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When The PCS Orders Change

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You know what they say, right? It’s never a “sure thing” until your PCS orders are in hand and your family is en route to your new military installation.

Unfortunately, I forgot that sage wisdom this year.

We had been assured, repeatedly, that our PCS orders were a “sure thing.” Everything had been confirmed and the replacement for my spouse was on his way. We were really just waiting for those web orders to hit.

And, boy, did they ever hit.

Turns out that sure thing PCS to our ideal location magically turned into a PCA (permanent change of assignment) in our general geographic region. Just like that, our plans for the next three years got flipped.

That sure thing PCS to our ideal location turned into a PCA in our current geographic region.

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When The PCS Orders Change

How can military families cope when their PCS orders change suddenly?

Based on online chatter, it seems like we’re not the only military family in this situation. EFMP status, pending promotions or the fickle needs of the military can all cause unofficial orders to turn on a dime.

When The PCS Orders Change: Coping Tips And Strategies For Military Spouses

Take A Step Back

You probably had already started to wrap your mind around it. The hunt for schools, housing and jobs was on! While you may not have been thrilled, you had moved into the acceptance stage of a PCS.

Before you react to the new set of PCS orders, take a minute to truly acknowledge your feelings about this sudden change.

It’s OK to feel upset, blindsided, sad or angry.

Share your feelings, non-confrontationally, with your spouse. Chances are good that they are feeling very similarly. Change is hard!

Find The Good In The New PCS Orders

As sick as we collectively are of “bloom where you’re planted,” the saying does hold some truth. There is something, even a little thing, that is good about every duty station.

It could be proximity to family, the food scene, weather, theme parks, schools or having a milspouse bestie nearby. Try to find your own something good!

For us, we get another year of great travel opportunities, cheap(er) child care and amazing food. Plus, I get another year to figure things out professionally.

Prepare Your Children For The Change

Since we thought that things were 99.9% happening according to the unofficial orders, we had started to prepare the preschooler for the big move.

She was over the moon about moving closer to her grandparents and cousins, even if it meant saying “sayonara” to her friends and school here. Actually, the leaving part didn’t phase her at all. Every single day there was a conversation about what would happen when we lived (relatively) near Grammy and Grampy.

Telling her that we were not going to be moving closer to them was challenging. I have never seen a four year old throw such a tantrum. And she was totally justified.

When The PCS Orders Change

Try to cushion the blow as much as possible. Explain the changes in words that your child will understand. Then start drawing your kids into your circle of PCS positivity. Research fun things to do at your actual next duty station. See how far it is to get to (pick a tourist attraction, big city or friend/family’s house) from your new duty station.

Remember It’s Temporary

The good thing about the military lifestyle is that every change is temporary.

“Permanent change in station” seems like an oxymoronic term.

At most, you’ll be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

Remember you’ll only be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

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By the next time you move, your wants and needs might have shifted. That formerly ideal duty station might not even be on your radar or maybe it’s still your No. 1 choice. Either way, while you’re at your next location, remember to enjoy as many of the moments as you can. Wishing for things to be different or playing the “what if” game can take you away from the present.

Seek out the good, no matter where those new orders send you!

Did your PCS orders change this season? Tell us how you’re handling things!

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To PCSing With Pets

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We thought everything was perfectly planned for our PCS.

Flights for three humans and one small dog: Check.

Movers for multiple shipments: Check.

A plan for the cars: Check.

Somewhere to stay between now and then: Check and check.

Until we got a call informing us that there were no pet spots available on the military flight to Japan.

Cue screeching brakes sound effect and a bug-eyed scream from me. Our perfectly laid plans were suddenly up-ended and then burned to the ground.

Moving your dogs and cats can be a challenge. Here are three tips for PCSing with your pets.

Check Travel Options And Regulations, Twice

During overseas PCS moves, many families seem to bank on the military-operated flights as the pet transport option. We learned the hard way that this should never be the one and only option your family considers.

Military flights, like any flight, have limited space. And it’s a first-come, first-served world when it comes to who gets those pet spots on the military flights.

Your family could be like mine: fully booked for humans, but SOL for the fur child.

In the past, military families moving OCONUS or within the United States have relied on major airlines as pet transport options. This year, those plans were thrown for a major loop.

United announced in March that they were suspending new bookings for any pet travel after several live cargo mix-ups and one in-cabin pet death. They were honoring existing reservations, but nothing new would be booked. Now every military family traveling with pets from Asian-Pacific duty stations was suddenly down an option.

A faint glimmer of hope that military families on orders would be exempt was quickly quashed.

All of this to say that it pays to do your due diligence when researching pet shipping or travel options when stationed overseas. Don’t rely on major airlines, even those with established pet travel programs and certainly don’t bet on getting a spot on the military flight either.

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To PCSing with Pets

It pays to make several possible plans to move your pets via plane: military flight (available for PCSing families only), commercial airlines and pet shipping companies. Pet shipping companies can often find creative ways to fly with pets that both follow airline regulations and meet your PCS needs. However, these services are more expensive than a DIY travel option. It’s something to consider after you’ve exhausted all other options.

Related: Why Moving Your Pet Overseas May Be a Pain

It’s also important to double check those airline regulations, again. Some airlines that are flying pets will only allow certain kennel sizes or restrict when certain types of dogs can fly. There are also rules about flying when it’s over or under particular temperatures.

