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7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

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Eventually, every parent needs to do it: contact the teacher.

But how and when? More importantly, how often?

Your child’s teacher can be your best ally. Trust me, teachers WANT to help you! But information and request overload can quickly add to the already staggering workload that educational professionals are carrying. So it’s important to observe a few guidelines and keep communication open.

Here are 7 ways that you can get what your child needs and keep the teacher happy at the same time.

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

1. Start Early

Right from the get-go be kind and supportive. Ask the teacher if she needs anything for the classroom and then follow through. It might be tissues or hand sanitizer. It could also be helping to make copies or volunteering as a room parent.

This helps to create a relationship with your child’s teacher. If you are involved, you might get info about your child. You can also pick the teacher’s brain more easily. It might be questions about the math homework or the inside track on the big class project, but your physical (or virtual) presence helps you.

2. Small Notes

Teachers look at everything or try to. We check agenda books, homework and even little sticky notes. If you are concerned about something on the small side, send a note. From early dismissal to trouble on the homework or a question about the spelling assignment, the teacher will see it and be aware of the situation.

Sending in small notes like this, occasionally, keeps the dialogue open and lets the teacher know that you are an involved parent. She knows that you are helping your child with her schoolwork and want your child to succeed.

3. Email Etiquette

Email is the easiest way to get in touch these days. It’s fast, efficient and hassle free.

Except emails can get lost in the shuffle. There is also no “tone of voice” reader available.

When you email, be careful. Use precise language to communicate your concern, but try to keep the “tone” warm and friendly.

Even if you are upset.

Especially if you are upset.

Firing off accusations will put the teacher on the defensive and make progress even harder.

Be clear about what you want: answers, a meeting or even just a response of any kind.

4. Ask for a Meeting

For small problems, like homework questions, use email or written notes. If a big issue pops up, like major academic concerns or social situations, ask (kindly) for a meeting.

This is not a You VS Teacher heavyweight battle. It’s all of you fighting for the best education for your child together. At the meeting, approach it like a team effort.

Ask questions. What is the teacher seeing? How has she addressed the issue so far? What has worked with similar situations in the past? What can you do at home to support your student?

Then follow through. Stay in touch with the teacher about the issue. Ask for progress reports and information about interventions. Use the teacher suggestions at home.

5. Quality Over Quantity

Emails have a tendency to pile up real quick. Even paper notes can get misplaced.

Yes, keeping in contact is amazing! The teacher knows you care and you have your finger on the pulse of the classroom. Constant contact can also work against you.

Daily emails or notes are overwhelming and meeting every week is a lot. So keep your communication regular, but not flowing like a river.

Like the boy who cried wolf, if you make every molehill into a mountain, it can become harder to handle the mountains if you find them. Teachers might also be less likely to take your (legitimate) concerns quite as seriously if every challenging assignment results in an emergency meeting or a flurry of emails marked URGENT.

6. Respect the Work Day

Do things happen after 3:30 p.m.? Of course! Kids get sick, homework gets lost and stories from the school day are shared. Plus, since after school is usually when parent get to see all the tests and homework, academic concerns might start to brew.

If you email after the school day, please allow some wait time. Typically, this is one business day, from Monday to Friday, during working hours.

Talk to the Teacher: Get What Your Child Needs, Keep the Teacher on Your Side

Teachers need time to read, process and find the answers you need. We need time to get our strategy in place. If the topic is especially sensitive, the teacher might also need to write a draft response and then step away before sending it to make sure he got it right.

If you need a meeting, ask when the teacher has time. Typically, a teacher will want to solve a problem sooner rather than later. For parents who are limited by their own working hours, offer some days and times you are available. Many teachers will come in early, stay late, or give up their lunch and prep periods to meet with parents.

Be prepared to sacrifice equally of your time. This is YOUR kid, after all.

7. Be a Problem Solver

If you CAN do it, please go right ahead!

If your child is begging for extra math homework or wants to learn more about anything, try to find the solution on your own first. There are many websites out there that offer free online programs, like Khan Academy or PBS Kids. And the library is always free.

When the going gets tough on homework, search on YouTube for teaching tutorials. There are a bunch of them out there, all conforming to Common Core standards, across grade levels.

Your teacher will adore you for being proactive with your child’s education. And her workload will feel just a little bit lighter too.

Want even more help with talking to your child’s teacher? Get your copy of Talk to the Teacher today! Click here to order it on Amazon.

8 Ways To Invest (Emotionally) In Your Military Marriage

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Marriage is one of the most powerful foundations of the U.S. Armed Forces. While service members answer duty’s call, military spouses work to support their partners and families on the homefront.

