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I Never Knew How Much I Would Miss My Military Life

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by Erin Hayes, Guest Contributor

Wait! What did you say? Oh no she didn’t!

Yes I said it. I miss my military life. I don’t miss base housing, moving or the nosiness of neighbors.

I miss being me.

The me I was for the past 12 years!

When You Find “The One” Nothing, Even The Craziness Of Military Life, Matters

My husband is a Marine. We are in the midst of our 6th deployment (with a 3-year break in the middle) since we met 14 years ago. We have been through a lot and have always come out on top. He is the love of my life and we have been married for 12 years.

We’ve lived a crazy life, but when you find “the one” nothing, even craziness, matters. We got engaged after knowing each other for four months and only spending a total of two weeks together!

I Never Knew How Much I Would Miss My Military Life

U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Brian Tracey with the 26th Marine Expeditionary unit (MEU), reads a sign his fiancée made after returning from a six-month deployment Camp Lejeune N.C. Aug. 4, 2018. Marines with the 26th MEU returned home from a six-month deployment at sea to the U.S. Central, Africa and European Command areas of operation. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Caleb T. Maher)

Fast-forward to today, with three years left until his retirement and he will be DONE!

We decided it was best for our two kids to be in a good, stable school and for me to start my career back up, so we are living in New York while he lives in California until he finishes out his time! Sounds crazy but it’s not a big deal for us. Yeah it sucks, but it’s for the best.

Civilians Don’t Get Me Like Military Spouses Get Me

Civilian life has been a huge adjustment. We just don’t fit in. I know it sounds crazy and childish, but it’s the truth. For the past 12 years I was always around people who understood my life and I always had something in common with them.

Civilian life has been a huge adjustment. We just don’t fit in.

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Now I find myself surrounded by strangers and I compare these civilians’ lives to mine. I see moms and dads everywhere with their kids. It makes me wonder if my kids see this and realize how much they don’t fit in either?

I read an article about a military mom who said that we as military spouses are always at our wits’ end with our kids. I totally agree with that statement.

But unfortunately the civilian society doesn’t understand that. They don’t know what it means to be at your wits’ end with your kids and not have a break. Your kids HAVE to be with you at all times. To others I look like the mom who doesn’t care, who drinks, and yells at her kids all the time.

They don’t understand that I can’t go out with friends because I don’t have a sitter or even friends for that matter.

Don’t get me wrong I have family here to help me but I already ask so much of them. Asking to help with the kids so I can go out with friends seems selfish to me. Plus I am the only steady thing in my children’s lives right now.

Related: Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

I Never Knew How Much I Would Miss My Military Life

I Have Seen More In 12 Years Than They Will See In A Lifetime

I feel like a horrible person because all I can think is that I am better than these civilians. I have seen more in 12 years than they will see in their lifetimes.

I’ve seen boys go off to war and return as men. I’ve seen my husband’s friends come home changed men and not in good way.

I’ve also seen men go off to war and not come home. I’ve seen men lost way too young and they were not even in combat. I’ve seen the heartbreak of their families and loved ones.

I’ve seen the infinite sadness in the eyes of the strongest and most invincible men I’ve ever known.

I’ve seen divorce, alcohol abuse and infidelity.

I’ve seen children cry for their fathers every night.

All I can think is that I am better than these civilians.

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I’ve lost friends who I thought would be around for a lifetime but when push came to shove they were gone in a blink of an eye. I’ve seen and shed far too many tears over everything I’ve been through in this life.

It’s Been Said You Don’t Know What You Have Until It’s Gone

I miss having friends who understand. The type of friends who never have a husband around. The friends who volunteer their husbands to watch your kids so you can have mom time with a friend. I miss getting together on Friday nights, letting our kids run rampant as we drink wine and talk.

I miss it being OK to bring my kids with me everywhere I go.

As mean as it sounds I feel like I am too good for these civilians of whom I now live amongst. They will never feel, see or breathe as much pain and camaraderie as I have. They will never understand the intricacies of military life and being a military spouse.

I Never Knew How Much I Would Miss My Military Life

 

As hard as it was, my life as a military spouse made me who I am.

Erin M. Hayes has been married to her Marine Corps husband for almost 13 years. She has 2 kids and works full time as a Radiation Therapist. She currently lives in Central New York waiting for her husband’s retirement. In her spare time she likes to craft, read (or listen to) dystopia books, and play with makeup.

19 Bible Studies And Devotionals For Military Spouses

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by Bailey Cummins, Guest Contributor

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase one of these Bible studies through our links, NextGen MilSpouse will earn a little cash. Learn more how this works on our Privacy Policy.

When I met the man who would become my husband, I was living in a civilian community and knew next to nothing about military life. Once our relationship began to “get serious,” I knew I would need to prepare myself for the adventure ahead. Being far away from a military base meant I wasn’t able to engage in the military community in-person and gain advice through that avenue.

I knew next to nothing about military life when I met the man who would become my husband.

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Being a bibliophile, I did what most book-lovers tend to do: I turned to books for information and encouragement.

At that time in my life, I was working at a Christian bookstore. While that job wasn’t great for my wallet (hello, entire paychecks going back to the store), it provided me the ability to learn about faith-based books.

I was especially excited to discover Bible studies and Christian books that focused on military life.

