NextGen MilSpouse

The Online Destination for Today's Military Spouse

Military Spouse Kickball Leagues Build Unit Camaraderie Outside Of Traditional Spouses Clubs

By Leave a Comment

Picture it: Sassy ladies who play hard, get dirty and build a community based on love of the game. I mean, who wouldn’t like to live their own version of that Geena Davis/Tom Hanks classic?

via GIPHY

Except instead of a dirt-in-the-skirt slide into third, these ballers slam giant red kickballs deep into center field. Over on third, the base coach is letting the kicker know that she should try to send the ball toward first.

The ladies in the dugout are shouting salty encouragement.

And on the field, the players are shifting into position. They’ve heard the coach’s instructions and know that this player can deliver.

I’m naturally competitive and have played sports all my life, but joining a kickball league seemed kind of crazy. Still, I wanted the chance to have a montage, if only in my mind, to “This Used To Be My Playground.”

But just who are these ball-kicking military spouses?

Ladies Who Like To Kick Balls

Military spouse kickball leagues are popping up all over the place! I play in the Ladies of Okinawa Kickball League (LOOK), but there are leagues at many bases around the world.

These kickball leagues are not just for top-notch athletes. Anyone and everyone is encouraged to play! Granted, some teams and players do take the game very seriously. There are no prizes, so winning is mostly just for bragging rights or to fulfill an internal competitive urge.

Still, we all play super hard on game days and try our best at practices. It’s definitely not uncommon for players to come up with gnarly bruises from a hard slide into third. There’s always at least one jammed shoulder when a runner collides with an infielder.

Being In A Kickball League Brings Out The Kid In Me

I’ll admit, I’m no star on the kickball field. It’s taken me over two seasons to hone my kicking and catching skills. I’m just now feeling confident when I approach home plate and I no longer second-guess my ability to field a tricky kick.

I’m here for the fun of the game. And maybe to win once in a while.

Mostly, I’m here to build a community with my teammates. Over two seasons, that’s exactly what the Mavericks have done.

Military Spouse Kickball Leagues Build Unit Camaraderie Outside Of Traditional Spouses Clubs

Photo courtesy of Mavericks

In the dugout, we watch the pitcher and give last-minute advice before our teammate steps up to the plate. We rattle the fence and cheer her on. When she makes it to first base, we go wild. If our teammate is called out, we have a pep talk in the dugout before the next inning.

On the field, we pass the word about the other team’s kickers. The call goes out to move back for the ladies who can blast it or shift position based on the wind. We rub our hands in the infield dirt for a better grip on the ball, ready to snag the kick and throw it to second base for the out.

Being in competitive sports again brings out the kid in me!  I feel like I’m right back playing softball in town league. Except that drinking adult beverages is allowed.

I feel like I’m right back playing softball in town league. Except that beer is allowed.

Click To Tweet

Military Spouse Kickball Leagues Mix It Up With Camaraderie-Building Challenges

Each league has slightly different rules, but the basics are universal. Games mostly follow baseball and softball rules: strikes, balls, fair, foul. But there are definitely some key differences.

First, these teams are women only. Sorry, gents, if you want to play, you need to start your own kickball league. Most leagues are only open to military spouses, but some are opening up to female service members and DoD employees.

Each team is linked to a unit or shop on base. Teams are opened up first to ladies connected to that specific unit and then to anyone else. The whole idea is to build unit camaraderie outside of the traditional spouse clubs and social events.

Military Spouse Kickball Leagues Build Unit Camaraderie Outside Of Traditional Spouses Clubs

Photo courtesy of Mavericks

While the basic elements are mostly the same, kickball teams mix it up with fun rules and challenges. Some leagues require kickers and base runners to carry cups of water, trying not to spill a drop while they play, during one inning.

Many leagues also have seated positions on the field. Kickers try to hit the seats for extra points while fielding players do everything to keep the ball and themselves out of that area.

And only some leagues allow players to drink alcohol on or near the field.

The most important rule is to play hard and have fun. If you don’t leave with a little dirt on you, it hasn’t been a successful kickball day!

If you don’t leave with a little dirt on you, it hasn’t been a successful kickball day!

Click To Tweet

Military Spouse Kickball Leagues Build Unit Camaraderie Outside Of Traditional Spouses Clubs

Photo courtesy of Mavericks

Don’t forget there’s no crying in kickball.

via GIPHY

Ready To Join A Military Spouse Kickball League?

Competitive kickball leagues are gaining steam at military bases around the United States and the world! Reach out to a league near you. Here’s a list of 14 military spouse kickball leagues.

If you don’t see an opportunity near you, start your own! New leagues are always welcome under either Spouses Kickball Corps or the Military Spouse Kickball Association.

Does your duty station have a military spouse kickball league? Tell us why you play in the comments!

Liberal Leaning Military Spouses Find Connection, Support In Facebook Groups

By Leave a Comment

Being a left-leaning military spouse can feel isolating. You’re adrift in a sea of conservative-minded peers.

Plus, our military community can sometimes feel like an echo chamber of GOP memes and conservative talking points.

It’s not that you don’t have friends. You do. They just might not quite think and feel the same as you when it comes to politics.

How I Survive Military Life As A Liberal

Here’s the truth: I have been a closet liberal and potential agnostic for years now. Read more about how I survive military life as a liberal here.

When you put yourself and your political ideas out there, many are quick to turn on you. On social media, liberals are prepped to be called a snowflake or worse. Memes abound showing just how weak or unpatriotic liberals, especially military-connected liberals, are perceived to be by conservatives. If you share your thoughts in person with a conservative friend, the same reactions happen. Just without the memes.

