Relationships Archives - Page 3 of 17

5 Gift Ideas for the Stay-at-Home Dad for Father’s Day

June 9, 2017 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

As a military spouse, a dad, veteran, and stay-at-home provider, I find Father’s Day to be a wonderful time to take a breath and marvel at how fantastic my kids are.

My wife and I are blessed with 2 beautiful girls. While we have been with the Army for over 18 years our bundles of joy are only 10 and 7 years old. Which means I am still entrenched in the Father’s Day ritual of a unique breakfast in bed and fun activities on this illustrious day.

I’m a bit older now so I’m sure it will involve some sort of bran muffin or cereal as a joke (thanks babe). But there will be coffee and smiling faces so it will be terrific.

After breakfast we go to the main event; the presenting of a gift bag with wonderfully colored tissue paper exploding from the top. Inside, crafted by little fingers would be a homemade wonder. I know these priceless keepsakes will not keep coming forever so in this world dominated by gadgets and gizmos my idea of what makes a great gift has changed.

As I looked back at all of our Father’s Day events, my best memories always involve an adventure where we did something fun together. Of course the ones that really stick out in my mind are the completely guy-focused activities (remember I’m totally outnumbered).

In the spirit of helping my fellow male spouses get the most out of this fantastic day I thought I’d share my top 5 gift ideas for the best Father’s Day experience. Spoiler alert, there aren’t any neckties involved.

5. The Bass Pro Shop/Cabala’s shopping experience. If you’ve never been to one of these giant men magnets on Father’s Day I highly recommend it. We went one year and my lovely wife made the comment “you can get anything you want.” Before I could sprint through the door however she followed up by saying “within reason.”

Those of you who have been to these wonderful showrooms know, very little is “within reason.” However they had an outdoor archery range, BB gun/air rifle firing range, fishing at the store pond and tons more for families to do.

I didn’t walk away with anything in a shopping bag but I had a grin from ear to ear because both my girls were so enthralled with every single activity, and talked about it for weeks to come.

4. Sharing a hobby. The world of a stay-at-home provider typically translates to jack-of-all-trades. Military spouses tend to learn how to do it all very quickly. Loads of fun right? Yet I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy working in the garage on a project (or 12) or sneaking away to write a few chapters in a new book.

While these solitary moments are fleeting, I find that my daughters being interested and wanting to build, craft or write something with me is infinitely more enjoyable.

3. Water balloon/water gun ambush. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good water fight? We’re all kids at heart, and I think Father’s Day being in June is a completely justifiable reason for this awesome home-styled adventure.

2. Dad T.V. time with a catch. As I said above I live in a house with 3 females. I’ve seen my fair share of “Drop Dead Diva” episodes, “Gilmore Girls” seasons, and “Legally Blonde” marathons.

The life of a stay-at-home dad is not T.V. and beer all day (much to my chagrin).

So this one festive day is a 24-hour gift of 80s action movies, edited for T.V. horror movies or a “Star Wars” marathon (you’ve got to remember my kids are 10 and 7) What makes this special is that everyone is there to share in the awesome one-liners, outrageous action sequences and impossible plot twists that everyone ignores.

1. A chance to soak it all in. Life happens way too fast. The military culture can force our family time into fleeting snapshots due to busy schedules. Here is a perfect day to slow the train down, maybe even get off for a minute. You only get to go around once.

If you have been blessed with children let them share in every minute of every day, but on Father’s Day take a few more moments to make it more memorable.

Do you have any great gift ideas for Father’s Day? Share them in the comments section.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

Why My Wife’s Ankle Injury Was a Lesson for Both of Us

June 5, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Sean P. O’Driscoll, Guest Contributor

“So…not to worry you but I have a soft tissue injury to my right ankle. I’m OK.”

It was our 13th wedding anniversary, and my wife was TAD in Jericho, Vermont, participating in the second half of Mountain Medicine Training. Successful completion would result in her receiving the Diploma in Mountain Medicine (DIMM) and we expected this training to be a repeat of her first TAD: exciting for her but otherwise uneventful.

But this one turned out to be different, for both of us.

Suspecting that she was downplaying her injury, I asked “How’d you do it?”

“I kinda slid 30 feet down steep terrain and got stopped by a tree.”

“Ummmmmmm ‘kinda’?”

I knew at that point that she was definitely downplaying her injury. We have been married long enough that I know how she works when she is ill or injured.

The rest of the day my mind was occupied with “How she is doing? What is the actual extent of this injury?”

I knew that she was in good hands so that was comforting and that they wouldn’t let her injure herself anymore than she already was. The not knowing how bad her injury was was the hard part. But she got an X-ray and remained in Vermont.

The next day I texted her asking how her ankle was. “It’s OK with some Motrin,” she replied and that she was sidelined for the day to let her ankle rest. The next morning I asked how her ankle was and said that I was concerned about it and her.

That was when she sent me a picture of her ankle.