The books listed below are perfect for any military spouse facing a deployment, PCS, newlywed or wanting some encouragement in this overwhelming lifestyle.

I have read a majority of the books on this list, although I can’t vouch for any specific beliefs held by the authors. Also although I recognize that there is diversity in the military community, the majority of these books are written from the perspective of male service member with a female spouse.

17 Bible Studies and Devotionals for Military Spouses

5 Bible Studies And Devotionals For Military Spouses

You Are Not Alone by Jen McDonald

This 30-day devotional was written by a military spouse who has been married to her service member for more than 25 years. In addition to discussion questions and Scripture references, it also features a prayer prompt based on the day’s topic and a “Basic Training for Spouses” with practical action items and journaling prompts.

I read this devotional through an online Bible study for military spouses and had the pleasure of meeting Jen at the 2017 Military Influencer Conference.

Psalm 91: God’s Shield of Protection (Military Edition) by Peggy Joyce Ruth and Angelia Ruth Schum

As the title suggests, Psalm 91: God’s Shield of Protection is a study over the 91st Psalm, which is a compilation of all of the protection promises in the Bible. Inspired by readers who prayed using this book for their service members, a military-specific edition was released.

I’ve always loved intercessory prayer and specifically using Scripture (such as the Psalms) as prayers for intercession.

Called to Serve by Tony and Penny Monetti

Written by a service member of 23 years and his spouse, “Called to Serve” features 30 devotions focusing specifically on the top five stressors of military families. Each devotion includes relevant Scripture references and the discussion questions at the end of each chapter for small group or personal reflection.

Journey of a Military Wife (series) by Brenda Pace

Dr. Brenda Pace’s husband spent 28 years as a military chaplain, and her experience ministering to military spouses led her to write the Journey of a Military Wife series. This series consists of four themed devotionals: Devoted – Steps Toward Healthy Relationships; Directed – Steps of Peace in Times of Transition; Deployed – Steps of Hope in Times of Uncertainty; and Dedicated – Steps of Faith in God’s Plan.

This series provided encouragement to me as a newlywed military spouse.

Tour of Duty by Sara Horn

This Bible study helps military wives deal with the emotions of deployment and learn to lean on God through the trials ahead. It can be done as a personal study but is best suited for a small group so that spouses can share their experiences and form a connection that will help get them through deployment.

Although my husband and I haven’t faced a deployment together, I have had friends who did this study in a small group before deployment and found it very helpful.

3 Books And Devotionals To Read With Your Service Member

31 Creative Ways to Love and Encourage Him/Her (Military Edition) by Jefferson and Alyssa Bethke

“The 31 Creative Ways” series by New York Times bestselling author Jefferson Bethke and his wife, Alyssa is written as a “his and hers” devotional: Jefferson writes to the husbands, Alyssa to the wives. Realizing that military couples needed relationship resources, they consulted with military families to develop the Military Edition series of this book.

Since this series was written by a millennial couple made famous for their YouTube videos, it’s a great resource for younger spouses who may be reluctant to take advice from more seasoned spouses.

Faith, Hope, Love and Deployment by Heather Gray

During her husband’s last deployment, Heather Gray sought a devotional that they could do together to emotionally bring them closer despite the distance. Discovering there was no book that met their needs, they began writing this book together. Sadly, her husband was killed in action, but Heather continued writing this devotional to encourage other military couples.

The 5 Love Languages Military Edition by Gary Chapman and Jocelyn Green

If I could only recommend one book from this entire this, this would be it! The 5 Love Languages is a New York Times bestseller that was originally published over 25 years ago that describes the 5 primary ways that couples give and receive love.

With the help of Jocelyn Green, the book was adapted into a military edition that includes tips on how to show love languages while apart and a FAQ section with military-specific questions. Regardless of religious affiliation, this is the one book that I believe every military couple should read.

3 Books

The Warrior’s Bride by Kathy Barnett and Carrie Daws

This book is filled with Biblical strategies on how to handle military life and anecdotes from the authors’ personal experiences in military life. There is an accompanying sequel series called Beyond Warrior’s Bride on specific military topics: family, reintegration, moving, finances, friends, and retirement. I personally found the advice in The Warrior’s Bride to be incredibly helpful in my own life.

I found the advice in The Warrior’s Bride to be incredibly helpful.

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Finding Joy: The Year Apart That Made Me a Better Wife by Hope N. Griffin

When her husband was sent overseas for a year, Hope questioned God’s faithfulness in her life and the strength of her marriage. She chose to use that year apart to dive deeper into Scripture, finding strength from the Biblical stories of Esther, Ruth, Bathsheba, Sarah and Hagar. This book features what Hope learned through her Bible study as well as her personal experiences and thoughts from her husband’s deployment.

17 Bible Studies and Devotionals for Military Spouses

Mission Ready Marriage by Claire Robertson Wood

Claire’s adventure with military life began after her husband (a seminary student) felt a stirring to become an Army chaplain. New to the military lifestyle, Claire shares her emotions and experiences on adjusting to active duty life, and how she is learning to be submissive to both God and country.

I enjoyed this book because it’s relevant to me as a newlywed military spouse, but also because it gave me a better understanding of the unique role that chaplains’ wives have in ministering to military spouses.

