About Meg Flanagan

Meg Flanagan is a teacher, blogger, and freelance writer/editor. In addition to writing for NextGen MilSpouse, she has also been published on Homefront United Network, National Military Family Association, and the Education Tourist. Meg currently writes about all things education at MilKids Education Consulting.

Why Working For Free Undermines Your Professionalism

October 16, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

When you do something you love, you want to share that passion with the world. Trust me, I know. I’ve been sharing my passion for years with family, friends, neighbors and that lady from my friend’s knitting club.

In the name of friendship and a deep belief in what I do, I’ve been literally giving away free advice for years. Helping out a friend is always a good thing, don’t get me wrong.

Now that I’m trying to launch a business in the same area, I’m seeing how my years of goodwill might hurt my bottom line.

Why Working for Free Undermines Your Professionalism

Sharing my professional passions seemed so harmless at first. Help a friend design curriculum here, work on an IEP there. I was so happy to see others blossoming and growing more confident. In fact, I loved it so much that I started to build on that success. I wanted to turn my passion into a professional opportunity.

Which lead to problem No. 1…

Setting My Rate

When you’ve been working for free, your hourly or task-based rate is $0.

You have no prior clients to fall back on to scale your professional pricing. It is really hard to finish a project, even small or minor things, for which you have charged nothing and then turn around and ask another person to pay X amount of dollars for the same item.

Working for free (or setting the bar super low) skews your perception of your worth. You are doing what you love because you are good at it and enjoy the work. It’s hard enough to put a price on passion. Trying to get that just right pricing when everything before has earned you nothing is even harder.

It feels wonderful to see those you care about using your advice or talents to improve their lives. Building a reputation among your friends for good work is awesome. It leads to more connections and help.

It also creates another problem.

Drawing The Line

Let’s say you help Person A, a good friend, with Task X for free. They loved working with you and share your name to Person B, someone you’ve met a few times. Person B would love to work with you, but also heard that you helped your friend at no cost. Now they expect your services on their project for free too.

It’s easy to fall into this scenario.

Suddenly, everyone has heard that you are great at your job and work for free. Of course, now they are lining up around the block!

You are almost stuck giving your hard work away for little or nothing in return, other than the satisfaction of a job well done. If that works for you, great.

However, satisfaction doesn’t pay the bills.

Where can you draw that line? There are so many ripples in the pond of working for free. Would you give a friend of a friend pro bono work? What about a person you’ve never met and are not connected to?

All of this free work can lead to the third problem.

Freebie Limit

I’m all about giving away introductory help. I love to point people in the direction of resources I recommend or share a bit of quick advice to smooth out a rough patch. This assistance can get tricky when the larger requests come into play.

If you’ve been sharing all of your work for free to family, friends and the guy down the road, why would people want to pay you? More importantly, it’s now almost impossible to turn a friend into a client. Because you’ve been giving it away, all the people you’ve helped will continue to expect free goods or services forever.

And if you keep giving it away for free, even when you know you should be charging, you run into even more problems.

Lack of Credibility

Sure, it’s nice to get things for free. My hairdresser will sometimes throw in a free quick style after a cut. A personal trainer might share a fun mini-workout with clients. The important thing here is that my trainer and my hairdresser are sharing things to already paying customers. I pay them for their services because I’m assuming they have special knowledge or expertise in that field.

If they didn’t charge, I might not have chosen them. Or I might have assumed that they were still learning and not experienced enough to do the full job.

When you don’t charge for something that you are an expert at or passionate about, you are undermining your value in that field. You’re essentially saying:

“I don’t know enough about this, but take these small bits of knowledge I do have.”

I mean, would you trust a stockbroker or a doctor who operated in that manner? Of course not!

Setting a rate, fee or price point shows potential clients that you have weight and worth and value. Your clients will be investing their hard-earned dollars with an expert who can give them excellent services or amazing products in return.

This sets you up as a respected professional in your field.

You now have credibility.

And credibility is a good thing.

Walking This Line Is A Struggle

Finding my own place in the give it away/charge for it world is a struggle almost daily. I see many people who could benefit from my particular services. I want to help them and fix the problems for them. It can be hard to hold back.

In fact, I broke all of my rules today to help someone in desperate need.

It’s OK to fail sometimes and work for free.

For me, it helps to remember that every project I tackle pro bono is a professional (paid) project I couldn’t take on.

Do you struggle with working for free? Share your story in the comments.

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

September 29, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

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Eventually, every parent needs to do it: contact the teacher.

But how and when? More importantly, how often?

Your child’s teacher can be your best ally. Trust me, teachers WANT to help you! But information and request overload can quickly add to the already staggering workload that educational professionals are carrying. So it’s important to observe a few guidelines and keep communication open.

Here are 7 ways that you can get what your child needs and keep the teacher happy at the same time.

7 Ways To Advocate For Your Child Without Annoying His Teacher

1. Start Early

Right from the get-go be kind and supportive. Ask the teacher if she needs anything for the classroom and then follow through. It might be tissues or hand sanitizer. It could also be helping to make copies or volunteering as a room parent.

