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5 Traits to Embrace for an Overseas Move

April 4, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Lindsay Swoboda, Guest Contributor

The overseas orders are cut and you are facing a whirlwind of preparation.

Should you bring the car?
What side of the road do they drive on?
What is going into storage?
Will you buy furniture there?
Are you unlocking your phones?
How many new immunizations are you going to be shot up with?
Can you find work over there?
Are there schools for your children?
What will the language barrier be?

The list of questions is endless. There is a curious cocktail of excitement and fear of the unknown brewing within. You are not alone in feeling an intense roller coaster of emotions.

Moving overseas is one of the best and most challenging portions of military life.

It can be the holy grail of assignments: beautiful country, amazing food, cheap travel to places of your wildest dreams. Or it can rate up there as one of your worst duty stations yet.

The choice is yours. It’s all within your perspective, but there are 5 traits that will help you have the best experience you can.

5 Traits to Embrace for an Overseas Move

Embrace a Research Mentality

Remember in grade school when you received an assignment that you had to go to an actual library for? You flipped pages and clicked through the internet with an intense fervor?

It’s time to do this again.

With all the moving details that need to be squared away, your to-do lists will be long with prep and it’s easy to get lost in it. But find a few moments a week to study your new country. What is there to see? How do they dress? What will you eat there? Start learning how to say basics in the foreign tongue.

Knowledge is power, so the more you can brush up on your new land, chances are the better (and a touch more real) you will feel about this move.

Embrace Low Expectations

This sounds like the Debbie Downer of trait adaptations, but rest assured it is a mindset that will carry you far within your first few weeks. Wherever you have been stationed, it is a country unlike your own. You are no longer in America, and the rules and basic way of life are different here. You cannot expect it to resemble what you knew.

Unfortunately, you will always be an outsider wherever you are stationed overseas. Why? You are a temporary transplant to the scene. You will leave eventually. Getting by while you’re in country is possible – you will even be thriving in it in a few months! However during your transition time, you are best to not make comparisons and keep your expectations low.

When the expectations stay low, you leave yourself room to grow and find out what the country does have to offer.

It will start with little things like you don’t love your housing assignment. But at least you have a house. Your household goods and vehicle will take forever to get there but now you’ve pulled in tight as a family and made do with what you have. There’s no peanut butter (enter your comfort food of choice) but hey, there’s Nutella or something else you could love.

It’s easy to despise a place quickly because of how uncomfortable it makes you. Hang in there and start with low expectations, leaving plenty of room to move up from there.

Embrace Curiosity

This trait is of epic importance for you to enjoy your time overseas. If you can look at the new world around you with a child’s eyes – you are bound to find the small joys hidden everywhere in plain sight.

Try a new food!

Get a little lost in a rambling marketplace.

Take the train instead of driving.

Be bold in the knowledge that whilst you may not ever fit in here, you are open to discovering this new place and chapter of your life.

Embrace Patience

Life moves at a far different pace. It may be faster or slower than you are used to. Simple fixes to your house will probably take a far greater effort and/or the work crew might just rig something together that resembles a rat’s nest and call it good.

When you go to prepare a meal you’ve made for years – the ingredients might not be available in country. You will sigh and then drop whatever you need in an Amazon cart and wait 3 to 6 weeks for that familiar taste.

It is not easy to be patient, but it is necessary to not going insane over small details.

Embrace Acceptance

Somewhere along your road to adapting to your new country, you will need to tap into acceptance. It may happen naturally for you. But more often, you must choose it. You must choose to be present in where you are and create a new reality for yourself.

An overseas tour is an exciting, daunting, challenging and crazy time for a military family. It might just be the thing you signed up for.

Military life boasts amazing adventures so you have received a winning ticket into the unknown. Work on researching, keeping low expectations, cultivating curiosity, having patience and developing acceptance when embracing your overseas move.

You are well on your way to finding the adventure in this new journey.

What traits do you think are helpful for military spouses living overseas? Tell us in the comments section.

Lindsay is a military wife, mom and writer. As a former professional dancer you can find her doing pirouettes in the kitchen whilst also flipping pancakes. She finds solace in hearing the sound of her sewing machine and a hot cup of coffee. She’s lived and traveled all over the world but believes there is always more to experience. Her blog Uplifting Anchor encourages mothers and military spouses. You can connect with Lindsay on Facebook and Instagram.

On Being Outsiders

April 3, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

OIOpublisher

by Anna Blanch Rabe, Guest Contributor

My Reflections After 3 Years as a Military Family Living in Clovis

Photo credit: Anna Blanch Rabe

We have journeyed in and out, across the breadth and length of the state of New Mexico as the Trail of Tears (also known as Highway 60/84) has taken us north and south. We have explored the Sacramento Mountains, the artistic communities of the north, and the desert of the west. We have spent time along the eastern corridor traversing the Texas border for Palo Dura Canyon, Lubbock, Amarillo and Odessa. I have traverse the I-40 to Albuquerque to join in meetings and attend work conferences more often than has felt enjoyable.

We have marveled at the way the high plains sit above and the way it feels like a desert with its almost irrational heat and blistering cold. It is a forbidding place. Its people curl inward with deep roots.

It is hard to be an interloper; hard to feel like no matter how much you contribute to the community or give of yourself; you will always be new.

Hard, when even those who have been here for 20 years still feel as though they are looked upon as an outsider.

But to be an outsider is part of what it means to be a military family in the United States.

This is why military families often stick together socially; because this means you know longer have to answer how long you will be here or how you ended up here. To be together means leaving the outsider label to the side. As service in the military is now only something 1% of the U.S. population has any experience of, this sense of difference and isolation will likely only increase.

“Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.”

– S.E. Hinton, “The Outsiders”

On the other hand, I often find the exceptionalism with which the military family community describes themselves to be jarring. Maybe, it is a hangover from the cultural shock of the American focus on the individual experience. The notion of the “specialness” of one life experience over another often has the effect of diluting the challenges that can draw people together and create the kind of community that I believe we all yearn for, and which enables the agency of the most vulnerable.

Please hear what I am saying, I am saying that certain policies do have a disproportionately negative impact on military families, and increasingly the research backs up the incredible economic and social impact – particularly of unemployment and underemployment of military families.

So there’s the central question: how do we ensure that military families are not punished for what is truly a life of service (not just for the member but for the whole family) while not further alienating ourselves from the communities we find ourselves, whether it is for 1 year or 20?

“We’re all we’ve got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don’t have each other, we don’t have anything.”

– S.E. Hinton, “The Outsiders”

How do we tell our story, without resorting to unnecessary sentimentalism or exceptionalism?

The answer lies within the question: we tell our story.

We can tell it by the numbers or by sharing some of the everyday.

This is part of the everyday. Part of the story of our experience in eastern New Mexico (where we would not have lived these past 3 years if not for my husband’s service in the U.S. military).

New Mexico has a curiously clarifying effect. I have said that it is easy to see the forest (the big picture) when there are no trees. The sky often glimmers with pink, orange and greyish blues at sunset. The changeable winds bring the smell of cow manure to slam up against the post rain smell of new growth. Did I mention the smell?

Clovis has brought us a beginning. It will always be the first place we made our home as newlyweds, where we waited for news of my immigration status, where we spent many nights with neighbors who became more than friends, and where we struggled through the challenges of my husband’s schedule and work demands and discovered the need for better blackout curtains.

Clovis will always be where I learned that my grandfather had died; where I met my niece Emily (via FaceTime) as an hours old infant in my sister’s arms; where our older nieces E & C helped me plant flowers.

Clovis is where I have written grant applications, celebrated the victories of leading a community-based nonprofit, and cried about its challenges.

Clovis is where I have held friends’ babies, danced with toddlers (and helped with potty training), celebrated weddings with friends, and where we have cried with friends as they have dealt with devastating loss.

This is where there has been wine and cocktails, and where we have shared Sunday family dinners and weeknight meals. This home is where we have spent many nights apart as we both worked in our own ways to make the world a better and safer place.

“nothing can wear you out like caring about people”

– S.E. Hinton, “That Was Then, This Is Now”

We will be moving (the military calls it a PCS – Permanent Change of Station) in late July or early August.

Right now, we are in a state of overwhelm – we are trying to finish out our time here and our jobs here, well; trying to stay healthy and hold out until we can take a little time to explore New Mexico in early July; trying to sell one house, and working on buying another.

There is a great deal of adulting going on, and quite a bit of crazy making. You know, just the usual military family stuff.

“Writer’s were supposed to be a little crazy”

– S.E. Hinton

How are you telling your story as a military spouse? What is your story and what does your story say about you?

Anna Blanch Rabe is an Australian-born writer and advocate, who is also married to an Air Force officer. She has written for MSJDN Blog, Transpositions, and Englewood Review of Books. She works as the CEO of Anna Blanch Rabe & Associates LLC, serving nonprofits, social enterprises, and attorneys with strategic, digital, and narrative initiatives. You can read more of her writing on her blog.

Is a Perfect PCS a Ridiculous Myth?

March 2, 2017 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

by Alexis Miller, Guest Contributor

The world is full of common and widely accepted myths. I mean, an entire show was created and dedicated to busting those widespread myths, proving once and for all that you can’t believe everything you hear.

But just like the jury is still out on the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot…

Is a Perfect PCS Just an Urban Legend?

The Truth and the Myth

If you’re like me, you’ve heard many-a-horror story about PCSing. From lost cars, to receiving the wrong stuff, to having every piece of dishware (no longer available at Crate and Barrel) break. From having a tornado blow away your brand new rental home, to signing a 2-year lease for a house in a slum, to getting put on the base housing waiting list for 6 months.

Horror stories.

But how many of the good, even great, PCS stories have you heard?

What about the ones where nothing broke, there was no need to file a damage claim and the kids got along the entire road trip?

What about the one where the flights were on time, you snag the perfect house for the perfect price and your household goods shipment showed up early?

What about that perfect PCS, where from the moment orders dropped to the unpacking of the final moving box, everything went smoothly?

No obstacles, no unforeseen expenses, no fighting, no damaged goods…just a cross-country move with no issues. Is it a myth?

Changing Your Perceptions

Maybe that’s just a fairy tale military spouses tell themselves before going to sleep at night. Call me crazy, but I think the perfect PCS could be real. However the perfect PCS requires a change of our perceptions and attitudes.

My last PCS is a great example. Despite receiving last-minute orders during the summer move cycle, we were able to schedule movers and move out on time. The drive went well and we even got to see friends along the way.

We did frantically search for a rental at our new duty station and got stuck in a place that costs more than BAH. And our stuff did arrive nearly 3 weeks late. And our leather couches (one of my most prized possessions) magically unwrapped during transportation, so when the movers decided to stand one of the couches up on its end on the concrete driveway, I just about had a conniption.

Can that situation qualify as a perfect PCS? To some, perhaps. To others, definitely not.

But when I look at the big picture, aside from a few stressful moments here and there, the PCS was, overall, pretty good.

