NextGen MilSpouse

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Episode 81: Testify!

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This week we share a Coke while discussing Coca-Cola’s military promotional cans and if they are really inclusive of all branches.

Milspo Project’s Elizabeth and Nikki explain why you want to be a member of Milspo Project and buy a limited edition backpack designed by a military spouse that tells the story of military spouses.

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024.

This Week’s Guests: Elizabeth Boardman and Nikki James Zellner, Milspo Project

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024. The organization was founded in 2014, and provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Elizabeth Boardman is the founder and Chief Dreamer of Milspo Project. Nikki James Zellner is the Membership + Marketing Communications lead at Milspo Project.

On episode 81, Elizabeth and Nikki tell us all about their organization’s mission, membership options and their new amaryllis backpack, designed in collaboration with a military spouse to honor and share the story of military spouses. This gorgeous backpack is available for pre-order.

Join Milspo Project today on their website and connect with them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

NextGen MilSpouse Posts That Have Us Talking

Wedding season is upon us which means you probably have a wedding or two that you’ll be going to solo.

PCS orders change…and sometimes it’s not what you want or expect at all.

Jessica Tells Us What’s Trending On Social Media

Disney princesses reimagined as badass career women.

This military spouse has one wish for all of us.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast is the official podcast of NextGenMilSpouse.com. We offer a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. From navigating your career to surviving your next move, NextGen MilSpouse has you covered.

Our news and current events are brought to you by our friends at Military.com. Make sure you never miss a show or a story by subscribing to our podcast on iTunes or GooglePlay and by signing up for the NextGen MilSpouse Newsletter at NextGenMilSpouse.com. Still want more? Connect with us and other listeners in our Happy Hour Facebook Group. 

 

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Military Community Resource Spotlight: MILLIE

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations that serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is MILLIE.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

Military Community Resource Spotlight: MILLIE

Year Established: 2016

What is MILLIE’s mission?

Bringing Military Families Home.

MILLIE is an online community and digital marketplace that connects members of the military and their families with specialized knowledge and trusted resource providers to remove the stress and anxiety of PCSing.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

MILLIE provides decision support for relocating military families in three distinct ways:

  • Information
  • MILLIE Scouts
  • AgentHeroes

With the help of over 500 military spouses, we have published highly curated, FREE installation guides for over 70 military installations, across the country and all branches of service (even some Coast Guard!). These “off-installation” area guides are complete with custom maps, local school information, market insights, area photos, and unit-specific commute times.

We also have free e-books in our Toolkit sections covering topics like “First-Time Military Homebuyer’s Guide,” “The Military Landlord,” and the “School Scope” guide to choosing a great school for military kids.

MILLIE Scouts are an on-demand task service made up of over 120 military spouses across the country. They are your boots-on-the-ground and can alleviate the stress of facing a “sight unseen” rental or can assist with military landlord tasks when you can’t be there.

Our AgentHero network is comprised of over 600 real estate agents who are not only some of the best in the industry but are exclusively veterans and military spouses. They’ve lived the life and been in your shoes.

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

We know PCSing is hard.

We know because we’ve all done it (several times).

Unfortunately, we can’t control where your orders are to or how the movers treat your things.

But we can help with all the decisions you make along the way. Will you live on base or off? Will you rent or buy?

Our resources and professional services can help you make informed decisions and alleviate the stress of a compressed timeline and geographic distance.

In addition to our toolkits, installation guides, Scouts, and AgentHeroes, we also have an open story-telling platform that celebrates those who are rocking this crazy military life: The MILLIE Journal.

We share tips from industry experts and encourage military spouses from every conceivable walk of life to share how they are MILLIEs themselves.

Consider MILLIE a one-stop-shop for your next military move.

Consider MILLIE a one-stop-shop for your next military move.

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What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

We tapped into our networks and enlisted the help of over 500 military spouses to hold virtual focus groups at over 70 installations, gathering all the juicy intel that PCSing families need. We fact-checked the feedback, created custom maps, and hired military spouses to photograph the areas and actually drive the routes for our commute charts.

Imagine having a trusted network of besties at your next duty station to ask ALL the questions – except you know no one where you’re actually going. This is where we shine! No scattered reviews, no flurry of opinions from Facebook “friends,” just objective and relevant information from a team of experts.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

Don’t see your base on our list? Not to worry.

We’ll continue rolling out new guides every year. But in the meantime, our Scouts are a wealth of local knowledge and are more than willing to help out! Our Scout program is the only one of its kind.

Our AgentHeroes are a collection of some of the top real estate agents in the country. There are plenty of agents and brokerages who claim to be “military friendly” but have never actually PCSed. There are also plenty of veterans and military spouses who happen to be real estate agents. But working with an AgentHero ensure that the best of both criteria are met – top caliber agents who have actually served.

Related: Is a Perfect PCS a Ridiculous Myth?

We can help take the guesswork out of who to work with when considering one of the most significant financial transactions of your life.

What is your most underutilized program/service?

At present, probably our Sponsorship Program or our MILLIE Ambassador Program. We allow local businesses to place ads on our installations guides and get their brand in front of incoming families months before they even arrive at their new duty station.