This helps to create a relationship with your child’s teacher. If you are involved, you might get info about your child. You can also pick the teacher’s brain more easily. It might be questions about the math homework or the inside track on the big class project, but your physical (or virtual) presence helps you.

2. Small Notes

Teachers look at everything or try to. We check agenda books, homework and even little sticky notes. If you are concerned about something on the small side, send a note. From early dismissal to trouble on the homework or a question about the spelling assignment, the teacher will see it and be aware of the situation.

Sending in small notes like this, occasionally, keeps the dialogue open and lets the teacher know that you are an involved parent. She knows that you are helping your child with her schoolwork and want your child to succeed.

3. Email Etiquette

Email is the easiest way to get in touch these days. It’s fast, efficient and hassle free.

Except emails can get lost in the shuffle. There is also no “tone of voice” reader available.

When you email, be careful. Use precise language to communicate your concern, but try to keep the “tone” warm and friendly.

Even if you are upset.

Especially if you are upset.

Firing off accusations will put the teacher on the defensive and make progress even harder.

Be clear about what you want: answers, a meeting or even just a response of any kind.

4. Ask for a Meeting

For small problems, like homework questions, use email or written notes. If a big issue pops up, like major academic concerns or social situations, ask (kindly) for a meeting.

This is not a You VS Teacher heavyweight battle. It’s all of you fighting for the best education for your child together. At the meeting, approach it like a team effort.

Ask questions. What is the teacher seeing? How has she addressed the issue so far? What has worked with similar situations in the past? What can you do at home to support your student?

Then follow through. Stay in touch with the teacher about the issue. Ask for progress reports and information about interventions. Use the teacher suggestions at home.

5. Quality Over Quantity

Emails have a tendency to pile up real quick. Even paper notes can get misplaced.

Yes, keeping in contact is amazing! The teacher knows you care and you have your finger on the pulse of the classroom. Constant contact can also work against you.

Daily emails or notes are overwhelming and meeting every week is a lot. So keep your communication regular, but not flowing like a river.

Like the boy who cried wolf, if you make every molehill into a mountain, it can become harder to handle the mountains if you find them. Teachers might also be less likely to take your (legitimate) concerns quite as seriously if every challenging assignment results in an emergency meeting or a flurry of emails marked URGENT.

6. Respect the Work Day

Do things happen after 3:30 p.m.? Of course! Kids get sick, homework gets lost and stories from the school day are shared. Plus, since after school is usually when parent get to see all the tests and homework, academic concerns might start to brew.

If you email after the school day, please allow some wait time. Typically, this is one business day, from Monday to Friday, during working hours.

Talk to the Teacher: Get What Your Child Needs, Keep the Teacher on Your Side

Teachers need time to read, process and find the answers you need. We need time to get our strategy in place. If the topic is especially sensitive, the teacher might also need to write a draft response and then step away before sending it to make sure he got it right.

If you need a meeting, ask when the teacher has time. Typically, a teacher will want to solve a problem sooner rather than later. For parents who are limited by their own working hours, offer some days and times you are available. Many teachers will come in early, stay late, or give up their lunch and prep periods to meet with parents.

Be prepared to sacrifice equally of your time. This is YOUR kid, after all.

7. Be a Problem Solver

If you CAN do it, please go right ahead!

If your child is begging for extra math homework or wants to learn more about anything, try to find the solution on your own first. There are many websites out there that offer free online programs, like Khan Academy or PBS Kids. And the library is always free.

When the going gets tough on homework, search on YouTube for teaching tutorials. There are a bunch of them out there, all conforming to Common Core standards, across grade levels.

Your teacher will adore you for being proactive with your child’s education. And her workload will feel just a little bit lighter too.

Want even more help with talking to your child’s teacher? Get your copy of Talk to the Teacher today! Click here to order it on Amazon.

Why I Invest In Professional Photography

September 15, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

At least twice a year, I perform a miracle.

My daughter is twirling in her “princess” dress and has been restricted to dry foods and clear liquids. Meanwhile, my husband is giving me some serious looks as he unwillingly pulls on his color-coordinated outfit. The fact that I got him out of athletic gear could be a miracle all on its own.

Finally, I’m draped in the biggest apron I own, dressing the baby and waiting for the curling iron to heat up. If we can all arrive clean and without stains, I’ll be over the moon.

It’s picture day. One of my favorite days of the year!

I love getting family pictures taken by amazing professional photographers. It’s an investment and one that I will keep on making. Even though doing this can get pricey (a fact my husband constantly harps on), capturing our family on film is too important to me to skip it.

Professional photography helps support other military spouses.

Consistent jobs are hard to find for military spouses. Many of us are turning more and more to our creative sides to help support our families. I’m doing it with writing and education coaching. Others are learning how to take beautiful pictures.

Every place we have lived I have been so lucky to find talented professionals to capture memories for my family. We have heartwarming pictures of homecoming, sweet baby smiles and even our beloved furbaby in photos around our home.