I cannot type the words that came out of my mouth when I saw that photo. My concerns were confirmed. What I was looking at was NOT a soft tissue injury. There had to be some sort of fracture and/or torn ligaments and tendons. The last time I saw bruising like that was in a trauma unit at work when someone blew out their knee. It wasn’t pretty by any means.

I was at work that day so all we could do was a quick FaceTime call and we talked about it and that I knew that it was worse than expected. She asked me why I was upset. It’s not that I was upset.

It was that I had never been put in this type of situation before.

She hasn’t deployed yet either so in a way, I am glad that this is happening now while she is stateside and coming home in a week.

“This is training for both of us” was my response.

After a couple more texts, I began to calm down and regain my composure. Now that I knew what the true extent of her injury was, what she was doing about it and what the plan was, I returned back to my normal thought process and it didn’t bother me for the remainder of her training.

She returned home safely and we went from the airport to the hospital to get a full exam. Turns out she had fractured her Lateral Talar Transverse Process bone. It’s a small bone on the end of the tibia and it is most commonly known as “the snowboarder’s fracture.”

So after walking on it for a week, it actually did some good by rounding all the fragments down so that healing can start. No operation needed! She was put in a cast for 2 weeks and was issued a scooter.

During the time between seeing the photo of her ankle and the time I picked her up from the airport, I thought about what if something like this happens while she is deployed?

How do I want to receive potentially bad news? Who do I want to hear it from? Who do I trust and whom do I not trust when it comes to such information?

I asked the guys of Macho Spouse if they have anything in place for if something like this was to happen and if they did have anything like this happen to them. Doug Nordman of The Military Guide, said that when it came to news like that from his wife they agreed on “tell me all the bad news now so that I can start dealing with it.”

Another male military spouse said that they have agreed to “play down the issue” until they are back together. Then they spill it all to each other.

“By that time, bones have healed, feelings have died down, and it’s more a matter of facing the fact of how much we have kept from each other because we were idiots. And then we do it again the next deployment wondering why the hell we never seem to learn.”

Another male military spouse had a much different experience. The communication between his wife’s command and medical was horrid and they actually lost her for some time because she was grounded halfway through transport. When they gave her a phone card, it only called the United States and they were stationed in Korea. So, she had to call her mother and then her mother had to call her husband and then he relayed that information to her company. His suggestion was to soak in the SOPs so that when things go south, you know whom to contact.

My wife recently had her 2-week check-up and the cast was removed and placed in a walking boot and we have added a set of crutches to her repertoire.

She also returned to work. You would think that with an injury like that one would be sidelined for 2 weeks right?! Nope. Not my wife!

She went on a 3-mile ruck with us with her scooter. She modified all her CrossFit workouts and she even finished the 2017 CrossFit Open season at our box, BlackFin CrossFit!

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an Emergency Medical Technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

How to Have a Social Life When You Work From Home

May 23, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Shelby Fox Trudeau, Guest Contributor

A lot of articles today talk about how you can work from home. Whether it’s telecommute jobs or starting your own business, these articles provide in-depth information about what you need to get started in a job working from home. And believe me, I think these articles are great, especially for military spouses.

Having the freedom and flexibility to work from home is a wonderful thing. As a new military spouse, I love being able to schedule my work around when my husband is off. I’ve been working from home for 2 years now, and for the most part, I love it.

But something that most work from home articles don’t tell you is that it can get lonely. You’re in your house all day, probably tied to a computer, and there’s not a lot of human interaction.

For some, that might be one of the benefits. But for a lot of us, we need to socialize with others. And if you’ve recently relocated or are about to and you work from home, having a social life can be a difficult thing.

However, there is a wide variety of ways that you can meet new people even if you work from home.

How to Have a Social Life When You Are a Military Spouse Who Works From Home

Community Groups and Events

Most communities offer a wide array of activities. From weekly cooking classes to softball leagues, your community parks and recreation department gives you opportunities to meet people with the same interests as you. These activities are usually reasonably priced to cover the materials of the class, so it won’t break the bank if you decide to take a cooking class or be part of the next musical in your town.

If you’re religious, another great place to meet new people is at a church. Most churches have a lot of functions throughout the week and special holiday events as well.

Military Options

Most bases have a few informal social groups, and if you know who to ask or how to search Facebook you can usually find them. The MWR might also be a good place to look if you need some suggestions, as they usually offer activities where you could meet other people.

If your service member has friends who are married, chances are, their spouses have felt the same way as you at some point. Let your spouse know how you feel and ask if you can have a double date with someone from work.

My husband and I have dinner once a month with my husband’s coworker and his wife. It gives us time to get out of the house and talk to people like us.

School

If you’re currently enrolled in college, the lecture hall can be a great place to meet people.

Or, if you have kids, meeting other parents at their school is a great way to be social. Get involved at your kid’s school. Getting to know other parents helps you in multiple ways. Your kids have someone to hang out with and you can talk to someone who understands having kids that age.

Online

You always have the option of meeting someone online nowadays. I will caution that you should always be careful if you choose this route, but there are safe ways to meet people online.

There are many websites, including Meetup, where groups are formed according to interest or age, and the members meet to socialize and have fun. If you’re new in town, this can be a great way to break in to a new social group.