More Christian Books and Devotionals For Military Spouses:

Even now with a few years as an Army spouse under my belt, I still turn to these resources when I am struggling with military life, missing the military community (due to my husband’s current recruiting assignment) or need a refresher in handling military life with grace.

Regardless of how long you’ve been a military spouse, by reading these military-focused Christian books and Bible studies you will gain knowledge and wisdom.

Bailey CumminsBailey is a twenty-something newlywed military wife from Kentucky currently living in the (cold!) Midwest with her husband, dog, and cat. She’s currently pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and aspires to work in Human Resources to help military spouses and veterans find professional employment. On the weekends, you can find her accomplishing one of her numerous goals, reading a book, or writing another post for her website, Becoming Bailey. You can connect with Bailey on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

Military Community Resource Spotlight: The Paradigm Switch

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations that serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is The Paradigm Switch.

The Paradigm Switch is building an inclusive community of military spouses who are switching the conversation from kids to economic empowerment.

Organization’s Name: The Paradigm Switch

Year Established: 2017

What is The Paradigm Switch’s mission?

Vision: Unleash the unlimited potential of military spouses.

Mission: Empower military spouses to work anywhere.

Tagline: The Paradigm Switch – Putting Military Spouses First.

Core values:

We are AUTHENTIC. We keep it real.

We are BRAVE. We take a stand – even when it’s hard.

We are KIND. We are considerate of others.

We are DOERS and DREAMERS. We walk the talk.

We get to YES. We find ways to make the impossible happen.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

We are building a global digital community for military spouses by military spouses, offering a full spectrum of resources that enable spouses to unleash their unlimited potential both personally and professionally. We discover and provide access to resources and communities that empower military spouses to take control of their careers.

Resources include access to untapped networks and opportunities outside of the military community as well as scholarships to skills-based training and certifications in high demand career fields.

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

We are giving the military spouse permission to put herself (himself also) first!

It’s about YOU. YOUR career. YOUR earning potential. YOUR goals and YOUR dreams.

What impact does TPS want to have on the world?

We want to build an ecosystem of independent, confident and employed military spouses who are able to work anywhere.

We also want to educate the general population on the military spouse community and showcase them in a positive narrative.

We also want to provide financial support to educational opportunities that promote careers; not jobs.

The Paradigm Switch is building an inclusive community of military spouses who are switching the conversation from kids to economic empowerment.

What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

We are providing scholarships to education opportunities and building an inclusive global community of military spouses who are switching the conversation from kids and deployments to economic empowerment.

What is your most underutilized program/service?

I think it’s too early to tell.

The Paradigm Switch was originally founded in 2017 with the mission to award scholarships for skill-based programs to veterans and military spouses to address unemployment and underemployment. As we began to release scholarships at the beginning of the year, we noticed that only veterans were applying and we were falling into the exact same trap most veteran service organizations are facing.

Spouses were coming second and we wanted to do better.

As a result, we relaunched on May 11, 2018, and have completely rebranded our organization to serve spouses only. So far everything is going great. We have reached well over 100 users in our first week and are just about to release our first round of scholarships.

The Paradigm Switch is building an inclusive community of military spouses who are switching the conversation from kids to economic empowerment.

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

We want spouses to know that with The Paradigm Switch, they are first.

We are not asking about your spouse’s rank or what he/she does for a living.

We are not about the divide between officers and enlisted and we certainly do not believe one spouse is better due to years of service or what volunteer leadership roles you have/have not held.

We honor the experience that comes with years of living this life, but we do not value any one spouse over another.

For more information about The Paradigm Swift, connect with them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn.

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Expenses

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The PCS orders are in and you’re shipping out. Well, more accurately, driving out. After the boxes are packed and you’re ready to hit the road, figuring out how to do a two-vehicle PCS can take a lot of coordination.

Trying to get two vehicles to the next location, in one piece and with minimal personal expenses are all the rage in the military spouse Facebook groups right now.

If you have questions about a two-vehicle PCS, we’ve got answers!

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS

Navigating the PCS process can seem super complicated. That’s because it kind of is.

Luckily, there is a handbook that governs all Department of Defense moves for both military troops and civilian employees. Unfortunately, the Joint Travel Regulations (JTR) is a very long handbook.

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Personal Expenses

The most important thing to know is that if something isn’t included as a possible expense in the travel regulations handbook, then it’s not allowed. Period.

The good news is that there are a lot of options for getting your car to your new duty station.

How To DIY A Two-Vehicle PCS

One option is to drive both vehicles to your next duty station. Each adult takes one vehicle and you caravan along the route. This option requires a little coordination of stops for gas, restrooms, sightseeing or overnight hotel rooms.

The benefit of this type of move is that both vehicles will rate reimbursement for mileage and gas. The JTR outlines the rules and regulations related to reimbursement in Chapter 2.

When you drive a vehicle or two, be sure to weigh your car empty and then full at your current duty station. You might be eligible for additional reimbursement for transporting part of your household goods. This is officially called a partial personally procured move (PPM), but you’ve probably heard it referred to as a partial DITY. When you arrive at your next duty station, be sure to re-weigh your vehicle(s).

Related: Your PCS Binder

You’ll submit this paperwork, along with your gas receipts and mileage calculations, to your Travel Management Center (TMC) at your next duty station or via the online travel management portal.