We work together to create strong and resilient communities and family units. The strength of the military is inextricably linked to the overall mental, physical and emotional well-being of the service members and their families.

With the everyday push and pull of the world, we can look up and find that in the sea of commitments and obligations we’ve lost sight of the main thing: our commitments to one another in our marriages.

Consciously taking time to pour into ourselves and our marriages can fortify our unions during times of peacefulness and tumult alike. Emotional time, effort and investments are essential to creating healthy and lasting military marriages.

8 Ways To Invest (Emotionally) In Your Military Marriage

Source: CreateHERstock.com

Here are 8 ways to emotionally invest in your military marriage.

Be playful together.

All work and no play make marriages a dull chore. Who said the fun had to end when you jumped over the broom? No one!

It’s OK to prank your spouse (within their comfort zone), beat them in a table flipping game of UNO or challenge each other to a race on your kids’ scooters. The point is you both deserve to let loose and experience joy together. Conscientiously seek opportunities for play.

Be passionate.

Nothing makes a long ruck march more manageable than a rousing call and response. Passion begets passion.

If you’ve found that you aren’t connecting with your spouse, consider delving into one of your forgotten loves or passions. The excitement of an interesting job, task or hobby can be contagious.

Let passion infect your marriage.

Be affectionate daily.

Whether you’re down for a “50 Shades of Grey” evening or cuddling with fuzzy socks, we all need physical contact. It’s something we remember all too well during TDYs and deployments. But investing in the physical touch daily can garner closeness and rekindle the flame. Hug, kiss or snuggle with your baby today.

Be grateful.

Gratitude has a way of shifting perspectives. Practicing gratitude as a couple is a surefire method of keeping a positive and emotionally connected home.

Are you happy the dog has stopped its summer shedding? Or that the unit’s chili cook-off was actually delicious? Seek out the good stuff as partners.

Be gracious.

We all need the benefit of the doubt at one point or another. Extending grace to your partner allows you to see them as a human who is doing their best with the tools they have.

Graciousness lets you place smelly boots in the passenger seat of his car as a joke instead of seeing red that you’ve temporarily lost your sense of smell from the horror that is reeking boots in your bedroom.

Be mindful.

What are your values? Where do you see yourself and your spouse in the future? Revisiting your core values and mission as a family can help facilitate a deeper emotional connection.

We know we have a common goal. And although circumstances and environments may change we can also return to the essence of our union. Rediscover your shared vision and dreams within your military marriage.

Be transparent.

There are times when we are running on empty, when things have got to give. It’s OK to be clear and transparent about our needs, desires and weakness. No living breathing, flawed human can ever be Bionic Woman or Captain America. Let’s stop aspiring to unrealistic goals and instead be the best version of ourselves at any given moment in our lives. Let your partner know when you need a hand.

Be fair.

They say that all is fair in love and war, but I beg to differ. There is such a thing as “below the belt” and that is a place none of us should ever endeavor to go in love.

Military marriages have so many sacrifices and compromises, but we should always fight fair.

Words last forever. In order to remain emotionally invested, each partner has to feel safe to be vulnerable. Regardless of slights or differing points of view we can work to ensure our marriages are always safe places to land.

There is no magic wand to greater intimacy and long-lasting ardor, but committing to emotionally invest in your military marriage is definitely a strong step in the right direction.

What are your tips for investing in your military marriage?

Is It Worth It To Get Involved In Your Military Community?

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Is It Worth It To Get Involved In Your Military Community?

“Are we going to have any FRG events?”

I asked our FRG leader at the beginning of my husband’s first deployment.

“No,” she said,

“I figure I’ll just be here to answer questions and stuff. I don’t think people really want that kind of crap anyways.”

I was pregnant with my first child at the time and I felt incredibly alone. I had hoped that maybe I could make mom friends in the Family Readiness Group, but apparently that was not going to happen.

I told a couple other military spouses from another branch about this and they told me how lucky I was. They told me how horrible the other military spouses were (conveniently excluding themselves and hopefully me from this blanket accusation). They told me horror story after horror story.

It was a horribly disheartening conversation to say the least.

Then we switched to a new duty station and started a new deployment at the same time.

It was a whole new world.

The FRG leader (who was in the military herself) made sure to check on me on a regular basis despite the fact I hadn’t actually moved to the new state yet. She made sure to let me know about every event and support option that was available, and if anything changed about the deployment she called to keep me up to date.

Once the deployment was over and we actually moved to our new state, another military family let us live with them until our house was ready, despite barely knowing us.

Since then, I’ve slowly gotten more and more involved in my military community, from becoming a NextGen MilSpouse regular contributor to going to military spouse events and attending the American Military Partner Association gala. I can now say a large portion of my Facebook friends list is made up of military spouses.