Fitness

I love running. Anything from 5Ks to half marathons. But running by yourself is difficult. You get lonely and want someone to talk to. Join a running group or fitness class. A lot of bases have running groups of women, especially moms whose kids are in strollers.

If running isn’t your thing, take a group fitness class like Zumba or aerobics. You meet new people and you stay in shape.

The takeaway from all this is that although it may seem like you’re destined to stay at home and never see the light of day again, there are a lot of ways that you can get active and meet people. Yes, it’s scary the first few times. But if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never grow and you’ll always be in the same predicament.

Use the suggestions above to brainstorm a few interests you have that you think would be fun to try. Make a list of places you’d like to go or activities you want to do. Whether it’s joining a softball team, a pool league, a dance class or a running group, you can find something that there are other like-minded people at.

You don’t have to give up a social life just because you work from home. In fact, you have more options because you’re not limited by coworkers. So put yourself out there and have fun.

Shelby Fox Trudeau is a Navy wife who works from home as a freelance writer and ESL teacher. When not working, she enjoys traveling and camping, and is always running.

How to Get It Together So You Stay Together

April 28, 2017 By LaQueshia Jeffries Leave a Comment

Military marriage can be such a beautiful thing.

Some of us marry our high school sweethearts and ride off into the sunset together.

Others meet in college or our partner’s first duty station and realize we’ve met “The One.”

There are also countless brothers, sisters and family members that have brought their “battle buddy” home for a holiday meal only to notice the two of you locking eyes over the potato salad and hearing wedding bells ringing.

“And they all lived happily ever after…”

Unfortunately romantic starts and true love’s first kiss are not enough to ensure a joyful and healthy union.

Staying together requires clear intentions and purposeful actions.

There is a unified work ethic and mindful habits that often go unseen and these are the glue that holds supportive military marriages together.

“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

Similar to the duck that seems serene and still on the pond, but is furious pumping its webbed feet under water, military marriages take dedication and plain ole’ hard work.

We each come to the union with expectations, dreams and preferences. The key is to get ourselves together in order to stay together in the long run.

Here are 4 tips to get it together so that you will stay together.

Kick Outside Voices (Including Preconceived Notions) Out of Your Military Marriage

This is not your mother’s marriage, your brother’s marriage or your preacher’s marriage. Hell, this isn’t even Uncle Sam’s marriage. When everything is said and done this contract and obligation is strictly between you and your spouse.

The world is full of wise and wonderful people. And some of them may offer you advice, but the best advice I’ve ever received is to simply communicate with my spouse.

I’d be lying if I said this has always been easy. Or that we both are always on the same wavelength. But at the end of the day, we’ve had to lay down what we thought we knew and accept each other for who we are today. Only 2 voices matter in your marriage: theirs and yours.

Build Kindness and Respect Into Your Military Marriage

Life comes at you fast. Children, careers, health concerns and deployments can all sap your energy and your smile. This is complete normal since you’re probably a regular human. It can be so easy to slip into pettiness or be snippy, especially if you feel overworked and under appreciated. In times when you are worn thin choose to check in with yourself and acknowledge your feelings.

You may not have the time or means to address all concerns, but it’s always alright to be clear about what you are experiencing. Where the danger comes in is when we use our circumstances as an excuse to be mean spirited or outright asses to our spouses. Or them to us.

Both of you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If you are struggling with basic kindness or respect in your union consider utilizing counseling services.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Grow Together

5, 10, 15, 20…those years fly by so fast. Don’t waste time, explore the world and expand your mind with your spouse. Sail together, learn words in a new language, take a cooking class; the list goes on and on.

A couple that plays together, stays together.

The military defines so much of our lives and this is the ride we’ve signed up for.

However, this is a big wide world we live in and one that should be enjoyed with a partner. Some couples take turns choosing their own adventure while others plan it out together. Whatever your method the importance is in the quality and quantity of time shared in the mutual pursuit of happiness.

Plan Personal Growth Time Into Your Military Marriage

If you would have told me that my old school, Sea Bee, grandfather would recommend marriage counseling to me I would not have believed you.

We were talking one day and I was sitting on the same couch he had when I was a little girl. My husband and I were probably around our 10-year mark, and Grandpa said, “I didn’t know about marriage counseling then (‘60s & ‘70s), but it would have saved my marriage. Get counseling!”

Consider couples counseling and/or personal counseling if past traumas or experiences are negatively impacting your relationship with your partner. Your base chaplin’s office, Military One Source and our good friend Google can all provide more information and point you in the right direction for marital and personal support.

We’re deep into year 15 in my neck of the woods and these tips have helped us along the way.

What are your tips for helping military marriages to stay together?

7 People Every Working Military Spouse Needs in Their Life

March 31, 2017 By T.T. Robinson Leave a Comment

If you’ve ever rushed out the door to get to an important meeting only to find that your shoes don’t match or there’s a sour-milk sippy cup in your purse where your business cards are supposed to be or you find syrup on your shirt from a sticky hug, welcome to the working parent trenches.