How To Ship Your POV At Your Own Expense

Paying out of pocket during a PCS isn’t exactly what you’d prefer. However, this may be the only choice for families with two vehicles but who can only drive one to the new military installation.

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Personal Expenses

In this instance, you would hire an auto shipping company with no expectation of reimbursement from the DoD. One of the best places to ask for recommendations is in the military spouse Facebook groups. Year after year, these spouses have the best gauge on reputable companies or which businesses to avoid. You could also check Consumer Affairs, or similar business ranking websites, for reviews.

Consider the contract carefully to understand their responsibilities and your rights. You might consider running everything by base legal before you sign.

Cost And Time Considerations

Shipping rates are based on distance and there might be some slight variation between companies and individual drivers. You could call around to a few different companies to try to find the best price.

However, PCS season is very busy and spaces on your preferred dates, routes or delivery estimates could book quickly.

Shipping times can vary based on time of year, the distance between locations and other stops along the way. When you drop off your car, you’ll get a general estimate about when your car will be at your next duty station.

Pick Up And Drop Off Logistics

Work with the shipping company to coordinate a pick-up time and location. Some companies will come to you for pickup. However, due to your neighborhood layout, HOA rules or base access, auto transport companies might prefer to meet at a landmark location. This could be near a base, like just outside the front gate, or at a shopping center. Basically, somewhere that the driver can fit their rig.

On the other side, you’ll be in contact with the driver and/or their dispatcher. Just like at drop-off, your driver might be able to meet you at your home or at your preferred address. Other times the driver might need you to meet them at a central location.

For both pick-up and drop-off, you’ll be given a time window and date. Everything should get firmed up the closer it gets to the actual time. Stay in contact with your driver or dispatcher for regular updates.

Can I Pack The Car?

When you drop off your car, it’s best practice to have it completely empty of everything. Sure you, technically, can have things inside, but you should really think twice.

It might be tempting to use your car to skirt those pesky rules about packing liquids or liquor. However, it might not be the best idea.

Consider that the car will be sitting out in the elements for several days to several weeks. That could mean radical temperature changes and weather extremes. Sending anything that might not react well to these conditions is probably a poor choice. You’ll need another option for your expensive wine collection.

Generally, packing your car with stuff isn’t a great idea. It’s technically allowed, but it’s frowned upon.

Your auto transporter is authorized to ship vehicles. Moving companies are authorized and contracted to handle your household goods. If your driver is found to be overweight along the way, a weigh station inspector could check the cars for non-authorized items, like your household goods, liquids and other personal property. And these non-authorized items could end up tossed out of your car, onto the road or into the trash.

Additionally, the driver will be stopping along the way to rest and refuel. While we want to hope for the best, the reality is that theft does happen. An empty car means there is nothing to steal.

Do You Need A Power Of Attorney?

Are you shipping a car when your spouse is deployed or has already moved to the next location? Perhaps you’re helping out a friend? It’s always best practice to have a power of attorney (POA).

Many military families list the service member as the sole or primary owner of their POVs. If a spouse who is not on the registration is coordinating the car shipping process, having a POA helps ensure that everything goes smoothly.

A power of attorney proves that you have the authorization to execute the contract. Have base legal or your preferred lawyer draw up the POA.

The same is true on the receiving end. When you’re picking up a car for someone else or acting for an absent spouse who is the listed owner, get a POA. Let the shipping company know upfront what is happening and share that POA in advance.

Most Important Information For Shipping Your Car During A PCS

This whole car shipping process is on your dime. The only reimbursement authorized for vehicles, per the JTR, is mileage when you are physically driving one or both cars to the next duty station. If you choose to ship a car or two, expect to pay out of pocket.

How did you get your vehicles across the country? Share your best tips in the comments!

Military Community Resource Spotlight: Vets4Heroes

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations that serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is Vets4Heroes.

Vets4Heroes is a company of veterans in the service of all veterans; committed to "taking care of our own and leaving no one behind."

Organization’s Name: Vets4Heroes

Year Established: 2011

What is Vets4Heroes’ mission?

Vets4Heroes is a company of veterans in the service of all veterans; committed to “taking care of our own and leaving no one behind.”

When you choose us for your IT hardware, executive recruitment or medical staffing needs, you allow us to provide a living for our former active duty personnel, their dependents, our retirees and veterans and the dependents of any fallen veteran. Our virtual presence with no overhead cost allows us to pass those savings on to you.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

Honor: We have “U.S. Top Ten Executive Retained Search” trained partners focusing on our quality recruitment process. We deliver outstanding results for our clients, and view our work as a privilege to serve.

Courage: We will fast forward any recruitment project to expedite its completion. We go beyond online advertising and have “no fear” of cold calling on behalf of our clients. We are “dialed in” and attend multiple networking events annually.

Vets4Heroes is a company of veterans in the service of all veterans; committed to "taking care of our own and leaving no one behind."

Listen to our interview with Heather Kline from Vets4Heroes on Episode 82 of the Happy Hour podcast.

Commitment: We provide full-life cycle recruitment to ensure we bring value to our clients’ organizations. We spend the time to understand both our client’s needs and candidates’ capabilities to ensure the perfect match. We offer a thorough credentialing process for degrees, background checks, certifications, licensure, drug tests and further assessment our clients require.