I love to seek out other military spouses because they understand how my family works, our struggles and our joys. They have always done a great job translating that to film.

I want to get in the picture too!

It’s kind of a universal parent rule: one of you will always be out of the picture. Except that it seems like I’m the one out of the frame most often. I’m the person recording the adventure instead of the person saying “cheese.”

Sometimes I want to make sure that our whole family is in one picture. And if I have to pay someone to do that, so be it.

I want to share our love with our family.

Growing up, I saw my extended family all the time. We lived 2 towns over or at most had to cross 1 state line.

My children are thousands of miles from family. Their grandparents are missing the little moments, the sweet hugs and the chance to make memories of everyday life.

For many of our relatives the one time they see my children will be on Christmas cards. I want our loved ones to see my family looking happy in our temporary hometown. I want to share a little slice of our lives with the people we hold dear.

Having a pro take our picture helps me make sure that our Christmas cards look lovely.

I want to remember where we lived.

One amazing part of our military life is the chance to live in many places. It’s wonderful to explore different parts of our country and the world.

Having beautiful professional photos of my family in the places that we have lived helps to recall those moments.

Looking at my maternity pictures in northern Virginia, I can feel the worn cobblestones under my feet and smell the Potomac River. When I glance at one particular beach scene on our wall, I remember what it was like to only have a fur child and what it felt like to run through the SoCal surf.

I want to remember.

I have one shot at childhood with my little ones. The time is already slipping through my fingers way too fast. My babies are getting too big, too quickly. I will do just about anything to freeze time.

Photography helps me to hit pause, even if just for a moment.

I want to have gorgeous photos of my little ones being little, with gummy smiles and sticky fingers. And I want those pictures to be color coordinated, beautifully lit and edited. I want to look back in years to come and be able to relive those little moments.

The walls of my home are filled with photographs of my family as it went from 2 to 4, plus a pooch. We have beautiful reminders of every place we have lived and every stage of our lives. Everywhere I look, I can see my beautiful wedding day, sweet newborn snuggles, chubby toddler fingers and our beautiful family.

To me, this is priceless.

Even my husband, usually way after the fact, agrees that having a professional take our pictures is an investment worth making.

Do you invest in professional photos? Share your favorite military spouse photographers in the comments!

Did I Do That? Common Mistakes We’ve All Made As Military Spouses

September 4, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

There I was, a brand new military spouse, at the commissary solo for the first time. But where to park my car?

Being Virginia in August, it was sweltering. I didn’t really want to trek from the far reaches of the parking lot to the doors and the repeat with a full cart of groceries. So I circled. And I circled. I circled once again.

Then I spotted it: General Officer Parking.

Perfect! My spouse just got commissioned, so he is part of the officer group, in general. Which is what that parking sign must mean, right? Wrong!

We’ve all done it: made a rookie mistake.

9 Common and Laughable Mistakes We’ve Made As Military Spouses

The Salute. He did it. Do I have to do it too?

It gets awkward fast though when you pop a crisp salute to someone and then your spouse shoots you a side-eye real quick.

Or that moment of indecision when you start to bring up your hand, rethink your choice and quickly brush an invisible hair from your cheek.

Sir and Ma’am. What do you call your spouse’s immediate superior? It feels weird to call them “Sgt. Suchandsuch,” because you’re not in the military. But it’s also odd to be the only one using his or her first name.

Commissary Confusion. Walking up to an empty commissary cashier ready to check out, bypassing all the people waiting in the cordoned off official line, like a boss. Realize your mistake and quickly pick up a magazine to browse as you scuttle to the correct place.

Off-Limit Training Areas. My, what a beautiful road! The perfect place to take a nice long bike ride.

Except it’s an off-limits training area and ammo storage facility. You missed the signs in your haste to zen out for a few and now the MPs have pulled you over (and confiscated your bike). Whoops!

The Gate. Drive up to the base, all ready to drop cash at the PX. Except, who are those armed guards? I have an ID, do I keep driving? Do I stop? Drive, I’ll drive.

And that’s how, “my friend” ended up stopped at gun point on her way to score a sweet deal on designer handbags.

Calling It In. Your spouse has been gone all day long. It’s after dinner. Where is she? So you decide to do what any normal person would do: call the office and find out what’s taking so long.

Except tomorrow your spouse gets assigned extra duty to make up for that phone call, so you’re stuck reheating dinner alone. Again.

Name Game. “Oh my spouse works on that boat over there,” he said, and is met with blank stares or looks of sympathy.

Boats or ships? Weapons or guns? Cover or hat? Blouse or shirt? Head or toilet? Seriously, so many regular things with totally different names. And never mind the acronyms!

Musical Chairs. At an endless ceremony, the music plays and everyone stands. The music keeps playing, but now everyone is sitting except you.

“But the music didn’t stop! How was I supposed to know to grab a chair?” you think.

Now, everyone is standing again and there is no music playing. Make up your minds people!

It’s a Ball! She heard the word ball, and thought: Cinderella! Poofy gown, amazing updo and full on make-up action coming this way!