The military community is a community which I can call on for anything.

It spiderwebs across the world and if they don’t know the answer, they know someone who does. If I needed a place to stay in a different state, or if I needed someone to check on a friend or family member during a disaster, or I simply needed help around the house I know that I can call on my military community.

I’m not sure where those negative rumors come from, and I can only assume that maybe somewhere they’ve occasionally happened. However, I have yet to see them occur.

I have friends that are officer’s wives.

I have friends whose husbands are enlisted.

I have friends who are in the military themselves

And I have never once seen any of them treat anyone disrespectfully. I have yet to see a military spouse use their service member’s rank as their own.

If I still knew those women who spoke so hatefully about military spouse groups, I think I would ask them if they’ve actually encountered that kind of drama. If they hadn’t, then maybe gossip was the only thing keeping them from being part of something amazing.

If they had, then I would challenge them to become part of the group and call out that kind of disrespect and create change.

Military spouses are a unique group, and though some can empathize, it’s hard to understand what our life is like without living it. We have our own inside jokes, our own unique struggles, and we are bonded by a common love.

We have a unique view on what goes on in the world and we are the link between the civilian community and service members. We can do great things together from advocating for our service members to supporting fellow military families through tough times.

So is it worth it to get involved in the military community?

Absolutely.

The military community is a support system like no other filled with diverse and remarkable men and women, and the good is far more common than the bad.

And if you’ve seen the bad? Well I encourage you to meet hatefulness with love (or sometimes, tough love) and be the change you wish to see in the community.

I Don’t Have All The Answers

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by Rebecca Alwine, Guest Contributor

I want military spouses to have the information that they need to be successful. I want them to learn the resources that are available.

In the last 10 years, I’ve gone from incredibly naive military spouse to eager to get involved to I’m about done with this.

There are some days, I hop on the local spouse group (on Facebook) and I’m excited to see all of the new faces. Some brand new to the military and others just got orders to this duty station. I’m eager to help answer their questions, trying to frame my responses in a way that helps and isn’t too one-sided. I offer suggestions, personal experiences and resources.

Other days, I want to scream

“Google it!”

or

“10 people posted about that yesterday”

or

“Ask your service member!”

For the record, I never respond like that.

Though sometimes I veil it writing this:

“So and so just asked about this, here’s the post and the great responses they got.”

Then it hits me.

This is how we make friends. This is reaching out. This is where scared, lost, intimidated and oftentimes frustrated new military spouses go to try to make their world right.

And I can help.

I can help by offering suggestions, resources and experiences, in a warm and understanding tone. I can help by commenting with a simple “Welcome!” when they say they’ve just arrived. I can take the military traditions of calling cards and welcome dinners and transform it into an online community where everyone feels welcome and valued.

I’m passing along the most important lesson I’ve learned as a military spouse – Pay it forward.

Ten years ago when I was new, scared and alone in Germany, my FRG leader walked over to my house and introduced herself. She made it a point to invite me to things, even when I said no 3 times before. She never made me feel like I was interrupting or encroaching on family time. I absolutely believe that her friendship, combined with the other women I met over those 3 years, are what kept me sane.

I want to be that friendship for someone else.

I don’t have all the answers.

I don’t want to have all the answers.

I just want to know how to help you find them.

Please, don’t think that I’m spouting off information to gain popularity or to make it look like I know everything.

I want us to succeed. I want military spouses to have the information that they need to be successful. I want them to learn the resources that are available.

And, perhaps most importantly, I want them to be comfortable passing that information on.

Because one day, I’m not going to be relevant anymore. The awesome roller coaster of military spouse life will end for me.

When it ends, I don’t want to be missed. I want to leave behind a better military spouse community than I joined. I want everyone to be focused on helping each other, sharing information and welcoming the newcomers.

Do you want to join me?

Rebecca AlwineRebecca Alwine is a freelance writer, Army wife, and mother of 3. Over the past 10 years, she’s discovered she enjoys coffee, running, lifting weights, and most of the menial tasks of motherhood. When she’s not writing, she can usually be found hiding behind the sewing machine or with her nose in a book. Follow her on Instagram. 

Daycare Helps Me To Be A Better Mother

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I am not superwoman.

I think I am. Truthfully, in a lot of ways I am, but at the end of the day, I am human. And I can’t do it all by myself. But I forget that, a lot.

Rewind to the end of last year, my daughter was about 6 months old. She was becoming more mobile. She no longer slept all day. And the tug between my part-time freelance work and valuable parenting time was straining. There was no way that I could be successful in both and keep my sanity.

Why?