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

Offering ongoing careers after your honorable service has concluded. We care about your families and their quality of life.

What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

We walk the walk because we’ve been where you are now in the career search.

What is your most underutilized program/service?

IT Solutions

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

Vets4Heroes relates to your hiring needs. Our flexible process, relationship, and terms, allow us to customize a business approach that best serves the unique needs of every client.

For more information about Vets4Heroes, connect with them on Twitter and LinkedIn.

Does your nonprofit organization serve military spouses? We would love to tell your story and help you connect with military spouses. Complete NextGen MilSpouse’s Military Community Resource Spotlight Questionnaire today. 

Episode 81: Testify!

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This week we share a Coke while discussing Coca-Cola’s military promotional cans and if they are really inclusive of all branches.

Milspo Project’s Elizabeth and Nikki explain why you want to be a member of Milspo Project and buy a limited edition backpack designed by a military spouse that tells the story of military spouses.

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024.

This Week’s Guests: Elizabeth Boardman and Nikki James Zellner, Milspo Project

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024. The organization was founded in 2014, and provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Elizabeth Boardman is the founder and Chief Dreamer of Milspo Project. Nikki James Zellner is the Membership + Marketing Communications lead at Milspo Project.

On episode 81, Elizabeth and Nikki tell us all about their organization’s mission, membership options and their new amaryllis backpack, designed in collaboration with a military spouse to honor and share the story of military spouses. This gorgeous backpack is available for pre-order.

Join Milspo Project today on their website and connect with them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

NextGen MilSpouse Posts That Have Us Talking

Wedding season is upon us which means you probably have a wedding or two that you’ll be going to solo.

PCS orders change…and sometimes it’s not what you want or expect at all.

Jessica Tells Us What’s Trending On Social Media

Disney princesses reimagined as badass career women.

This military spouse has one wish for all of us.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast is the official podcast of NextGenMilSpouse.com. We offer a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. From navigating your career to surviving your next move, NextGen MilSpouse has you covered.

Our news and current events are brought to you by our friends at Military.com. Make sure you never miss a show or a story by subscribing to our podcast on iTunes or GooglePlay and by signing up for the NextGen MilSpouse Newsletter at NextGenMilSpouse.com. Still want more? Connect with us and other listeners in our Happy Hour Facebook Group. 

 

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Military Community Resource Spotlight: MILLIE

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations that serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is MILLIE.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

Military Community Resource Spotlight: MILLIE

Year Established: 2016

What is MILLIE’s mission?

Bringing Military Families Home.

MILLIE is an online community and digital marketplace that connects members of the military and their families with specialized knowledge and trusted resource providers to remove the stress and anxiety of PCSing.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

MILLIE provides decision support for relocating military families in three distinct ways:

  • Information
  • MILLIE Scouts
  • AgentHeroes

With the help of over 500 military spouses, we have published highly curated, FREE installation guides for over 70 military installations, across the country and all branches of service (even some Coast Guard!). These “off-installation” area guides are complete with custom maps, local school information, market insights, area photos, and unit-specific commute times.

We also have free e-books in our Toolkit sections covering topics like “First-Time Military Homebuyer’s Guide,” “The Military Landlord,” and the “School Scope” guide to choosing a great school for military kids.

MILLIE Scouts are an on-demand task service made up of over 120 military spouses across the country. They are your boots-on-the-ground and can alleviate the stress of facing a “sight unseen” rental or can assist with military landlord tasks when you can’t be there.

Our AgentHero network is comprised of over 600 real estate agents who are not only some of the best in the industry but are exclusively veterans and military spouses. They’ve lived the life and been in your shoes.

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

We know PCSing is hard.

We know because we’ve all done it (several times).

Unfortunately, we can’t control where your orders are to or how the movers treat your things.

But we can help with all the decisions you make along the way. Will you live on base or off? Will you rent or buy?

Our resources and professional services can help you make informed decisions and alleviate the stress of a compressed timeline and geographic distance.

In addition to our toolkits, installation guides, Scouts, and AgentHeroes, we also have an open story-telling platform that celebrates those who are rocking this crazy military life: The MILLIE Journal.

We share tips from industry experts and encourage military spouses from every conceivable walk of life to share how they are MILLIEs themselves.

Consider MILLIE a one-stop-shop for your next military move.

Consider MILLIE a one-stop-shop for your next military move.

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What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

We tapped into our networks and enlisted the help of over 500 military spouses to hold virtual focus groups at over 70 installations, gathering all the juicy intel that PCSing families need. We fact-checked the feedback, created custom maps, and hired military spouses to photograph the areas and actually drive the routes for our commute charts.

Imagine having a trusted network of besties at your next duty station to ask ALL the questions – except you know no one where you’re actually going. This is where we shine! No scattered reviews, no flurry of opinions from Facebook “friends,” just objective and relevant information from a team of experts.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move by providing valuable resources.

Don’t see your base on our list? Not to worry.

We’ll continue rolling out new guides every year. But in the meantime, our Scouts are a wealth of local knowledge and are more than willing to help out! Our Scout program is the only one of its kind.

Our AgentHeroes are a collection of some of the top real estate agents in the country. There are plenty of agents and brokerages who claim to be “military friendly” but have never actually PCSed. There are also plenty of veterans and military spouses who happen to be real estate agents. But working with an AgentHero ensure that the best of both criteria are met – top caliber agents who have actually served.