When she got there, all the other ladies were dressed the exact opposite: sleek dresses, understated hair and basic date night make-up. At least the pictures will be memorable!

Looking back, we can laugh at our mistakes, right?

What are your favorite fresh-faced military spouse slip-ups?

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

August 3, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

Perfect timing, stomach bug.

Not only had we just moved OCONUS, but I was laid low with something nasty while my 2 year old ran amok. Oh, and it was my husband’s first day back at work. Did I mention I was also pregnant?

There were only so many movies I could get her to sit through. Going outside wasn’t even a remote possibility.

I could think of a million options, if only we were still stateside on leave or at out last duty station. We were tens of thousands of miles from every single person I knew.

It would have been easy to lose my mind, break down or call my service member in tears. Instead, I called in my village.

Anytime I need something I can phone a friend in my military spouse village.

Why Raising My Child In My Military Spouse Village Is Awesome

New Baby

Having a baby in the military? No worries, mama! Your friends have totally got your back. Whether you need breastfeeding advice or something more, there is probably someone in your network who can help you.

When I was a nervous new mother, I phoned a girlfriend who already had 3 children. She offered me moral support and advice about bottle feeding and swaddling. She talked me down during more than one very late night feeding.

My friend’s husband deployed a few months before her due date. She was all alone, with their older child, when the time came. Except, she wasn’t really alone. Immediately military spouse friends swooped in. They took care of her son, stocked her fridge and finished the nursery set-up. A few extra close friends held her hand during labor and delivery.

These things aren’t uncommon in the military community. It’s standard practice for military spouses who depend on each other for almost everything.

Travel With Kids

Anyone who has ever boarded a plane with small children knows it’s, let’s say, interesting. Anything can and will happen during travel with kids. From illness to injury to destructive boredom, one of your military mom friends has probably experienced it.

Next time you plan to travel, ask around. Your friends will be able to offer the best driving routes or sage advice about navigating airport security. Your village can set you up with essential travel items too.

For our last trip, there wasn’t a crib for our infant. Instead of rushing out to buy one, I phoned a friend. She has an awesome travel bassinet that fits into a suitcase. Problem solved. Plus, she’s borrowing our high chair right now.

Support Networks

Raising children is tough. Between navigating screen time and dealing with a toddler tantrum, it’s easy to be at your limit ultra fast. When your spouse is gone a lot or you’re far from home, building support networks are vital to keeping your sanity.

Military families have almost built-in groups to turn to in times of trouble. Whether it’s the other parents in your on-base neighborhood, the pals you met at Stroller Warriors or someone from the base chapel, there are people for you to lean on.

Where we currently live, all the kids are around the same age and 3 of them have birthdays within 6 months of each other. Our spouses are in and out constantly. We team up for dinners, play dates and all pitch in to watch the kids outside. Having other parents to call on when I’m at my breaking point is life-saving.

It’s not just local friends, either. My virtual village is equally important. My support network stretches around the globe, so someone is always awake when I need to vent or want advice. By connecting online with people I’ve met, and those I know virtually, I have access to countless experts in education, psychology and parenting.

Health Crisis

My daughter woke up with a rash the other day. I had literally no idea what it was. My treatment choice was limited to the military ER because it was Sunday. There was no way that I was going to drag 2 kids down there for hours for a rash.

Instead, I video-chatted with my friend who is a physician assistant. She checked out the rash, talked to my kiddo and gave me some basic treatment options until the clinic opened on Monday.

In your many travels, you probably have a few friends in the medical profession too. Knowing that I have friends with medical knowledge in my village is so comforting. I know that no matter where I go or what my in-person options are, I can get the best advice from my friends.

My military spouse village makes raising my children easier.

When I was sick, I could have cried and dissolved into a helpless puddle. Instead, I picked up the phone. I had luckily gotten the contact information for a few of my new neighbors. They swooped in and entertained my child all day long, brought me Gatorade and found me a babysitter to help the next day.

We had known each other for just a few days, but they didn’t hesitate to help when I needed it most. It’s just what happens in the military spouse village. We all step up to help each other.

This military life can be tough, especially with kids. Having a military spouse village to support and help you makes raising children so much easier.

How does your military village help you? Post a shout out to your friends!

If They Gave Out Medals for MilSpouse Life

July 24, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

“Ugh, my ribbon rack is wicked full!”

That’s pretty much the refrain of my dear service member, with included Boston accent. Naturally, I asked him what every one of those pretty scraps of fabric and shiny medals meant. I got the rundown, from the expert shooting medal to the National Defense Service Medal.

A few days later, a friend and I were chatting about military spouse life. We, inevitably, circled around to the fact that our spouses would be hard-pressed to survive and thrive without us.

“Without us, how would they even function?” she practically shouted.

So I got to thinking…

What if there were service awards for military spouses?

We do a bunch of stuff for our service members and for the military in general with minimum recognition. Just for fun, let’s imagine there were service awards for the things that we do as military spouses.