The only way out of the trenches? Having a village. No one should (and let’s be honest, no one can) do it all alone.

Here are 7 people every working military spouse needs in his/her life:

1. The mentor. Personal development often takes a backseat to, well, everything, and a mentor is the perfect answer to keep you on track. Identify the areas in which you’d like to grow and go from there.

Harvard Business Review recommends you go beyond that and have a personal board of directors – it’s like a village inside your village. You set the table for your board of directors. You get to pick the people and the areas in your life where you want to grow.

2. The cheerleader. Every working military spouse needs someone cheering for them – to get the promotion, land the client, nail the briefing or sometimes even just to go to work. Don’t we all feel like sometimes we’re failing at something (or everything…)?

Whether or not your cheerleader has first-hand knowledge of your job, having someone outside of your parents and spouse affirming your decisions and genuinely wanting to see you do well is powerful.

Even more powerful? When you’re able to mirror this role right back. Having a friendship built on encouragement and authenticity is not only beautiful, it’s rare. When you find your cheerleader, make sure they know their value.

3. The best friend at work. Obviously having a BFF to grab lunch with at work will make your day more fun, but did you know it also makes you a better employee? According to a survey conducted by O. C. Tanner (a global employee recognition company who boasts such clients as Home Depot) and reported by Inc., 75% of employees who have a best bud at work say they feel they are able to take on anything and they also report 18% higher job satisfaction than those without a bestie.

Plus, sometimes they bring you coffee.

I found my BFF at work by confessing to the HR woman who had a cute baby pic on her desk that I was pregnant with my second. We spent the next hour talking about being working mommies and 6 years later, it’s still a match made in heaven.

4. The understanding boss. Having a supervisor who “gets it” makes everything better, but it’s especially critical for the working military spouse. There will come a day where you will have to choose between leading a high-profile meeting or going to your service member’s homecoming.

Sitting down with your boss at the beginning of your working relationship and talking about the challenges and the expectations that are your unique reality as a military spouse lays the groundwork for him/her not only to encourage you to make it to the airport in time for your big reunion with your honey, but also understanding why you need a few days off when it happens, too.

5. The nanny. If you have kids, you understand the importance of reliable child care. You’ll figure out what works best for you – whether that’s the child development center or having someone in your home – but having a nanny has been key to me being able to work outside the home. Mostly because I never could quite get it all together to get out the door at a reasonable hour after labeling bottles and clothes and diapers and my sanity, and also because being able to have some flexibility around my hours is really important to me.

Additionally, when my husband was deployed, I paid our then-nanny extra to do laundry. And that was a beautiful thing.

6. The stay-at-home parent. Every village needs diversity, and it’s important that yours isn’t filled only with people that are exactly like you. Having stay-at-home moms (or dads!) as friends are equally as important as your working ones. It seems these folks thrive in every area where I am lacking. My SAH friends outsource very little, meaning they are incredibly organized, managing multiple schedules, housework, volunteering, school boards, family readiness groups and so much more, often flying solo.

Consequently, these buddies have tried-and-tested tricks for handling deployment, give wonderful (solicited) parenting advice, the longest, most gracious hugs, and, when booked in advance, make the best coffee dates when you get a day off work.

7. The supportive spouse. Finally, my friends, life is so much easier when you have a spouse who is supportive of you working. So often, our spouses are gone and our careers have to take a backseat. Having your person encouraging you, helping you out whenever he/she can so you can stay late one night a week at the office or take that work trip or hang with the kids while you go for a work dinner, is key.

Years ago, I had the chance to take a TDY to somewhere I really wanted to go. It just so happened to coincide with my husband’s work ups. Without family close and no real option for me to leave for over a month, it was a no go.

So, when the chance arose for me to take a week-long class a few weeks ago and my husband was home, he was not only OK with me leaving town, he encouraged it because of what he knew it meant to me. Knowing he would go above and beyond so that I could do something career enhancing meant the world to me.

Whether you’re years into your career or just starting your journey, don’t wait to build your village. These 7 people will make all the difference.

Are you a working military spouse? Who is in your village helping you get through the working parent trenches?

Eating My Placenta Saved Me from Postpartum Depression

March 30, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

I was sinking in misery. Everything made me mad or sad or both. The walls were closing in and there was absolutely no air.

Postpartum depression (PPD) was one of the absolute worst experiences of my entire life. And I once accidentally had boiling oil drip down my legs. That injury long ago turned into faint scars. I’m still recovering from PPD 3 years later.

I would do almost anything to avoid another bout.

Which is why I turned my placenta into pills.

Yeah, I was just as weirded out at first too. It sounds gross. Your ACTUAL placenta, which grew inside of you for 40ish weeks, will be dehydrated and ground up for you to ingest.

Then I talked to my friend, Patti. She makes placenta pills professionally. Plus, she also had PPD and postpartum anxiety. When I got those 2 pink lines, she was one of the first people I reached out to. And what she told me gave me hope.

She successfully used placenta pills in 2 pregnancies to help head off those deep baby blues. Patti made me wonder if this was right for me too. So I did a little bit of research.