Medical Concerns For Your Family Pet

When traveling or moving, it’s important to keep your pet’s medical needs in mind.

If you’re moving overseas, check with the on-base veterinarian and the moving office for specifics when it comes to importing pets. Each country has their own list of banned breeds, quarantine timetables, microchipping requirements and vaccination rules. You’ll want to get ahead of these way in advance.

You’ll also want to be sure to clear any travel with your pet’s vet. There might be complicating medical conditions that prevent safe travel or PCSing.

Related: Puzzled By Pet Health Insurance? What It Is And Why Your Pet Needs It

Ask about calming medications in different situations. Travel can cause pets to be anxious and they might react destructively. Talk to your vet about medications that work well for planes or cars, depending on your mode of travel.

Pets In Hotels

When we were traveling cross country with our pup a few years back, we quickly noticed that not all hotels were pet-friendly. That makes it more challenging to take a road trip or PCS via car. The same is true when you fly, especially OCONUS.

After you confirm your pet’s arrival date and method of transport, book your pet-friendly hotel rooms ASAP. On base, those pet-friendly rooms are snapped up super fast! Even if you can’t actually book on-base lodging with your pet, get on the waiting list.

If you’re staying off base, be prepared for additional charges when you bring your pet. Even if your furry friend barely sheds and is super well behaved, most hotels have a pet fee. It does vary by hotel but could be over $25 per night.

Be sure to bring a way to contain your pet when you’re not in the room, usually a kennel. This makes it easier for room service to enter and might help prevent messes.

Rehoming Your Pet

Sometimes it is just not feasible for our pets to PCS with us. If, for whatever reason, you do need to leave your pet behind, it’s OK. No judgment here!

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To PCSing with Pets

If you’re PCSing without your pet, it can be emotionally challenging for sure. Do your absolute best to find a home for your pet that will work for at least the length of your orders. Finding family or friends to temporarily love on your pet can be one option.

Another option is to permanently rehome your pet. There are ways to do this privately or through the local animal shelter.

What are your best tips for PCSing with a pet? We’d love to check in with the hive mind and learn some new ways to make this less stressful!

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions about breastfeeding are entirely my own.

Military spouses can get a Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way without any costs.

1 Natural Way handles contacting both your health insurance provider and your physician on your behalf. That means you won’t have to be on hold with Tricare for hours trying to figure out how to get your breast pump. 1 Natural Way makes the process easy for new moms.

I first saw the idea about six months ago. A dear friend posted gorgeous images of herself feeding her baby, surrounded by nature. She looked majestic, like a goddess.

While I was intrigued, I also brushed off the idea. I’m fairly modest and prefer to keep my breastfeeding moments low-key and as private as possible. There was no way that I would be up for having that documented by a stranger!

Until an offer popped up that I couldn’t refuse.

I’ve been getting teary-eyed lately. This is my last baby. Every first something is also the last first. Our last midnight feeding. The last breastmilk-only dirty diaper (yes, I know, it’s ridiculous). That last totally gummy smile. In short, I’ve been getting nostalgic for things that are not even over yet. Every moment is worthy of photo documentation.

Then, like a sign from above, there it was in my Facebook newsfeed: $60 for a breastfeeding photo shoot. I saved the post to think it over. To question my own sanity. Was I really going to whip it out, in public, for someone to take pictures of?

I mean, pumping is one thing. Using my Medela pump is not that revealing. 1 Natural Way offers the popular Medela, Spectra and Kiinde brands for military spouses for no cost.

Public and uncovered breastfeeding was another.

After I hemmed and hawed over it for 24 hours, I pushed send on a PM to the photographer. Could she work my older child into the photo shoot?

Kelli Slimm, the wonderful photographer, answered that, of course, my daughter would be very welcome and included in the shoot. Done deal! Anytime I have a chance to grab professional photos of my little family for a reasonable cost, I jump at the opportunity.

I was a bundle of nerves about my breastfeeding photo shoot.

I didn’t even tell my husband I was doing this photo session. I knew he would scoff at the idea or my reasoning. He might even be downright against it: documenting un-covered nursing in public, only a crazy person would do that!

Well, call me crazy!

I was also insanely nervous.

First, all my nursing bras had been through the wringer after having been used for my older child too.

Te best one of the bunch suddenly had a hook break on the morning the pictures were scheduled to happen. My current location doesn’t have the best selection of nursing bras and there clearly wasn’t time to order or borrow another. Getting post-partum supplies, like breast pump accessories and compression socks, is much easier when you order through 1 Natural Way. I just wish I had thought of that before my photo shoot!

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

Second, I needed to find something that both complimented my post-baby body and color coordinated with outfits my kids already owned. If I was doing this, I was going to do it looking 100% awesome. It took an hour of pulling out every possible dress and top to find something that worked for breastfeeding and was figure-flattering.

My breastfeeding photo shoot was surprisingly low-key and relaxing.

Kelli found a quiet spot on a gorgeous beach. She’s a mom too, so she understands how to work with little ones and relax anxious mamas.

Even though there were other people on the beach, not one word was said either about the nature of the photo shoot or my very public un-covered nursing. Everyone minded their own business and we went on with our photo session.

Unfortunately, my baby was not feeling cooperative in the least. He did latch, but only for a few minutes. Luckily, that brief window was just enough for Kelli to snap a few beautiful pictures.

My breastfeeding photo shoot was surprisingly low-key and relaxing.