If They Gave Out MilSpouse Medals

Cami Cleanser Award

For successfully laundering various field uniforms owned by your service member. Claim this award with distinction for correctly removing ink stains from the pens forgotten in uniform pockets or lint from whatever else he left in there too.

Expert Seeker

No, not Quidditch because that would be super fun. This award is for finding those random pieces of your spouse’s uniform when she needs to leave for the base in less than 5 minutes. Examples include: reflective running belt, military awards and ribbons, extra PT gear, service uniforms, shoes, boot bands and cufflinks for dress uniforms. Add “with distinction” for locating uniform items correctly on the first try immediately post PCS.

Financial Services Medal

For devotion to duty while balancing an impossible budget. Pulling a vacation or staycation out of literally no resources once every 2 years.

Career Services Medal

When you found a job, got promoted at work or have a promising career path, and then your spouse gets PCS orders. So you quit your job, decline the promotion and walk away from your career goals so that your service member can pursue theirs.

Global War on Isolation Medal

Awarded for warding of inevitable situational depression during deployments, living far from a base without military community support or moving overseas. Stars can be added for repeat experiences in any one of these.

Shut Up and Embrace the Suck Medal

For refraining to complain to your service member’s superior about the insane training schedules. Another way to add this to your collection is to avoid calling the duty desk in order to locate your service member for dinner for one whole year.

Mandatory Fun Action Ribbon

For attending spouse or unit social events, even when you really don’t like other people in the unit. One condition of this award is that you MUST maintain your composure and be polite to everyone you meet.

Mess Night Survival Ribbon

When you remember all of the ridiculous rules of mess night, pretend that you are having fun and manage to “hold it” for the entire event.

APO/FPO Logistical Shipping Award

Researching all of the companies and providers that will ship various items to OCONUS locations. Successfully ordering and sending any items to APO/FPO addresses, while following the rules for those places. Also, for completing the USPS customs form, both the long form and the abbreviated one, correctly on the first try.

Social Media Savvy Ribbon

For withholding sanctimonious advice or responding to the same from others on various social media platforms. To earn this ribbon, you must also avoid “drama” on Facebook.

Formal Dress Under Pressure Award

When your spouse arrives home and informs you about a fancy dress occasion, with only a few days notice. Or when you discover that your formal gown from last year doesn’t fit days before this year’s birthday ball. You successfully obtained appropriate evening wear on short notice. Add “with distinction” if you achieved this while stationed OCONUS.

Expert Multitasker Ribbon

For organizing multiple functions on short notice, balancing schedules for your children and spouse, creating a diverse and nutritional meal plan and basically doing everything at home all of the time.

Bonus: Commemorative Wine Glasses

Since apparently military spouses enjoy wine, we should totally get something for keeping our service members on track. So, each time you finish a case of wine (no time limit), collect a commemorative wine glass. When you collect a full dozen glasses, you will be awarded a decanter. For subsequent decanter awards, you may defer and receive a case of wine of your choice.

What milspouse awards did we miss? What do you imagine these ribbons and medals would look like? And which ones do you rate? Tell us in the comments!

Let’s All Agree To Stop Saying “Just”

July 1, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

“So, what do you do?”

It inevitably comes up in conversations over and over again. Typically, it happens when you

a) PCS

b) get new neighbors

c) join a new group or community

d) are settling into a new command or unit

“Oh, well I’m just…”

Just what? Just rocking a professional career while moving every 3 years? Maybe you’re “just” reinventing yourself at every duty station. Or you’re “just” killing it while raising children (or fur children) during back-to-back deployments. I bet you’re “just” staying sane in this military life.

Let’s all agree to stop saying “just.”

Using the word “just” when we talk about ourselves or explain what it is we do demeans us. It makes it seem like what we, military spouses, do all day long isn’t important or worthy. It’s “just”…meh.

The work we do, wherever and whatever that is, is important. It’s what keeps life moving and keeps the home fires burning. There is no “just” about it.

Seriously, think about what you accomplish in 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or even 1 year. I’ll share some of what I did:

Today: I fed my kids, wrote this article, cleaned up dog puke and didn’t lose my cool.

This week: I had a baby with minimal drama or trauma. For this I am thankful.

This month: I taught 20 4th graders, transitioned in a new classroom teacher, did the grading, published my writing, managed my own blog and didn’t totally lose my mind.

Last year: I handled an OCONUS PCS like a boss, started a new job, made advances as a writer, parented a preschooler and ran 2 half marathons. And did most of that while pregnant.

None of that “just” happened. I worked hard for each and every thing that I have done.

Military personnel don’t “just” their accomplishments.

Have you ever heard a sailor talk about how she “just” handled a long cruise? A Marine didn’t “just” finish an epic hump over rough terrain? Soldiers haven’t “just” gotten that patch. And airmen don’t “just” fly the aircraft.

No, instead they brag on themselves. They compare battle stories and share how awesome they are at their jobs.

Military spouses? Not so much.

Instead, we downplay how much we do.

“Oh, it was just a year-long unaccompanied tour. Yeah, the kids were a handful, but we got through it.”