Women Have Been Eating Placentas for Centuries

It’s still relatively new in the United States, but women in China have been eating placentas for hundreds of years. Recent studies haven’t found any evidence that either proves or disproves popular claims about the benefits of placenta encapsulation.

Women take placenta pills for a number of reasons. Most women I’ve talked to have taken the pills after giving birth. Generally, the pills are supposed to provide these positive effects:

increased oxytocin production: returns the uterus to normal size; helps mothers bond with their infants
increased production of stress-reducing hormones
increased breastmilk production
improved iron levels in the blood
decreased levels of postpartum depression

That last one was my major motivation for trying this homeopathic remedy. If eating my own placenta would help to ward off another PPD episode, then sign me up!

Getting Over the “Ick” Factor

Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be any risk as long as you only eat your own placenta! Plus, placentas are collected right after birth and processed in a sterile facility.

After this, they are steamed and dehydrated. Finally, the dehydrated tissue is ground up and put into pill capsules. Your placenta encapsulation professional will then let you know how frequently to take your pills.

Knowing all of this, I felt a bit better about the whole thing.

There are other options for placenta consumption. Some mothers add liquid placenta to smoothies. Others cook it into lasagna or cookies. However, it’s important to note that this is a raw meat product and should be stored accordingly. I decided to stick to the basics.

You Can Get Placenta Pills Almost Anywhere

Well, technically, you do grow it yourself! But unless you have the certifications to make your own placenta pills, it’s not a DIY project.

However, there are professionals located around the country. Often, you can ask at your OBGYN or the hospital where you will be delivering. They might have preferred or approved providers. Mostly, you will need to find and contract with someone completely independent. Your person will come to you within an hour of birth to collect your placenta. You’ll get the pills back within just a few days.

Even military hospitals allow this. I just did this in February in Okinawa. Basically, the placenta is medical waste. You can either allow the hospital to dispose of it or you can take custody of it. Most hospitals will just have you sign a consent and release form. Some states and hospitals do have rules against this, though. So double check with your birthing facility.

Does Tricare Pay for Placenta Pills?

The cost of placenta pills varies, depending on what options you choose from your provider. This cost falls entirely on you since Tricare doesn’t cover this treatment.

I paid $250 for my pills (approximately 200 pills). My package included the pills, a print of my placenta and a decor item made from the dried umbilical cord.

Taking Placenta Pills Helped Me When I Needed the Help

At least for me, taking placenta pills post-birth seems to be working well for me. I’m not feeling as sad or stressed or angry or just terrible as I did 3 years ago. I’m able to roll with the punches better. Hey, even my 3-year-old’s antics aren’t pushing my buttons as much as they could be!

Generally, anecdotal results are what gets shared. As noted above, the scientific studies are inconclusive either way. So personal stories are the best way to learn about placenta pills and their benefits. It’s what I did when I contacted Patti for her input and experience.

Have you had your placenta encapsulated? Did you see positive results from the placenta pills? Was there pushback from your birthing facility? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

Why I Planned 2 Weddings in 2 Years

March 20, 2017 By Rachel Leave a Comment

When I first met my husband, we were lucky to have almost a year of dating under our belt when the inevitable happened…PCS orders. Insert gulp.

Not only were they PCS orders, they were PCS orders to an unaccompanied overseas tour. Insert double gulp.

After sharing news of his orders, my then-boyfriend said

“I want to marry you.”

It came so nonchalantly, but very sincerely. I started to turn red. He couldn’t see it though because this was all over the phone and not what I pictured my proposal would be.

However, my gut immediately told my mouth to say,

“I want to marry you too.”

Well, there you have it…we were engaged. He still had 4 months of class before his overseas move, so we had only months to plan for a wedding. Insert yet another gulp.

I was somewhat heartbroken because it didn’t give me enough time to 1) plan and 2) have dearest friends and family attend. Also, I told my fiance that I wanted to be a little traditional i.e. get married in my childhood church, have my dad walk me down the aisle, do the Filipino ceremonies, etc.

That’s when he brought up the idea of 2 weddings.

I scratched my head. Hmm, 2 weddings?! I was hesitant at first, but we discussed the pros and cons. After have a long dialogue about it, we decided that 2 weddings was a fit for us.

Since then I’ve learned that the idea of 2 weddings isn’t an uncommon practice for military couples. The military has a way to nudge things forward unexpectedly like a wedding.

The concept of 2 weddings was my strategy to have my wedding cake and eat it too. With my 2 weddings I could still get married when time wasn’t on my side and still have the wedding of my dreams.

So, that became our plan. We scheduled a date for a courthouse wedding 2 weeks before he shipped off and then another one for 2 weeks after he arrived back in the United States.

Are you finding yourself in the same boat? Here are 5 tips that helped me during the process of planning 2 weddings.

5 Tips for Making the Decision to Have a Courthouse Ceremony or a Chapel Wedding (or Both)

Talk about it. Getting married is a huge decision and is one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Despite knowing I wanted to be with my soldier for the rest of my life, there were things that needed to be thought through before we picked out rings.