While finding supportive friends is possible, it might not always be probable. And even if you do find someone on the other side of the aisle who won’t outright bash your views, you will still disagree politically. It can be nice to find a group, online or in person, that shares your political values.

It can be nice to find a group, online or in person, that shares your political values.

Click To Tweet

Liberal Leaning Military Spouses Can Turn To These 6 Facebook Groups For Community

Finding a group online can be a great way for liberal military spouses to connect virtually. These are spaces where liberals can share articles and opinions that reflect their way of political thinking. And it can happen without judgement or insulting memes.

If you’re looking for groups or pages that might offer support, check these out:

  • Homefront Progressives: this Facebook page is a grassroots movement in the military community.
  • Bright Blue Dots: Bright Blue Dots encourages liberals to “blue up” no matter where they are located. This is not a military-exclusive community. Bright Blue Dots strongly advocates voting and voter registration.
  • Moms Against Hate: a collection of parents who are actively working to create a better future for our children. This is not a military (or Mom) exclusive group. Check out a march or rally where you live!
  • Indivisible Guide: this liberal group offers opportunities for local meet-ups and events around the nation. Local chapters help with voter registration and community building opportunities. Go to a local event near you! This group is not military exclusive.
  • Drinking Liberally: a national network with local chapters and interest based sub-groups. There are local groups located in the United States and around the world! This international group is not military exclusive.
  • Progressive Military Spouses & Significant Others: specifically for military dependents and significant others who are seeking a tolerant space to discuss politically liberal ideas.

News Media and Networks with Liberal-Leaning Values

Sometimes, you need a more liberal spin on news stories. For a break to conservative thinking echo chambers, visit:

Liberal Leaning Military Spouses Find Connection, Support In Facebook Groups

It’s also important to support groups and organizations that reflect liberal values. Check out these Facebook pages and national movements that are working toward left-leaning policy goals:

Connect Online Or In Real Life?

It can be hard to connect in real life with liberal-leaning groups. Connecting in person can be even harder when you move every few years. That makes digital networks a great way to seek support.

It’s important to connect offline too. Use your virtual networks to join local communities! Attend a “live” event hosted by a virtual network. From marches and rallies to casual meet-ups, you can find a local group that suits your needs.

It’s important to connect offline too. Use your virtual networks to join local communities!

Click To Tweet

You might consider volunteering with a local or national campaign. Reach out to your local online networks for candidates near you. You could also search through the national Democratic party website. Unite America is a good starting point to find independent candidates and groups.

No matter what, it pays to follow politicians who share your views. Politicians often post videos, share information about town hall meetings and work to actively engage on social media. If you’ve got an urge to do more, reach out and offer to volunteer!

Most importantly, if there isn’t a group near you, start one. Liberal-leaning military spouses, you are not alone. Reach out and find each other.

If you’re a liberal-leaning military spouse, where have you found community and support?

Why Every Military Spouse Needs An Occasional ‘Just Because’ Trip

By Leave a Comment

I was able to just be.

I wasn’t worried about bedtime or a small child falling over the railing.

I sipped red wine and read a book from a balcony overlooking the vineyards in Temecula, Calif. I chatted with my friend and we watched trashy TV until way too late. The next day, we indulged in an adults-only wine tour followed by a deliciously not kid-friendly dinner.

When I rejoined my family, my husband could tell that I was in a better place mentally.

I had been so grouchy and just off. The truth is, I was burned out.

I’m not sure if it was the solo parenting, even though he was technically home, that did it. It could have been the prospect of moving again after just eleven months. Then again, I could have just been finally feeling all of the things after battling back from severe postpartum depression while working full-time. Maybe it was the transition from full-time working mom to full-time stay-at-home mom. 

I needed a break from life, a break from mothering, a break from adulting.

I needed a vacation STAT.

Do you need a break from adulting? You need a “just because” trip.

Click To Tweet

Every Military Spouse Needs An Occasional “Just Because” Trip

As military spouses, we are the Olivia Popes of our families. If there’s a problem, consider it handled. My own spouse’s schedule didn’t, and still doesn’t, offer a lot of opportunities for me to take a step back or get away.

Between his normal work routine and the occasional TDY, there wasn’t a really good time for me to get away. Plus, there is the ever-present guilt of maximizing family time. We all know the saying, “Live like they deploy tomorrow.” So skipping town when he was home felt wrong.

Added to all of that guilt was the simple fact that I wasn’t bringing anything to the table money-wise. Yes, I cared for our daughter 24/7/365. Our home was comfortably decorated and a healthy-ish meal was on the table every night. But I wasn’t adding to our financial cushion. Pulling money out for anything other than a necessity didn’t seem fair.

Plus, he’d never done solo parenting. Ever. Or at least not for longer than it took for me to go on a long run. How could I leave my child? She might end up eating donuts while watching the dreaded Caillou all weekend!

You Owe Yourself The Time Away

Sure, you might do little things that help you feel better mentally or physically. I do them too. I get pedicures sometimes, pick up new clothes occasionally and exercise daily. But when I get back from those short breaks, all of the things come rushing back in.

My mental bliss is destroyed. I’m right back to the stressed out, crazy military spouse I was before my pedicure. I’m just stressed out, crazy mother with prettier toes.

You owe yourself a longer break. Taking care of yourself is essential to running your military family successfully. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes.

It’s OK to have some time just for you. It’s OK to plan a “just because” trip.

A “just because” trip is a getaway you take just because you can. This vacation is for you to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. You can do everything on your “just because” trip. You can do absolutely nothing.

Why Every Military Spouse Needs An Occasional 'Just Because' Trip

The tipping point for me came when I got yet another picture from my spouse on TDY. He was in a posh hotel room, with a king-sized bed and a deep soaking tub. Later, he was meeting his colleagues for a steak dinner and a few beers.