In 2 sentences, this military spouse has sold herself short. I mean, have you ever tried to solo parent multiple children for a lengthy period of time? It’s super hard!

“I just run my own business.”

This is not a “just” situation. You’re doing all of the things, all by yourself. This is cause for celebration and major bragging!

Surviving military life can be hard. Between the moving, the distance from our families, our kids and trying to keep it together professionally, it can be a lot.

It takes work, especially when we are flying solo a decent percentage of the time. Instead of curling up in little balls, we handle it.

The kids get fed and clothed, dogs are walked and our jobs get done. These things don’t just happen, like small daily miracles. We plan, we prep and we push forward daily.

There is no “just” about it!

Adding a “just” when you explain your life, your job or your passions makes it seem like it was easy. Own that hard work! Talk about how you are juggling school, deployment and volunteering. Share your advice about getting into shape or making your career work for you.

Photo by Corinne Kutz on Unsplash

You can be an expert.

Military life is built on a network. We rush to social media to get the scoop on the next duty station. We shared blog posts, entertaining memes and find mutual friends.

When you “just” your interests or work, you might miss opportunities to grow or help others.

There might be an amazing position out there, but you won’t hear about it because your downplayed your experience. You could be helping another spouse get ahead, but no one knows what you do.

A little bragging can open so many doors!

You’re not a “just.”

You are amazing! Don’t “just” yourself. Own your success and brag on yourself a little bit.

Next time you get asked what you do, answer with pride. Explain exactly what it is you do and own it.

“I’m a lawyer and I’ve passed the bar in 3 states!”

“I teach and I’m working toward my master’s degree.”

“I’m a parent. I make sure that our lives run smoothly no matter where we are living.”

Even when you’re talking about non-employment related life stuff, leave the “just” out of it.

Nobody “just” runs long distances. You’ve trained really hard for those races.

You don’t “just” create beautiful drawings. That’s a skill you’ve practiced for years to hone those skills.

It’s not “just” volunteering with the unit. You’re making a difference in your community!

Let’s all agree to own our awesomeness. Leave that “just” alone.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Staying Home

June 26, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

Being a stay-at-home parent (SAHP) seems awesome from the outside in. It looks like it’s all sweet storytimes, cuddles on the couch, and baking brownies.

Let me tell you: it’s not.

I’ve been doing this SAHP gig since school got out last summer and it is not all sweetness and delight. A lot of my day is spent negotiating with my toddler over the necessity of holding hands on a busy sidewalk or injuring my feet on her Little People. Those bad boys are pointy!

It’s also been really hard for me to make this transition from full-time teacher to full-time stay-at-home parent while also trying to break into the writing world. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be doing this except for a weird one-year duty station.

It hasn’t been perfect some of the time or even most of the time. But along the way, there have been moments and things I did that helped me to fall in love with staying home.

What I Did To Help Me Fall In Love With Being a Stay-At-Home Parent

Create a Tribe

I found my tribe at Stroller Warriors. I’m an avid runner and had been dying to get into this group in our last hometown, but with work, weather and distance, it never worked out. Now, I have the time to go to every workout and have made some amazing friends to boot!

Your tribe can be found anywhere. I know that my neighborhood at our first duty station was really tight, so much so that no one thought anything of having impromptu doggie/child playdates midday. Use what you have: church, MOPS, Bible study, neighborhood friends or workout groups. Get contact info and be open to new adventures.

Be Patient, Be Kind

When life is controlled by an opinionated toddler, life moves in interesting ways and directions. So no, you won’t always get that 2-hour block in the middle of the day to “adult,” but you will be able to re-watch your favorite movies from childhood frequently.

Kids are also learning so much about life and how they act and react is based on us. Being patient with my child and myself has been a huge stumbling block and learning opportunity for me. I’ve had to learn how to communicate effectively using minimal big words. I’ve also learned the power of the “Mommy Time-Out.” Seriously, Momma needs a minute.

I also know that I am not perfect at parenting. I get angry, frustrated and tired like everyone else. But tomorrow is another day and I get to try again to be the best mother I can be right now.

Explore Together

Wherever you are, it seems that there is never enough time to truly explore. When you day is scheduled around meals and naps, there is a little more time and flexibility to get out of the house. Plus, doing stuff creates tired children, and tired children nap.

There are sure to be parenting blogs or websites that show cool places to go with your littles. If not, ask around in your new circle of friends.

I love to see different places with my tot in tow. It makes me slow down and appreciate the moment just a little bit more.

Relish The Lack of Crowds

The other day, we went to a local nature and animal preserve for the morning. This place is usually a big attraction where we are, but it was almost empty! We showed up on a Wednesday, right after it opened. With bigger kids at school and adults at work, it was just us and a handful of tourists.

Without crowds, those big-time attractions become suddenly more manageable. Since almost no one was there, my kiddo had free range to explore along the sidewalks and paths, to stop and look at the animals, or to pick up 1,000,000 rocks.

Become More Mindful

As a classroom teacher, I always had a very strict schedule to attend to. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to really stop and smell the roses.