We used the Military & Family Life Counseling (MFLC) Program at Fort Drum to have a third party opinion on this decision. The MFLC Program can be utilized even if you aren’t married (at least we used it) because it’s for the well-being of the service member. I was pleasantly surprised that I was allowed to be counseled with him as a girlfriend. Go Army!

Compromise. As military significant others, we hear that word “compromise” a lot (and I mean a lot, a lot). But seriously, compromising becomes your friend, your very best friend.

Compromising was really the foundation of our decision to have 2 weddings and the reason for us to go through an unaccompanied tour at that time.

Timing was the driving force in our compromise and despite NOT wanting to be apart, the year apart gave us the time to plan for a wedding, have our loved ones save the date and come celebrate with us and helped me establish a work-from-home job that I’m currently doing today.

It’s all about you and your loved one. Ultimately, you should only be concerned with yourself and your beloved. To be honest, at first, I was concerned what others would think about our decision. Even if the first ceremony was only for each other and the military in a way, I still had to notify my employer for tax purposes and as a result, the cat would be out of the bag.

Then, I thought about it more and realized I shouldn’t be concerned because what we were doing helped us ensure a strong future together. I was happy and still am happy about our decision to have a courthouse ceremony 5 years later.

Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family. Luckily, I had an awesome support system. My family and friends were behind me and made the whole process seamless. I was happy to be able to have the chance to celebrate with them the second time around. Trust me, it was hard to let go of the reins (I’m Type-A all the way), but one of the best things I did was let people help me with getting married, twice.

Focus on the marriage and not the wedding. I did want to wear the white dress and veil among other wedding-y things, but I didn’t see everything as the event – or two in our case.

We saw our courthouse wedding as the first step in our marriage celebration and our church wedding as the time where we celebrated with the world.

Everyone is different and I’m an advocate of really doing what is best for you and your soon-to-be spouse.

If a courthouse wedding is what you want, then go for it. I’ve had military spouse friends have their wedding celebrations 10 years after their courthouse “I do” – and that’s amazing too.

It’s your wedding. Do what’s best for you and your future spouse.

Tell us about your wedding day. Did you get married at a courthouse, at the beach or in a chapel? Did you have 2 weddings, like Rachel? Share your wedding story in the comments.

I Am More Than Just a Soldier

March 16, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Jennifer Kennedy, Guest Contributor

Making friends in the military can be hard. With our husbands picking up our lives every few years and placing us in places we may never have been – or may not even want to be at, it can be tricky.

I know your pain. I have been an Army wife for 7 years.

Moving is hard. Living on post has allowed for a sense of community but there is still something that complicates my friendships with my neighbors. What’s my deep dark secret?

I am in the Army too.

I have been in the Army longer than I’ve been an Army wife. And I love it. Everyone has “good Army days” and “bad Army days” but as your spouse can attest, the good outweighs the bad and having a career in the military is very fulfilling.

So why is it that when I reveal my job, other Army wives turn on their cold shoulder?

Other women in the military have experienced this as well. Everything is all good, we shop at Target, we wear the latest leggings, we Instagram our Red Cups.

But Monday-Friday, we serve our country while our neighbors are either stay-at-home parents or work at their civilian careers and for some reason, our jobs weird people out.

Confession: I’m an Army Soldier Looking for Friendship

I want to share 3 reasons why you should embrace your military ladyfriend.

I Can Decode Your Husband

Everyone knows the military works in acronyms. They can be tricky. Some even stand for 2 or 3 things! I know many wives who get confused and husbands who spend all day breaking it down for the soldiers so breaking it down for their wives may not be high on their list.

But fear not my friends, I know what these acronyms mean. I live them every day.

If you are ever confused as to why your husband is in the field (again) and what a gunnery is – hit me up!

Why do we need 87 different pairs of gloves? I am more than happy to tell you more than “it’s just what they gave me.”

I promise it is not hard to decode the acronyms and once you do, you’ll be able to understand what nonsense your husband and his battle buddies are talking about. Think of how impressed he will be the next time he throws out a bunch of acronyms about his next training event and you reply back with confidence about what the training exercise entails?

We Are in the Know

Units often know about on-post activities before the general public does. Parades, festivals, sporting events. Those are often “taskings” that service members have to provide support for – aka things your husband gets “volun-told” to do.

Want to know the route for the Memorial Day parade and the best place to set up your seats? I’ve seen the route. Your husband has too but he probably doesn’t care about it as much as we do.

Us moms are always on the hunt for fun weekend activities for the kids to do. We also know when local sport teams have tickets to give away, a head’s up on Thanksgiving and Christmas food and toy vouchers. Basically, if you want to know when the sign-up for free turkey is, I know when it is because I took the notes.

I Am More Than Just a Soldier

Of course, knowing your husband’s job and being able to explain it in easy to understand, non-military words is fun and all but at the end of the day, I am more than just a soldier.

I am a mom just like you. I worry about schools and daycares and preschools. I am just like you, stalking Pinterest for the best teacher’s gift or birthday party spread.