Meanwhile, I was covered in applesauce and had the Sesame Street theme song stuck in my head.

The kicker was that his work wasn’t starting for 48 hours. He had to go early to “adjust” and “settle in.”

The tipping point came when I got a picture from my spouse on his TDY.

Click To Tweet

If he could pad his TDY trip with that extra time, I could certainly take a vacation of my own.

Think of Solo Vacations As Your Annual Bonus

Every year, my spouse gets a pay raise. He gets an extra pay bump when he picks up rank. Why? Because he’s doing his job.

My job happens to be more like an unpaid internship that requires all day, everyday attention. There are no raises, just more work.

Laundry, cooking, cleaning and keeping up a household while almost constantly moving takes a lot of dedication. Parenting, and everything that comes with it, requires constant devotion. You work, hard.

Even if finances are tight, you can take a break. Vacations don’t have to be expensive or luxurious. Going camping or glamping at a state park with some close friends, and no kids, is a vacation. Chilling at the military hotel on base is a vacation.

Take A “Just Because” Trip With A Group Of Girlfriends

Traveling solo isn’t for everyone. Truth be told, I’m not a huge fan. I like to share experiences with another person. I’m betting at least one of your friends could use a few days away too.

When you’re planning your friends-only adventure, start by coordinating your schedules. My friend and I just ran into this problem! We thought we had picked a weekend, only to have one of our spouses “forget” and schedule a TDY. Sit down together with your calendars and work schedules. Pick one goal date and at least one backup date.

Deciding where to go can be the most difficult part!

Why Every Military Spouse Needs An Occasional 'Just Because' Trip

Many military bases almost beg for you to staycation. From SoCal to D.C. to North Carolina beaches or the dessert, you can find amazing options near you. Whether you head to the closest city, rent a local AirBnB or reserve a room at the base hotel, you’ll find something fun to do. Your “something fun” could be simple, like sleeping in or hitting a local cafe with friends.

There are also plenty of places to have adventures that bring you farther from home. Now that we’re stationed OCONUS, I’m craving an adults-only trip to Seoul or Taipei. I’d love to explore these amazing cities without worrying about dirty diapers or whether a restaurant serves hot dogs.

One great idea is to meet your friends at a destination, like Las Vegas or Savannah, for a long weekend. I know a military spouse who takes annual trips to Mexico with her sisters!

Keep It Simple For Your Spouse

After you’ve arranged your schedules and picked your fabulous destination, you might want to add in some support options for your spouse.

I know that my husband won’t be able to just stop working, even though my next trip is going to be over a long weekend. So I’ve made sure that he can bring them both to preschool at least one day and I’m delaying my departure until Saturday so that we’re not stressing over the preschool pickup on Friday afternoon.

Plus, I’m going to leave him a six-pack of his favorite beer in the fridge along with pre-packaged lunches and dinners.

Seriously, I wish someone would leave me ready-to-heat-and-eat meals when he’s on TDY. Oh, wait. That someone would be me.

Make their time solo with the kids, or on their own, fun and easy. Set your spouse up for success and a little pampering of their own. Schedule a tee time, a spa day or a sitter for a few hours. You never know, they might just beg you to take another “just because” trip!

What are your favorite tips or tricks to make “just because” trips with friends easier? Tell us your ideas in the comments!

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Expenses

By Leave a Comment

The PCS orders are in and you’re shipping out. Well, more accurately, driving out. After the boxes are packed and you’re ready to hit the road, figuring out how to do a two-vehicle PCS can take a lot of coordination.

Trying to get two vehicles to the next location, in one piece and with minimal personal expenses are all the rage in the military spouse Facebook groups right now.

If you have questions about a two-vehicle PCS, we’ve got answers!

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS

Navigating the PCS process can seem super complicated. That’s because it kind of is.

Luckily, there is a handbook that governs all Department of Defense moves for both military troops and civilian employees. Unfortunately, the Joint Travel Regulations (JTR) is a very long handbook.

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Personal Expenses

The most important thing to know is that if something isn’t included as a possible expense in the travel regulations handbook, then it’s not allowed. Period.

The good news is that there are a lot of options for getting your car to your new duty station.

How To DIY A Two-Vehicle PCS

One option is to drive both vehicles to your next duty station. Each adult takes one vehicle and you caravan along the route. This option requires a little coordination of stops for gas, restrooms, sightseeing or overnight hotel rooms.

The benefit of this type of move is that both vehicles will rate reimbursement for mileage and gas. The JTR outlines the rules and regulations related to reimbursement in Chapter 2.

When you drive a vehicle or two, be sure to weigh your car empty and then full at your current duty station. You might be eligible for additional reimbursement for transporting part of your household goods. This is officially called a partial personally procured move (PPM), but you’ve probably heard it referred to as a partial DITY. When you arrive at your next duty station, be sure to re-weigh your vehicle(s).

Related: Your PCS Binder

You’ll submit this paperwork, along with your gas receipts and mileage calculations, to your Travel Management Center (TMC) at your next duty station or via the online travel management portal.

How To Ship Your POV At Your Own Expense

Paying out of pocket during a PCS isn’t exactly what you’d prefer. However, this may be the only choice for families with two vehicles but who can only drive one to the new military installation.

How To Do A Two-Vehicle PCS With Minimal Personal Expenses

In this instance, you would hire an auto shipping company with no expectation of reimbursement from the DoD. One of the best places to ask for recommendations is in the military spouse Facebook groups. Year after year, these spouses have the best gauge on reputable companies or which businesses to avoid. You could also check Consumer Affairs, or similar business ranking websites, for reviews.

Consider the contract carefully to understand their responsibilities and your rights. You might consider running everything by base legal before you sign.

