spouse, You Do You

How to Get in the Swing of Healthy Eating During Deployment

September 8, 2016 By K.C. Hastings Leave a Comment

When our service members are gone, us military spouses do one of 2 things:

We either eat chocolate and junk food while drinking our wine or we decide to eat healthy.

Honestly, I’ve done both and though that junk food tastes amazing in the moment, and really there’s nothing better than a fresh pizza from the small Italian pizzeria down the street…. I have to swear by the healthy eating tactic instead.

If your spouse is anything like mine, he brings home beer at the end of a long day or proposes eating take-out from the pizzeria. He is inevitably coming home with bottles of soda-pop and bags of my favorite chips and man…while he is home eating healthy can be so hard! Even though I cook dinner most nights, the junk food calls at lunch and snack time. So, when my spouse is gone on TDY or deployment it is a great time to reset my body and my healthy eating habits.

how-to-get-in-the-swing-of-healthy-eating-during-deployment

Here are my 4 tried-and-true healthy eating tips when you’re home and your spouse is on deployment.

Lifestyle Change

Choose a lifestyle change plan and stick to it.

To reset and curb my sugar and bread addiction I enjoy doing Whole 30 while he is gone. Whole 30 is a lifestyle change that takes you down to a bare bones whole foods only menu. Meat, veggies and fruit make up the menu with absolutely no added sugars, no dairy and no grain.

Whole 30 is hard, but to me it’s kind of fun to have that challenge.

The last time I did it, I lost 10 pounds (that I never gained back) and I found afterwards that most candies were now too sweet and unappealing to me.

This lifestyle change got me back in the swing of meal planning, trying new recipes and cooking dinner each night. This can really help with holding onto a stable schedule when your spouse is gone.

Get the Kids Involved in Cooking

When your spouse is gone, the kids are constantly underfoot while you are trying to cook. This can lead to taking shortcuts like ordering from the pizzeria down the street. To help with this, my dad built our kids a learning tower (step stool with rails) so they could reach the counter and help with stirring, mixing or just generally checking out what you are doing. Your kids learn about healthy eating and you get a little more peace – everyone wins!

Try New Recipes

You know that veggie you swear you hate? Look up some recipes and try to prepare it in a few different ways. You may be shocked to find that you actually really like this vegetable! Just not the way your mom used to steam it and toss it on your plate. It’s amazing what a little garlic and lemon can do to a dish!

If You Fall Off the Healthy Eating Wagon, Hop Right Back On

The biggest problem with diets, is that once people break them they feel like they should give up and then they fall back into their old habits. It is OK to have moderation and cheat meals or cheat days! Just hop right back on that healthy eating wagon and remind yourself why you got on it in the first place.

During deployment, we can already feel really yucky. We miss our spouses and we hate our new routine and we just feel so lonely.

Though chocolate may make you feel better for a few minutes, too much of it will make you feel worse in the long run.

Healthy eating has proven to improve not only your physical health, but your mental health too — so give it a chance during this season of your life – you may be shocked how much you like it!

What are your tips for eating healthy when your spouse is deployed? Share them in the comments section.

 

Filed Under: Articles, Slider, Wellness Tagged With: deployment, healthy eating, In the Swing of Things, meal planning, tips and tricks

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