Yes, I wear combat boots.

Yes, I have to do PT tests and sometimes I work weird hours but I’m also a lady wanting some downtime. I need “girl time” just as much as you.

And I want to learn about what you do too. While I love my job, I do not always want to talk about the military. Are you a stay at home mom? How do you do it without losing your mind? Do you have a civilian career? What is it like?

Ladies in the military are not some weird “insider” to be looked at as a threat. We are your ally.

I get upset about going to the field just like you get upset that your husband is going to the field. The difference is, we can complain like girls do together.

We are also both married to a service member.

Your fears are my fears. Every time my husband has to leave town for work or deploy, I am just a big a nervous wreck as you are.

So, next time you see a woman in uniform, reach out to her. If she is anything like me, she is so ready for a conversation with another woman. We do not even have to talk about the military. Tell me about the latest Dollar Spot goodies.

Jennifer Kennedy is an Army veteran, Army wife, and grew up as an Army brat. Her husband, 4 kids, and 4 cats are currently experiencing all Fort Carson and the surrounding area has to offer. When she’s not exploring her duty station, she is blogging over at www.injeniouslife.com where she shares recipes, craft and sewing tutorials, and recaps of her duty station adventures.

What You Say vs. What Your Family Hears

March 13, 2017 By Katie Phillips Leave a Comment

My mother loves the military. Her birthday is on Veterans Day, and when she was randomly in New York City during Fleet Week, she tried to have her picture taken with literally every sailor in the city.

When I met my Navy husband, she could not have been more thrilled. After our first date, she had already planned our wedding. All of this was fantastic. I loved that my family was as smitten with my husband as I was.

But I quickly noticed that words would come out of my mouth, and mysteriously, when they entered my mother’s ears, they’d become something else entirely.

For example, husband was scheduled to go on a routine, relatively short deployment to the Pacific to finish up some qualifications. Nothing crazy. Nothing dangerous.

My mom, however, only heard the word DEPLOYMENT (caps for emphasis) and immediately started planning a huge farewell party for him.

Never mind that it would be a huge inconvenience for us to travel home for this party.

Or that we had planned to spend some time with one another, rather than 30 of our nearest and dearest.

Or that hubs really doesn’t care for anything that calls special attention to his military service.

Military spouses have to deal with these types of situations often.

What you say versus what your family hears can create more drama than an episode of “The Bachelor” if not handled in just the right way.

So what can you do when you say one thing and your family hears another?

What You Say vs. What Your Family Hears

Try to Compromise First

You tell your in-laws that your spouse is returning from a deployment, and they want to meet him at the airport with balloons, flowers and an American flag that could be seen from space.

Understandably, they miss their kid, just like you miss your spouse. They’ve been just as worried about his safety and well-being as you have. Their hearts are in the right place – it’s just that in their excitement they’ve gone overboard.

Rather than risk hurt feelings, gently suggest an alternative plan that works for everyone and explain why. Your in-laws may never have seen their child drag in at 2 a.m. from a yearlong deployment, exhausted, sleep-deprived and struggling to adjust to life back home.

Compromise where you can. If your family understands why a big celebration might not be best right away, they’ll be more open to alternative plans, even if they are a little disappointed at first.

Don’t Let Guilt Take Over

You said you can’t come home for the holidays because your spouse has duty on Christmas day. What your family hears is that you’ll be absent for the most important family celebration of the year and may make you feel guilty for skipping the festivities.

Explain why you’re staying put: does your family really want your spouse to spend the holidays alone just so they can have you home with them? Hopefully, reason will win out, but if not, do not let guilt take over.

It can be hard for your extended family to understand your choices, but don’t feel guilty about making a decision that’s ultimately in the best interest of your family.

Communication Is Key

If your family truly wants what’s best for you and your spouse, they’ll eventually come around. After all, it can be hard for them to understand the military lifestyle. One way to help them to better understand the struggle is through open communication. Explain the day-to-day life of a military family to them.

When your family gets to know the delicate balance that is being a military spouse, they’ll be able to better hear what you say, and actually hear you, rather than what they want to hear.

As for my family: we had an open, honest discussion about our reality as a military family versus family expectations. And my military-loving mother has (mostly) been able to keep herself in check.

She didn’t make any promises about containing herself during Fleet Week, though.

Can you relate? When have you found yourself saying one thing while your family members hear something completely different? Share your stories of what “I Say vs What They Hear” in the comments section.

How to Have the Perfect Military Marriage

March 10, 2017 By T.T. Robinson Leave a Comment

Spoiler alert: you can’t.

But keep reading. We are going to give you one thing you can perfect.

As a military spouse, you can do everything right.

You can wave the flag at the deployment send-off.

You can rock those heels or bow tie at homecoming.

You can send care packages and pictures and love letters and inspirational quotes.

You can do all the laundry and make the best meals and have the greatest job and be the most amazing parent.

You can do it all!

You two can have the greatest adventures and the most incredible history. You can laugh your asses off together, you can grow stronger through grieving together, you can watch Netflix and chill together and you can truly be soulmates.