Our Ambassador Program is set up for bloggers, brands, and even super-fans to rave about MILLIE services and benefit from any leads that we gain from their efforts.

Kellie Artis explained how MILLIE makes PCSing easier for military spouses on Episode 72 of the Happy Hour podcast. Listen here.

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

All of our content was created with the help of this beautiful community of military spouses, and we offer it all freely back to them!

We offer military spouses the opportunity to contribute to their family income and help other families with the Scout program, and we help military spouse and veteran real estate agents who have PCSed (or ETSed) to a new area build their client base with qualified leads.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move

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We are passionate about our mission to alleviate PCS stress and help military spouses (and families) get rooted in their new communities quickly and as seamlessly as possible.

For more information about MILLIE, connect with them on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram.

Does your nonprofit organization serve military spouses? We would love to tell your story and help you connect with military spouses. Complete NextGen MilSpouse’s Military Community Resource Spotlight Questionnaire today. 

 

Military Community Resource Spotlight: Milspo Project

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations who serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is Milspo Project. 

Milspo Project provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Military Community Resource Spotlight: Milspo Project

Year Established: 2014

What’s the mission of Milspo Project?

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow, and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024.

The organization was founded in 2014, and provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

We have two levels of membership: Incubator and Accelerator.

Incubator members are military spouses who are pursuing the idea of entrepreneurship. They may be freelancers, direct marketers, side hustlers, or working for other organizations and haven’t yet stepped out on their own.

Our Accelerator membership is for business owners with an established EIN number, who have committed to starting a business for themselves, or are already a business owner.

Both groups cater to the military spouses’ stage of entrepreneurship, and the two communities often combine at our in-person and virtual business events.

Milspo Project provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Membership to Milspo Project can include (based on your level of membership):

  • A 24/7/365 community network of military spouse entrepreneurs
  • Virtual workshops with entrepreneurial leaders and subject matter expert facilitators
  • Ask Me Anythings with entrepreneurial leaders and business tool/platform builders
  • Business workbooks
  • Business Book Club
  • Discounted pricing to in-person and virtual events including our Gather networking events, Milspo Project Live! mini-conferences and Restore entrepreneur retreat

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

To actually make a dent in the staggering levels of underemployment, and bring meaningful work opportunities back to military spouses everywhere, with careers, rather than low-skill/low-wage jobs, Milspo Project’s team realized that the adaptable nature of entrepreneurship solved many of these problems.

The mission is clear: getting business and leadership resources into the hands of spouses to help them reach career satisfaction and professional potential through entrepreneurship.

Our model of access, community, and accountability is helping military spouses leverage their existing skills by integrating them into their business offerings, build a business they love, and have an opportunity to contribute to their family’s financial and future well-being.

A strong military family of the future starts with a fulfilled military spouse.

A strong military family of the future starts with a fulfilled military spouse.

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What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

Milspo Project takes an innovative approach to fundraising and programming.

We are a virtual organization with members spread out across the United States and OCONUS, which means we need to be thoughtful about how we build our community.

What is special about Milspo Project, is no matter where you are you can participate in our resources, or download them and view them later in our member library.

We take a similar approach to fundraising, which can be seen in projects like our Amaryllis Backpack. It is just as much about raising awareness about all military spouses, as it is about the funds for us.

Hear the story behind the creation of the Milspo Project’s amaryllis backpack on Episode 81 of the Happy Hour podcast.

We put the military spouse first in all things we do. When you are serving veterans, or the military family as a whole, this can sometimes be hard to do.

We put the military spouse first in all things we do.

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What is your most underutilized program/service?

Our most underutilized program is our Business Book Club.

Those who participate love it, but it is a huge time commitment for members to commit eight to 12 hours of their month reading.

Related: Our Favorite Associations For Working Military Spouses

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

Our organization welcomes military spouses regardless of station and duty status.

For more information about Milspo Project, connect with them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Does your nonprofit organization serve military spouses? We would love to tell your story and help you connect with military spouses. Complete NextGen MilSpouse’s Military Community Resource Spotlight Questionnaire today. 

 

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To A Personally Procured Move

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by Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach 

Do It Yourself Move (DITY), Personally Procured Move (PPM), something only insane people do…it goes by many names these days, but I’m here to let you know that packing and moving your household goods is not that bad.

The first question I get when I tell people we move our own HHG is “why?”

Our decision started with a terrible move that brought only half of our house with the other half coming two weeks later. Things were broken, missing and the unloading crew was dragging our stuff off the truck and into the house.

My spouse and I said enough is enough and we took on the burden of moving ourselves.

I’m here to let you know that a PPM is not that bad. #pcs #military

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The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Here are some tips that I hope help those of you who are curious or considering going this route. A PPM is hard work but worth it in the end.

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To A Personally Procured Move

Collect As Many Free Boxes As You Can

The first thing you’ll need is boxes. We all see the posts on Facebook about free boxes and packing paper so get them!

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Starting about six months out, collect supplies from families moving into your neighborhood or around town. The wardrobe boxes, dish packs, and packing paper are a must.