Cost And Time Considerations

Shipping rates are based on distance and there might be some slight variation between companies and individual drivers. You could call around to a few different companies to try to find the best price.

However, PCS season is very busy and spaces on your preferred dates, routes or delivery estimates could book quickly.

Shipping times can vary based on time of year, the distance between locations and other stops along the way. When you drop off your car, you’ll get a general estimate about when your car will be at your next duty station.

Pick Up And Drop Off Logistics

Work with the shipping company to coordinate a pick-up time and location. Some companies will come to you for pickup. However, due to your neighborhood layout, HOA rules or base access, auto transport companies might prefer to meet at a landmark location. This could be near a base, like just outside the front gate, or at a shopping center. Basically, somewhere that the driver can fit their rig.

On the other side, you’ll be in contact with the driver and/or their dispatcher. Just like at drop-off, your driver might be able to meet you at your home or at your preferred address. Other times the driver might need you to meet them at a central location.

For both pick-up and drop-off, you’ll be given a time window and date. Everything should get firmed up the closer it gets to the actual time. Stay in contact with your driver or dispatcher for regular updates.

Can I Pack The Car?

When you drop off your car, it’s best practice to have it completely empty of everything. Sure you, technically, can have things inside, but you should really think twice.

It might be tempting to use your car to skirt those pesky rules about packing liquids or liquor. However, it might not be the best idea.

Consider that the car will be sitting out in the elements for several days to several weeks. That could mean radical temperature changes and weather extremes. Sending anything that might not react well to these conditions is probably a poor choice. You’ll need another option for your expensive wine collection.

Generally, packing your car with stuff isn’t a great idea. It’s technically allowed, but it’s frowned upon.

Your auto transporter is authorized to ship vehicles. Moving companies are authorized and contracted to handle your household goods. If your driver is found to be overweight along the way, a weigh station inspector could check the cars for non-authorized items, like your household goods, liquids and other personal property. And these non-authorized items could end up tossed out of your car, onto the road or into the trash.

Additionally, the driver will be stopping along the way to rest and refuel. While we want to hope for the best, the reality is that theft does happen. An empty car means there is nothing to steal.

Do You Need A Power Of Attorney?

Are you shipping a car when your spouse is deployed or has already moved to the next location? Perhaps you’re helping out a friend? It’s always best practice to have a power of attorney (POA).

Many military families list the service member as the sole or primary owner of their POVs. If a spouse who is not on the registration is coordinating the car shipping process, having a POA helps ensure that everything goes smoothly.

A power of attorney proves that you have the authorization to execute the contract. Have base legal or your preferred lawyer draw up the POA.

The same is true on the receiving end. When you’re picking up a car for someone else or acting for an absent spouse who is the listed owner, get a POA. Let the shipping company know upfront what is happening and share that POA in advance.

Most Important Information For Shipping Your Car During A PCS

This whole car shipping process is on your dime. The only reimbursement authorized for vehicles, per the JTR, is mileage when you are physically driving one or both cars to the next duty station. If you choose to ship a car or two, expect to pay out of pocket.

How did you get your vehicles across the country? Share your best tips in the comments!

When The PCS Orders Change

By Leave a Comment

You know what they say, right? It’s never a “sure thing” until your PCS orders are in hand and your family is en route to your new military installation.

Unfortunately, I forgot that sage wisdom this year.

We had been assured, repeatedly, that our PCS orders were a “sure thing.” Everything had been confirmed and the replacement for my spouse was on his way. We were really just waiting for those web orders to hit.

And, boy, did they ever hit.

Turns out that sure thing PCS to our ideal location magically turned into a PCA (permanent change of assignment) in our general geographic region. Just like that, our plans for the next three years got flipped.

That sure thing PCS to our ideal location turned into a PCA in our current geographic region.

Click To Tweet

When The PCS Orders Change

How can military families cope when their PCS orders change suddenly?

Based on online chatter, it seems like we’re not the only military family in this situation. EFMP status, pending promotions or the fickle needs of the military can all cause unofficial orders to turn on a dime.

When The PCS Orders Change: Coping Tips And Strategies For Military Spouses

Take A Step Back

You probably had already started to wrap your mind around it. The hunt for schools, housing and jobs was on! While you may not have been thrilled, you had moved into the acceptance stage of a PCS.

Before you react to the new set of PCS orders, take a minute to truly acknowledge your feelings about this sudden change.

It’s OK to feel upset, blindsided, sad or angry.

Share your feelings, non-confrontationally, with your spouse. Chances are good that they are feeling very similarly. Change is hard!

Find The Good In The New PCS Orders

As sick as we collectively are of “bloom where you’re planted,” the saying does hold some truth. There is something, even a little thing, that is good about every duty station.

It could be proximity to family, the food scene, weather, theme parks, schools or having a milspouse bestie nearby. Try to find your own something good!

For us, we get another year of great travel opportunities, cheap(er) child care and amazing food. Plus, I get another year to figure things out professionally.

Prepare Your Children For The Change

Since we thought that things were 99.9% happening according to the unofficial orders, we had started to prepare the preschooler for the big move.

She was over the moon about moving closer to her grandparents and cousins, even if it meant saying “sayonara” to her friends and school here. Actually, the leaving part didn’t phase her at all. Every single day there was a conversation about what would happen when we lived (relatively) near Grammy and Grampy.

Telling her that we were not going to be moving closer to them was challenging. I have never seen a four year old throw such a tantrum. And she was totally justified.

When The PCS Orders Change

Try to cushion the blow as much as possible. Explain the changes in words that your child will understand. Then start drawing your kids into your circle of PCS positivity. Research fun things to do at your actual next duty station. See how far it is to get to (pick a tourist attraction, big city or friend/family’s house) from your new duty station.