None of our stuff went missing, and while we did have a few irreplaceable broken items, they amounted to much, much less than it could’ve been. And despite paying over BAH for it, our house is pretty nice (which is important since I work from home).

Finding the Good in the Bad

What I could view as a terrible PCS I instead see as an OK PCS. I wouldn’t want to live that experience again during my next move, but when I reflect on the situation, I know it could’ve been much worse.

Every PCS is a learning opportunity, bringing us one step closer to finally catching Lucky the Leprechaun of PCSes – the Perfect One.

I now know about MILLIE and the comprehensive PCS services they offer, so the next time I need a house I can find one and confidently sign a lease before I arrive.

I now know that every plate must be wrapped, not just stacked on top of one another in a box.

I now know that even if our move coordinator uses the word “guaranteed” when talking about a delivery date, that nothing in this world is “guaranteed” (death and taxes being the exceptions).

Each PCS brings a shift in my perceptions and expectations of what the “Perfect PCS” process should look like. I learn, I grow and I continually lower my expectations of how well the military will take care of my family versus how well private companies will take care of my family.

It’s a melting pot of various disappointments and exceeded expectations that when poured out reveals that things actually work out most of the time.

I believe the perfect PCS is out there, just like aliens. If we choose not to sweat the small stuff and look at overall successes versus losses, I think a lot of people could claim they’ve had a perfect PCS during their time with the military.

And as technology improves, and more and more private companies start to offer PCS services to help ease that transition, I think the perfect PCS will no longer be a myth, but a reasonable expectation.

How Can I Achieve a (Nearly) Perfect PCS?

With all of this information in mind, here are 7 tips for achieving an almost-perfect PCS:

1. Start Researching Early

The second your spouse hints you might PCS to a new location, start learning everything you can about it and thinking about where you want to live. Doing your research well in advance will reduce your stress of finding a home and becoming acquainted with your new duty station.

2. Lay Out Your Expectations, Then Lower Them

This may sound a bit pessimistic, but it’s one way to ensure you will have a great PCS. Either mentally or on a sheet of paper, lay out all of your expectations for your move.

List things like:

The movers will work quickly and efficiently.
There will be no waitlist for on-base housing.

Then lower those expectations:

The movers will probably move slower than I would.
I’m sure there will be at least a short wait for on-base housing.

By getting real with yourself, you’re setting yourself up for satisfaction (which will make you feel like the PCS is going alright!)

3. Keep Your Cool

As a yoga instructor, I know full well the power of meditation and breathing. And as a military spouse, I’m well-acquainted with the PCSing stressors that can make you lose it.

The path to achieving a nearly perfect PCS is staying calm throughout the entire process.

If something goes wrong, the kids are driving you nuts or the car breaks down along the way, instead of freaking out, pause to take several long, slow and deep breaths. This will help you stay calm and ensure there are no major meltdowns during the move.

4. Be Patient When Facing Delays

As one of the least patient people in the world, I have very little ground to stand on here. But being patient in the face of constant delays and hurdles will make the move seem a whole lot better than if you freak out every time the moving company gives you a new delivery date.

5. Verbalize the Positives

Our words are powerful and it’s easy to complain about everything happening during a PCS. So instead of incessantly verbalizing the negatives of the situation, sincerely start verbalizing the positives.

Saying things like, “Wow, the welcome sign to New Mexico is really pretty” or “I loved that WaWa gas station. They have so much great food in there,” will not only make you feel better, but will also lift your family’s spirits too. (And you might begin to see the positives flow out of everyone else’s mouths too!)

6. Be Open to Learning Lessons

Things aren’t going to go right during a PCS…it happens. But that’s also your chance to learn a valuable lesson that might help prevent that issue from cropping up during your next move.

For example, never will I ever allow the movers to stack all of my plates in a box and put some paper on top ever again! With that knowledge I’m (hopefully) in for a smaller damage claim during my next PCS.

7. Make Your Move an Adventure

Who says you have to suffer the entire length of a PCS? Turn this trying situation into an adventure that your family won’t soon forget.

Stop for lunch at a kooky roadside diner. Take an extra day to visit a National Park along the way. Stop in a big city and explore one of the top attractions as you drive through.

This makes the PCS memorable for everyone, and even *gasp* fun!

Have you experienced a perfect PCS? What are your tips for helping other military families get through a move without losing their minds?

Alexis Miller is the Social Media Coordinator for MILLIE, a website dedicated to making the PCS process easier for military families. Their free information on duty stations, experienced AgentHeroes and helpful Scouts are all resources military families can tap into any time they have to PCS. Military spouses can connect with MILLIE on Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. When Alexis isn’t busy working for MILLIE, she’s doing yoga, rock climbing, fly fishing or traveling.

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide to Job Hunting While Pregnant

August 25, 2016 By Jessica Hall 1 Comment

As soon as I got pregnant, we got orders. No big deal, I thought.

I had been very lucky during past PCSes so I thought that I’d be fine job hunting while pregnant. I could begin a job just as my bump started to show. Then I could have the “fun” maternity leave talk with my new boss.

I did not post anything about my pregnancy on my social media pages or personal blog. While pregnancy discrimination is illegal, I didn’t want to risk it and my work is in online communications, so potential employers would likely look at my online presence.

I did everything “right” as far as job hunting during a PCS. I started looking for jobs as soon as we got word of where we were going and scouting out the job market.

I went to networking events.

I applied to jobs like crazy. I had a couple job interviews but those fizzled out.

Then I had a great phone interview and in-person interview for a job when I was 6 months pregnant. I thought I got the job. I didn’t bring up my bump – I figured that could wait until offer negotiations.

Then I got the rejection letter.