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The rest of the time at the beach was spent taking pictures of our little family all together (minus my husband who was away) and of my two children.

These precious moments are captured forever.

My children will only be little for so long. Before I know it, their chubby little hands will no longer reach up for mine and they will no longer fit in my arms. Suddenly, there will be no babies to feed or even pump for. I’ll soon be putting away my Medela Freestyle breast pump that was covered, cost-free, by Tricare.

Before I know it, I won’t need my Tricare breast pump any more.

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Military spouses can get a Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way without any costs.

All breast pump models are covered under your Tricare insurance plan at no out-of-pocket expense to you. This includes the Medela Freestyle and the Spectra S1 Breast Pump, and the Medela Pump in Style Tote/Backpack.

I took a crazy chance on a wild idea: public breastfeeding pictures. And I’m so incredibly grateful that I made that leap of faith. Now I have a brief moment, captured forever: my last baby in my arms getting nourishment from me. I also have beautiful photos of both my children, frolicking in the East China Sea at sunset on our island.

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

These moments, this stage in my life, will be gone before I know it. I’m so glad that I’ll be able to go back in time, in the years to come, to a moment when he was still a gummy baby and she was my strong-willed toddler. This time is precious.

Raise Your Hand If You Have Military Life FOMO

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Gorgeous snow-capped mountains. Endless pictures of her sipping glasses of wine while munching on sausages. Every Facebook post was another tribute to her awesome European military life or the amazing travel opportunities.

My friend was having so much fun!

She was living my military dream life and I was experiencing some serious fear of missing out.

If You Have Military Life FOMO

When You’ve Got A Serious Case Of Military Life FOMO

Here’s the thing: that life in Europe could have, should have, would have been mine. It’s all we talked about for 2 years. Seriously, the timing could not have been better, either.

It was billet time and there was a prime time spot opening up in Europe during that same period. The people in charge over there even wanted my Marine. He had met with the head honcho and everything. Our stars were aligning perfectly.

Until the military stepped in and decided that something else was needed instead. Because, of course, it would happen this way. After almost a decade of military life, I really should have known that it would go down like this.

Which is how I ended up doing a little light Facebook stalking and picturing the adventure I could have been having in Europe.

There Is More Than One Type Of FOMO

No matter where you are in life, you probably have a little bit of FOMO.

Someone you know always seems to have it just a little bit better than you.

Your friend PCSed to within an hour of her family. Hello built-in babysitter!

That couple is forever taking fun trips over weekend 96s. Last time they went to Thailand and this weekend they are popping up to Seoul on a whim.

It seems like your last 3 moves have put you smack in the middle of the flyover states. Endless expanses of flat land or deserts or forests, but not much in the way of beaches. And you’re several hours from the closest major airport. Meanwhile, your best friend has bopped between SoCal, Hawaii and Virginia Beach. Could her military life be any sweeter?

Deployment FOMO Is The Worst

Deployments have been a way of life for military families since, well, forever. For the last 15 or so years, deployments have been our whole lives.

One of the biggest FOMO issues for military families is who gets deployed when, where and how often. It might seem like your friend’s spouse is always home or has short TAD assignments. Your spouse is constantly deployed, training or in the field. In fact, it seems like maybe she should build a second home “in the field.”

One of the biggest FOMO issues for military families is who gets deployed when, where and how often.

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On the other hand, some spouses might have gotten so used to the high-operational tempo that having her husband home for longer than 6 months feels strange. No more co-parenting with the other temporarily solo parents in the neighborhood. “Just eat cereal” dinners have been canceled. Say “sayonara” to spur of the moment weekends away with your friends.

How Can I Stop Comparing?

This has been the biggest struggle for me. Comparing lives is hard, especially in the social media age.

That friend in Europe? I got to see the fun weekends in Berlin and Lisbon, but not the constant struggle of her husband traveling or trying to figure out foods that won’t trigger her son’s dairy allergy.

Facebook and Instagram make it easy to share only the most amazing parts of our lives all of the time. You’ll never see my preschooler melting down online, but you sure might see her angelic face lit up with a giant smile!

For right now, look around and see what there is to do where you are.

Sure, you might be stuck on a tiny island in the Pacific, but there is also yummy food, kind people and amazing travel opportunities. It would be mighty expensive to explore all of Asia from D.C., wouldn’t it?

The couple that’s jet setting around the world could be looking at your sticky-fingered little ones, wishing they had their own munchkins.

For every case of FOMO that you have, someone else wants to be in your situation.

It’s Only Temporary

Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

It’s only for 3 years. It’s only for 3 years. It’s only for 3 years.

After that, you get another chance! Start peeking at what your next options might be. Talk to your spouse about how to stack the deck to get the place you really want.

I’m still a little grouchy about that particular roll of the PCS dice. That one spot in Europe? It was the only spot that worked for his MOS, rank and timing. There is nothing else over there. For the rest of his career, we have almost no shot of moving to Europe.

We didn’t get it. But that’s life, isn’t it?

There is always the path not taken.

There is always the game of “what if.”

If you can’t stop your military-related FOMO you will miss the fun and excitement of your current life or location.

With a FOMO mindset you miss the fun and excitement at your duty station.

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Instead of that imagined European adventure, we got a whole year in San Diego. A year of amazing new friends, fun wine country adventures and spur of the moment beach or zoo trips. We got a year of awesome. If I had stayed in my FOMO mindset, I could have missed all of that.