I have always needed work.

Daycare Helps Me To Be A Better Mother

I took a short break when we were at a duty station for 6 months after a grueling 4 years of grad school, work and a long commute. I went crazy for the month it took to start working for my first freelance client. It was a small monthly project and in the time I had off I didn’t know what to do.

I started writing more.

I baked bread.

I went to the farmers market every week.

I watched a lot of Netflix.

But I needed more structure and projects to fuel me, without it I felt lost.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast offers a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. Make sure you never miss a show by subscribing to our podcast on iTunes or GooglePlay.

When it was time to PCS again and we settled into our new longer-term duty station, my local job hunt went sour, but I picked up more freelance work and was loving my new flexible work-from-home life.

My husband noticed immediately. He commented that I seemed happier. And I was. I felt fulfilled having work to do, work that I loved. It got my mind going in all the right ways and gave me my outlet.

I thought it would be the perfect set-up as I entered motherhood. But it wasn’t.

When I came back to work after 2 months of maternity leave I was excited. I missed my job and my coworkers. I thought that my part-time freelance work and motherhood would be the perfect match. I would work while my daughter napped or played by herself.

And it worked really well for a few months, until, well, she grew up way too fast. She could play by herself for short spurts, enough to schedule a tweet here and there. She hated napping so by the time I got a good groove going, she was awake.

I quickly realized that I couldn’t fully focus on my daughter or work, which isn’t fair to her, me or my employer.

At the end of the day when she was asleep, I wanted to veg out on the couch and do nothing. Being a parent is a lot of work. And work is a lot of work, and I was treading water.

Daycare Helps Me To Be A Better Mother

I faced a dilemma – daycare is expensive, but to really work and be successful in my career, she needed to go, at least part-time, and for us to afford daycare, I needed to work more. It was a catch-22, but I knew that for my own sanity it had to happen.

With a deployment on the horizon, I also knew that I would need me time.

So the hunt began and I got lucky. Another freelance client fell into my lap and the daycare center minutes from my house had an opening. With my next paycheck spoken for, off to daycare she went.

The first few days were weird. I work from home 3 days a week, and not working with her monitor on my desk at all times was surreal. My house was so…quiet.

But the focus was unreal. I could work for 7 hours. And for me, that was exactly what I needed.

When I picked her up at the end of the day and came home – we could spend quality time together. Not half play-half work stress. I didn’t have to log work hours on the weekend. With my husband deployed I used some of my daytime hours to run errands and work out, the only time I truly had to myself to fit those key things into my schedule.

Daycare made me a better mom.

Self-care is not a cliche or a trend. It is necessary. It looks different for everyone, for others it means church, spending time with friends, running and getting enough sleep.

For me, self-care includes work. It involves me working toward goals and creating plans for success. It involves some pretty fun Google Hangouts to record a weekly podcast without me worrying if my daughter would cry mid-interview.

Self-care means that my daughter gets the best version of me. It means that my husband gets the best version of me. It means that I’m the best version of me.

And that, well, I guess that makes me superwoman after all.

Have you felt conflicted about sending your child to daycare? What factors influenced your decision? 

 

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

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Perfect timing, stomach bug.

Not only had we just moved OCONUS, but I was laid low with something nasty while my 2 year old ran amok. Oh, and it was my husband’s first day back at work. Did I mention I was also pregnant?

There were only so many movies I could get her to sit through. Going outside wasn’t even a remote possibility.

I could think of a million options, if only we were still stateside on leave or at out last duty station. We were tens of thousands of miles from every single person I knew.

It would have been easy to lose my mind, break down or call my service member in tears. Instead, I called in my village.

Anytime I need something I can phone a friend in my military spouse village.

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

New Baby

Having a baby in the military? No worries, mama! Your friends have totally got your back. Whether you need breastfeeding advice or something more, there is probably someone in your network who can help you.

When I was a nervous new mother, I phoned a girlfriend who already had 3 children. She offered me moral support and advice about bottle feeding and swaddling. She talked me down during more than one very late night feeding.

My friend’s husband deployed a few months before her due date. She was all alone, with their older child, when the time came. Except, she wasn’t really alone. Immediately military spouse friends swooped in. They took care of her son, stocked her fridge and finished the nursery set-up. A few extra close friends held her hand during labor and delivery.

These things aren’t uncommon in the military community. It’s standard practice for military spouses who depend on each other for almost everything.

Travel With Kids

Anyone who has ever boarded a plane with small children knows it’s, let’s say, interesting. Anything can and will happen during travel with kids. From illness to injury to destructive boredom, one of your military mom friends has probably experienced it.