I was heartbroken. A few weeks later I had another great phone interview for another job. They followed up within an hour with the recruiter I was working to schedule an in-person interview for 2 days later. The in-person interview went well.

Again, I didn’t mention my giant belly (at this point I was nearly 8 months pregnant). Within an hour I got a message that they didn’t want to move forward with me as a candidate.

In both of these instances I followed up asking for feedback. I received none.

I called my dad, an employment attorney, for advice. His words crushed me.

While I was overqualified for at least one of the jobs, he said that I likely did face pregnancy discrimination and that despite the varied advice I had gotten about addressing my pregnancy, I should have brought up the belly to alleviate any of their unspoken concerns.

This broke my heart. I thought I’d done everything right. But alas, no job at our new duty station before the baby was expected to arrive.

If I find myself job hunting while pregnant in the future, I will tackle this situation differently. Way differently.

Here are my 4 tips for job hunting while pregnant.

Apply like any other job. There is no need to bring up your pregnancy in any cover letter. Fill out the job application, write a kick-ass cover letter, submit your amazing resume and let the waiting begin.

Don’t bring up the pregnancy in a screening or phone interview. The first interview is typically over the phone or Skype, so it is easy to hide the bump – no matter how big it is.

Prep for the interview like any other and save any questions about maternity leave to an in-person interview. If you’re curious if the employer is family friendly, ask about work-life balance and the company’s culture.

When you get that in-person interview, address the bump. You will reach a point in the pregnancy when you can’t hide it. When you land that in-person job interview and you’ve got that bump – bring it up. Address the elephant in the room.

Near the end of the interview, when they ask you what questions you have for them, say

“I’m obviously pregnant and due soon. I intend to return to work after taking maternity leave. What is your maternity leave policy?”

Ask for feedback. If you don’t get the job, ask them for advice. You should ask for this advice even if you aren’t pregnant. You may get good pointers for your next job interview and this feedback may help you land the next job you’ve applied for.

This may also give you some insight if you were indeed discriminated against in the hiring process due to pregnancy or that maybe you just weren’t qualified for the position.

Can employers discriminate against pregnant women while hiring?

No. The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) forbids employers from discriminating against a pregnant woman for any and all aspects of a job – that includes in the hiring process, but also applies to job assignments, promotions, benefits and layoffs.

If a woman is able to perform the primary job functions then an employer cannot refuse to hire her, if she is the best qualified for the position.

Employers are not allowed to ask questions about if you have children, your child care plans and any future plans regarding children. If asked one of these questions, you can ask the relevance to the job, answer quickly to move onto a new topic or say

“If you are asking if I am able to meet the demands of the job, yes I am.”

If you think you did face pregnancy discrimination, e.g. they asked you an illegal question, you can file a claim with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The National Advocates for Pregnant Women has a great guide that discusses the PDA and offers helpful tips.

Have you been hired while pregnant? What tips would you give to military spouses who are job hunting while pregnant?

10 Times a PCS Totally Rescued You

August 19, 2016 By Adrianna Leave a Comment

PCSing can be a total pain in the ass, but sometimes a change in scenery is the perfect way to rescue you from a totally messed up situation, especially self-inflicted ones.

You Offended Your Neighbors

You: “I just don’t get how homeschool kids can ever be normal, am I right?!”

Your neighbor: “I find that my kids are fine.”

You: Shit. Cue you avoiding your neighbors ala PCS Survival…which one of you leaves the island first? All of a sudden, you’re praying for surprise orders to drop from the sky.

You Forgot Your Military Dependent ID So Many Times That the Gate Guards Won’t Let You Sign Yourself In Any More

PLEASE don’t call my wife again. I’ll just go sit at Starbucks until my ID reappears. <frantically searching through backpack> It’s gotta be in here somewhere.

You Burned Bridges at Your Workplace

You might just want to leave that one off your resume.

Your Kid Beat Up That Honor Student

Or the annoying kid. At this point, SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

You Told the Wrong Person Your Political Platform

You thought you had it all under wraps.

You Created a Scene at a Local Restaurant

And despite the fact you never went back there again, you relive the experience every time you drive by.

Your Pet Became a Neighborhood Nuisance

There goes Snowball again…but that face though!

You Inadvertently (or Totally Advertently) Stirred the Pot and Created Unnecessary Drama

But I thought everybody knew about this?!

Everybody Knows You for the Wrong Reason

You know who you are. And so does everybody else now.

You Created a Scene at Your On-Base Medical Clinic

I don’t need to see an advocate, I need a freaking appointment. Now where’s my referral?!

Did we miss any? Has a PCSing or moving fixed a f@#$ up for you? Share your story in the comments!

What to Do When Your Boss Rejects Your Work-From-Home Proposal

August 11, 2016 By Rachel 2 Comments

I lost my dream job when my husband received his orders.

I worked at the same boutique PR firm for more than 5 years, which allowed me to receive a couple promotions within the company, not to mention a generous salary and some benefits.

Our team was small, but mighty – and ironically enough, two of our five team members worked from home. To me, that meant my idea of teleworking didn’t seem far-fetched.

I also thought my stellar work for the company would convince my boss that it would be worth keeping me on, no matter where the military sent me.

I put together a killer work-from-home pitch.

I explained how all my current tasks could be done remotely. Then, I talked about our team dynamic and client relationships. I knew, and I mean knew, almost everything needed to get the job done efficiently and effectively.

I plopped my work-from-home pitch in an email, took a deep breath and pressed send.

My work-from-home proposal was perfect. How could my boss NOT say yes?