While I’ll always have the lingering “what if” feeling about Europe, I would never trade in the experiences we’ve had. Those adventures are my life. I don’t want to miss that because I’m afraid of losing out on something “better.”

Do you find yourself comparing your military life to other military spouses and their lives? 

My Adventures In Breastfeeding My Baby While Traveling Asia

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions are entirely my own.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

With Wat Pho in the background, I whipped it out and fed my baby. We peacefully nursed, without a cover, on the muggy later summer day for around 30 minutes. I looked at the beautiful stupas and anticipated checking out the giant reclining Buddha.

You’d think that someone would have, surely, told me to cover up. To go somewhere private to nurse my infant. Thailand is a fairly conservative country and they prize modesty. We were in a sacred Buddhist place of worship too.

Instead, I got nothing. No snide remarks or comments. If people did glance my way, I got knowing smiles or saw them coo a little bit at my sweet baby.

These reactions were the norm – not the exception – as I traveled while breastfeeding my child throughout Asia.

In Seoul, we were routinely approached by South Koreans exclaiming over our cute children and their very blue eyes. Each time, they also remarked about the healthy size of my then 4-month-old baby.

“My what a healthy eater! Do you breastfeed?”

Each time I answered that, yes, I did exclusively breastfeed, their response was unfailingly positive.

“Ahhhh, he will be a healthy boy!” “He is a good eater and so big! You are doing a wonderful job.”

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks and postpartum care supplies.

To be fair, I also pumped with a Medela Freestyle, which was 100% covered by Tricare with no cost to me. I got my Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way! 1 Natural Way offers Medela pumps, plus Kiinde and Spectra, with an easy to follow process.

As the Okinawan summer heated up, nursing under a cover seemed downright cruel. Just stepping outside made me break out in a heavy sweat. I simply couldn’t imagine covering my child for 30 to 45 minutes or more to eat. Even a light cover didn’t seem right.

So I started nursing sans cover-up. That’s right: I bare boobed it. Nobody said a word. I have never been asked to leave or cover up when nursing, indoors or out. It seemed as though I was part of normal everyday life: a mother feeding her child.

The response to my nursing style has been the same whether we were in Japan, Thailand or Vietnam. Either I receive kind, subtle support or I’m seen as a normal part of life, without any extra attention being sent my way.

Breastfeeding is supported everywhere.

In the United States, with my first child, nursing and pumping in public seemed taboo. I saw the eyes of other adults shift toward me with disgust or fear that, gasp, they might see some side-boob or a nip slip. I felt ashamed when children were around, wondering what their parents might say or imply about how I was feeding my child.

For all the talk about “breast is best,” the social support isn’t always there. I have never nursed without a cover in the U.S. I have pumped breastmilk and nursed a wiggly baby while balancing on a toilet, trying not to fall in or touch anything.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier. They contact your PCM and Tricare to make the process smooth and enjoyable for busy moms.

At the airport in Seoul, there In Asia, there are special rooms for nursing mothers almost everywhere. From the airports to the local zoo, breastfeeding and pumping mothers can seek sanctuary and peace.was a mini-suite for parents and babies. Plush changing stations with handy trash cans were available. There was even a bottle warming system with filtered water! Best of all, there was a quiet room with a comfy chair and, miracle of miracles, a nursing pillow.

The local Okinawan zoo has a special air-conditioned room for nursing. There are quiet, tucked away stalls in the aquarium here too. At the airports in Hoi An, Bangkok and Tokyo, there are more cozy and private places to feed my baby.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way made the pumping experience easier as a new mom.

Even though the nursing rooms are there, it’s not to hide away mothers and babies. Instead, it’s to offer a clean, quiet place to relax while feeding your child, a space to clean your bottles, an outlet to power your Tricare breast pump or somewhere to comfortably change your baby.

Nursing publicly used to make me nervous.

A thousand questions would shoot through my brain:

  • Would the baby latch?
  • Would the cover be enough?
  • Were there going to be angry stares and glares this time?
  • Was this bathroom going to be clean?

In Asia, I’ve never had those concerns. I’ve never been afraid that breastfeeding my child in public, with or without a cover, would be anything other than accepted. Whether I’m at my local cafe or on the train to Kanchanaburi, I have felt secure and confident in my mothering choices.

I’ve watched elephants graze feet from us, gazed at turquoise waters, admired golden stupas and listened to the busy sounds open-air marketplace, all while nursing my baby.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

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The other day I opened up Facebook and all I saw were political diatribes. People were posting and commenting back and forth. The name calling and personal attacks were vicious. As I scrolled further down my newsfeed, it didn’t get better.

At lunch with a friend, we got stuck in an endless loop of general complaints, gossip and finger-pointing. When I left, I felt more dejected and upset than when I arrived.

Generally, the last year or so have seemed like a never-ending cycle of bad news, nasty attitudes and general terribleness. It’s been a lot and it’s been depressing. I seriously cannot take any more of the negativity.

It was time for a radical change.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

All of the nasty posts and negative conversations started to take a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I decided I really needed a change. So I chose to overhaul all my social connections.

Permission To Be Positive

Start with yourself. After all, the best changes start at home! Try keeping a journal or alerting yourself when you start to complain. I really like some of the methods I found at The Orange Rhino. Their challenge is all about stopping parents from yelling at their children. But the same principles can be applied to anything.