Next time you plan to travel, ask around. Your friends will be able to offer the best driving routes or sage advice about navigating airport security. Your village can set you up with essential travel items too.

For our last trip, there wasn’t a crib for our infant. Instead of rushing out to buy one, I phoned a friend. She has an awesome travel bassinet that fits into a suitcase. Problem solved. Plus, she’s borrowing our high chair right now.

Support Networks

Raising children is tough. Between navigating screen time and dealing with a toddler tantrum, it’s easy to be at your limit ultra fast. When your spouse is gone a lot or you’re far from home, building support networks are vital to keeping your sanity.

Military families have almost built-in groups to turn to in times of trouble. Whether it’s the other parents in your on-base neighborhood, the pals you met at Stroller Warriors or someone from the base chapel, there are people for you to lean on.

Where we currently live, all the kids are around the same age and 3 of them have birthdays within 6 months of each other. Our spouses are in and out constantly. We team up for dinners, play dates and all pitch in to watch the kids outside. Having other parents to call on when I’m at my breaking point is life-saving.

It’s not just local friends, either. My virtual village is equally important. My support network stretches around the globe, so someone is always awake when I need to vent or want advice. By connecting online with people I’ve met, and those I know virtually, I have access to countless experts in education, psychology and parenting.

Health Crisis

My daughter woke up with a rash the other day. I had literally no idea what it was. My treatment choice was limited to the military ER because it was Sunday. There was no way that I was going to drag 2 kids down there for hours for a rash.

Instead, I video-chatted with my friend who is a physician assistant. She checked out the rash, talked to my kiddo and gave me some basic treatment options until the clinic opened on Monday.

In your many travels, you probably have a few friends in the medical profession too. Knowing that I have friends with medical knowledge in my village is so comforting. I know that no matter where I go or what my in-person options are, I can get the best advice from my friends.

My military spouse village makes raising my children easier.

When I was sick, I could have cried and dissolved into a helpless puddle. Instead, I picked up the phone. I had luckily gotten the contact information for a few of my new neighbors. They swooped in and entertained my child all day long, brought me Gatorade and found me a babysitter to help the next day.

We had known each other for just a few days, but they didn’t hesitate to help when I needed it most. It’s just what happens in the military spouse village. We all step up to help each other.

This military life can be tough, especially with kids. Having a military spouse village to support and help you makes raising children so much easier.

How does your military village help you? Post a shout out to your friends!

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying Home

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Being a stay-at-home parent (SAHP) seems awesome from the outside in. It looks like it’s all sweet storytimes, cuddles on the couch, and baking brownies.

Let me tell you: it’s not.

I’ve been doing this SAHP gig since school got out last summer and it is not all sweetness and delight. A lot of my day is spent negotiating with my toddler over the necessity of holding hands on a busy sidewalk or injuring my feet on her Little People. Those bad boys are pointy!

It’s also been really hard for me to make this transition from full-time teacher to full-time stay-at-home parent while also trying to break into the writing world. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be doing this except for a weird one-year duty station.

It hasn’t been perfect some of the time or even most of the time. But along the way, there have been moments and things I did that helped me to fall in love with staying home.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying At Home

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Being a Stay-At-Home Parent

Create a Tribe

I found my tribe at Stroller Warriors. I’m an avid runner and had been dying to get into this group in our last hometown, but with work, weather and distance, it never worked out. Now, I have the time to go to every workout and have made some amazing friends to boot!

Your tribe can be found anywhere. I know that my neighborhood at our first duty station was really tight, so much so that no one thought anything of having impromptu doggie/child playdates midday. Use what you have: church, MOPS, Bible study, neighborhood friends or workout groups. Get contact info and be open to new adventures.

Be Patient, Be Kind

When life is controlled by an opinionated toddler, life moves in interesting ways and directions. So no, you won’t always get that 2-hour block in the middle of the day to “adult,” but you will be able to re-watch your favorite movies from childhood frequently.

Kids are also learning so much about life and how they act and react is based on us. Being patient with my child and myself has been a huge stumbling block and learning opportunity for me. I’ve had to learn how to communicate effectively using minimal big words. I’ve also learned the power of the “Mommy Time-Out.” Seriously, Momma needs a minute.

I also know that I am not perfect at parenting. I get angry, frustrated and tired like everyone else. But tomorrow is another day and I get to try again to be the best mother I can be right now.

Explore Together

Wherever you are, it seems that there is never enough time to truly explore. When you day is scheduled around meals and naps, there is a little more time and flexibility to get out of the house. Plus, doing stuff creates tired children, and tired children nap.

There are sure to be parenting blogs or websites that show cool places to go with your littles. If not, ask around in your new circle of friends.