Related: Is a Perfect PCS a Ridiculous Myth?

We can help take the guesswork out of who to work with when considering one of the most significant financial transactions of your life.

What is your most underutilized program/service?

At present, probably our Sponsorship Program or our MILLIE Ambassador Program. We allow local businesses to place ads on our installations guides and get their brand in front of incoming families months before they even arrive at their new duty station.

Our Ambassador Program is set up for bloggers, brands, and even super-fans to rave about MILLIE services and benefit from any leads that we gain from their efforts.

Kellie Artis explained how MILLIE makes PCSing easier for military spouses on Episode 72 of the Happy Hour podcast. Listen here.

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

All of our content was created with the help of this beautiful community of military spouses, and we offer it all freely back to them!

We offer military spouses the opportunity to contribute to their family income and help other families with the Scout program, and we help military spouse and veteran real estate agents who have PCSed (or ETSed) to a new area build their client base with qualified leads.

MILLIE empowers military spouses to take control of their PCS move

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We are passionate about our mission to alleviate PCS stress and help military spouses (and families) get rooted in their new communities quickly and as seamlessly as possible.

For more information about MILLIE, connect with them on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram.

Does your nonprofit organization serve military spouses? We would love to tell your story and help you connect with military spouses. Complete NextGen MilSpouse’s Military Community Resource Spotlight Questionnaire today. 

 

Military Community Resource Spotlight: Milspo Project

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Editor’s Note: Our Military Community Resource Spotlight is an Q&A that provides information about organizations who serve military spouses and their families. The purpose is to connect military spouses with available resources designed to help them thrive in military life.

This week’s military community resource spotlight is Milspo Project. 

Milspo Project provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Military Community Resource Spotlight: Milspo Project

Year Established: 2014

What’s the mission of Milspo Project?

Milspo Project is on a mission to help 10,001 military spouses launch, grow, and achieve sustainability in their businesses by 2024.

The organization was founded in 2014, and provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

What services does your organization offer military spouses?

We have two levels of membership: Incubator and Accelerator.

Incubator members are military spouses who are pursuing the idea of entrepreneurship. They may be freelancers, direct marketers, side hustlers, or working for other organizations and haven’t yet stepped out on their own.

Our Accelerator membership is for business owners with an established EIN number, who have committed to starting a business for themselves, or are already a business owner.

Both groups cater to the military spouses’ stage of entrepreneurship, and the two communities often combine at our in-person and virtual business events.

Milspo Project provides digital resources, along with virtual and in-person business events for future and present military spouse entrepreneurs.

Membership to Milspo Project can include (based on your level of membership):

  • A 24/7/365 community network of military spouse entrepreneurs
  • Virtual workshops with entrepreneurial leaders and subject matter expert facilitators
  • Ask Me Anythings with entrepreneurial leaders and business tool/platform builders
  • Business workbooks
  • Business Book Club
  • Discounted pricing to in-person and virtual events including our Gather networking events, Milspo Project Live! mini-conferences and Restore entrepreneur retreat

How does your organization specifically meet the needs of today’s military family?

To actually make a dent in the staggering levels of underemployment, and bring meaningful work opportunities back to military spouses everywhere, with careers, rather than low-skill/low-wage jobs, Milspo Project’s team realized that the adaptable nature of entrepreneurship solved many of these problems.

The mission is clear: getting business and leadership resources into the hands of spouses to help them reach career satisfaction and professional potential through entrepreneurship.

Our model of access, community, and accountability is helping military spouses leverage their existing skills by integrating them into their business offerings, build a business they love, and have an opportunity to contribute to their family’s financial and future well-being.

A strong military family of the future starts with a fulfilled military spouse.

A strong military family of the future starts with a fulfilled military spouse.

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What does your organization do differently than any other military community organization or resource?

Milspo Project takes an innovative approach to fundraising and programming.

We are a virtual organization with members spread out across the United States and OCONUS, which means we need to be thoughtful about how we build our community.

What is special about Milspo Project, is no matter where you are you can participate in our resources, or download them and view them later in our member library.

We take a similar approach to fundraising, which can be seen in projects like our Amaryllis Backpack. It is just as much about raising awareness about all military spouses, as it is about the funds for us.

Hear the story behind the creation of the Milspo Project’s amaryllis backpack on Episode 81 of the Happy Hour podcast.

We put the military spouse first in all things we do. When you are serving veterans, or the military family as a whole, this can sometimes be hard to do.

We put the military spouse first in all things we do.

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What is your most underutilized program/service?

Our most underutilized program is our Business Book Club.

Those who participate love it, but it is a huge time commitment for members to commit eight to 12 hours of their month reading.

Related: Our Favorite Associations For Working Military Spouses

Anything else you’d like our readers to know about your organization?

Our organization welcomes military spouses regardless of station and duty status.

For more information about Milspo Project, connect with them on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Does your nonprofit organization serve military spouses? We would love to tell your story and help you connect with military spouses. Complete NextGen MilSpouse’s Military Community Resource Spotlight Questionnaire today. 

 

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To A Personally Procured Move

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by Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach 

Do It Yourself Move (DITY), Personally Procured Move (PPM), something only insane people do…it goes by many names these days, but I’m here to let you know that packing and moving your household goods is not that bad.