Put money into a complaints jar, like a swear jar, whenever you find yourself stuck in a cycle of grousing about life. Keep track of your positive comments and try to meet a daily minimum. Give yourself daily prompts, like The Love Dare, to complete. Your prompts could be specific (say something nice about deployment or 24-hour duty) or more general (compliment someone today). Another idea is to journal about what makes you happy.

When you feel happy, you’re more likely to radiate that to others!

End Negative Talks

Whether you are talking to yourself or with a friend, set clear guidelines about positive and negative conversations.

Internally, give yourself permission to be upset about things. It’s normal to be unhappy, sad and angry. These are valid emotions. But you’re only hurting yourself when you start the negative self-talk.

With your friends, stop conversations or redirect them when they turn to the complaint tracks. Pause and say “I hear your concerns and I understand them. How can we fix the situation? Can we talk about that?”

Another option is to say “I know you’re upset about (situation), but I feel like we talk about this all the time and never solve it. I’d love to share one thing that’s good right now.”

Without an endless barrage of insults I can focus on the good in life.

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Actually, one of my favorite podcasts does this. At the end of every episode, the hosts share one positive thing that happened to them that week. It brings up the tone of the conversation and ends on a high note. (Full disclosure: My Favorite Murder is a true crime podcast, so it’s often a bit of a downer.)

If you find that a friend just can’t bring it back to the lighter side or work toward positive solutions, it might be time to start distancing yourself. I recommend this not to be mean or end a good friendship, but for mental health purposes. It’s hard to be positive if you are in an echo chamber of negativity. Think about that.

It’s hard to be positive if you are in an echo chamber of negativity.

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Curate Positive On Social Media

Facebook is where I’ve seen a lot of the most divisive and hateful comments lately. People seem to think that being behind a screen gives them permission to be ugly toward others. Words hurt, folks!

I’ve gotten tired of seeing yet another political rant, comment or post in my feeds. I don’t want to unfriend folks right away. After all these are some of my family and friends! But I can’t deal with the negativity overwhelm anymore.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

So I did a thing.

Go to Facebook. Look at a post, any post. In the top right corner of each and every post are three little dots. Click there.

A menu of options should appear. It’s magic. Find the second, third and fourth options.

  • One should be “Hide Post.” This means you’ll never see that particular post again. You can even hide posts from particular third party pages, like hiding every post your Facebook friends make about Caillou.
  • You can also “Snooze” your friend for 30 days. This lets you take a short break from seeing their posts without removing them completely from your feed.
  • The next option is to “Unfollow” your friend, which takes all of their posts out of your Facebook newsfeed while still keeping them as a friend.

Genius.

Next, go through your pages and groups. Next to the “Liked” and “Joined” indicators should be something called “Follow.” Click there. You can decide how and when you see posts from that group or page.

For pages/groups that are mostly positive, you can opt to see them first in your feed. Go ahead and do that.

I personally have Following Atticus set to appear first in my newsfeed. I love to see the adventures of Tom and his furry companions. Who doesn’t love sweet puppy stories first thing?

When I set clear boundaries online and in real life, I’ve found that it’s been way easier to be positive and happy. I don’t have the endless barrage of insults, so I can focus on the good in life.

How to do build positivity into your life? Share your best tips in the comments!

How Your Military Family Can Travel Asia Like A Boss

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I just got back from a two-week vacation. My family stayed in four- and five-star hotels. We ate like royalty and took taxis everywhere. And it cost less than many all-inclusive vacation resorts.

How?

Let me share the secrets to amazing travel in Asia.

How Your Military Family Can Travel Asia Like A Boss

How Your Military Family Can Travel Asia Like A Boss On The Budget Of An Intern

Low-Cost Carriers

The first secret to an amazing trip is the flight. You could totally splurge and there are many regional and international airlines that go all out. However, they also cost an arm and a leg for relatively short trips.

Instead, go budget.

Low Cost Carriers or LCCs are often the least expensive way to travel in Asia. We’ve taken an LCC to mainland Japan, Okinawa, Thailand and South Korea. While the seats are tight and nothing is included, this has been the best option for travel so far.

These airlines are similar to the budget carriers stateside. You buy your seat and nothing else is included. However, prices to and from major hubs are usually less than $100 per ticket. When flying as a family, keeping it basic and on budget can help with the bottom line.

Rock Bottom Hotel Pricing

As you’re looking for places to go, take a peek at their hotel prices. In major cosmopolitan cities, like Tokyo or Seoul, prices are comparable to similar U.S. cities. This can make staying in swanky lodgings a real budget killer.

In Southeast Asia, everything is much, much cheaper. How much cheaper? We stayed in a luxury one-bedroom suite with a kitchenette in the heart of Bangkok for $100 per night. That’s how cheap. The room deal included breakfast too.

Here are the secrets to amazing and affordable travel in Asia.

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This was the case throughout our travels in this region. Many hotels are incredibly cheap compared to similar properties in the United States. Almost every property we stayed at, from Bangkok to Hoi An, included breakfast. We only stayed in one room that wasn’t at suite level during the whole two-week vacation.

The farther you get from the metropolitan areas, the bigger the price drop. Our private bungalow in Kanchanaburi, Thailand, was $40 per night, with breakfast included. You just cannot beat that!

How Your Military Family Can Travel Asia Like A Boss

Airbnb

When staying in a larger city or if you want a more “authentic” experience, Airbnb or private property rentals can be a great route.