My mindset must still be the same, because I keep trying to hurry my child through our day. She wants to inspect some rocks and I just want to get to the final destination.

This year has reminded me that the journey is just as important as the destination. So if a kid wants to splash in puddles for hours on end, and it’s safe to do so, let her.

It is so easy to get frustrated and mad about the slow pace. But I am trying to stop and sit and let her be little as long as I can.

Savor The “I Love You” Moments

My favorite moments are the ones that are pure sweetness. I love when my baby climbs into my lap and asks for one more story. Or when she hugs me tightly and rests her head on my shoulder before she runs off to keep playing. My favorite moments each and every day are the ones when she says “I love you, Mommy.”

I know that as she grows into a big kid, then a tween, teen and finally an adult, those whispered “I love you’s” and sticky kisses will become fewer and farther between.

Right now, I get to savor them all day, every day. If I could bottle those moments up and keep them forever, I would.

Grab This Extra Time Together

Youth is so fleeting and fast. I know that I have no idea where the last 2 years went at all. Seriously, how is it 2017 already? But this year of staying home has given me the chance to create traditions, memories and a strong bond with my child. I know I will never get this age or stage back with her, and I have been afforded the opportunity to really treasure it.

So I’m trying to slow down, take my time, be patient with both of us, and enjoy these days staying at home with my baby.

Before I know it, we will move again and I might return to work again; my currently small kiddo will grow bigger and bigger, and need me less and less.

It has definitely taken me some time, and not just a few growing pains, but I have fallen in love with being a stay-at-home parent.

Do you love being a stay-at-home parent? What are your favorite aspects of this role?

6 Ways To Stay Positive During Deployment

June 2, 2017 By Meg Flanagan Leave a Comment

I blinked. Just like that, he was on the bus and gone. This time he was scheduled to be away for around a year.

As a new military spouse, I was overwhelmed with sadness and didn’t know how to kick it. I had 52 weeks, give or take, until he was home for good. There were at least 40 weeks to go until R&R.

It seemed hopeless and unending.

Until I made it my mission to get happy and stay positive during deployment.

6 Ways to Stay Positive During Deployment

1. Find Friends

This is the first, and most important, step of your own Operation: Deployment Happiness. Find some awesome friends. Take a look around your neighborhood, unit family readiness group, job, volunteer organization or the gym.

Look for someone who appears to enjoy similar things. I got super lucky with my on-base neighbors. We were all young spouses, many of us with dogs and without kids. We all enjoyed wine, reading and the beach. Bingo! Instant friends!

2. Leave Your House

No, seriously, get out of the house. For me, sitting in my lonely empty house staring at my dog all day was terribly depressing. I found out that even just taking my pup for a nice long walk made the day better. If taking a walk is all you’re up for right now, that’s perfect.

For more adventurous souls, get together with your new friends and plan adventures. My group of pals never sat still. We had book clubs, Bible studies, wine-tasting trips, magical Disney days, regular jaunts to the beach and girls nights out. Knowing that I had concrete plans, with real people, forced me to leave the house. I even found myself two-steppin’ at a country bar one night!

Even more shocking? I was having an absolute blast! Deployment was the last thing I was thinking about.

3. Create Endorphins

We all remember that famous line from “Legally Blonde,” yes? “Endorphins make you happy.” It’s so true! Exercise creates endorphins and then you feel happier.

When that bus pulled out, I was honestly not in great shape. I was in even worse shape a few weeks into deployment, thanks to wine and tubs of cookie dough. I wanted to really wow my spouse at homecoming, so I started walking a few miles every day.

Those walks turned into runs. Then I added some light weights and strength training. Now, almost 8 years later, I have 3 half marathons and a full marathon under my belt. I exercise almost daily.

During that deployment, my friends and I created exercise groups. A few of us would meet for a run or pick a fun class at the gym. We shared workout tips and set running goals. At other duty stations, I’ve joined Stroller Warriors. You don’t need a stroller or children to join, just a running goal.

Being active and getting exercise helped to pass the time. Plus, my legs looked pretty great when the buses pulled back in!

4. Count It Down

Everyone has a countdown going somewhere. Why not make it fun? Instead of the typical deployment countdown, write up your own bucket list of things to do before your spouse walks back in the door. Use a big wall calendar to write down your milestones.

Once I got my emotions in check, I created my own bucket list. I included all of the fun activities with friends, race training, visits from friends and trips back home. Chunking my time like this helped to break everything down into easier to handle pieces.

Instead of looking at all of those weeks alone, I was suddenly focused on 3 weeks in the future when my best friends arrived. I was looking forward to my next Disney trip. That race was coming up quick, and my training schedule really helped the days fly past.

Just remember to respect OPSEC and PERSEC if you are sharing your countdowns on social media!

5. Do Something For You

Going into that first long deployment, I didn’t have a job. I was aimlessly drifting. Until I found a need and created my own tutoring business, which is now a full-time blog. Instead of dwelling in boredom, I now had a purpose. And it felt great! I was doing something for me and earning money.