The first question I get when I tell people we move our own HHG is “why?”

Our decision started with a terrible move that brought only half of our house with the other half coming two weeks later. Things were broken, missing and the unloading crew was dragging our stuff off the truck and into the house.

My spouse and I said enough is enough and we took on the burden of moving ourselves.

I’m here to let you know that a PPM is not that bad. #pcs #military

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The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Here are some tips that I hope help those of you who are curious or considering going this route. A PPM is hard work but worth it in the end.

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To A Personally Procured Move

Collect As Many Free Boxes As You Can

The first thing you’ll need is boxes. We all see the posts on Facebook about free boxes and packing paper so get them!

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Starting about six months out, collect supplies from families moving into your neighborhood or around town. The wardrobe boxes, dish packs, and packing paper are a must.

The more you collect, the less you have to buy.

The more packing supplies you collect, the less you have to buy. #pcs #ppm #military

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It Feels So Good To Purge

Three months out begins the great purge. It feels SO good to get rid of things that you no longer use.

Purging is also a great way to make extra cash while ensuring the rental truck or container you have to pack won’t overflow.

Neighborhood yard sales followed by posting to local yard sale pages or the Facebook marketplace have proven the best place to sell things.

PPM pro-tip: if we haven’t used the item in a year, it’s gone.

Labeling Your Boxes With The Best Labels Ever

Now that you are down to the items you plan to move, you can start packing up the non-essential items. Things like seasonal décor, off-season clothing, off-season sports gear, outdoor toys that aren’t being used and anything else you and your family can live without.

Related: 6 Essential Steps to Keep Your Sanity During a DITY Move

We usually start by breaking down my spouse’s office that he HAS to have at each home. He doesn’t ever use it but it’s a great place to contain all his Army memorabilia so it’s not spewing into the rest of the house but I digress.

We break down the office and use this part of the house as our “ready area.” We pack up the non-essentials and tag them with the best labels EVER.

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

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Your recycled moving boxes have other family’s names and info written on them so instead of getting a sharpie and going to town, pop this label on it and move on.

All boxes that are ready go into…you got it, the “ready area!”

PPM pro-tip: save one label from each roll because you will put it on the door of the corresponding room at your new home for unloading purposes.

3 Options For Getting Your Stuff From Point A To Point B

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To A Personally Procured Move (PPM)

Now let’s talk about how to get your things from Point A to Point B. You have numerous options here and can choose the best fit for your family. We always do option C because that option works best for us.

PPM Option A, U-Pack or Pods Container: This shipping container gets dropped off at your home and they pick up and drive it to your new location.

Pros – you get your family and cars to your new home.

Cons – it’s not always a door-to-door move since it’s based on the availability of drivers and it’s more expensive than the other options.

PPM Option B, U-haul, Penske Truck, Enterprise (No Tow): You call and price out with the military discount and pick your winner!

Pros – cheaper than Option A and allows for a door-to-door move.

Cons – you have to drive the truck to your new home along with any other vehicles.

PPM Option C, Option B WITH the Car Tow: Book your moving van and pull a car behind.

Pros – you can store extra boxes or luggage that you need in the vehicle being towed and it allows for a door-to-door move.

Cons – it’s more expensive than Option B and the truck drives slooooow with the tow.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 30 Days Before You Leave

Let’s fast-forward to the month of your move. You are packing your home, have your truck or container booked, and now it’s time to think about loading day.

We have pets and kids and we don’t like for them to be there on loading day. The animals go to doggie daycare for the day and we utilize the on-base child development center (CDC) for our kids. If the CDC isn’t an option, you could consider hiring a sitter or asking a close friend to watch your children for the day.

Now it’s time to call in the favors of said close friends at the duty station and get help loading the moving truck. We aim for six to eight people for only two hours for two reasons.

  1. It doesn’t sound that bad when you ask someone to help you for only 2 hours.
  2. It only take two hours with eight people.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 7 Days Before You Leave

The week of load-out is an excellent time to confirm all reservations – doggie daycare, moving truck/container, a friendly reminder to friends helping move and so on.

Also, think about snacks and drinks for your friends helping. People don’t expect a full-on meal but we still need to feed ourselves, so I always make a lot and offer it to our friends. Things in the crockpot like pulled pork tacos or sandwiches with chips feed a ton and are crowd-pleasers. We provide water and beer because we love our friends.

Your Personally Procured Move (PPM) Timeline: 24 Hours Before You Leave

The night before the load-out, move everything from the “ready area” into the garage if you have one. Once everything is in the garage, move all fragile items to the front. Most trucks have a “Grandma’s attic” for these breakable items and they need to be loaded first. They will be easy to spot with those fragile stickers you put on!

The next morning you will pick up and weigh the truck empty, then back it up to the garage, throw open the doors, and begin the game of Tetris to make it all fit.

After some colorful language and rearranging numerous times and everyone’s suggestions, the truck will be loaded.

Don’t forget to put a decent lock on your truck when you are finished loading because people could potentially try to get into your truck as you PCS to your new duty station.

Lastly, keep all receipts along the way and consider hiring movers at your new duty station to help you unload the bulky items. This is a great option since you probably don’t know too many people at your new location.

Related: PCSing? Show Me the Money!