We opted to do this in Seoul. The Dragon Hill Lodge was fully booked and there weren’t a ton of hotel rooms that fit both our budget and our needs. Instead, we rented an entire apartment from Airbnb. The owner was a native of Seoul and gave us great advice about places to eat, getting around and local culture.

Our apartment was about the same cost, or less, than a standard hotel room. We had triple the space, a full kitchen and a stellar rooftop patio right near Itaewon and Yongsan.

In researching future trips, I’ve seen amazing properties available all over Asia. There are fully-staffed private villas in Bali and beachfront bungalows in Koh Samui. Plus, you can adjust the filters to meet your needs, budget and desired location.

Stay Healthy

One of my biggest fears about traveling throughout Asia was avoiding illness. I’ve heard horror stories about people who have been taken down hard by food born illness or tummy troubles. The entire vacation was ruined.

Military families should take advantage of the travel medicine clinic at your local MTF. It was super easy to book an appointment at our clinic. The doctor walked me through best practices, recommended vaccinations and prescribed emergency medicine just in case. Best of all, everything was 100% free.

While traveling in some Asian countries, it’s super important to be conscious of what and where you are eating. I was advised to only drink bottled or boiled water and to skip most iced drinks. Sometimes the ice hasn’t been carefully filtered and can cause illness. It’s also best to stick to street food vendors that look cleaner and who are constantly preparing fresh foods. If it’s been sitting for a while there is a higher chance for sickness down the road.

Stationed in Asia? You’ll want to read this!

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Bugs and bug-borne illness are prevalent in many Asian nations as well. Zika, malaria and yellow fever are very real threats throughout the region. Wearing lightweight long-sleeve shirts and pants while out in nature can help. Another great idea is using bug sprays, bracelets and stickers. We found the bug stickers to be very effective on our baby carrier and hats. While we still picked up a few bug bites, we did not get sick.

Shop Til You Drop

The shopping in many Asian countries is unparalleled. There are stores, vendors and markets that sell almost anything and everything you can imagine, as well as many things you didn’t know you needed.

I’ve read many articles that advise heavy bartering to negotiate a lower price. I personally have found that this didn’t work. I had better luck with subtle nudges to a lower price.

How Your Military Family Can Travel Asia Like A Boss

Shopping in Asia is a great time to pick up gifts on the cheap. In Japan, the Daiso and 100 Yen stores are the best bets for low-cost products with outstanding quality. In Seoul, there are markets and vendors near many subway stations. Throughout Thailand and Vietnam, there are markets and storefronts that sell literally everything at rock-bottom prices.

If you go to Vietnam or Thailand, it might be a good time to invest in a suit or formal wear. Hoi An, in particular, is known for their amazing tailor shops. I can personally vouch for the quality of their work. I picked up a gorgeous ball gown, plus a few other more casual custom items.

Mass Transit

Cities, like Tokyo and Seoul, have amazing mass transit systems. Their subways are immaculately clean and precisely on time. We avoided rush hour in both locations, thankfully. Even during busy times, everyone we met was polite and helpful. Plus Seoul has glass walls and doors to keep people from wandering onto the tracks. Amazing!

We took taxis and tuk-tuks throughout Thailand and Vietnam. It was much easier to get to where we wanted in a timely manner. Plus, it cost next to nothing. Our hour-long ride from the airport to the hotel? That was $18 USD.

What are your best tips for amazing travel experiences in Asia? Share your advice in the comments!

10 Companies Offering Flexible Employment For Military Spouses

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The struggle is real, y’all! Just when you’ve found a great job, it’s time to PCS or everything goes up in deployment-induced flames.

Suddenly, you’re sacrificing your hard-earned career to help your spouse serve our country. Finding flexible employment can seem like the Holy Grail for military spouses.

10 Companies Offering Flexible Employment For Military Spouses

If you’re searching for a flexible job, check out these options for military spouses.

Comcast-NBC Universal

Ready to break into television and media? Comcast-NBC Universal has been named the top military friendly employer for 2017 for a reason. This company has committed to hiring at least 10,000 veterans and military spouses. Plus, there are options to take your job to part-time during deployment and the company will help you to find a job post-PCS, even if there isn’t a position in-house.

Wells Fargo

Wells Fargo is committed to working with military spouses and veterans. They offer many flexible employment opportunities tailored to veterans, but also provide tons of support for military spouses too. When you PCS, your Wells Fargo job can move with you. They offer PCS-related relocation assistance to military spouses. Plus, there are even military spouse advisory boards to give employees a voice within the company.

Hilton

This military-friendly employer is also committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and military spouses by 2018. With locations worldwide, moving within the Hilton brand is a distinct possibility. Plus, there are remote and work from home positions within the company. There is not a specific military spouse hiring or transfer program, but with the wide range of locations and virtual positions the opportunity looks promising.

Booz Allen Hamilton

As a veteran-founded company, Booz Allen Hamilton prides themselves on military hiring initiatives. There are programs in place to assist veterans and military spouses with the hiring process and options to move within the company due to PCS.

10 companies offering the Holy Grail for military spouses — flexible employment

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Amazon

The leading online retailer is also hiring military spouses! There are options for spouses both for in-person and virtual positions. Some jobs do require a college degree, but there are also positions that are available to those with any level of education.