The next day, I had an email waiting for me that was short and to the point saying that she didn’t want my position to move to a home office.

My heart suddenly dropped. I lost my breath and started panicking. What am I going to do now?

The easiest thing to do is to do nothing.

The next easiest thing to do is wait.

Once the initial sting of the metaphorical slap in the face settled, I began seriously turning my career path toward teleworking.

When Your Work-From-Home Proposal Is Rejected, Turn to Your Professional Network

When my boss rejected my work-from-home proposal, I hit Google to find any other like-minded military spouses. I knew women that were teleworking, but how many military spouses were doing it as well?

It was the best move I made by far. Talking it out to other working military spouses gave me the motivation I needed to figure what I was going to do.

When Your Work-From-Home Proposal Is Rejected, Reach Out to Other Working Military Spouses

There are so many awesome military spouses killin’ it in their careers.

It might not be as apparent, depending on where you are or at on your career journey, but there is an amazing network of military spouses.

I encourage – to the point of begging – you to tap into that amazing network to help guide you on your path, especially after a huge slap in the face.

Before I even moved to my current duty station, I had opportunities lined up and started filling up my schedule with projects. I was thrilled to have a normal workday back – in the comfort of my new home.

When Your Work-From-Home Proposal Is Rejected, Don’t Give Up on Telecommuting

Don’t be afraid to pitch working from home with another employer at a different job.

If I ever make it back into an office setting, I wouldn’t let my first experience set the tone for the rest of my career. You will never know what your employer is willing to work with you on, unless you ask.

Have you successfully moved your job from the office to your house? Or did your supervisor reject your work-from-home proposal too? Share your experiences in the comments section.

52 Goals Week 25: Welcome a New Military Spouse to Your Neighborhood or Base

June 20, 2016 By Rachel Leave a Comment

My husband and I recently hopped over the 2-year hump at our current duty station. We’re at this weird gray area where we honestly don’t know how long we’re going to be here.

There is a rumor that we could be here for at the most 4 years…yes, you read it right…4 YEARS!

Of course, anything can happen. We all know that the military is notorious for throwing big surprises our way. Therefore, I’m not getting too comfortable.

As we’re waiting for orders, we’re still making the most of being in the Washington, D.C., area. Besides enjoying the things to do at our duty station, I absolutely love the community. I volunteer at our military installation and enjoy time out with other spouses. So, when one person leaves, it’ a big deal to me.

I know it’s never goodbye, only see ya later. But, this go around is hitting me harder than last year. It might be because I was a little spoiled before and didn’t see many people go. I still had quite a bit on my squad that stuck around.

Then this PCS season hit.

I’ve said more “see you laters” and have more coming up as the PCS season ramps up more. There is good news though.

As families go, new ones arrive. I’m on the Board of Directors for one of the local spouses’ club and I’ve had the privilege of already welcoming new families to the area.

This week we are challenging you to step out of your comfort zone and welcome a new military spouse in your neighborhood, service member’s command or military installation as part of NextGen MilSpouse’s You Got This: 52 Challenges to Make 2016 Your Bitch.

If you are PCSing, you get a week off. No challenge for you. PCSing is enough of a challenge.

Week 25 Challenge: Welcome a military spouse to your neighborhood or military installation

Challenge Details: Step out of your comfort zone and look for those new people coming in. Zone in on those moving trucks, packers hauling furniture inside a nearby home and go the extra mile by introducing yourself first.

Your Deadline: June 27

Bonus points if you post a photo of you and your new neighbor kickin’ it together on Instagram or Twitter with the hashtag #2016IsMyBitch.

Consider these 5 tips when welcoming a new military spouses to your neighborhood and post.

1. Help them unpack.

How many of us have moved into a new place and looked at the mountains of boxes and felt overwhelmed? I’m guilty!

When we PPM moved, we started sticking clothing and other random non-breakable items in bags, so when we finally made it to our new home, we didn’t even know where things went.

I can only imagine that others have experienced similar overwhelming feelings and any little bit of help moves those mountains of boxes (or bags in my case).

Remember my challenge point? Those moving trucks are a huge indicator of who is coming or going. Keep a lookout for when movers leave to break the ice. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a new family is to provide a little extra manpower when they are settling into a new home.

2. Share your local favs with them.

I’m a foodie. I love trying local restaurants and exploring new food choices. After you break the ice, a warm welcome to the area can simply be passing along insider knowledge on the best pizza joint in town or maybe a quiet date night location.

Sharing your favorites can also mean other things besides restaurants too! It might be easier to gauge your new neighbor’s interests by taking a look at what they are unpacking.

For example, you see a pair of mountain bikes, let them know about a few awesome trails that are close by. I know I would appreciate that!

3. Share your expertise.

When introducing yourself, mention your interests. You may be able to help them with a problem they are having or you and your neighbor might share a similar hobby. So don’t be shy when talking about your knack for DIY projects, growing your own food thanks to your green thumb or technological savviness.

4. Be a friend.

When we arrive at a brand-new place, it’s like navigating a whole new world again…and it can be scary! I often feel like an outsider after arriving at a new location.

Let your neighbor know that you’ll help with what you can and if you notice a struggle (i.e., they are scratching their head because they don’t know where the commissary is), let them about the hours of operation and offer to take them with you to the store.

This brings me to my last point…

5. Invite them out!

Take everything you’ve been telling your new military spouse neighbor and apply it to a fun afternoon or evening out. I’m sure they would appreciate a moment away from the boxes to experience their new duty station.

Go to the local coffee shop you adore and share a java with them – or anything else that tickles you and your new neighbor’s fancy. These little steps make a wealth of difference!