The more you collect, the less you have to buy.

The more packing supplies you collect, the less you have to buy. #pcs #ppm #military

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It Feels So Good To Purge

Three months out begins the great purge. It feels SO good to get rid of things that you no longer use.

Purging is also a great way to make extra cash while ensuring the rental truck or container you have to pack won’t overflow.

Neighborhood yard sales followed by posting to local yard sale pages or the Facebook marketplace have proven the best place to sell things.

PPM pro-tip: if we haven’t used the item in a year, it’s gone.

Labeling Your Boxes With The Best Labels Ever

Now that you are down to the items you plan to move, you can start packing up the non-essential items. Things like seasonal décor, off-season clothing, off-season sports gear, outdoor toys that aren’t being used and anything else you and your family can live without.

Related: 6 Essential Steps to Keep Your Sanity During a DITY Move

We usually start by breaking down my spouse’s office that he HAS to have at each home. He doesn’t ever use it but it’s a great place to contain all his Army memorabilia so it’s not spewing into the rest of the house but I digress.

We break down the office and use this part of the house as our “ready area.” We pack up the non-essentials and tag them with the best labels EVER.

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Your recycled moving boxes have other family’s names and info written on them so instead of getting a sharpie and going to town, pop this label on it and move on.

All boxes that are ready go into…you got it, the “ready area!”

PPM pro-tip: save one label from each roll because you will put it on the door of the corresponding room at your new home for unloading purposes.

3 Options For Getting Your Stuff From Point A To Point B

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Now let’s talk about how to get your things from Point A to Point B. You have numerous options here and can choose the best fit for your family. We always do option C because that option works best for us.

PPM Option A, U-Pack or Pods Container: This shipping container gets dropped off at your home and they pick up and drive it to your new location.

Pros – you get your family and cars to your new home.

Cons – it’s not always a door-to-door move since it’s based on the availability of drivers and it’s more expensive than the other options.

PPM Option B, U-haul, Penske Truck, Enterprise (No Tow): You call and price out with the military discount and pick your winner!

Pros – cheaper than Option A and allows for a door-to-door move.

Cons – you have to drive the truck to your new home along with any other vehicles.

PPM Option C, Option B WITH the Car Tow: Book your moving van and pull a car behind.

Pros – you can store extra boxes or luggage that you need in the vehicle being towed and it allows for a door-to-door move.

Cons – it’s more expensive than Option B and the truck drives slooooow with the tow.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 30 Days Before You Leave

Let’s fast-forward to the month of your move. You are packing your home, have your truck or container booked, and now it’s time to think about loading day.

We have pets and kids and we don’t like for them to be there on loading day. The animals go to doggie daycare for the day and we utilize the on-base child development center (CDC) for our kids. If the CDC isn’t an option, you could consider hiring a sitter or asking a close friend to watch your children for the day.

Now it’s time to call in the favors of said close friends at the duty station and get help loading the moving truck. We aim for six to eight people for only two hours for two reasons.

  1. It doesn’t sound that bad when you ask someone to help you for only 2 hours.
  2. It only take two hours with eight people.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 7 Days Before You Leave

The week of load-out is an excellent time to confirm all reservations – doggie daycare, moving truck/container, a friendly reminder to friends helping move and so on.

Also, think about snacks and drinks for your friends helping. People don’t expect a full-on meal but we still need to feed ourselves, so I always make a lot and offer it to our friends. Things in the crockpot like pulled pork tacos or sandwiches with chips feed a ton and are crowd-pleasers. We provide water and beer because we love our friends.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 24 Hours Before You Leave

The night before the load-out, move everything from the “ready area” into the garage if you have one. Once everything is in the garage, move all fragile items to the front. Most trucks have a “Grandma’s attic” for these breakable items and they need to be loaded first. They will be easy to spot with those fragile stickers you put on!

The next morning you will pick up and weigh the truck empty, then back it up to the garage, throw open the doors, and begin the game of Tetris to make it all fit.

After some colorful language and rearranging numerous times and everyone’s suggestions, the truck will be loaded.

Don’t forget to put a decent lock on your truck when you are finished loading because people could potentially try to get into your truck as you PCS to your new duty station.

Lastly, keep all receipts along the way and consider hiring movers at your new duty station to help you unload the bulky items. This is a great option since you probably don’t know too many people at your new location.

Related: PCSing? Show Me the Money!

Congratulations, you did a door-to-door move where nothing was broken or stolen…hopefully!

You saved money along the way and will be handsomely rewarded for your efforts. We suggest a treat yo’ self massage.

For a downloadable PPM checklist, check out our friends at PCSgrades.com.

Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach, is an Army spouse and mom to two wonderful boys.Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach, is an Army spouse and mom to two wonderful boys. She is a two-time recipient of the First Cavalry Division Commander’s Award for Volunteer Excellence, the Department of the Army Award for Patriotic Civilian Service, and is a member of the U.S. Cavalry and Armor Association’s Order of St. Joan D’Arc. Jenah enjoys coffee from 9-5, wine from 5-9, leggings as pants, reading and spending time with her family. She currently resides in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, and is PCSing to Fort Stewart, Georgia this summer.