I love to see different places with my tot in tow. It makes me slow down and appreciate the moment just a little bit more.

Relish The Lack of Crowds

The other day, we went to a local nature and animal preserve for the morning. This place is usually a big attraction where we are, but it was almost empty! We showed up on a Wednesday, right after it opened. With bigger kids at school and adults at work, it was just us and a handful of tourists.

Without crowds, those big-time attractions become suddenly more manageable. Since almost no one was there, my kiddo had free range to explore along the sidewalks and paths, to stop and look at the animals, or to pick up 1,000,000 rocks.

Become More Mindful

As a classroom teacher, I always had a very strict schedule to attend to. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to really stop and smell the roses.

My mindset must still be the same, because I keep trying to hurry my child through our day. She wants to inspect some rocks and I just want to get to the final destination.

This year has reminded me that the journey is just as important as the destination. So if a kid wants to splash in puddles for hours on end, and it’s safe to do so, let her.

It is so easy to get frustrated and mad about the slow pace. But I am trying to stop and sit and let her be little as long as I can.

Savor The “I Love You” Moments

My favorite moments are the ones that are pure sweetness. I love when my baby climbs into my lap and asks for one more story. Or when she hugs me tightly and rests her head on my shoulder before she runs off to keep playing. My favorite moments each and every day are the ones when she says “I love you, Mommy.”

I know that as she grows into a big kid, then a tween, teen and finally an adult, those whispered “I love you’s” and sticky kisses will become fewer and farther between.

Right now, I get to savor them all day, every day. If I could bottle those moments up and keep them forever, I would.

Grab This Extra Time Together

Youth is so fleeting and fast. I know that I have no idea where the last 2 years went at all. Seriously, how is it 2017 already? But this year of staying home has given me the chance to create traditions, memories and a strong bond with my child. I know I will never get this age or stage back with her, and I have been afforded the opportunity to really treasure it.

So I’m trying to slow down, take my time, be patient with both of us, and enjoy these days staying at home with my baby.

Before I know it, we will move again and I might return to work again; my currently small kiddo will grow bigger and bigger, and need me less and less.

It has definitely taken me some time, and not just a few growing pains, but I have fallen in love with being a stay-at-home parent.

Do you love being a stay-at-home parent? What are your favorite aspects of this role? 

5 Gift Ideas for the Stay-at-Home Dad for Father’s Day

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by Eric Gardner, Guest Contributor

5 Gift Ideas for the Stay-at-Home Dad for Father's Day

As a military spouse, a dad, veteran, and stay-at-home provider, I find Father’s Day to be a wonderful time to take a breath and marvel at how fantastic my kids are.

My wife and I are blessed with 2 beautiful girls. While we have been with the Army for over 18 years our bundles of joy are only 10 and 7 years old. Which means I am still entrenched in the Father’s Day ritual of a unique breakfast in bed and fun activities on this illustrious day.

I’m a bit older now so I’m sure it will involve some sort of bran muffin or cereal as a joke (thanks babe). But there will be coffee and smiling faces so it will be terrific.

After breakfast we go to the main event; the presenting of a gift bag with wonderfully colored tissue paper exploding from the top. Inside, crafted by little fingers would be a homemade wonder. I know these priceless keepsakes will not keep coming forever so in this world dominated by gadgets and gizmos my idea of what makes a great gift has changed.

As I looked back at all of our Father’s Day events, my best memories always involve an adventure where we did something fun together. Of course the ones that really stick out in my mind are the completely guy-focused activities (remember I’m totally outnumbered).

In the spirit of helping my fellow male spouses get the most out of this fantastic day I thought I’d share my top 5 gift ideas for the best Father’s Day experience. Spoiler alert, there aren’t any neckties involved.

5. The Bass Pro Shop/Cabala’s shopping experience. If you’ve never been to one of these giant men magnets on Father’s Day I highly recommend it. We went one year and my lovely wife made the comment “you can get anything you want.” Before I could sprint through the door however she followed up by saying “within reason.”

Those of you who have been to these wonderful showrooms know, very little is “within reason.” However they had an outdoor archery range, BB gun/air rifle firing range, fishing at the store pond and tons more for families to do.

I didn’t walk away with anything in a shopping bag but I had a grin from ear to ear because both my girls were so enthralled with every single activity, and talked about it for weeks to come.

4. Sharing a hobby. The world of a stay-at-home provider typically translates to jack-of-all-trades. Military spouses tend to learn how to do it all very quickly. Loads of fun right? Yet I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy working in the garage on a project (or 12) or sneaking away to write a few chapters in a new book.

While these solitary moments are fleeting, I find that my daughters being interested and wanting to build, craft or write something with me is infinitely more enjoyable.