Remember It’s Temporary

The good thing about the military lifestyle is that every change is temporary.

“Permanent change in station” seems like an oxymoronic term.

At most, you’ll be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

Remember you’ll only be in your new hometown for a few years. Then you roll the PCS dice again!

Click To Tweet

By the next time you move, your wants and needs might have shifted. That formerly ideal duty station might not even be on your radar or maybe it’s still your No. 1 choice. Either way, while you’re at your next location, remember to enjoy as many of the moments as you can. Wishing for things to be different or playing the “what if” game can take you away from the present.

Seek out the good, no matter where those new orders send you!

Did your PCS orders change this season? Tell us how you’re handling things!

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide To PCSing With Pets

By Leave a Comment

We thought everything was perfectly planned for our PCS.

Flights for three humans and one small dog: Check.

Movers for multiple shipments: Check.

A plan for the cars: Check.

Somewhere to stay between now and then: Check and check.

Until we got a call informing us that there were no pet spots available on the military flight to Japan.

Cue screeching brakes sound effect and a bug-eyed scream from me. Our perfectly laid plans were suddenly up-ended and then burned to the ground.

Moving your dogs and cats can be a challenge. Here are three tips for PCSing with your pets.

Check Travel Options And Regulations, Twice

During overseas PCS moves, many families seem to bank on the military-operated flights as the pet transport option. We learned the hard way that this should never be the one and only option your family considers.

Military flights, like any flight, have limited space. And it’s a first-come, first-served world when it comes to who gets those pet spots on the military flights.

Your family could be like mine: fully booked for humans, but SOL for the fur child.

In the past, military families moving OCONUS or within the United States have relied on major airlines as pet transport options. This year, those plans were thrown for a major loop.

United announced in March that they were suspending new bookings for any pet travel after several live cargo mix-ups and one in-cabin pet death. They were honoring existing reservations, but nothing new would be booked. Now every military family traveling with pets from Asian-Pacific duty stations was suddenly down an option.

A faint glimmer of hope that military families on orders would be exempt was quickly quashed.

All of this to say that it pays to do your due diligence when researching pet shipping or travel options when stationed overseas. Don’t rely on major airlines, even those with established pet travel programs and certainly don’t bet on getting a spot on the military flight either.

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To PCSing with Pets

It pays to make several possible plans to move your pets via plane: military flight (available for PCSing families only), commercial airlines and pet shipping companies. Pet shipping companies can often find creative ways to fly with pets that both follow airline regulations and meet your PCS needs. However, these services are more expensive than a DIY travel option. It’s something to consider after you’ve exhausted all other options.

Related: Why Moving Your Pet Overseas May Be a Pain

It’s also important to double check those airline regulations, again. Some airlines that are flying pets will only allow certain kennel sizes or restrict when certain types of dogs can fly. There are also rules about flying when it’s over or under particular temperatures.

Medical Concerns For Your Family Pet

When traveling or moving, it’s important to keep your pet’s medical needs in mind.

If you’re moving overseas, check with the on-base veterinarian and the moving office for specifics when it comes to importing pets. Each country has their own list of banned breeds, quarantine timetables, microchipping requirements and vaccination rules. You’ll want to get ahead of these way in advance.

You’ll also want to be sure to clear any travel with your pet’s vet. There might be complicating medical conditions that prevent safe travel or PCSing.

Related: Puzzled By Pet Health Insurance? What It Is And Why Your Pet Needs It

Ask about calming medications in different situations. Travel can cause pets to be anxious and they might react destructively. Talk to your vet about medications that work well for planes or cars, depending on your mode of travel.

Pets In Hotels

When we were traveling cross country with our pup a few years back, we quickly noticed that not all hotels were pet-friendly. That makes it more challenging to take a road trip or PCS via car. The same is true when you fly, especially OCONUS.

After you confirm your pet’s arrival date and method of transport, book your pet-friendly hotel rooms ASAP. On base, those pet-friendly rooms are snapped up super fast! Even if you can’t actually book on-base lodging with your pet, get on the waiting list.

If you’re staying off base, be prepared for additional charges when you bring your pet. Even if your furry friend barely sheds and is super well behaved, most hotels have a pet fee. It does vary by hotel but could be over $25 per night.

Be sure to bring a way to contain your pet when you’re not in the room, usually a kennel. This makes it easier for room service to enter and might help prevent messes.

Rehoming Your Pet

Sometimes it is just not feasible for our pets to PCS with us. If, for whatever reason, you do need to leave your pet behind, it’s OK. No judgment here!

The Smart Military Spouse's Guide To PCSing with Pets

If you’re PCSing without your pet, it can be emotionally challenging for sure. Do your absolute best to find a home for your pet that will work for at least the length of your orders. Finding family or friends to temporarily love on your pet can be one option.

Another option is to permanently rehome your pet. There are ways to do this privately or through the local animal shelter.

What are your best tips for PCSing with a pet? We’d love to check in with the hive mind and learn some new ways to make this less stressful!

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

By 1 Comment

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions about breastfeeding are entirely my own.

Military spouses can get a Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way without any costs.

1 Natural Way handles contacting both your health insurance provider and your physician on your behalf. That means you won’t have to be on hold with Tricare for hours trying to figure out how to get your breast pump. 1 Natural Way makes the process easy for new moms.

I first saw the idea about six months ago. A dear friend posted gorgeous images of herself feeding her baby, surrounded by nature. She looked majestic, like a goddess.

While I was intrigued, I also brushed off the idea. I’m fairly modest and prefer to keep my breastfeeding moments low-key and as private as possible. There was no way that I would be up for having that documented by a stranger!

Until an offer popped up that I couldn’t refuse.