 

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

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by Sidra Montgomery, Guest Contributor

This winter the wedding invitations kept rolling in, serving as another one of those dated reminders of an impending deployment.

“Yet another wedding you won’t be able to go to” I say to my husband.

We have a fridge full of smiley, happy, in-love pictures and invites reminding me that I’m going solo to every one of them. Last deployment, it was three weddings. This year, it’s four.

Even though I had plenty of military friends at my first solo wedding last year, I still felt like I was wearing a big neon sign “I’m ALONE, here without my husband.” My friends were grabbing Instagram-worthy pictures with their significant others, “okay, now do a kissing one! Awww, so cute!”

At my first solo wedding, I felt like I was wearing a large neon sign announcing “I’m ALONE,…

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Coerced to join the picture bandwagon I decided to ask my friend to take a solo picture of me — might as well send my husband a picture of myself, I thought. As I stepped in front of the camera I decided to embrace the moment and confidently pose in my beautiful rental gown.

After the pictures turned out (surprisingly) well, I realized I had to embrace being stag. There was no other way to get through wedding season but to take advantage of having fun without obsessing over the fact that my partner-in-crime wasn’t here.

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

What I’m here to tell you is…don’t avoid weddings because your spouse is deployed, gone for training or otherwise can’t come. Make the most of it and get ready to rock these weddings!

As I’m gearing up for my second season of summer weddings, here are my tips for making the most of your stag status.

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

Wear Something You Feel Confident In. If you’re going to go and you’re going by yourself, you might as well look fabulous. Find a dress or an outfit that you feel really good in, I’m talking through the roof confidence. Even if you find yourself feeling self-conscious or out of place for being there without your significant other you will get a little confidence boost knowing you look damn good!

Be Comfortable With Third-Wheelin’ It. When you’re going stag, it is OK to third-wheel it with other couples you know.

At one of the weddings last summer I pretty much only knew one other person and her boyfriend. I practically clung to them for dear life during the arrival, seating for the ceremony and cocktail hour. I was pretty open about it and even made several jokes about being their third-wheel. Even though it might feel weird, it’s OK!

Make New Table Friends. Table talk. Happens every wedding. Everyone sitting at your table tries to introduce themselves across the ornately planned centerpieces and cutlery. I’m not always excited about these forced meeting situations (#introvert), however table mates can become crucial when you are going to a wedding stag. It’s an easy way to build quick “friends” who you can dance with or take a trip to check out the desserts.

Table friends are crucial to making you feel a little less lonely, especially if you don’t know very many people at a wedding.

Dancing Is A Universal Language. It’s not a wedding without dancing, right? Dancing is a great way to let loose and have fun at a wedding, even when you’re without your sweetheart. Find your friends or those table mates you met earlier and chop it up on the dance floor.

You can always infiltrate the “single girls/guys” dancing groups who are ready to have fun with whomever on the dance floor. Everyone appreciates someone who can dance and smile while doing so!

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

Use the dreaded slow/romantic songs as an opportunity to refill your drink, use the restroom, eat dessert or take a load off (especially if you’re wearing heels).

Don’t Be Afraid To Leave Early. If you’re “over” the wedding scene and ready to go back to your hotel room, don’t be afraid to leave early. It’s OK to enjoy the ceremony and enough of the reception to the point where you feel you can respectfully leave.

Sometimes weddings are full of tight-knit friend groups and family members who have tons of history together.

Or sometimes people have had one too many drinks and you’re over it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling it an early night. It’s better to leave before you get cranky, tired, sa, or feeling so awkward you can’t stand it. Showing up for a wedding is a sign of love, leaving when you’re ready is an act of self-love.

Attending a wedding is a sign of love, leaving when you’re ready is an act of self-love.

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As military spouses we handle so many things (all the things) on our own. Don’t let the wedding invites trip you up. Be your own amazing date…and look fabulous while doing it.

Sidra MontgomerySidra Montgomery is a social science researcher studying issues of identity in the military and veteran community. She recently earned her Ph.D. in Sociology at the University of Maryland – College Park. She is a Navy Spouse and served on the 2015-2017 advisory board of the Military Family Advisory Network (MFAN). Sidra loves to be active and spend time outdoors with her playful Rhodesian Ridgeback dog and her husband. You can learn more about on her website (https://sidramontgomery.weebly.com/) and her blog, Veteran Scholars (https://veteranscholars.com/).

When The PCS Orders Change

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You know what they say, right? It’s never a “sure thing” until your PCS orders are in hand and your family is en route to your new military installation.

Unfortunately, I forgot that sage wisdom this year.

We had been assured, repeatedly, that our PCS orders were a “sure thing.” Everything had been confirmed and the replacement for my spouse was on his way. We were really just waiting for those web orders to hit.

And, boy, did they ever hit.

Turns out that sure thing PCS to our ideal location magically turned into a PCA (permanent change of assignment) in our general geographic region. Just like that, our plans for the next three years got flipped.