How do you welcome a new military spouse at your duty station? What have others done to welcome you after a PCS? Share your experiences in the comments section.

Why Moving Your Pet Overseas May Be a Pain

April 29, 2016 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

Getting a dog helped me survive my first deployment as a military spouse. My sweet, funny little ball of fur was the living, breathing reason I needed to get up, pull up my big girl panties, and actually live. Someone had to feed and walk him. I was the only candidate. Plus, coming home to snuggle someone who can’t complain about the 100th time you watch the same episode of “Gilmore Girls” is so, so, so nice.

But now we have OCONUS orders and getting our pet to our new military base is turning into an epic struggle.

An expensive battle, paid for in cold hard cash, tears, potentially blood and maybe even my second (unborn, unconceived) child. That’s up for negotiation.

Before you pass “GO” you need to get the furry friend on your service member’s PCS orders. This happens when you are setting up your move in the online system or through the admin shop. This ensures that you can bring Fido or Whiskers along on any offered military flights.

Next is the microchip. It should be the international standard 15-digit one. Anything else will require you to get your pet rechipped. And sometimes an older chip needs to be updated with a new one.

Shockingly, the medical screening is the easiest part of this whole ordeal. The specific requirements and restrictions vary for every OCONUS location, but generally you need similar things.

Pets should be fully vaccinated for everything and anything. There is a list for each overseas location. Live by it. This will require multiple trips to one or more veterinarians.

In completing this process, I’ve learned that if there is even a hint of an out-of-country move, you should start this process right now. Call your vet and book all the appointments.

With your pet cleared and officially ready to accompany you, the real fun begins – booking your travel!

For many destinations, everyone in the family is required to use military flights. These flights run from different military installations to other military destinations and they have tons of seats. For humans. For pets, a given MONTH (yes, month) could have as few as 8 pet spots.

Unless your paperwork is in early, cleared early and all of the good forces in the universe are pulling for you, you can kiss that military flight goodbye.

Except that the concept of that flight will haunt your every step in this PCS for months.

Logically, you know that your family has to get to Location X by Y date, and that you can’t ALL (pet included) travel together on a military flight. Therefore, you have a few options.

Option A: You convince the military that they should pay for the humans to fly commercial; you pay for the pet to fly in cargo on the same flight.

Option B: All humans take the military flight; the pet stays behind until you can send for him; you pay someone to ship him to you.

Option C: All humans take the military flight; pet stays behind with friends or family members for the duration of your OCONUS orders or maybe forever. This is commonly known in the military community as rehoming.

Let’s examine each option for getting your military pet to your new overseas duty station.

Option A might be the most logistically difficult. As I am learning, the military will fight you tooth and nail on this option.

For this one, the military member will have to be relentless. He or she will need to show up in person regularly to get anywhere.

Three words: Joint Travel Resolution. Specifically, Chapter 5, section 3A, paragraph 5588: Transoceanic Travel, item 2. It states that dependents are not required to use military provided means of transport (aka military flights like the Patriot). But your costs will likely only be reimbursed up to the amount that the government would have paid.

That’s the order you need to burn into your brain. It essentially means that you (the spouse/any children) don’t have to get on the military flight. You can decline and then you and the dog can fly on a commercial carrier to your next duty station.

Actually getting the military powers to comply with their own order is like pulling teeth. Be prepared to ask your spouse to stand his or her ground.

Once you get approval to book those commercial flights, you should call the airline directly to find out about their pet policies, get the route you want and make sure you arrive at a time when the animal inspection desk is operational.

This is the least expensive option, outside of the military-provided flights.

Option B can be pricey. Depending on the size and type of your pet, the cost ranges from $1,000 per animal to more than $3,000 per animal.

You and your human family get on the military flight (YAY!) and you pay someone to watch Meowie for a period of time. Then a pet transport service employee picks up Meowie and travels with her or arranges for her to be shipped, to you via plane. If the person travels with your beloved kitty, you will have to pay for the human and animal ticket, plus all fees and other line items.

If your pet is located somewhere other than a usual exit port for your intended destination, you will need to arrange for your pet to travel to that place.

You will need to make sure that your pet gets to a USDA-certified veterinarian 1 to 10 days before arrival in your new home. You’ll have to do this for all options that lead to the pet coming with you.

And you have to set this all up BEFORE you leave and monitor the progress of your plan while you are OCONUS, very likely many time zones away from all the people who are handling this operation.

Your pet is likely a member of your family. You love and cherish your friend. Obviously, you will be doing your best to get everyone on the military flight together. And if that doesn’t work (pending finances), you will probably try both options A and B.

But sometimes leaving your pet behind remains the only choice.

Option C will probably suck.

I won’t sugar coat it.

You will be leaving behind an animal who has loved you unconditionally.

If this is your only choice, rehome your pet with kindness and consideration. Find a family who will love him and care for him like you would. Decide up-front if this will be a permanent situation or if it is a temporary rehoming for the length of your overseas assignment.

Here’s the takeaway message as a pet owner facing OCONUS orders: having a pet is awesome for many reasons; taking that pet OCONUS with you is an ordeal not for the faint of heart or thin of wallet.

Peruse the 1,600-page order that is the Joint Travel Resolution for any and all related clauses.

And annoy your travel office until they give you what you want.

Fair winds, following seas and may your pets always accompany you wherever your military journeys send you.

What has been your experience with moving your pet to an OCONUS military base? Tell us in the comments section.

15 More Ways the Movers Make Us Crazy

April 28, 2016 By Meg Flanagan 1 Comment

So, our movers sure do pack some crazy stuff using nutty strategies. But moving with the military is so much more than a live plant packed, dirt and all, in a box with our white linens.