I’ve been getting teary-eyed lately. This is my last baby. Every first something is also the last first. Our last midnight feeding. The last breastmilk-only dirty diaper (yes, I know, it’s ridiculous). That last totally gummy smile. In short, I’ve been getting nostalgic for things that are not even over yet. Every moment is worthy of photo documentation.

Then, like a sign from above, there it was in my Facebook newsfeed: $60 for a breastfeeding photo shoot. I saved the post to think it over. To question my own sanity. Was I really going to whip it out, in public, for someone to take pictures of?

I mean, pumping is one thing. Using my Medela pump is not that revealing. 1 Natural Way offers the popular Medela, Spectra and Kiinde brands for military spouses for no cost.

Public and uncovered breastfeeding was another.

After I hemmed and hawed over it for 24 hours, I pushed send on a PM to the photographer. Could she work my older child into the photo shoot?

Kelli Slimm, the wonderful photographer, answered that, of course, my daughter would be very welcome and included in the shoot. Done deal! Anytime I have a chance to grab professional photos of my little family for a reasonable cost, I jump at the opportunity.

I was a bundle of nerves about my breastfeeding photo shoot.

I didn’t even tell my husband I was doing this photo session. I knew he would scoff at the idea or my reasoning. He might even be downright against it: documenting un-covered nursing in public, only a crazy person would do that!

Well, call me crazy!

I was also insanely nervous.

First, all my nursing bras had been through the wringer after having been used for my older child too.

Te best one of the bunch suddenly had a hook break on the morning the pictures were scheduled to happen. My current location doesn’t have the best selection of nursing bras and there clearly wasn’t time to order or borrow another. Getting post-partum supplies, like breast pump accessories and compression socks, is much easier when you order through 1 Natural Way. I just wish I had thought of that before my photo shoot!

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

Second, I needed to find something that both complimented my post-baby body and color coordinated with outfits my kids already owned. If I was doing this, I was going to do it looking 100% awesome. It took an hour of pulling out every possible dress and top to find something that worked for breastfeeding and was figure-flattering.

My breastfeeding photo shoot was surprisingly low-key and relaxing.

Kelli found a quiet spot on a gorgeous beach. She’s a mom too, so she understands how to work with little ones and relax anxious mamas.

Even though there were other people on the beach, not one word was said either about the nature of the photo shoot or my very public un-covered nursing. Everyone minded their own business and we went on with our photo session.

Unfortunately, my baby was not feeling cooperative in the least. He did latch, but only for a few minutes. Luckily, that brief window was just enough for Kelli to snap a few beautiful pictures.

My breastfeeding photo shoot was surprisingly low-key and relaxing.

Click To Tweet

The rest of the time at the beach was spent taking pictures of our little family all together (minus my husband who was away) and of my two children.

These precious moments are captured forever.

My children will only be little for so long. Before I know it, their chubby little hands will no longer reach up for mine and they will no longer fit in my arms. Suddenly, there will be no babies to feed or even pump for. I’ll soon be putting away my Medela Freestyle breast pump that was covered, cost-free, by Tricare.

Before I know it, I won’t need my Tricare breast pump any more.

Click To Tweet

Military spouses can get a Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way without any costs.

All breast pump models are covered under your Tricare insurance plan at no out-of-pocket expense to you. This includes the Medela Freestyle and the Spectra S1 Breast Pump, and the Medela Pump in Style Tote/Backpack.

I took a crazy chance on a wild idea: public breastfeeding pictures. And I’m so incredibly grateful that I made that leap of faith. Now I have a brief moment, captured forever: my last baby in my arms getting nourishment from me. I also have beautiful photos of both my children, frolicking in the East China Sea at sunset on our island.

True Life: I Did A Breastfeeding Photo Shoot

These moments, this stage in my life, will be gone before I know it. I’m so glad that I’ll be able to go back in time, in the years to come, to a moment when he was still a gummy baby and she was my strong-willed toddler. This time is precious.

Raise Your Hand If You Have Military Life FOMO

By Leave a Comment

Gorgeous snow-capped mountains. Endless pictures of her sipping glasses of wine while munching on sausages. Every Facebook post was another tribute to her awesome European military life or the amazing travel opportunities.

My friend was having so much fun!

She was living my military dream life and I was experiencing some serious fear of missing out.

If You Have Military Life FOMO

When You’ve Got A Serious Case Of Military Life FOMO

Here’s the thing: that life in Europe could have, should have, would have been mine. It’s all we talked about for 2 years. Seriously, the timing could not have been better, either.

It was billet time and there was a prime time spot opening up in Europe during that same period. The people in charge over there even wanted my Marine. He had met with the head honcho and everything. Our stars were aligning perfectly.

Until the military stepped in and decided that something else was needed instead. Because, of course, it would happen this way. After almost a decade of military life, I really should have known that it would go down like this.

Which is how I ended up doing a little light Facebook stalking and picturing the adventure I could have been having in Europe.

There Is More Than One Type Of FOMO

No matter where you are in life, you probably have a little bit of FOMO.

Someone you know always seems to have it just a little bit better than you.

Your friend PCSed to within an hour of her family. Hello built-in babysitter!

That couple is forever taking fun trips over weekend 96s. Last time they went to Thailand and this weekend they are popping up to Seoul on a whim.

It seems like your last 3 moves have put you smack in the middle of the flyover states. Endless expanses of flat land or deserts or forests, but not much in the way of beaches. And you’re several hours from the closest major airport. Meanwhile, your best friend has bopped between SoCal, Hawaii and Virginia Beach. Could her military life be any sweeter?

Deployment FOMO Is The Worst

Deployments have been a way of life for military families since, well, forever. For the last 15 or so years, deployments have been our whole lives.