That sure thing PCS to our ideal location turned into a PCA in our current geographic region.

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When The PCS Orders Change

How can military families cope when their PCS orders change suddenly?

Based on online chatter, it seems like we’re not the only military family in this situation. EFMP status, pending promotions or the fickle needs of the military can all cause unofficial orders to turn on a dime.

When The PCS Orders Change: Coping Tips And Strategies For Military Spouses

Take A Step Back

You probably had already started to wrap your mind around it. The hunt for schools, housing and jobs was on! While you may not have been thrilled, you had moved into the acceptance stage of a PCS.

Before you react to the new set of PCS orders, take a minute to truly acknowledge your feelings about this sudden change.

It’s OK to feel upset, blindsided, sad or angry.

Share your feelings, non-confrontationally, with your spouse. Chances are good that they are feeling very similarly. Change is hard!

Find The Good In The New PCS Orders

As sick as we collectively are of “bloom where you’re planted,” the saying does hold some truth. There is something, even a little thing, that is good about every duty station.

It could be proximity to family, the food scene, weather, theme parks, schools or having a milspouse bestie nearby. Try to find your own something good!

For us, we get another year of great travel opportunities, cheap(er) child care and amazing food. Plus, I get another year to figure things out professionally.

Prepare Your Children For The Change

Since we thought that things were 99.9% happening according to the unofficial orders, we had started to prepare the preschooler for the big move.

She was over the moon about moving closer to her grandparents and cousins, even if it meant saying “sayonara” to her friends and school here. Actually, the leaving part didn’t phase her at all. Every single day there was a conversation about what would happen when we lived (relatively) near Grammy and Grampy.

Telling her that we were not going to be moving closer to them was challenging. I have never seen a four year old throw such a tantrum. And she was totally justified.

When The PCS Orders Change

Try to cushion the blow as much as possible. Explain the changes in words that your child will understand. Then start drawing your kids into your circle of PCS positivity. Research fun things to do at your actual next duty station. See how far it is to get to (pick a tourist attraction, big city or friend/family’s house) from your new duty station.

Remember It’s Temporary

The good thing about the military lifestyle is that every change is temporary.

“Permanent change in station” seems like an oxymoronic term.

At most, you’ll be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

Remember you’ll only be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

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By the next time you move, your wants and needs might have shifted. That formerly ideal duty station might not even be on your radar or maybe it’s still your No. 1 choice. Either way, while you’re at your next location, remember to enjoy as many of the moments as you can. Wishing for things to be different or playing the “what if” game can take you away from the present.

Seek out the good, no matter where those new orders send you!

Did your PCS orders change this season? Tell us how you’re handling things!

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To Military Promotions

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This is a sponsored conversation on behalf of Holt’s Cigar Company via SoFluential Media. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I’m clueless when it comes to planning my husband’s military promotion ceremony. I mean, his promotion is his promotion, right? I don’t need to do anything.

Let’s be real.

His promotion means we I will invite his parents to the ceremony and arrange their lodging and transportation to and from the ceremony.

His promotion means we I will order the food and cake (am I the only one who thinks service members eat way too much cake?) for the post-promotion reception.

His promotion means we I will be obligated to follow the military traditions and customs which are a mystery to me.

Am I the only one who feels the panic of unwritten expectations regarding my husband’s promotion?

Save yourself the time of posting on Facebook “my husband is being promoted next week. I’m looking for advice” and read through our Smart Military Spouse’s Guide to Military Promotions. This guide features the five most common questions that military spouses ask about military promotions along with our keeping-it-real answers.

The 5 Most Common Questions Military Spouses Ask About Military Promotions

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To Military Promotions

We just found out that my husband was selected. I’m so proud of him. Should I post his promotion on Facebook?

You can #humblebrag about your service member’s selection until you’re blue in the face. Many military spouses will post a photo of their service member in uniform with the message of “I’m so happy to share that my man made (fill in the rank here)” followed by a snippet of his accolades.

Here are two things to consider before you post on Facebook:

  • Does your service member want you to post about his selection? He may want to be the one to share the news on Facebook. Not sure? Ask him.
  • For every person selected, there is someone who wasn’t picked up. It sucks when your service member wasn’t picked for promotion. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t post your happy promotion news on Facebook. I’m just saying you may want to stop and think before you post.

What should I wear to his promotion?

The official recommendation is business casual attire. I recommend wearing a solid-colored outfit that complements your service member’s uniform.

Many military spouses will wear dresses to their husband’s promotion ceremony, but if you are a slacks and blouse gal, then wear pants. Many wives will embrace a patriotic wardrobe on that day by wearing red, white or blue. If that’s you, go ahead and show off your stars and stripes.

If you don’t want to wear an Americana spirit dress, then don’t.

You want to be comfortable and dressy for the ceremony. Most likely a photographer will be there taking pictures.

The same fashion advice applies to your children. My then 4-year-old daughter refused to wear a dress to her father’s promotion ceremony a few years back.

She wanted to wear her bathing suit.

We compromised by letting her wear a casual (not itching dress) with her sparkle Toms. We were all relieved when she agreed to wear her cotton dress.