If building your own business or working isn’t possible for you right now, there are still so many ways to do something for yourself.

Exercising, taking trips or having adventures with friends are all possibilities. Getting a pedicure or a massage are great ways to relieve a little deployment stress. I took up pottery painting and still have the serving platters I created. There are also classes for everything and everyone. From cooking to learning a new language, you can find a class for you. And if not, there is always YouTube or the library.

Find something that excites you and relieves some tension, then go for it!

6. Make Plans

Deployments are long. No matter what you do, sometimes the time just drags. When that happens, focus on something awesome post-deployment.

On days when nothing seemed to work, I sat down to plan our big post-deployment trip. I researched everything and everywhere. I made pro/con lists and ordered tourist brochures. At one point, I had 3 or 4 different trips totally planned out, but not booked.

Once I finally settled on our Jamaican all-inclusive vacation, I was so excited. When I started to get sad, I pictured the 2 of us (no kids, remember?), on a beach with tropical drinks in our hands. I researched every single thing about the resort, from the land sports to the restaurants to the evening dress code.

Knowing that there was something after all of this really kept me going. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I was going to get to it!

How do you stay positive during deployment?

It’s the Last Day of Deployment

May 26, 2017 By Meg Flanagan 1 Comment

To the Military Spouse on the Last Day of Your Service Member’s Deployment,

Congrats! You made it! Today is the day, the big day. You have spent days, weeks, months, and perhaps a year or more counting down to this day.

That’s right, it’s the end of deployment.

I can guess what you are doing right now because I did it too.

To the Military Spouse on the Last Day of Your Service Member's Deployment

Photo credit: LKM-Photography

Yesterday and maybe the day before that, you meticulously scrubbed your house from top to bottom. You even cleaned the baseboards and disinfected the bathroom, twice. Fresh sheets have been put on your bed, the pillows have been fluffed and the comforter is turned back.

For the past few days (let’s be honest, weeks), you have been researching homecoming meals: comfort food that is not readily available on a ship, in an MRE or at a forward operating base. Plus, it needs to be slow cooker friendly, just in case there is a delay.

Last night, or probably before that, you have combed through your closet to select the perfect homecoming outfit. Something that is comfy, alluring and conservative enough to not raise any eyebrows. Right now, as you are doing those last-minute preparations, you are more than likely second guessing that outfit.

In your head, you are imagining one of those picture perfect military homecomings. You know the ones. The ones titled “10 military homecomings that will make you cry.” You are picturing the romance, the pomp and circumstance, and the beauty of it all.

Here is what will actually happen on the day of your service member’s homecoming.

Your family readiness team has been in communication with you for the last week or so, giving you a variety of dates and times and places to be to welcome your beloved home. Today, you have been diligently checking every email and text message to make sure that nothing else has changed, but it probably will change.

The clothes you have so carefully assembled are suddenly all wrong, because instead of a late morning homecoming, yours is now scheduled for zero dark thirty. Or for early evening. Or for your toddler’s naptime.

Then the clouds open up or there is a heat wave or it is snowing. So instead of that adorable ensemble, you are wearing sweats and a hoodie, with a little bit of applesauce and some splatter from the meal that you spent hours preparing.

Finally, you arrive at the place where you are meeting your spouse before the appointed homecoming window time. And you will wait. Then, after the waiting, you will wait some more. Somewhere in there, you might get a text message from your spouse informing you of the waiting. Later on, the family readiness team will also inform you of the impending waiting.

By now, you will be freaking out, stressed because of the beautiful Crock-Pot creation overcooking slowly at home. Your outfit is now wet/sweaty/both, and if you are wearing makeup, it is faded. If you have children, they are entering prime meltdown mode.

“There is no way that this can be salvaged,” you think or maybe scream out loud.

Don’t worry. Don’t worry about anything, not the house, not the food, not the clothes. Even the waiting, the weather, the time of day or the cranky kids will not count.

None of that will matter. Because when your spouse gets off that bus or boat or breaks formation, all he or she wants is you.

You are it.

You are everything. You are the pot of gold at the end of his or her rainbow.

So, try to take every single thing that happens or happened today (and for the next few days) with a giant grain of salt. Your efforts at home and at the reunion will not go unnoticed. But your spouse is exhausted after months spent working non-stop, sleeping in a cramped bed in a tent or bunkroom with a bunch of other people that she or he sees 24/7. Your spouse wants to just sleep, eat and watch TV with a cold one on the couch.

Photo credit: LKM-Photography

Remember, you are everything to your spouse. Being home with you is what she or he has wanted every single day you have been apart.

You are it. Dwell in this place. Let the little things go. Release those high expectations about what your reunion and reintegration should and shouldn’t be.

Trust me, a spouse who has been there and done that and owns the T-shirt, just breathe, relax and ride the reunion wave. Enjoy being with your whole family for the first time in what feels like forever.

Now, go relax and skip cleaning the house again or changing your outfit. Everything will be just fine!

Love,
A Military Spouse Who Gets It