One of the biggest FOMO issues for military families is who gets deployed when, where and how often. It might seem like your friend’s spouse is always home or has short TAD assignments. Your spouse is constantly deployed, training or in the field. In fact, it seems like maybe she should build a second home “in the field.”

One of the biggest FOMO issues for military families is who gets deployed when, where and how often.

Click To Tweet

On the other hand, some spouses might have gotten so used to the high-operational tempo that having her husband home for longer than 6 months feels strange. No more co-parenting with the other temporarily solo parents in the neighborhood. “Just eat cereal” dinners have been canceled. Say “sayonara” to spur of the moment weekends away with your friends.

How Can I Stop Comparing?

This has been the biggest struggle for me. Comparing lives is hard, especially in the social media age.

That friend in Europe? I got to see the fun weekends in Berlin and Lisbon, but not the constant struggle of her husband traveling or trying to figure out foods that won’t trigger her son’s dairy allergy.

Facebook and Instagram make it easy to share only the most amazing parts of our lives all of the time. You’ll never see my preschooler melting down online, but you sure might see her angelic face lit up with a giant smile!

For right now, look around and see what there is to do where you are.

Sure, you might be stuck on a tiny island in the Pacific, but there is also yummy food, kind people and amazing travel opportunities. It would be mighty expensive to explore all of Asia from D.C., wouldn’t it?

The couple that’s jet setting around the world could be looking at your sticky-fingered little ones, wishing they had their own munchkins.

For every case of FOMO that you have, someone else wants to be in your situation.

It’s Only Temporary

Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

It’s only for 3 years. It’s only for 3 years. It’s only for 3 years.

After that, you get another chance! Start peeking at what your next options might be. Talk to your spouse about how to stack the deck to get the place you really want.

I’m still a little grouchy about that particular roll of the PCS dice. That one spot in Europe? It was the only spot that worked for his MOS, rank and timing. There is nothing else over there. For the rest of his career, we have almost no shot of moving to Europe.

We didn’t get it. But that’s life, isn’t it?

There is always the path not taken.

There is always the game of “what if.”

If you can’t stop your military-related FOMO you will miss the fun and excitement of your current life or location.

With a FOMO mindset you miss the fun and excitement at your duty station.

Click To Tweet

Instead of that imagined European adventure, we got a whole year in San Diego. A year of amazing new friends, fun wine country adventures and spur of the moment beach or zoo trips. We got a year of awesome. If I had stayed in my FOMO mindset, I could have missed all of that.

While I’ll always have the lingering “what if” feeling about Europe, I would never trade in the experiences we’ve had. Those adventures are my life. I don’t want to miss that because I’m afraid of losing out on something “better.”

Do you find yourself comparing your military life to other military spouses and their lives? 

My Adventures In Breastfeeding My Baby While Traveling Asia

By Leave a Comment

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions are entirely my own.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

With Wat Pho in the background, I whipped it out and fed my baby. We peacefully nursed, without a cover, on the muggy later summer day for around 30 minutes. I looked at the beautiful stupas and anticipated checking out the giant reclining Buddha.

You’d think that someone would have, surely, told me to cover up. To go somewhere private to nurse my infant. Thailand is a fairly conservative country and they prize modesty. We were in a sacred Buddhist place of worship too.

Instead, I got nothing. No snide remarks or comments. If people did glance my way, I got knowing smiles or saw them coo a little bit at my sweet baby.

These reactions were the norm – not the exception – as I traveled while breastfeeding my child throughout Asia.

In Seoul, we were routinely approached by South Koreans exclaiming over our cute children and their very blue eyes. Each time, they also remarked about the healthy size of my then 4-month-old baby.

“My what a healthy eater! Do you breastfeed?”

Each time I answered that, yes, I did exclusively breastfeed, their response was unfailingly positive.

“Ahhhh, he will be a healthy boy!” “He is a good eater and so big! You are doing a wonderful job.”

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks and postpartum care supplies.

To be fair, I also pumped with a Medela Freestyle, which was 100% covered by Tricare with no cost to me. I got my Tricare breast pump accessories, including milk storage bags, from 1 Natural Way! 1 Natural Way offers Medela pumps, plus Kiinde and Spectra, with an easy to follow process.

As the Okinawan summer heated up, nursing under a cover seemed downright cruel. Just stepping outside made me break out in a heavy sweat. I simply couldn’t imagine covering my child for 30 to 45 minutes or more to eat. Even a light cover didn’t seem right.

So I started nursing sans cover-up. That’s right: I bare boobed it. Nobody said a word. I have never been asked to leave or cover up when nursing, indoors or out. It seemed as though I was part of normal everyday life: a mother feeding her child.

The response to my nursing style has been the same whether we were in Japan, Thailand or Vietnam. Either I receive kind, subtle support or I’m seen as a normal part of life, without any extra attention being sent my way.

Breastfeeding is supported everywhere.

In the United States, with my first child, nursing and pumping in public seemed taboo. I saw the eyes of other adults shift toward me with disgust or fear that, gasp, they might see some side-boob or a nip slip. I felt ashamed when children were around, wondering what their parents might say or imply about how I was feeding my child.

For all the talk about “breast is best,” the social support isn’t always there. I have never nursed without a cover in the U.S. I have pumped breastmilk and nursed a wiggly baby while balancing on a toilet, trying not to fall in or touch anything.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier. They contact your PCM and Tricare to make the process smooth and enjoyable for busy moms.

At the airport in Seoul, there In Asia, there are special rooms for nursing mothers almost everywhere. From the airports to the local zoo, breastfeeding and pumping mothers can seek sanctuary and peace.was a mini-suite for parents and babies. Plush changing stations with handy trash cans were available. There was even a bottle warming system with filtered water! Best of all, there was a quiet room with a comfy chair and, miracle of miracles, a nursing pillow.