What am I expected to do during the promotion ceremony?

Traditionally a spouse pins on the new rank during the promotion ceremony. If your husband wants you to do that, he will tell you. If he doesn’t mention it, ask him who he wants to pin him. If he wants you or his children to pin him, practice pinning the night before the ceremony.

Pinning isn’t complicated but depending on the pin and the uniform it can be harder than it looks. My hands often shake when a crowd is watching me pin my husband and shaking hands makes that short moment feel like forever.

Don’t be offended if your husband has his father, his sister, his commanding officer, your kids or his chaplain pin the new rank on his uniform.

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To Military Promotions

Should I buy him a gift for his promotion? What should I buy?

A small gift isn’t a requirement, but it is a thoughtful gesture.

Promotions will be few and hard between in his military career so why not buy a gift for him? My husband has been promoted 3 times in 16 years and I’ve always gotten him a gift.

Here are 3 ideas for a promotion gift:

  1. Celebratory Cigars. A box of cigars is a classy way to mark the occasion. Holt’s Cigars has 550 premium, handcrafted brands, as well as machine made cigars, cigar samplers and cigar accessories. Holt’s Cigars offers a 10% military discount for active military, veterans and retirees, National Guard members and Reserves. Here’s how you can score this military discount.
  2. Engraved Pen. You can order an upscale pen and that can be his gift. Many people will have the pen engraved with his name, rank and promotion date.
  3. Something New for His Dress Uniform. Our husbands have the basic requirements for their dress uniforms and nothing more. Visit the uniform shop on your military installation and purchase a bit of flare for his dress uniform. The employees at the uniform shop can help you pick out an appropriate gift. Ask about cuff links, tie tacks and belt buckles.

Do we host a party or a luncheon after his promotion ceremony? What do we put on the cake?

Your service member may want to host a small reception after the promotion ceremony and traditionally, yes, there is cake. Even if it’s 9 a.m.

If the ceremony is later in the morning, you may host a light lunch of sandwiches and cake or offer to take your guests to a restaurant following the ceremony.

In regards to cake, I’ve opted for a rectangular cake that says “congratulations” along with my husband’s new rank. For example, it could say “Congratulations Master Chief” with the emblem pin.

If your local bakery doesn’t feel comfortable putting his battalion’s logo or a military emblem on the cake, you can have the United States flag or your service’s flag put on the cake.

Congratulations on your husband’s promotion. Remember this ceremony should be a moment of joy, not anxiety. You deserve to enjoy this day as much as your service member.

Throw on your favorite dress, give him a box of cigars and smile for the camera. Oh, and don’t forget to pick up the cake. It isn’t a promotion ceremony without a cake.

Why Not Call Military Spouse Appreciation Day What It Really Is — Military Wife Appreciation Day!

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by Sean O’Driscoll, Guest Contributor

Well, it’s May and you know what that means, Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Each year, one day in May is dedicated to those of us who are married to a service member who is selflessly serving or has served this great nation.

Some places will have sales, special gifts, and some military oriented organizations, such as the USO or MCCS, will put together an event to show their appreciation for what we do behind the scenes. Here is a sample of Military Spouse Appreciation Day events at bases around the world.

And this

And then I saw this:

Is it nice to be appreciated for all that we do? Sure it is!

But sadly, it seems that year after year, the organizers of Military Spouse Appreciation Day events forget that military spouses include men.

I went to a military spouse event when I lived in Jacksonville, Fl. My wife was TAD for a month in Kentucky so I figured “what the hell, I’ll go check it out.” I drove the 45 minutes to the Veterans Memorial Arena and walked in.

I walked out 10 minutes later. “What a waste” I thought to myself. Don’t believe me?

Take a look at this local news’ video clip of the event. There you can see what I walked into and out of.

Through a partnership with the Greater Jacksonville USO, more than 800 Ann Taylor dresses were given out free of charge. Source: WJXT News4Jax

Sorry USO, but you fell way short on that event. I didn’t go the following year.

Why Not Call Military Spouse Appreciation Day What It Really Is — Military Wife Appreciation Day!

I asked the guys of Macho Spouse what they thought of Military Spouse Appreciation Day and, well, they were honest.

“Why not call it what it really is, military wife appreciation day,” said one male military spouse. “How are they supposed to get men to come to these events if all they hand out is women-themed gifts?” said another male military spouse.

“I always forget that there is a thing until my wife says something, usually a couple days later, ‘hey the other day was spouse appreciation day. So, thank you!’” said another male spouse.

Yes I am sure we can make use of the female-oriented freebies but that is not the point. If you’re going to make an event “all-inclusive” then make it “all-inclusive.” Having an event filled with feminine-themed products and giveaways and then calling it a spouse appreciation day is about as far from the truth as you can get.

Even the flyers and posters they design prove my point.

Why Not Call Military Spouse Appreciation Day What It Really Is — Military Wife Appreciation Day Mixed With Mother’s Day!

You want guys to feel included? Why don’t you actually have things that I don’t know, guys would like? I’d be more than happy to get a growler of a local brewery’s beer or some grilling tools or even a gift card to a sporting goods store such as Bass Pro Shops.