Let’s unpack some of the other ways in which our movers have shocked, awed and driven us up the wall.

1. During a move, with every electronic that is ready to be packed, one of the packers asks:

“Do you want to donate that? I know a guy who takes computers and TVs for his charity.”

2. The labels that our packers put on our boxes. When “movies” actually means books and DVDs are really “paper.” The seasonal door “reafs” and “two sticks and a rope” that cause confusion.

The sticks/rope deal? It’s actually a hammock!

3. Sometimes the labels are TOO accurate. “Bourbon, whiskey, liquor.” Care to place any bets on whether this particular box arrived at the next duty station?

4. Boxes that are not yours arrived with your household goods. Luckily, the boxes are labeled with a unique last name and this family happens to be your friends. But your friends aren’t missing any boxes.

When you all open the boxes together, they discover that these are, in fact, the boxes that they lost 2 military moves ago.

5. Would you care to guess what exactly an “office squirrel” might be?

Maybe a cute little woodland creature, complete with cat-eye glasses and a freshly sharpened pencil?

Would it be taxidermied, a sculpture, a stuffed animal or even alive creature?

These questions, and more, remain unanswered as this box was promptly put in the trash, unopened.

6. Following protocol, you have placed all of the things you don’t want to pack into the spare bathroom. You even taped off the door AND placed a sign up: “DO NOT ENTER!!!! DO NOT PACK!!!!

Still, one of the packers made his way into this room and couldn’t wade to the toilet through the dog bed and suitcases.

Instead, he thoughtfully urinated on the floor.

You discovered this at 10 p.m., in the dark, and wearing flip flops. Perfect!

7. There is some debate about whether or not to feed the movers and packers. Officially, the word is a strong “No!” But decades of military spouse hospitality is hard to overcome, so you bought them lunch.

When presented with your generosity, one or more ask: “What? No vegetarian option?”

8. Playing the game of: Is This Really MY Box? This occurs when the movers can’t figure out your spelling, despite it being ALL over the moving paperwork. Flngn. Flanign. Fianagarmas. You get the picture.

9. The movers at the next duty station are in for a fun time when you are coming back from OCONUS. Just picture the looks of confusion as the Spanish speaking packers offload boxes marked in Kanji from Okinawa or written in German or Arabic! It should be so much fun for you to figure out which box goes in which room!

10. Try as we might, we do accumulate things we treasure: antique furniture, delicate Christmas ornaments, handcrafted anything, crystal vases. You know, the things that you have CLEARLY marked as valuable on the inventory sheet. These are also all the things that the movers will inevitably lose.

11. And sometimes they lose the things that are just plain weird. The very long metal pole for a basketball hoop. All of your lingerie, although you have GOT to wonder where it ended up.

12. Most importantly, the movers will lose some or all of the parts you need to put your furniture back together. Bolts for the beds and hardware for the lamps. Although you got the ALL the light bulbs from all the light fixtures in the last house.

13. Speaking of hardware, it’s also super fun when they mix up the carefully labeled bags you created for each item.

Eventually, the too small IKEA pieces that were used to put together your bed WILL give out,and it will happen when you husband sits down on the edge.

He will end up trapped in between the bed frame, mattress and box spring.

And you will laugh for years about it.

14. For many moves, batteries are not allowed. What is also not allowed is for the mover(s) to spend hours unscrewing all the battery plates and collected the batteries to take home.

15. Over the last 3 or so years, you have carefully cultivated a civil relationship with your neighbors. At least it WAS civil, until your movers parked their truck blocking the neighbor’s driveway, and refused to move even a little.

And when the moving company and the cops were called by you and your neighbor, the truck driver claimed “This is how all truckers deal with ‘fat housewives who stay home all day and have nothing better to do.’”

Yeah.

That happened.

Do you want to bond with other military spouses over the craziness that is a military move? Check out the comments on the NextGen MilSpouse Facebook page.

3 Things You May Not Be Doing for Your Career During a PCS

April 15, 2016 By Amanda Crowe, Program Manager of In Gear Career, a program of Hiring Our Heroes and the U.S. Chamber Foundation Leave a Comment

There are arguably few acronyms in the military vernacular that strike more fear into the heart of a career-minded military spouse than PCS.

I mean, the constant moving is why military spouse employment is even a “thing,” right? Well that and moving to places like Fallon, Nev. or Lemoore, Calif., I suppose.

There are a lot of articles about job searching during a PCS and they typically suggest that you update your resume, contact the employment services office at your new/future post, try to network and do some general research on the area where you’re moving.

All of these things are good and MUST be done when prepping to move, but there are a few things that are less talked about.

Let’s take a look at those:

Don’t Count Yourself Out Until You’re Out

Have you talked with your current employer about the opportunity to take your work with you? I’m paraphrasing a principle from Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In,” but seriously, don’t count out that possibility without full exploration. Perhaps they’ve never offered remote positions before or perhaps they’re a small organization with a fairly localized client base – that still doesn’t make it impossible to work remotely.

The key to this discussion: think of a solution before you ask. Please don’t just pop into your boss’s office and casually say “Hey, do you think I could take this job with me?”

Instead, start the conversation by telling them how much you’ve enjoyed working with them and present them with ways you can do the work in your new location. Think through time zone differences, document storage, methods of communication and specific projects on which you’ve worked.

If you’re not afraid to think outside the box, hopefully they won’t be either.

Think Like a Local

Almost all of the articles I found mention networking and it’s no surprise; networking is key.

Where do you start though?