The local Okinawan zoo has a special air-conditioned room for nursing. There are quiet, tucked away stalls in the aquarium here too. At the airports in Hoi An, Bangkok and Tokyo, there are more cozy and private places to feed my baby.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way did make the pumping experience easier.

Knowing that could get my Tricare breast pump without any out-of-pocket expenses from 1 Natural Way made the pumping experience easier as a new mom.

Even though the nursing rooms are there, it’s not to hide away mothers and babies. Instead, it’s to offer a clean, quiet place to relax while feeding your child, a space to clean your bottles, an outlet to power your Tricare breast pump or somewhere to comfortably change your baby.

Nursing publicly used to make me nervous.

A thousand questions would shoot through my brain:

  • Would the baby latch?
  • Would the cover be enough?
  • Were there going to be angry stares and glares this time?
  • Was this bathroom going to be clean?

In Asia, I’ve never had those concerns. I’ve never been afraid that breastfeeding my child in public, with or without a cover, would be anything other than accepted. Whether I’m at my local cafe or on the train to Kanchanaburi, I have felt secure and confident in my mothering choices.

I’ve watched elephants graze feet from us, gazed at turquoise waters, admired golden stupas and listened to the busy sounds open-air marketplace, all while nursing my baby.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

By Leave a Comment

The other day I opened up Facebook and all I saw were political diatribes. People were posting and commenting back and forth. The name calling and personal attacks were vicious. As I scrolled further down my newsfeed, it didn’t get better.

At lunch with a friend, we got stuck in an endless loop of general complaints, gossip and finger-pointing. When I left, I felt more dejected and upset than when I arrived.

Generally, the last year or so have seemed like a never-ending cycle of bad news, nasty attitudes and general terribleness. It’s been a lot and it’s been depressing. I seriously cannot take any more of the negativity.

It was time for a radical change.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

All of the nasty posts and negative conversations started to take a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I decided I really needed a change. So I chose to overhaul all my social connections.

Permission To Be Positive

Start with yourself. After all, the best changes start at home! Try keeping a journal or alerting yourself when you start to complain. I really like some of the methods I found at The Orange Rhino. Their challenge is all about stopping parents from yelling at their children. But the same principles can be applied to anything.

Put money into a complaints jar, like a swear jar, whenever you find yourself stuck in a cycle of grousing about life. Keep track of your positive comments and try to meet a daily minimum. Give yourself daily prompts, like The Love Dare, to complete. Your prompts could be specific (say something nice about deployment or 24-hour duty) or more general (compliment someone today). Another idea is to journal about what makes you happy.

When you feel happy, you’re more likely to radiate that to others!

End Negative Talks

Whether you are talking to yourself or with a friend, set clear guidelines about positive and negative conversations.

Internally, give yourself permission to be upset about things. It’s normal to be unhappy, sad and angry. These are valid emotions. But you’re only hurting yourself when you start the negative self-talk.

With your friends, stop conversations or redirect them when they turn to the complaint tracks. Pause and say “I hear your concerns and I understand them. How can we fix the situation? Can we talk about that?”

Another option is to say “I know you’re upset about (situation), but I feel like we talk about this all the time and never solve it. I’d love to share one thing that’s good right now.”

Without an endless barrage of insults I can focus on the good in life.

Click To Tweet

Actually, one of my favorite podcasts does this. At the end of every episode, the hosts share one positive thing that happened to them that week. It brings up the tone of the conversation and ends on a high note. (Full disclosure: My Favorite Murder is a true crime podcast, so it’s often a bit of a downer.)

If you find that a friend just can’t bring it back to the lighter side or work toward positive solutions, it might be time to start distancing yourself. I recommend this not to be mean or end a good friendship, but for mental health purposes. It’s hard to be positive if you are in an echo chamber of negativity. Think about that.

It’s hard to be positive if you are in an echo chamber of negativity.

Click To Tweet

Curate Positive On Social Media

Facebook is where I’ve seen a lot of the most divisive and hateful comments lately. People seem to think that being behind a screen gives them permission to be ugly toward others. Words hurt, folks!

I’ve gotten tired of seeing yet another political rant, comment or post in my feeds. I don’t want to unfriend folks right away. After all these are some of my family and friends! But I can’t deal with the negativity overwhelm anymore.

How I Designed My Positive Social Network

So I did a thing.

Go to Facebook. Look at a post, any post. In the top right corner of each and every post are three little dots. Click there.

A menu of options should appear. It’s magic. Find the second, third and fourth options.

  • One should be “Hide Post.” This means you’ll never see that particular post again. You can even hide posts from particular third party pages, like hiding every post your Facebook friends make about Caillou.
  • You can also “Snooze” your friend for 30 days. This lets you take a short break from seeing their posts without removing them completely from your feed.
  • The next option is to “Unfollow” your friend, which takes all of their posts out of your Facebook newsfeed while still keeping them as a friend.

Genius.

Next, go through your pages and groups. Next to the “Liked” and “Joined” indicators should be something called “Follow.” Click there. You can decide how and when you see posts from that group or page.

For pages/groups that are mostly positive, you can opt to see them first in your feed. Go ahead and do that.

I personally have Following Atticus set to appear first in my newsfeed. I love to see the adventures of Tom and his furry companions. Who doesn’t love sweet puppy stories first thing?

When I set clear boundaries online and in real life, I’ve found that it’s been way easier to be positive and happy. I don’t have the endless barrage of insults, so I can focus on the good in life.

How to do build positivity into your life? Share your best tips in the comments!

Connect with us!

Listen Now!

on Apple Podcastson Androidon Google Podcastsvia RSSMore Subscribe Options

MSB New Media | NextGen MilSpouse

Advertise