“How about a bottle of whiskey?” suggested one male military spouse. “We aren’t that hard to shop for,” said another male military spouse.

“There isn’t anything I can do with a free Ann Taylor dress except make about 20 shop rags out of it” I told someone. “But you can give it to your wife” someone said.

This is how it would go, “Hi honey, I got you a free dress because it’s Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Hope you like it!”

You can only hear that so many times before you just give up. Why try when no one else seems to be?

Why Not Call Military Spouse Appreciation Day What It Really Is — Military Wife Appreciation Day!

Dave Etter, a male military spouse and one of the moderators of Macho Spouse, was interviewed a while back along with Chris Field and they were asked about Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Here is what they had to say.

Often Military Spouse Appreciation Day events are tied together with Mother’s Day events. As you can tell, there clearly is a disconnect here.

Even though I am writing this before Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I can already tell you what my fellow male military spouses and I will be doing. We will be toasting each other, via Facebook, with a glass of our favorite drink of choice.

Another year and still, nothing has changed. Cheers fellas!

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an emergency medical technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. Sean P. O’Driscoll is an emergency medical technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

 

Hygge For The Military Spouse On The Move

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by Aimee Lorge, Guest Contributor

The Danish concept of hygge has replaced feng shui as the most popular international export to encourage a happy home.

Pronounced “hoo-ga,” it promotes a cozy way of life with an emphasis on warmth, friends and natural textures. Unlike feng shui it is easy to master and does not require you to install a fountain in your rented townhome or reposition the furniture in the Navy Lodge, making hygge a good fit for military families on the move.

As PCS season approaches many of us face the unenviable task of cohabitating in hotel rooms with kids and pets and moving into homes we have little choice in or control over (base housing, rentals, temporary quarters). Luckily there is an option short of a Fixer Upper style makeover – so get hygge with these five easy tips:

Warm It Up

A major component of hygge is warm drinks that create a feeling of coziness – think coffee, tea and hot chocolate, so shelve that iced coffee, pump up the AC in your temporary quarters, pull out your French press and make yourself a nice cup of joe.

As PCS season approaches many of us face the unenviable task of cohabitating in hotel rooms with kids and pets and moving into homes we have little choice in or control over (base housing, rentals, temporary quarters). Luckily there is an option short of a Fixer Upper style makeover – so get hygge with these five easy tips:

Sound like too much trouble?

Interesting tea bags are almost always available at Home Goods and similar stores. Grab a few and a cute new mug while you’re at it. Danes prefer their coffee with, wait for it, a Danish, so this is a great time to Google bakeries in your new city and go searching for the perfect pastry.

Lights Out

Overhead lights that is. We’re all well acquainted with the pasty glow of overhead lighting at its worst in big box stores but it can be equally miserable in the cheap ceiling fixtures found in many homes.

While I have friends who cart their own fixtures from place to place to ensure that they always dine under the light of faux candles aligned on a distressed wood beam, I am just not that motivated.

So back to Home Goods I go searching for reasonably priced accent and floor lamps that provide a softer glow, hiding a multitude of imperfections (dust, carpet stains, fine lines and wrinkles) and creating a very hygge feeling of warmth.

Unplug

Well don’t unplug your new accent lamp…that you need. And to a certain extent electronics are a sanity saver for PCSing moms, I get that, but make an effort to be together without your phones and tablets, even if it’s just instituting a device-free dinner.

In-person interactions have been linked to happiness and being together is a big component of hygge.

While having a glass of wine with friends I was introduced to a military spouse from Denmark. I told her about my interest in hygge and asked how to incorporate it when living in a temperate climate like California. She responded “This, right now. This is very hygge. We’re together, connecting in person, outside in nature.”

As PCS season approaches many of us face the unenviable task of cohabitating in hotel rooms with kids and pets and moving into homes we have little choice in or control over (base housing, rentals, temporary quarters). Luckily there is an option short of a Fixer Upper style makeover – so get hygge with these five easy tips:

Bring The Outside In

Those sticks, leaves and stones your kids dragged in and you have yet to dispose of? Turns out they’re very hygge!

Bringing the outside inside government housing in the form of natural textures – think wood, wool and stone – is one of the ways that Danes connect with nature, especially during cold winters, and ensure their homes have the cozy feel associated with hygge (something you just don’t get from linoleum).

Chipped tile and worn carpeting can easily be covered with thicker area rugs and soft throw blankets even make camping chairs more appealing. A few hearty houseplants will complete the natural look.

Get Comfy

Not to generalize, but getting comfortable is something I think milspouses know how to do – at least I do. What’s the sense in having a comfy home or hotel room if we’re wearing uncomfortable clothes?

I have seen the spouse who flew alone with three children while wearing a sundress and strappy sandals and I’ve seen the woman balancing in kitten heels while checking off box numbers during a move.

But mostly I’ve seen people like me, just trying to look halfway decent while wrangling kids and paperwork and boxes. This is not to say that sloppiness is hygge, it’s not.

Danes enjoy lounging in hyggebukser, a pair of pants you relax in at home but would never wear out and about. Think your oldest, coziest pair of sweats.