3. Water balloon/water gun ambush. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good water fight? We’re all kids at heart, and I think Father’s Day being in June is a completely justifiable reason for this awesome home-styled adventure.

2. Dad T.V. time with a catch. As I said above I live in a house with 3 females. I’ve seen my fair share of “Drop Dead Diva” episodes, “Gilmore Girls” seasons, and “Legally Blonde” marathons.

The life of a stay-at-home dad is not T.V. and beer all day (much to my chagrin).

So this one festive day is a 24-hour gift of 80s action movies, edited for T.V. horror movies or a “Star Wars” marathon (you’ve got to remember my kids are 10 and 7) What makes this special is that everyone is there to share in the awesome one-liners, outrageous action sequences and impossible plot twists that everyone ignores.

1. A chance to soak it all in. Life happens way too fast. The military culture can force our family time into fleeting snapshots due to busy schedules. Here is a perfect day to slow the train down, maybe even get off for a minute. You only get to go around once.

If you have been blessed with children let them share in every minute of every day, but on Father’s Day take a few more moments to make it more memorable.

Do you have any great gift ideas for Father’s Day? Share them in the comments section.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

Why My Wife’s Ankle Injury Was a Lesson for Both of Us

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by Sean P. O’Driscoll, Guest Contributor

“So…not to worry you but I have a soft tissue injury to my right ankle. I’m OK.”

It was our 13th wedding anniversary, and my wife was TAD in Jericho, Vermont, participating in the second half of Mountain Medicine Training. Successful completion would result in her receiving the Diploma in Mountain Medicine (DIMM) and we expected this training to be a repeat of her first TAD: exciting for her but otherwise uneventful.

But this one turned out to be different, for both of us.

Suspecting that she was downplaying her injury, I asked “How’d you do it?”

“I kinda slid 30 feet down steep terrain and got stopped by a tree.”

“Ummmmmmm ‘kinda’?”

I knew at that point that she was definitely downplaying her injury. We have been married long enough that I know how she works when she is ill or injured.

The rest of the day my mind was occupied with “How she is doing? What is the actual extent of this injury?”

Why My Wife's Ankle Injury Was a Lesson for Both of Us

I knew that she was in good hands so that was comforting and that they wouldn’t let her injure herself anymore than she already was. The not knowing how bad her injury was was the hard part. But she got an X-ray and remained in Vermont.

The next day I texted her asking how her ankle was. “It’s OK with some Motrin,” she replied and that she was sidelined for the day to let her ankle rest. The next morning I asked how her ankle was and said that I was concerned about it and her.

That was when she sent me a picture of her ankle.

I cannot type the words that came out of my mouth when I saw that photo. My concerns were confirmed. What I was looking at was NOT a soft tissue injury. There had to be some sort of fracture and/or torn ligaments and tendons. The last time I saw bruising like that was in a trauma unit at work when someone blew out their knee. It wasn’t pretty by any means.

I was at work that day so all we could do was a quick FaceTime call and we talked about it and that I knew that it was worse than expected. She asked me why I was upset. It’s not that I was upset.

It was that I had never been put in this type of situation before.

She hasn’t deployed yet either so in a way, I am glad that this is happening now while she is stateside and coming home in a week.

“This is training for both of us” was my response.

After a couple more texts, I began to calm down and regain my composure. Now that I knew what the true extent of her injury was, what she was doing about it and what the plan was, I returned back to my normal thought process and it didn’t bother me for the remainder of her training.

She returned home safely and we went from the airport to the hospital to get a full exam. Turns out she had fractured her Lateral Talar Transverse Process bone. It’s a small bone on the end of the tibia and it is most commonly known as “the snowboarder’s fracture.”

So after walking on it for a week, it actually did some good by rounding all the fragments down so that healing can start. No operation needed! She was put in a cast for 2 weeks and was issued a scooter.

Why My Wife's Ankle Injury Was a Lesson for Both of Us

During the time between seeing the photo of her ankle and the time I picked her up from the airport, I thought about what if something like this happens while she is deployed?

How do I want to receive potentially bad news? Who do I want to hear it from? Who do I trust and whom do I not trust when it comes to such information?

I asked the guys of Macho Spouse if they have anything in place for if something like this was to happen and if they did have anything like this happen to them. Doug Nordman of The Military Guide, said that when it came to news like that from his wife they agreed on “tell me all the bad news now so that I can start dealing with it.”

Another male military spouse said that they have agreed to “play down the issue” until they are back together. Then they spill it all to each other.