VIPKID

You’ve probably been seeing this all over Facebook and for good reason. VIPKID is a great opportunity for teachers and language pros to use their skills no matter where they are stationed. You can teach English or U.S. Common Core-based lessons to students in China from the comfort of your home. Teachers work as independent contractors and there is a range of earning potentials based on performance.

Worldwide101

Worldwide101 is a premium virtual assistant company with team members in North America and Europe and they are looking to hire military spouses. If you are looking for flexible remote work in bookkeeping, project management, marketing or being a virtual assistant, you will want to connect with them.

Their marketing manager, a military spouse, told NextGen MilSpouse that Worldwide 101 is a wonderful company for military spouses when she was a guest on NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast Episode 49. Click here to listen now.

 

American Express

AmEx was named one of the top 100 companies offering flexible employment. Military spouses can work in a wide variety of fields from finance to travel to customer service, all from the comfort of their own homes. There may be location or education requirements for some jobs, so be sure to read carefully before applying!

Starbucks

Want a sweet military-friendly job with your latte? Perfect!

Starbucks is committed to hiring military spouses and veterans. They even have locations that are fully staffed by military-connected employees! Plus, if you PCS, you have the option to transfer to a store in your new location.

U.S. Government Agencies

From ICE to NCIS to DoDEA and beyond, many military spouses have found portable careers with the federal government. Many federal agencies have a presence at military installations across the globe.

Military spouses can use a hiring preference claim to improve their odds. Be aware that using the hiring preference and even applying for federal positions will take work and dedication even before you land the interview. If this seems interesting, reach out to your on-base employment assistance program for help preparing your federal resume.

Still not finding something that sounds perfect for you?

Check out the Military Spouse Employment Partnership for almost endless job postings in all professionals and fields and at all education levels.

Keeping The Peace During Extended Visits With Your Extended Family

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Less than 2,000 square feet. Four adults. One toddler. Three dogs. And one bathroom.

That’s what’s happening for Thanksgiving, Christmas and summer vacations. It’s a tight squeeze, especially with the bathroom situation. Somehow, my family has been able to make this work remarkably well for the last 3 years.

Along the way, I’ve learned 5 tips that all military families can use for their travels.

Keeping The Peace During Extended Visits With Your Extended Family

5 Tips For How To Keep The Peace During Extended Visits With Your Extended Family

Transportation

If your family is like mine, they are probably scattered. We got lucky and everyone we love is mostly within a 2-state region. That makes holiday travels and visits a little bit easier.

The biggest thing we’ve found, to see everyone and stay sane, is having our own vehicle or access to transportation.

When we’ve been stationed on the East Coast, road tripping home for the holidays has been a lifesaver. If I’ve flown in, I can usually use one of my parents’ cars after dropping them at work.

Having a car means that I can come and go as I please, take the kids to the zoo or even just have a mental break. We can hop between houses or travel to see another family member. Plus, it saves us having to change the car seat situation around every time.

So bring your own, arrange to use one locally or rent one at the airport. Your sanity will thank you later.

Don’t go without your own transportation during extended visits. Your sanity will thank you.

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Let It Go

Yes, you might run a tight ship at your house. When on vacation, loosen up just a little bit.

For example, our toddler is required to sit at the table for each meal and there are no snacks on the couch. At my parents’ house, however, she regularly eats picnic style on the living room floor.

Keeping The Peace During Extended Visits With Your Extended Family

Whether it’s parenting your children or being outside of your “normal” routine, it can pay dividends to just let it go.

Beds not made? Whatever!

Dinner not well-balanced and promptly served at 6 p.m.? Cool!

Kids staying up until way past bedtime reading stories or watching movies with cousins? Absolutely!

Things might not be running as usual, and that’s OK. This isn’t your house. And it’s vacation after all. So loosening up, even just a little, can erase some of the stress.

Mental Breaks

Traveling is stressful. There isn’t really any way around that. Being out of your normal environment, routine and bed can heighten emotions in a bad way.

When you feel yourself starting to unravel, step back for a while.

When I’m getting frustrated over something, I go for a run. Pounding the pavement for a few miles releases my tension and I come back a lot calmer.

If running isn’t your thing, there are so many other options. Escaping into a good book or watching a movie can help you to decompress. Taking a walk, even just around the block, gives you a chance to cool down and enjoy some fresh air.

Hand Off Responsibility

It can get testy when everyone needs to use the single bathroom all at once. I’ll deal with that in exchange for lightening my responsibility load.

When I’m “home” for the holidays or over the summer, I pass a lot off to the other adults in the house. Having my parents or my sister around makes child care so much easier. I can escape for a few stroller-free miles or grab a drink with a girlfriend. My husband and I have even managed to squeeze in multiple date nights!

Your family will want to spend time with your children. Let them! Hand over responsibility and enjoy the quiet. Count your blessings, even as you are silently cursing the tight quarters.

Count your blessings, even as you are silently cursing the tight quarters.

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Know Your Limits

Before you arrive, talk with your spouse about your hard limits. For me, it’s cats. I am allergic and we have family members with furry felines. There have been more than a few holiday gatherings that find me bleary-eyed from Benedryl and wheezing like a 2-pack-a-day smoker.

After suffering through several years of this, I finally put my foot down. Now my husband knows that when I shoot him the “look” it’s time to pack it in and head for home or get a hotel. Hanging with beloved family, and their cats, isn’t quite as special when I can’t breathe.