As PCS season approaches many of us face the unenviable task of cohabitating in hotel rooms with kids and pets and moving into homes we have little choice in or control over (base housing, rentals, temporary quarters). Luckily there is an option short of a Fixer Upper style makeover – so get hygge with these five easy tips:

So pack up your hyggebusker and at the end of a long day enjoy slipping into them, brewing your tea, flicking on your accent lamp, turning off your iPhone, curling up under your throw blanket and remembering why we do this.

No one sums it up better than author Eric Micha’el Leventhal: “I knew I loved you when ‘home’ went from being a place to being a person.”

Aimee Lorge is a freelance writer and personal essayist with a focus on family, career and the unique intersection of both in the military spouse experienceAimee Lorge is a freelance writer and personal essayist with a focus on family, career and the unique intersection of both in the military spouse experience. She is preparing for a very hygge cross country PCS this summer. For more information visit www.aimeelorge.com.

How To Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions about breastfeeding are entirely my own.

Navigating motherhood when your spouse is deployed is a challenge unique to military partners, and it’s one that often gets little recognition.

All breast pump models are covered under your Tricare insurance plan at no out-of-pocket expense to you. This includes the Medela Freestyle and the Spectra S1 Breast Pump, and the Medela Pump in Style Tote/Backpack. Connect with 1 Natural Way for more information.

by Kimmie Fink, Guest Contributor

Motherhood is a sleep-deprived, spitup-covered, “feed change repeat” marathon. It’s an even harder race to run when you’re doing so with a handicap like a deployment. Navigating motherhood when your spouse is deployed is a challenge unique to military partners, and it’s one that often gets little recognition.

If you’re a military spouse taking care of a newborn by yourself, I tip my hat to you. But beyond my admiration, I’d also like to provide you with some advice based on lived experience. I can’t make the next six, nine or 12 months go any faster, but if you take the following steps, they’ll be just a little bit easier.

Give Yourself A Leg Up On Breastfeeding

If you’re planning to nurse your new baby, you want to set yourself up for success, especially with an absent partner. An essential piece of any breastfeeding mom’s repertoire is her breast pump. A pump can not only help you maintain and increase your supply, it’s essential if you ever plan to be away from baby. 1 Natural Way can help you access the Medela, Spectra and Kiinde brands, and they’re all covered under Tricare at zero cost to you. They’ll even handle contacting both your insurance and your medical provider on your behalf. Easy peasy.

Practice Self-Care

There’s all kinds of guidance for how to take care of yourself when your spouse is deployed, including ensuring proper nutrition and staying busy. This takes on increased importance when you have a newborn (although you won’t need any assistance in the staying busy department). Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section, you’re in recovery mode. Sleep when the baby sleeps is easier said than done, but do try to rest and don’t feel guilty about putting your little cherub in the swing so you can have a sitz bath.

Find A Babysitter

It may seem a little premature to be thinking about child care, but I promise you’ll thank me later when you need a night out or want to run errands by yourself. Make sure you’ve registered your child with Child, Youth & School Services because you’re entitled to some free hourly care every month. If you’d rather have someone in your home, try a caregiver app or website or work your contacts. I grabbed the digits of our mommy and me swim instructor and my friend’s single co-worker.

Navigating motherhood when your spouse is deployed is a challenge unique to military partners, and it’s one that often gets little recognition.

1 Natural Way handles contacting both your health insurance provider and your physician on your behalf. That means you won’t have to be on hold with Tricare for hours trying to figure out how to get your breast pump. 1 Natural Way makes the process easy for new moms.

Join A Mom Group

In most communities, you can find a group of local, like-minded mamas online. If you live near post, chances are there’s a group of military mothers, many of whom have experienced or are in the midst of solo parenting thanks to deployment. They’ll likely know the best parks and play gyms to take your bundle of joy, can provide you with much-needed company and sympathy, and will often be your go-to people when you find yourself in a bind (like when you need an emergency contact for your new addition in order to access CYSS).

Opt for Convenience

Nothing about new motherhood is easy, but modern marvels can lighten your load. Do yourself a favor and sign up for a subscription service for diapers and wipes. When newborn care falls solely on you, the last thing you want to do is run out of essentials and have to haul your baby to the store. As a new mom, there’s always something to sanitize (pacifiers, bottles, breast pump parts). A microwaveable sanitizing bag makes this a painless process, and 1 Natural Way has the hook up for accessories like this.

Nothing can really prepare you for the realities of new motherhood, and honestly, the same could be said for deployment. In combination, they’re admittedly a lot to handle. Remember you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, and with a little help, you’ll be crossing the finish line in no time.

Kimmie FinkKimmie Fink is a stay-at-home mom, staff writer at Romper, and consultant, Expert Trainer, Nationally Certified Facilitator, and blogger for Welcoming Schools, a project of the Human Rights Campaign. Her work has also been featured on Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, NextGen MilSpouse, and Sammiches and Psych Meds. Kimmie blogs on issues of diversity and equity for elementary educators and parents of young children. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and LinkedIn.

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