“By that time, bones have healed, feelings have died down, and it’s more a matter of facing the fact of how much we have kept from each other because we were idiots. And then we do it again the next deployment wondering why the hell we never seem to learn.”

Another male military spouse had a much different experience. The communication between his wife’s command and medical was horrid and they actually lost her for some time because she was grounded halfway through transport. When they gave her a phone card, it only called the United States and they were stationed in Korea. So, she had to call her mother and then her mother had to call her husband and then he relayed that information to her company. His suggestion was to soak in the SOPs so that when things go south, you know whom to contact.

My wife recently had her 2-week check-up and the cast was removed and placed in a walking boot and we have added a set of crutches to her repertoire.

She also returned to work. You would think that with an injury like that one would be sidelined for 2 weeks right?! Nope. Not my wife!

Why My Wife's Ankle Injury Was a Lesson for Both of Us

She went on a 3-mile ruck with us with her scooter. She modified all her CrossFit workouts and she even finished the 2017 CrossFit Open season at our box, BlackFin CrossFit!

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an Emergency Medical Technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

How to Have a Social Life When You Work From Home

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by Shelby Fox Trudeau, Guest Contributor

5 Ways to Have a Social Life When You Work From Home

A lot of articles today talk about how you can work from home. Whether it’s telecommute jobs or starting your own business, these articles provide in-depth information about what you need to get started in a job working from home. And believe me, I think these articles are great, especially for military spouses.

Having the freedom and flexibility to work from home is a wonderful thing. As a new military spouse, I love being able to schedule my work around when my husband is off. I’ve been working from home for 2 years now, and for the most part, I love it.

But something that most work from home articles don’t tell you is that it can get lonely. You’re in your house all day, probably tied to a computer, and there’s not a lot of human interaction.

For some, that might be one of the benefits. But for a lot of us, we need to socialize with others. And if you’ve recently relocated or are about to and you work from home, having a social life can be a difficult thing.

However, there is a wide variety of ways that you can meet new people even if you work from home.

How to Have a Social Life When You Work From Home

How to Have a Social Life When You Are a Military Spouse Who Works From Home

Community Groups and Events

Most communities offer a wide array of activities. From weekly cooking classes to softball leagues, your community parks and recreation department gives you opportunities to meet people with the same interests as you. These activities are usually reasonably priced to cover the materials of the class, so it won’t break the bank if you decide to take a cooking class or be part of the next musical in your town.

If you’re religious, another great place to meet new people is at a church. Most churches have a lot of functions throughout the week and special holiday events as well.

Military Options

Most bases have a few informal social groups, and if you know who to ask or how to search Facebook you can usually find them. The MWR might also be a good place to look if you need some suggestions, as they usually offer activities where you could meet other people.

If your service member has friends who are married, chances are, their spouses have felt the same way as you at some point. Let your spouse know how you feel and ask if you can have a double date with someone from work.

My husband and I have dinner once a month with my husband’s coworker and his wife. It gives us time to get out of the house and talk to people like us.

School

If you’re currently enrolled in college, the lecture hall can be a great place to meet people.

Or, if you have kids, meeting other parents at their school is a great way to be social. Get involved at your kid’s school. Getting to know other parents helps you in multiple ways. Your kids have someone to hang out with and you can talk to someone who understands having kids that age.

Online

You always have the option of meeting someone online nowadays. I will caution that you should always be careful if you choose this route, but there are safe ways to meet people online.

There are many websites, including Meetup, where groups are formed according to interest or age, and the members meet to socialize and have fun. If you’re new in town, this can be a great way to break in to a new social group.

Fitness

I love running. Anything from 5Ks to half marathons. But running by yourself is difficult. You get lonely and want someone to talk to. Join a running group or fitness class. A lot of bases have running groups of women, especially moms whose kids are in strollers.

If running isn’t your thing, take a group fitness class like Zumba or aerobics. You meet new people and you stay in shape.

The takeaway from all this is that although it may seem like you’re destined to stay at home and never see the light of day again, there are a lot of ways that you can get active and meet people. Yes, it’s scary the first few times. But if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never grow and you’ll always be in the same predicament.

Use the suggestions above to brainstorm a few interests you have that you think would be fun to try. Make a list of places you’d like to go or activities you want to do. Whether it’s joining a softball team, a pool league, a dance class or a running group, you can find something that there are other like-minded people at.

You don’t have to give up a social life just because you work from home. In fact, you have more options because you’re not limited by coworkers. So put yourself out there and have fun.

Shelby Fox Trudeau is a Navy wife who works from home as a freelance writer and ESL teacher. Shelby Fox Trudeau is a Navy wife who works from home as a freelance writer and ESL teacher. When not working, she enjoys traveling and camping, and is always running.

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