But perfect? You can’t have a perfect marriage, my friend. Perfect doesn’t exist.

So cut yourself some slack.

Don’t let social media convince you that everyone else has the perfect marriage. I promise, they don’t.

That couple beaming in the photo at the military ball very well might be truly happy. But I guarantee you they’ve fought over putting clothes on top of the hamper instead of in it.

Those two on vacation? Always jet-setting across the world for the most amazing photo ops? Yeah, I promise they argued over something as important as whose responsibility it was to replace the toilet paper on the holder.

I’m not proud of it, but one of the biggest fights early on in our marriage was over how I liked my eggs. My husband, trying to be sweet, ordered my breakfast for me at a fancy brunch spot. I asked for the eggs scrambled on the sweet little benedicts and he insisted I wanted them sunny-side up. They should have renamed the dish the Benedict Arnold. I lost my mind when those goopy eggs came out and ran all over my plate and ruined everything.

I still maintain it was indicative of some larger respect thing, but um, really, it wasn’t. I was just hangry.

We have a good laugh about it (and turns out that’s how I prefer my eggs now, 10 years later) but the point is, couples fight. They disagree.

They love so much and so fiercely and so hard that it becomes a relationship worth fighting for, and sometimes, fighting each other for. Finances, jobs, duty stations and even eggs, can be contentious.

My military marriage isn’t perfect because military life isn’t. This lifestyle isn’t relaxed or predictable or calm. It’s not quiet nights in a quaint town with every expectation for tomorrow.

No, sweet friend. It’s messy.

It’s 3 a.m. wake-ups and last minute TDYs and bringing new babies into the world via Skype.

It’s goodbyes and hellos, and hopes the latter outnumber the former.

It’s changing plans and canceling vacations and one more holiday away from home.

It’s really freaking hard…which means military marriages take just that much more work. Our marriages take more trust and more strength. They take more patience and more grace and more forgiveness and more flexibility and more everything.

And most importantly? They take more courage.

We send our spouses off to work with no guarantee they’ll return. Sure, no one’s day is guaranteed, but there’s something about training and war and deployments and battle that heightens that awareness, doesn’t it?

So instead of focusing on the perfect marriage, focus on the perfect goodbye.

Commit to kissing your spouse in the morning. Make a pact not to end a conversation or a phone call without an “I love you.” Sign your emails with some x’s and o’s and spiff up your texts with some heart emojis. Promise each other you’ll do your best not to go to sleep angry.

We can’t have the perfect marriage – no one can – but we can sure keep trying.

In the spirit of helping my fellow male spouses get the most out of this fantastic day I thought I’d share my top 5 gift ideas for the best Father’s Day experience. Spoiler alert, there aren’t any neckties involved.

Do you have any great gift ideas for Father’s Day? Share them in the comments section.

That was when she sent me a picture of her ankle.

It was that I had never been put in this type of situation before.

“This is training for both of us” was my response.

But something that most work from home articles don’t tell you is that it can get lonely. You’re in your house all day, probably tied to a computer, and there’s not a lot of human interaction.

How to Have a Social Life When You Are a Military Spouse Who Works From Home

Community Groups and Events

Military Options

School

Online

Fitness

Staying together requires clear intentions and purposeful actions.

Kick Outside Voices (Including Preconceived Notions) Out of Your Military Marriage

Build Kindness and Respect Into Your Military Marriage

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Grow Together

Plan Personal Growth Time Into Your Military Marriage

What are your tips for helping military marriages to stay together?

Are you a working military spouse? Who is in your village helping you get through the working parent trenches?

Which is why I turned my placenta into pills.

Women Have Been Eating Placentas for Centuries

Getting Over the “Ick” Factor

You Can Get Placenta Pills Almost Anywhere

Does Tricare Pay for Placenta Pills?

Taking Placenta Pills Helped Me When I Needed the Help

Have you had your placenta encapsulated? Did you see positive results from the placenta pills? Was there pushback from your birthing facility? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

That’s when he brought up the idea of 2 weddings.

5 Tips for Making the Decision to Have a Courthouse Ceremony or a Chapel Wedding (or Both)

Tell us about your wedding day. Did you get married at a courthouse, at the beach or in a chapel? Did you have 2 weddings, like Rachel? Share your wedding story in the comments.

I am in the Army too.

Confession: I’m an Army Soldier Looking for Friendship

I Can Decode Your Husband

We Are in the Know

I Am More Than Just a Soldier

Ladies in the military are not some weird “insider” to be looked at as a threat. We are your ally.

But I quickly noticed that words would come out of my mouth, and mysteriously, when they entered my mother’s ears, they’d become something else entirely.

What You Say vs. What Your Family Hears

Try to Compromise First

Don’t Let Guilt Take Over

Communication Is Key

Can you relate? When have you found yourself saying one thing while your family members hear something completely different? Share your stories of what “I Say vs What They Hear” in the comments section.

But perfect? You can’t have a perfect marriage, my friend. Perfect doesn’t exist.

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