Congratulations, you did a door-to-door move where nothing was broken or stolen…hopefully!

You saved money along the way and will be handsomely rewarded for your efforts. We suggest a treat yo’ self massage.

For a downloadable PPM checklist, check out our friends at PCSgrades.com.

Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach, is an Army spouse and mom to two wonderful boys.Jenah Wieczorek, PCSgrades Director of Community Outreach, is an Army spouse and mom to two wonderful boys. She is a two-time recipient of the First Cavalry Division Commander’s Award for Volunteer Excellence, the Department of the Army Award for Patriotic Civilian Service, and is a member of the U.S. Cavalry and Armor Association’s Order of St. Joan D’Arc. Jenah enjoys coffee from 9-5, wine from 5-9, leggings as pants, reading and spending time with her family. She currently resides in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, and is PCSing to Fort Stewart, Georgia this summer.

 

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

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by Sidra Montgomery, Guest Contributor

This winter the wedding invitations kept rolling in, serving as another one of those dated reminders of an impending deployment.

“Yet another wedding you won’t be able to go to” I say to my husband.

We have a fridge full of smiley, happy, in-love pictures and invites reminding me that I’m going solo to every one of them. Last deployment, it was three weddings. This year, it’s four.

Even though I had plenty of military friends at my first solo wedding last year, I still felt like I was wearing a big neon sign “I’m ALONE, here without my husband.” My friends were grabbing Instagram-worthy pictures with their significant others, “okay, now do a kissing one! Awww, so cute!”

At my first solo wedding, I felt like I was wearing a large neon sign announcing “I’m ALONE,…

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Coerced to join the picture bandwagon I decided to ask my friend to take a solo picture of me — might as well send my husband a picture of myself, I thought. As I stepped in front of the camera I decided to embrace the moment and confidently pose in my beautiful rental gown.

After the pictures turned out (surprisingly) well, I realized I had to embrace being stag. There was no other way to get through wedding season but to take advantage of having fun without obsessing over the fact that my partner-in-crime wasn’t here.

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

What I’m here to tell you is…don’t avoid weddings because your spouse is deployed, gone for training or otherwise can’t come. Make the most of it and get ready to rock these weddings!

As I’m gearing up for my second season of summer weddings, here are my tips for making the most of your stag status.

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

Wear Something You Feel Confident In. If you’re going to go and you’re going by yourself, you might as well look fabulous. Find a dress or an outfit that you feel really good in, I’m talking through the roof confidence. Even if you find yourself feeling self-conscious or out of place for being there without your significant other you will get a little confidence boost knowing you look damn good!

Be Comfortable With Third-Wheelin’ It. When you’re going stag, it is OK to third-wheel it with other couples you know.

At one of the weddings last summer I pretty much only knew one other person and her boyfriend. I practically clung to them for dear life during the arrival, seating for the ceremony and cocktail hour. I was pretty open about it and even made several jokes about being their third-wheel. Even though it might feel weird, it’s OK!

Make New Table Friends. Table talk. Happens every wedding. Everyone sitting at your table tries to introduce themselves across the ornately planned centerpieces and cutlery. I’m not always excited about these forced meeting situations (#introvert), however table mates can become crucial when you are going to a wedding stag. It’s an easy way to build quick “friends” who you can dance with or take a trip to check out the desserts.

Table friends are crucial to making you feel a little less lonely, especially if you don’t know very many people at a wedding.

Dancing Is A Universal Language. It’s not a wedding without dancing, right? Dancing is a great way to let loose and have fun at a wedding, even when you’re without your sweetheart. Find your friends or those table mates you met earlier and chop it up on the dance floor.

You can always infiltrate the “single girls/guys” dancing groups who are ready to have fun with whomever on the dance floor. Everyone appreciates someone who can dance and smile while doing so!

The Summer Of Going Stag: How MilSpouses Can Survive Wedding Season During Deployments

Use the dreaded slow/romantic songs as an opportunity to refill your drink, use the restroom, eat dessert or take a load off (especially if you’re wearing heels).

Don’t Be Afraid To Leave Early. If you’re “over” the wedding scene and ready to go back to your hotel room, don’t be afraid to leave early. It’s OK to enjoy the ceremony and enough of the reception to the point where you feel you can respectfully leave.

Sometimes weddings are full of tight-knit friend groups and family members who have tons of history together.

Or sometimes people have had one too many drinks and you’re over it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling it an early night. It’s better to leave before you get cranky, tired, sa, or feeling so awkward you can’t stand it. Showing up for a wedding is a sign of love, leaving when you’re ready is an act of self-love.

Attending a wedding is a sign of love, leaving when you’re ready is an act of self-love.

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As military spouses we handle so many things (all the things) on our own. Don’t let the wedding invites trip you up. Be your own amazing date…and look fabulous while doing it.

Sidra MontgomerySidra Montgomery is a social science researcher studying issues of identity in the military and veteran community. She recently earned her Ph.D. in Sociology at the University of Maryland – College Park. She is a Navy Spouse and served on the 2015-2017 advisory board of the Military Family Advisory Network (MFAN). Sidra loves to be active and spend time outdoors with her playful Rhodesian Ridgeback dog and her husband. You can learn more about on her website (https://sidramontgomery.weebly.com/) and her blog, Veteran Scholars (https://veteranscholars.com/).

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