Cats are my line in the sand and yours is probably different. Knowing how much you can take personally and as a family is important. It lets you keep some boundaries and remain in control of your emotions and reactions.

If you need to excuse yourself from an event or relocate your family, try to do it with grace and civility. Explain kindly why you need to leave: use the late hour and your child’s bedtime; your severe allergy to cats; or the fact that you’re waiting on a private call from a deployed spouse.

Keep it neutral to preserve the relationship with your family. After all, you will probably want some of Aunt Mary’s killer homemade fudge next Thanksgiving!

How do you handle extended visits in tight quarters? Share your pro tips in the comments.

10 Things That Happen When You Marry A Marine

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You got the customary butt slap and became one of the few, the proud, the Marine Corps spouses.

Your spouse is part of the smallest fighting force in the U.S. Armed Forces, but collectively, the Marine Corps family packs a wallop.

10 Things That Happen When You Marry A Marine

U.S. Marines with Marine Rotational Force Europe 17.2 simulate combat during the October squad competition at Vaernes Garnison, Norway, Oct. 19, 2017. Competitions help build camaraderie as well as boosts unit morale. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Jesus Flores)

When you’re married to a Marine, a few things happen along the way. What have you experienced?

10 Things That Happen When You Marry A Marine

1. You know about Chesty Puller

Chesty is the Marine’s Marine. Lt. General Lewis Puller rose up the ranks from enlisted to officer, he led from the front always.

And Chesty knew how to throw down a mean quote. His witty one and two liners are evergreen and get used regularly.

Before you know it, you’ll be tossing around Chesty quotes with the best of them.

2. You’ll feel like your spouse SHOULD have been given approval to get married

“Son, when the Marine Corps wants you to have a wife, you’ll be issued one.”

Times might have changed slightly since Chesty Puller shared that bit of wisdom, but the sentiment is the same. Throughout your life as a Marine Corps spouse, you might feel like you’re playing second string.

Nothing is easier, no special privileges are given. Your life will often come second or third to the needs of the Marine Corps.

3. You get a little salty

The constant training and deployments can wear you down. Your family will always seem to be on the move, even more frequently than the average military family. It can seem like no matter where you are stationed, the USMC gets the short end of the stick.

After a while, it can wear on you.

You get a little grouchy, a little crusty.

Finally, you’ve gone full on salty.

Whenever anything happens, you frequently utter “Because Marine Corps” and throw your hands in the air.

4. Your knife hand is on point

Need to get a point across? Throw a knife hand into the conversation. Stiffen up your palm, get that thumb in-line with the rest of the fingers, and point everything toward the other person.

Fair warning though: knife hands are awfully sharp. Just ask my kids. They get a mom-style knife hand almost daily.

Need to get a point across? Use your knife hand. #USMC

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5. You get a thrill during drill

Seeing the silent drill platoon is something you’ll never forget. The crispness of their movements, perfectly in step. Heavy M1 Garands effortlessly tossed in the air, caught without flinching. The thump, thump, thump of heels and rifles becomes ingrained in you, mixing with your heartbeat.

Watching the silent drill team will make you feel extra proud to be a Marine spouse.

10 Things That Happen When You Marry A Marine

Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Robert B. Neller speaks to Marines and guests attending the Commandant’s Birthday Ball at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center, Oxon Hill, Md., Nov. 4, 2017. Each year the Commandant hosts a ball in honor of the Marine Corps’ birthday. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Olivia G. Ortiz)

6. You love/hate the birthday ball

When they button that dress blues blouse and buckle the belt, it’s swoon city. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is as sharp as a Marine in full dress blues.

Plus, the annual birthday ball is a chance for you to don your formal finest, too. Slipping into a gorgeous gown or sharp tuxedo is special.

Except…now you have to find that glamorous outfit. And get a sitter. Then there are the years when the ball is out of town or requires a long drive through potentially heavy traffic. Factor in the endless sitting and standing for the ceremony.

Hey, at least there’s cake.

7. You look forward to sleeves-up day

On one magical day every spring, Marines everywhere roll their sleeves. Yes, it’s a super simple little adjustment, but goodness it does so much.

You know you’re a Marine Corps spouse when you look forward to sleeves-up day

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A nice crisp sleeve-roll is something special. A few years back, they took away rolled sleeves. It was a very sad day. Don’t ask me what makes it so wonderful, Just wait and see for yourself.

8. You enjoy the choice locations

San Diego. Hawaii. North Carolina. Okinawa. Wonder what all these places have in common? The beach, within easy almost effortless reach. You won’t be stuck in the middle of the country. Oh no, you’ll be at the beach.

As a special bonus, one of the largest Marine bases, Camp Pendleton, is within a few hours of Disneyland. If you have a long deployment, Mickey Mouse can become your new best friend.

9. There’s something about a good march

All that bright brass and punchy notes. Oh, it just makes me want to dance! With John Phillip Sousa as a former Marine Corps Band commander, there is no doubt that the Marines have some of the best marching tunes around.

And when the Marines’ Hymn starts to play, get ready to have tears spring to your eyes!

10. You’ll find a great support system

One of the best things about joining the USMC spouse community is just that: community.

In almost a decade as a Marine spouse, on both coasts and OCONUS, I have found the best friends and most unwavering support around. Whether I’ve needed a deployment pep talk or someone to babysit last minute, I’ve found the help I needed within the USMC community.

What have you picked up as a Marine Corps spouse? Share your favorite stories in the comments!

 

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