I always encourage folks to start with pretty much everyone you meet; and you KNOW I’m going to suggest you look for an In Gear Career Chapter and/or Hiring Our Heroes event in your area. Even if we don’t have a chapter in your area, you still need to think like a local and that’s where the homework on your new location comes in handy.

First, I would encourage you to check out the local Chamber of Commerce. They often have specialized networking groups like a young professionals’ club and many have a military affairs council.

If you don’t see a networking event on their calendar, give them a call and ask about military family services in the area or see if they’ll let you sit in on a Military Affairs Council meeting. The folks that have volunteered or been selected to serve on that council are great contacts to start with because they’re already demonstrating their dedication to military members and their families.

Local chambers aren’t the only places to look; many rotary clubs, industry-specific professional associations and federal government agencies have networking opportunities.

Did you know the Department of Labor has One-Stop Career Centers in more than 3,000 locations across the country?

The Small Business Administration also offers local assistance in many areas if you’re thinking about starting a business (or need to move your current one).

Flex Your Muscles

You don’t have to ONLY look for traditional professional opportunities. Many articles will tell you that looking for a job should be your full-time job and while I understand you need to spend time on your search, in my experience, letting that be your ONLY focus can be overwhelming and sometimes depressing when things aren’t going your way.

Look for other ways to tend to yourself.

See if Team RWB has a chapter in your area, join the gym of your choosing or see if there’s a class in the base fitness center you want to take.

If working out isn’t for you, flex your creative or intellectual muscles by taking an art class or attending a lecture at the local university or public library.

It goes without saying that you may also find some great social and volunteer opportunities by checking out your local spouses’ club, FRG or other unit/command organizations.

Jumping into these organizations or activities can serve as more than just a distraction, of course. Relieving stress can build your confidence and renew your focus when you do spend time searching for jobs. Not to mention, many of the people you meet will have been in the area longer than you and may have the perfect connection to assist in landing your next career opportunity!

So next time you’re prepping for PCS, definitely update your resume and LinkedIn profile (CareerSpark and SECO can help), check in with your employment services office and local In Gear Career Chapter, but don’t forget to keep yourself in the running with your current employer, think like a local and flex your muscles!

Moving overseas is one of the best and most challenging portions of military life.

5 Traits to Embrace for an Overseas Move

Embrace a Research Mentality

Embrace Low Expectations

Embrace Curiosity

Embrace Patience

Embrace Acceptance

What traits do you think are helpful for military spouses living overseas? Tell us in the comments section.

But to be an outsider is part of what it means to be a military family in the United States.

The answer lies within the question: we tell our story.

How are you telling your story as a military spouse? What is your story and what does your story say about you?

Is a Perfect PCS Just an Urban Legend?

The Truth and the Myth

Changing Your Perceptions

Finding the Good in the Bad

How Can I Achieve a (Nearly) Perfect PCS?

1. Start Researching Early

2. Lay Out Your Expectations, Then Lower Them

3. Keep Your Cool

4. Be Patient When Facing Delays

5. Verbalize the Positives

6. Be Open to Learning Lessons

7. Make Your Move an Adventure

Have you experienced a perfect PCS? What are your tips for helping other military families get through a move without losing their minds?

I did not post anything about my pregnancy on my social media pages or personal blog. While pregnancy discrimination is illegal, I didn’t want to risk it and my work is in online communications, so potential employers would likely look at my online presence.

Here are my 4 tips for job hunting while pregnant.

Can employers discriminate against pregnant women while hiring?

Have you been hired while pregnant? What tips would you give to military spouses who are job hunting while pregnant?

You Offended Your Neighbors

You Forgot Your Military Dependent ID So Many Times That the Gate Guards Won’t Let You Sign Yourself In Any More

You Burned Bridges at Your Workplace

Your Kid Beat Up That Honor Student

You Told the Wrong Person Your Political Platform

You Created a Scene at a Local Restaurant

Your Pet Became a Neighborhood Nuisance

You Inadvertently (or Totally Advertently) Stirred the Pot and Created Unnecessary Drama

Everybody Knows You for the Wrong Reason

You Created a Scene at Your On-Base Medical Clinic

Did we miss any? Has a PCSing or moving fixed a f@#$ up for you? Share your story in the comments!

My work-from-home proposal was perfect. How could my boss NOT say yes?

When Your Work-From-Home Proposal Is Rejected, Turn to Your Professional Network

When Your Work-From-Home Proposal Is Rejected, Reach Out to Other Working Military Spouses

Have you successfully moved your job from the office to your house? Or did your supervisor reject your work-from-home proposal too? Share your experiences in the comments section.

1. Help them unpack.

2. Share your local favs with them.

3. Share your expertise.

4. Be a friend.

5. Invite them out!

How do you welcome a new military spouse at your duty station? What have others done to welcome you after a PCS? Share your experiences in the comments section.

But now we have OCONUS orders and getting our pet to our new military base is turning into an epic struggle.

With your pet cleared and officially ready to accompany you, the real fun begins – booking your travel!

Logically, you know that your family has to get to Location X by Y date, and that you can’t ALL (pet included) travel together on a military flight. Therefore, you have a few options.

Option C will probably suck.

What has been your experience with moving your pet to an OCONUS military base? Tell us in the comments section.

Let’s unpack some of the other ways in which our movers have shocked, awed and driven us up the wall.

Do you want to bond with other military spouses over the craziness that is a military move? Check out the comments on the NextGen MilSpouse Facebook page.

Don’t Count Yourself Out Until You’re Out

Think Like a Local

Flex Your Muscles

What steps do you take to prepare your career for a PCS?

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